This gallery of really bad tattoos is absolutely hilarious. I know some people think tattoos are a mistake in general, but that link is proof that some mistakes are bigger than others. I mean, I love me my Star Wars, but I wouldn't turn my back into a shrine to Darth Vader.
The best story I ever heard from a guy that worked in a tattoo parlor was when he told me all the Chinese characters they had that supposedly meant things like "Evil will depart" and "peace on Earth" and other new agey crap like that really read things like "warm cow shit on the sole of my shoe" and "dirty tablecloth."
(Link stolen from Dodgeblog.)
Posted by Emily at May 25, 2006 08:04 AM | TrackBack (0) |No kidding, Ken. I can't decide which of them is the worst.
Posted by: Emily at May 25, 2006 08:27 AMThe corn and the broccoli one is killing me!! Like WTF???
Posted by: red at May 25, 2006 08:35 AMred I had the same thought....
Actually, come on, the ferret/wolverine/rat one is pretty cool.....
Mr. Cool Ice Rewls!
Posted by: WunderKraut at May 25, 2006 08:42 AMCheeseburger in paradise. BWAHAHAHAHA!
They're missing the "I Fucked Tucker Max" tat.
Posted by: Cullen, Keep A Gotham But You Can't Come In at May 25, 2006 08:43 AMGood Lord, I thought there were laws about giving drunk people tattoos.
Actually, I saw a guy at the gym a while back, had both arms fully sleeved - all Star Wars. I wasn't sure what to do (part of me wanted to point and laugh) so I just finished my work out quickly and laughed most of the way home.
Posted by: KG at May 25, 2006 08:48 AMThe first words that crossed my mind when I saw the Mr. Cool Ice guy were "Kevin Federline."
Posted by: Emily at May 25, 2006 08:50 AMUgh. I can't stop staring at these. I think the American Indian with the head dressing humping what appears to be an over-sized corn dog is my favorite.
Posted by: Emily at May 25, 2006 09:05 AMHere's a goodie from my neck of the woods.
(You can fix it to a link. I KNOW Ken gave me the code, but alas, I am retahded.)
I did, Lisa...-E
Posted by: Lisa, Xenu's Concubine at May 25, 2006 09:06 AMThe corn and the broccoli is bizarre. All I can hear is Dana Carvey singing "I'm fucking broccoli! Fucking broccoli!"
Posted by: Lisa, Xenu's Concubine at May 25, 2006 09:07 AMHahaha, Lisa. I'm guessing that photo wasn't taken at a Young Republicans convention, eh?
Posted by: Emily at May 25, 2006 09:10 AM"What does his tatoo read?"
"Fuck you."
"No, fuck you, all I was asking was what his tattoo says. You fucking fuck."
"No, fuck you!"
"Look this if this is about last night, you have to understand that I'm married ..."
"No, idiot, the tattoo says 'FUCK YOU.'"
Posted by: Cullen, Keep A Gotham But You Can't Come In at May 25, 2006 09:10 AMLisa,
I'd forgotten about that Carvey skit! The one where he's at the piano passionately singing about chopping broccoli. Hahahaha. I miss the days when SNL used to actually be funny.
Oh and I had heard that about the Chinese tattoos - hysterical!
"This says POWER!"
"Uhm, no, it says 'vacuum bag'. Sorry."
Posted by: red at May 25, 2006 09:30 AMThere is a site devoted to bad Chinese / Japanese tats.
But check out this archive page:
I mean, "Abusive Husband Pimps Me Out" is bad enough, but if you keep scrolling, you find the guy with "idiot" on his shoulder. Which pretty much sums up most Chinese people's view of Caucasians with Hanji tats:
“Lastly [the designs to avoid] are the tribal design and Asian character. No one gets it. Let’s be honest, you don’t either. Someone had to explain it to you, and you have no idea if they are even telling the truth.”
Forgot my handle.
Posted by: John, supplier of Guiness Malta for Emily's secret little habit at May 25, 2006 09:37 AMIsn't that you your Star Wars shown in the line up?
Posted by: Mark Holland at May 25, 2006 09:38 AMWeird Al? Buwhahahahaha!
Posted by: Mr. Bingley, Tattoo, The Plane! at May 25, 2006 09:50 AMHaving a tattoo of Michael Jackson on your body sounds like legal grounds to declare you mentally incompetent. Or at least a warning to police to make sure you stay away from children.
Posted by: The_Real_JeffS, Xenu's Bunny Killer at May 25, 2006 09:59 AMHow about the frightened green M&M running away from the flaming evil jaws of death?
Posted by: Emily at May 25, 2006 10:00 AMThose 'bad asian character' links are a hoot.
Posted by: Mr. Bingley, No Tattooine For Me at May 25, 2006 10:12 AMThose 'bad asian character' links are a hoot.
If I didn't possess one they would be.
Actually, my kanji is accurate, but if I had it to do over again ... oh well.
Posted by: Cullen, Keep A Gotham But You Can't Come In at May 25, 2006 10:22 AMOnly pussies regret their tattoos, Cullen.
Posted by: Emily at May 25, 2006 10:23 AMAnd no, Mark. That's not me with the Star Wars tattoos. There are limits to even my geekdom.
Posted by: Emily at May 25, 2006 10:24 AMMeh. Values change.
Posted by: Cullen, Keep A Gotham But You Can't Come In at May 25, 2006 10:41 AMSure. For pussies. I'm older than you and I still don't regret mine.
Posted by: Emily at May 25, 2006 10:44 AMI think if I somehow thought that a corn and broccoli fucking montage was cool I would regret it later. Is "corn and broccoli fucking" a value??
But I don't regret mine either. I love mine to this day and it's been there forevah!
Posted by: red at May 25, 2006 10:46 AMThis makes me want to cry. Why? My 19 year old son has a dead bird tatooed on each forearm.
Yes I said a dead bird.
Why? Oh now there is the million dollar question.
Posted by: Shannon C. at May 25, 2006 10:47 AMOh, you're older than me by like half a year. So, I've changed my mind about tattoos. Values change. There was a time that seeing a person with a tattoo of a stalk of corn fucking a piece of broccoli wouldn't have bothered me. Now it does.
So, I guess that's a value, though it relates to a much larger issue than a "corn fucking broccoli" value.
Posted by: Cullen, Keep A Gotham But You Can't Come In at May 25, 2006 11:02 AMCullen, how about asparagus fucking a pineapple? Would that value have changed as well? 'Cuz that's a fruit mixed up with a veggie. Cutting edge, being interspecies and all, y'know!
Posted by: The_Real_JeffS, Xenu's Bunny Killer at May 25, 2006 11:06 AMI am not bothered at all when I see people covered in tattoes - as long as they're happy - but I DO have a problem with the tattoo of the spiderweb on the guy's hand with 2 big spiders crawling across his palm.
Nope. That guy could be my SOULMATE and I would never date him. I would constantly be living in a Stephen King nightmare - fears of the tattoo coming to life in the middle of the night, etc.
Nope.
Posted by: red at May 25, 2006 11:12 AMWow. You actually spelled out the "s" word!
Posted by: Emily at May 25, 2006 11:14 AMShow of hands: How many people in the room, besides me, were wise enough not to get a tattoo of any kind?
Posted by: Ken S, Fifth String on the Banjo of Life at May 25, 2006 11:14 AMWhat does wisdom have to do with it? I still like mine and haven't regretted it for a second and I've had it for over ten years.
Posted by: Emily at May 25, 2006 11:15 AMMe! Never got one. Never had the urge. But I have seen some quite tasteful tattoos, and I just ignore the bizarre ones. It's their body, after all.
Posted by: The_Real_JeffS, Xenu's Killer Bunny at May 25, 2006 11:17 AMJust wait until it starts developing liver spots.
Posted by: Ken S, Fifth String on the Banjo of Life at May 25, 2006 11:20 AMEmily - I figured I couldn't be a wuss on someone else's blog. In my own "house" I can be a scaredycat but here I will TRY TO BE BRAVE.
Yeah, and Ken - I don't see what wisdom has to do with it either. I got mine eons ago, and I still love it.
Posted by: red at May 25, 2006 11:20 AMHey man, each to their own. And I have no issues if someone does it to themselves. Doesn't mean that I'm not bothered by some of the imagery that folks choose to put on their bodies.
'Course by "bothered" I don't mean offended.
Posted by: Cullen, Keep A Gotham But You Can't Come In at May 25, 2006 11:25 AMAbout the liver spots: getting a tattoo for me wasn't about looking good, or vanity. Never was. Hard to describe - especially if you think it unwise to get one in the first place.
I am glad I don't have Weird Al tattooed on my damn arm, I will say that!!
Posted by: red at May 25, 2006 11:25 AMI haven't gotten a tattoo because I'm fickle. I just don't like anything long enough to permanently mark my body with it.
I did, however, get my nose pierced a couple of nights ago. And I like it.
Posted by: Shannon, Xenu's Karaoke DJ at May 25, 2006 11:27 AMPretty! I love the little nose piercings.
Posted by: red at May 25, 2006 11:32 AMI'm not especially fickle about anything, but I do make it a rule to try to avoid anything that can't be undone relatively easily.
Posted by: Ken S, Fifth String on the Banjo of Life at May 25, 2006 11:35 AMI love them also. 'Course, my attitude about that will probably change also once my kids start asking me to get theirs pierced.
Posted by: Cullen, Keep A Gotham But You Can't Come In at May 25, 2006 11:36 AMI'd always admired them on other people, and thought "why not?" Since I was getting extra holes in my head, I also did the cartilege of my left ear, up at the top.
You know what, Red? The little nose piercing is something I'd recommend . . . it makes you feel like one of those Indian actresses from a Bollywood movie.
Posted by: Shannon, Xenu's Karaoke DJ at May 25, 2006 11:37 AMYep, i never really had the urge to get one, and i agree about dating someone with a lot of tattoos, red; i read too much Bradbury as a teenager...
Posted by: Mr. Bingley, Never Tattooed But Often Blitzed at May 25, 2006 11:43 AMMy friend has the little diamond stud in the nose - not an actual ring. It's very pretty and subtle.
Posted by: red at May 25, 2006 11:43 AMBingley - hahahaha awesome link!!!
Posted by: red at May 25, 2006 11:44 AMThose stories spooked the bejeebus out of me! And the cover of the edition I had was really creepy too. Yuck.
Posted by: Mr. Bingley, Never Tattooed But Often Blitzed at May 25, 2006 11:46 AMDid you see the movie with Faceman from the A-Team? That was creepy too.
Posted by: Cullen, Keep A Gotham But You Can't Come In at May 25, 2006 11:59 AMGod - we post links to pressing, important issues of the day about torture, abuse, corruption, suffering...not a peep out of anyone. Post a link to a picture of a nitwit that got a tattoo of vegetables fucking and you guys won't shut up.
*Sniff* I love every last one of you.
Posted by: Emily at May 25, 2006 12:02 PMSorry, not a movie, an episode of "Hammer House of Mystery and Suspense" called Mark of the Devil.
Posted by: Cullen, Keep A Gotham But You Can't Come In at May 25, 2006 12:06 PMWe just want a break from the Issues of the Day. And Ken, I'm with you, no tats here.
Posted by: Nightfly, Inspired by Actual Blogs at May 25, 2006 01:12 PMI have a tatoo, and like Emily, have never regretted it. It is easily hidden at work and it is of something meaningful to me...NOT dead birds or the Chinese symbol for dumbass.
Shanny...love the nose thing! Can't wait to see it. I wish I could do it, but those pesky, conservative CPAs frown it. :(
Posted by: Shannon C. at May 25, 2006 03:17 PMGot that right, Nightfly. Ain't nothing like a cabbage getting boinked by a rutabaga to take your mind away from the real world.
Let's hear it for VEGTABLE PORNOGRAPHY!!!!
Hmmmmmmm......does that mean a fruit salad is really an orgy?
Posted by: The_Real_JeffS, Xenu's Killer Bunny at May 25, 2006 03:50 PMJeff,
Yes. And Waldorf salad is what the orgy looks like when it's finished.
I'll never look at a smoothie the same way again . . .
Posted by: Shannon, Xenu's Chimney Sweep at May 25, 2006 04:47 PMJeff - a cabbabaga?
Shannon - bwa-HAHAHAHAHAHA! That wheatgrass-sprout-carrot-orange juice is a metaphor for free love!
Posted by: Nightfly, Xenu's Grammar Hammer at May 25, 2006 05:34 PMBoy, the next time I make a salad, I'm pulling out the video camera......
Posted by: The_Real_JeffS, Xenu's Mixologist at May 25, 2006 06:44 PMKen - no tattoos here - no intention of every getting one. Too difficult to remove...
Posted by: Kathy K at May 28, 2006 11:38 AM