Fuck off Ray Nagin. Saying that you're not as bad as George Pataki and McGreevey/Corzine is not a defense.

Fuck off to the media. We don't care what Karr had on his flight back to the U.S.

This means nothing to anyone else but me and maybe Dave J, but fuck off, all you attorneys who clutter up my docket with TOTAL SHIT, making it so that you can't get a first-out trial in my court until 2008.

(I'm sure I'll have more throughout the day as they come up. PMS is a beautiful thing on Fuck You Friday.)

Today, I seriously need all aggressive homeless people to FUCK OFF. Get OUT of my face, get OUT of my way. FUCK OFF. I'm NOT givin' you money. Nope. I'm DONE.

I have no problem with people quietly sitting on the curb with a sign. They ain't in my way. But people who make me weave around them, who come right up to me? Begging? But they're wearing spanking new sneakers?

FUCK YOU.

They've been particularly aggressive this summer and I've had it.

Amen to "fuck off Ray Nagin". Apparently, getting abandoned cars out of Nawlins is as big a job as rebuilding the twin towers.

I'd like to say FUCK OFF to those mindless bureaucrats who think they are the last word in their organizations, but actually are self-centered bastards interested only in what is good for them, screw the customer and organization.

Sheila, here is a brief conversation I once had with a "homeless" person in Santa Cruz (seriously):

HP: "Got a quarter?"

Me: "No"

HP: "Well why don't you get a job?"

Being the kind, forgiving soul I am, I did not kill her on the spot.

Fuck off threads can fuck off!

To be fair - many of these homeless (especially around Port Authority) are filthy and seem mentally ill. Like - they seriously do need help.

But fuck off anyway. I'm tapped out. I can't give money anymore. There are too many of you!! STEP BACK.

I just cannot stand it when they're aggressive, though. They are asking for an act of charity and kindness and I hate being treated like I'm fucking morally obliged to give them any extra of what little money I have. They were *everywhere* in Humboldt county, especially the 19 year-old, able bodied hippie variety that could have easily gotten a job instead of following the Grateful Dead around in their buddy's 1971 Chevy van. And then they expect me to give them money or free food when they're hungry? Fuck off.

Yeah - the hippie variety make me nuts. I NEVER give them money. They can go to HELL. Because you know they have a trust fund somewhere - but they're "living on the streets". Oh please.

I admit: I usually cave and give money if there is an animal involved. I know it's the oldest ploy in the book - but I can't resist. The animal is innocent. The money probably goes to buy a teeny bottle of Jack Daniels, or crack, but whatever ... I can't help it. The animals get to me.

But yeah - the aggressive ones make me nuts. I have noticed that the aggression gets much worse during the summer. Maybe just because they can hang out on the streets all day long without freezing their asses off - so they're much freer to just get right in your feckin' FACE.

Even the ones who didn't have trust funds were in a position where they had made a choice. They were not sick or suffered some ill fate that made caring for themselves difficult or impossible. They can deal with the consequences on their own without expecting everyone else in the world to bear the responsibility.

At the end of the main street through town where they all tended to concentrate, there was a liquor store where they'd linger and give you the "hey sister, can you spare any change" routine. Someone once wrote on the side of the store in huge letters "JERRY'S DEAD. GO HOME."

hahahahahahaha

Star Jones, fuck off.
Rosie O'Donnell, fuck off.
Fans of Star Jones or Rosie O'Donnell, fuck off.

Anyone having anything to do with the little dead girl who won't go away, fuck off. She's been gone for a decade. You should be gone too. Now fuck off.

New rap acts, fuck off. Your so-called music sucks like a tornado in a trailer park.

Whiners, fuck off. And stop whining. But mostly fuck off.

I feel better now.

The neighbor kid, and the neighbor kid's parents are invited to Fuck Off.

Honestly. Is there really any need to hit the metal railings to the steps with a red whiffle ball bat over and over and over again, AND Sing while doing it? It was kinda funny the first time. Annoying the Third. This the fifth or sixth time it's happened, I say: Stop it before you are made to eat your red whiffle ball bat.

And to the mother, who says to me "He's just being a kid?" When I was "just being a kid" like that, I got my ass whipped.

If you want to be a bad parent, do so in private. Fuck the kid up as much as you want. But when he's disturbing the neighbors, then you've lost your rein on the kid. Fuck Off with your bullshit "just being a kid," and give the kid a smack upside the head before the unbalanced next door neighbor does it for you.

Ugh, people who spoil their children in general need to seriously fuck off. It may seem all kind and wonderful when they're little, but at some point it has to occur to parents that they are creating a human being that will have a horrible time as an adult and have terrible relationships with other adults because they don't understand why everyone won't give them their way all the time.

My step-sister's got a three year-old son who STILL sucks on his nookie because when she tried to ween him off of it, he threw a temper tantrum. So she just lets him continue to use it because she doesn't want to deal with him screaming.

You hit the nail on the head. If I've learned anything in my time workign with people, it's that obnoxious, self-centered parents make obnoxious, self-centered kids.

Tell me about it, Tommy. I had a friend for a while in college who was raised completely spoiled. We always had to hang out where SHE wanted to hang out, eat where SHE wanted to eat, watch the movie SHE wanted to see, you name it, it was always her call no matter what. We learned real quick it was easier to give her what she wanted than to deal with the inevitable temper tantrum she'd throw if she didn't have her way. I eventually just stopped hanging out with her because I couldn't stand the stupid brat anymore.

that bitch who works the check out line at Albertson's Ewww! Albertson's?? They closed an Albertson's near us and now our nice Safeway is overrun by Albertson's Trash, people who I've never seen before and don't belong, showing up - like a 6-foot something bleach-white-skinned redhead in stiletto heels and a green miniskirt driving a metallic purple Crossfire - a living caricature. And the heavy guys with their shirts open two buttons too many, wearing gold chains and Italian amulets. Sheesh. They were never here before, hopefully they will go on over to Whole Foods when it opens, they look like they believe in homeopathic remedies.

Well, I shop at Albertson's, and I have never driven a purple car, owned a green miniskirt, worn gold chains or shopped in stiletto heels.

Yeah, fuck off all youse spoiled brats and parents of spoiled brats!!!

Whilst at the local dollar store last night, this little girl (might have been 3 or 4 years old) starting telling her mom -- at the checkstand -- that she wanted some candy, that she had been promised candy (or so she said). The mom, eventually, told the brat to be quiet (and said brat finally complied), but until then, you could her all over the store. Had me gritting my teeth, and reminding myself that I did not have parental privileges, and smacking the little brat was out of the question.

But she didn't give up. She stopped screaming, but her mom literally dragged her out of the store. Pathetic.

What I really loathe are the characters who stand on a street corner with a sign saying "WILL WORK FOR FOOD", or "NEED HELP", or go through a parking lot asking for help....when all they want is your spare change. The majority of these characters are clearly professional beggars, and we get 'em even here in Walla Walla. I will not give them a dime, having seen some of the real hustlers in action.....they are either drunks looking for a bottle of booze, or just too lazy to get a real job.

One of the only people I ever gave money to while at Humboldt was a guy holding a sign that said "WHY LIE? I WANT A BEER."

Oh yes, and my neighbors who get in/leave at 3 or 4 in the morning who, poor dears, were never taught how to close a door without slamming it shut as hard as they can can go Fuck Off!

(I miss Albertsons. Stores out here suck.)

Oh, and the most aggressive panhandler I ever dealt with was the one of initially indeterminate gender who followed me into the bathroom of a restaurant (cleverly in the basement with alley access right there) and, whilst I was at the urinal, asked for a buck. Then, after telling what I managed to mostly determine was a woman to wait a sec, upon getting a buck out of me (she was in the door way, so it was easier to avoid hassle and hand over the buck) asked if there was anything else I would need. I politely said no.

"I want a beer." Good times.

People who get overwhelmed in parking lots - such as the lady in the SUV today, backing out of a spot running parallel to the road. Normal people swing out to face the road, and then turn onto the road as if they'd just driven up. Scared lady backed straight out, and as a result hadn't enough room to get onto the road.

Eventually she wound up k-turning in the middle of the roadway at the slowest possible speed, while we all waited (because the boss won't mind if lunch hour takes 95 minutes!). Ye gods, just take a bus, or buy a smaller car that you actually know how to operate.

Bonus irnoy - she may well have been visiting the DMV office in that strip mall.

And last one since it's started up again: The guy in the cube next to me who can never remember that his giant plastic cup he fills with ice to gnaw on makes a fuckload of noise as he constantly swirls it and tips it back and forth. It's a fucking rock tumbler constantly going. Added bonus of him consistently sputtering and choking on the water, and it's a symphony.

Marc,
I have a neighbor that leaves for work around five and SLAMS his door really loud, too. Even worse, he weighs about 800 pounds and goes bounding down the stairs with a force that shakes the entire building like a small earthquake. Plus, he plays his bitch-and-ho loud-ass bass rap really loud on the weekends. He should totally fuck off. I hate that guy.

Nightfly:

//People who get overwhelmed in parking lots //

hahahaha Oh my God - I had never put it into words before - but now I TOTALLY know what you mean, and yes - those people need to seriously get a grip. "scared lady" - hahahaha

People who believe that an aisle or street that doesn't have painted lines is supposed to be aaaaallllll for them, and get pissy at you when you want to use the road or aisle too. Fuck right the fuck off.

Fuck off people who go to the bank to balance their checkbooks -- and do it in the DRIVE-THRU. Some of us just want to cash a check, asshole.

In that vein, Lisa, people who go to ATMs to make a deposit, but fill out their slips and envelopes AT THE ATM while others are waiting in line behind them can fuck off, too. Do that shit before you step up to the ATM, asshole.

YES. Fuck off, those people.

Related are those people who you've been standing in line behind who have been in line for at least 10 minutes who wait until it is their turn to order to set their palms on the counter, squint at the menuboard and say, "Hmmm, let's see......"

Marc:

YES!!! FUCK THOSE PEOPLE!

Or the people who decide during a busy lunch hour rush in a deli that THIS is the perfect time to "get rid of all their pennies".

Fuck off Marketing People.

Except John, he's cool. I hope he gets a real job someday.

Ah, yes. It is Friday again.

First of all: my health insurance. Look, I take this particular medication every stinking day of my stinking life. I know when I am out and need to refill. I don't care if your pissant peon in some office misread the calendar. It is time for me to be able to refill my prescription without having to pay for it in full by myself. I don't get many perks at my job but not having to pay full price for meds is one of them.

And no, it's not a "happy fun" med that has noticeably desirable effects when you take ONE so taking two on any given day has no additional effect. So it's not like I've been od'ing on it. And it's not like I've been peddling it on the street. There's not exactly a black market for this particular med.

Second: one particular class I have this semester. Look: I am trying to invite discussion. Please do not look at me with the same expression of a herd of cows. You hate it when I "just" lecture but you won't discuss when I try to invite discussion. I'm not a television show you can ignore or turn off. Please do not come to class if you do not wish to think.

Third: people who drive big-ass pickup trucks for the sake of driving a big-ass pickup truck. Look, unless you spend part of your life hauling horses or cattle or shaven goats or whatever...you don't need a car that's 10 feet tall and 17 feet wide and impossible to see around in the parking lot.

and that goes double for you boys with bright yellow big-ass pickup trucks. I look at that big, bright-yellow truck and immediately assume you have a small dick. (Or maybe you ARE a small dick.)

Fourth: The jackass who is going to fire up his leafblower at 2 pm this coming Sunday afternoon (because he does it at 2 pm EVERY Sunday afternoon). Look, I get very little free quiet time and I don't like spending it listening to something that sounds like a flatulent moose. Could you maybe do it in the early evening on a weekday like normal people?

And I don't care what you say, there is nowhere in my house to get away from that sound. It permeates everywhere.

And fifth, and this is the I'm-going-to-Hell-for-this one: grocery stores and other businesses who put their "special" employees on tasks that they are not equal to. Look, I'm all for employing the employable mentally disabled, but please do not put someone with minimal math ability (and a proclivity to melt down emotionally) in a position where they have to give back change. I find shopping these days traumatic enough without having to turn around and be the counselor for someone with fewer emotional resources than I have, but who is supposed to be serving me.

Reading over the comments moves me to add more:

To the media who is slavering over John Karr: What Tainted Bill said. I'd be perfectly happy to see him locked in a dark hole and NEVER heard from again. (Karr, not Tainted Bill)

To Karr's family, who is looking to profit (or, as they say: afford an attorney for him) off of selling his lurid story: f-off and die. We don't need more exploitative crap out there.

And to any studio who would buy the story: I hope karma comes back and bites you in the ass for allowing such bottom feeders to profit.

And to the people who are pissing and moaning over Pluto "not being a planet any more" and wondering how we'll go on with all the science textbooks being "wrong" and all: well, maybe not f-off, but certainly: get a life! Science, by its very nature, is changable. As we acquire new data, old ideas go out the window. Get used to it.
Seriously? If the worst thing that is hurting your psyche right now is that Pluto has been sent to the "minors" so to speak - count yourself very blessed.

Ricki,
Ditto on the monster trucks just for the sake of monster trucks. They're enormous. You can't see around them. They take up multiple parking spaces (even when the spaces are big enough, since this type of vehicle is invariably driven by enormous assholes who think they're the center of the universe). My parents have one, but that's because they live on a ranch and have need a car that can carry 3 tons of hay and shit like that. There's no reason to drive those huge cars if you don't have to.

FUCK YOU!!! Stan Lee! For kicking off the best damn participant in what was, up until last night, a great fucking show.

Bastard.

ricki and Emily,

Down here in the home of big ol' monster trucks, we call them driveway penises, because, if you don't have it in your pants, you have in your driveway.

And re: Pluto? Fuck off, NASA, period. What is the reason for your existence?

When I was in college, we used to love getting stoned and watching the satellite images from space on the NASA channel. That was awesome.

To the METRO bus drivers who feel the need to stomp to a stop, swerve around corners trying to get the bus up on two wheels, and treat a 60 foot flex-bus like it's a Corvette... FUCK OFF!!

To the dumbasses who can't be bothered to relieve themselves before leaving home, and use the shelters at the Park & Ride for your personal urinals... FUCK OFF!!!

Oh, and some people who drive big-ass trucks do so because they have a big ass, not a small prick. I'm just sayin', is all...

It's not just impotent men and whatever anger towards them with large vehicles, but moms (and dads, as I'll be equal opportunity) driving massive vehicles around while on the phone and parking in the now-obsolete compact spot because the extra 10 yards is "far". Or this recently discovered rule that being on a call apparently nullifies all traffic laws and gives you the right of way.

All them people who can't handle the size of the vehicle they drive can fuck off solidly.

Up here on the brown side of Washington State (Hi, neighbor Jeff!), there's an assumption that if your truck is clean and undented, you're a phony. Same with new-looking cowboy boots.

So...you're a 6- tall pale skinned redhead? Kewl!

Um..nope. Five foot seven tall semi-tanned brunette. But you were close.

I drive a Suburban, and I know how to use it.

So fuck off. :)

Gee, first commenter out of the gates beat me to the punch. Yeah, I'd like to echo the "Fuck off, Ray Nagin" sentiments.

I'll have to unbutton a few and get my gold chains out, I plan to grill some steaks for dinner and need to go shopping - where's the Instant Lift-Kit for my pickup truck?? :-)

Everyone can FUCK-OFF!!! Everyone!!

Thank you. I feel better now

A FUCKING FUCK OFF to all those FUCKING FUCKS who FUCKING make my FUCKING life FUCKING miserable with their pathetic FUCKING BULLSHIT! FUCKING FUCKTARD FUCKHEAD MOTHERFUCKING FUCKERS!

FUCK! That felt FUCKING good.

And please, forgive my French.

if I may add a few to the bunch here:

To the guy that knows the lights gonna change and he knows he'll end up blocking the intersection but still goes ahead and does it: FUCK OFF!

To the idiot that goes to a BK or McDonalds Drive thru and stares at the menu as if it's written in Aramaic: FUCK OFF! It's the same fucking menu you saw yesterday, you fucking dumbass.

To the fucking idiot that changes into the right lane at an intersection at a red light and thus prevents everyone behind him from being able to turn right on red: FUCK OFF YOU INCONSIDERATE FUCKING JERK!

Thanks, i feel so much better now.

Fuck off PETA.

I noticed no one had said it yet.

Fuck off, people who call meetings at 4:00p.m. on Friday afternoon that will probably end when I should already be halfway home.

Ken, that sucks. Fuck off to those people from me too.

Amen, Ken! There's a guy where I work who doesn't come in until 11am. So, he thinks 5:30pm is about the right time to start really buckling down. He gets offended that people say they won't stay until 8 with him to help him finish his shit. Fuck that shit and fuck off.

The only saving grace on that meeting is that one of the high-power attendees is on the east coast, so he has to call in at 7pm. If that kind of schadenfreude makes me a bad person, so be it.

Thank you for this platform:

FUCK National City.

FUCK people who won't return phone calls.

FUCK overly sensitive hypocrits.

FUCK the news.

FUCK bourgeois beuracrats who want to make stupid CHANGES to my brochure just so they can feel a sense of OWNERSHIP.

FUCK all the FUCKING FUCKTARDS on this planet.

parents who bring their kids to class can just fuck off. if they were well behaved and quiet it would be okay, but we only have 3 hours of this class a week and when I have to spend all 3 of them restraining myself from throwing you adn your child through the window, its a problem.

The union guys who work with my dad who swear up and down that they're better than us SIMPLY because they're union. Seriously. Go die in a fire.

Yeah, I feel a little better.

"Go die in a fire."

Hahahahaha.

Fuck Off to the Customer Service Representative who had the following exchange with my sister Kathie:
Kathie: Hi. I need to notify you that my mother passed away and have you send me whatever forms you need me to fill out.
Customer service rep: OK, I'll need her social security number and....
[Kathie gives the person all the info]
CSR: And is your mother there with you?
Kathie: No, she's *dead*.
CSR: Oh. Then I'll need to transfer you to another department.
[The transfer is made]
Kathie: Hi. I need to notify you that my mother passed away and have you send me whatever forms you need me to fill out.
CSR: OK, I'll need her social security number and....
[Kathie gives the person all the info again]
CSR: And is your mother coherant?
Kathie: "No, she's DEAD!"

A serious fuck off on that count, Julie. Are people fucking retarded or do they just not listen? My god, when you hear the word "dead," you might want to remain alert enough to exhibit a little bit of fucking sensitivity. What a bunch of assholes.

FUCK OFF to the idiot at Earthlink last night who interrupted my support chat session as I was receiving the last piece of info I needed to get my DSL back up.

FUCK OFF to certain individuals whose envy, jealousy, and pettiness (and lousy writing) stand in the way if uniting against tyranny.

FUCK OFF to the Democratic Party and its spineless weasel members.

FUCK OFF to Florida Power & Light in advance of any power outrages we may have in this year's hurricane season.

FUCK OFF (and die) to fidel castro.

FUCK OFF (and die) to raul castro.

FUCK OFF (and die) to hugo chavez.

FUCK OFF (and die) to mahmoud amadinajagoff.

FUCK OFF (and die) to bashir el asshead.

I work with law enforcement on a daily basis. I get along with a good 90-95% of them. But the other ones, the fucking stupid cops or the cops who are too self-important to do their fucking job, piss me off to no end, and they can totally fucking fuck off. Immediately if not sooner. Sometimes I really have to say, if you don't want to deal with prosecutors, and court, and etc., why the fuck don't you just not ever arrest anyone?! ARRGH. What a week.

"so that you can't get a first-out trial in my court until 2008."

Um, I don't even know what a first-out trial is. Terminology probably differs from Arkansas to Florida.

Fuck off to Sandra Bullock's husband Jesse James for trying to pass himself off as a spokesman for the military in Iraq and saying to the press that all the soldiers he talked to said they hated Bush.

Fuck off to online defensive driving courses and their idiotic small print.

To copy George Moneo (who I hope wont tell ME to fuck off for copying him) : fuck off (and die) to fidel, chavez, amadinajahanwhatthefuckhisstupidnameis, and to nagin for being such a rancidly stupid jagoff racist pig about New York.

There is a narrow minded, pinheaded group in MS that is staging a protest against CBS for wanting to air an unedited version of their spectacular 9-11 documentary that was shown in 2001. CBS's sin? Not censoring the words 'fuck' and 'shit' being said by the heroes of FDNY and NYPD. This group in MS can just fuck right off.

They're concerned, of course, about "the children". 9-11 is part of our history (recent, at that), and in light of the constant threat of terrorism, this is something our kids need to learn in all its ugliness. They key here, MS pinhead, is to watch it with your children!! Explain the images. Explain why this country is special. Most of all, explain how these men were heroes and sometimes heroes use bad words (but don't you use them!!). So MS Pinheads, FUCK OFF!!

Fuck off to Jews for Jesus, who ripped off Jackie Mason, of all people.

Fuck off to people who can't meet a deadline.

I want to tell Sci-Fi to fuck off for cancelling SG-1, but it has been around for 10 years. So I'll give them a pass.

Louis,
That was a very good fuck off. Thank you.

Oh, and fuck off (and die) all the pricks on George Moneo's list. Esp. fidel castro.

Oh, and my own most recent fuck off...the manufacturers of these blank CDs that I bought that you burn music on to and then have to play like four or five times before all the songs will play all the way through. They suck. Even worse, I finally downloaded Wish You Were Here off iTunes to have it on CD instead of crickety old vinyl and tapes and I can't even listen all the way through to music I've PAID FOR because of these fucked up shit CDs.

And a special fuck off to Barnes and Noble for charging a ridiculous amount of money for their CDs and DVDs in the first place, since I could have bought WYWH last weekend, except you wanted seventeen fucking ninety-nine for a thirty year-old album with five fucking songs on it.

Dave,

A first-out trial is a trial that is guaranteed to go on a certain day. Anything set second-out or third-out, etc. (we rarely go past three) gets to go if the first-out goes away, either by non-suit or settlement.

This, of course, is only for civil cases. Our prosecutors decide which criminal cases go on a certain day. I set them 8 or 9 deep and out of the 24 or so I have set for trial every week, maybe one every two months goes go trial.

Back to Fuck Off Friday!

Lisa,
I will forever adore you for, among other things, the chewing gum comment at Sheila's place.

If I ruled the world, I would ban all gum and gum chewing.

I am totally irrational about it, I know, but I hate it. Haaaate. I once dropped a class in college because I sat in front of a gum-chewer and the instructor wouldn't let me move.

Okay, I take back a little bit of my meeting Fuck Off. It was surprisingly productive. But it should hav started at least an hour earlier, so Fuck Off.

Lisa,
You're not irrational about it. Who the fuck chews gum in class?

[Cue Hedley Lamarr]

Sharon, how can I tell you to FUCK OFF when you've told fidel to FUCK OFF? Love ya!

Fuck off to the geniuses in Northwest Airline's flight attendants' union who still think it will help their cause if they randomly delay flights and/or strike. 'cause we'll sure feel compassionate while we're sitting even longer than usual in the airport (or, you know, homicidal).

And speaking of unions, fuck off to the union "brothers" who filed a complaint against my brother-in-law for WORKING TOO FAST. I hope your balls shriveled up and climbed up into your guts in shame, because obviously the rest of you doesn't know what shame is.

I actually don't hate unions as a rule. Just stupid, selfish, and self-important ones (which, sadly, covers many of them).

Fuck off to the geniuses who came up with the "new, improved, larger paperback book" which just happens to cost $2 more than the old ones. Was anyone clamoring for this "easier to read" book?

To represent the other side of the coin for the person who wanted a Customer Service rep to fuck off, a little reminiscence from my days as a tech support rep. A HUGE FUCKING FUCK THE HELL FUCKING OFF to the fuckers er customerS whith whom I too fucking often had this fucking conversation:

Cust: I can't make your software do (x).
Me: That's because our software was never designed to do (x).
Cust: So how do I make it do (x)?
Me: ....
My Mind: YOU FUCKING CAN'T, YOU FUCKING FUCKER, SO FUCK THE FUCK OFF!!!!!

And thank you Steve G. I concur: A big Fuck you! to the unions. The USWA can just go fuck itself with a rock. Fuckers. You get paid 3x what your fucking job is work, don't you dare strike. I will personally kick your ass. or I'll let you meet my baby golden retriever and show you how your selfishness will starve him to death. Maybe that'd help. Fucknuts.

Oh and just one last last f-off to the Adaptive Services people at my school. I'm blind, I graduated from a fucking blind school. Telling me to fill out the same forms every fucking semester is really starting to piss me off. My vision hasn't changed since last semester, if it did do you think I'd want to sit there and TRY to get you to do anything to I dunno, ADAPT your fucking SERVICES! if I didn't need it? Oh and making me sit for an hour outside your office while you talk on the phone with your kid about dinner at 3pm is enough to piss me off. If it were an emergency or a short conversation, I'd be forgiving, but dayum. You can seriously fuck right off.

"A first-out trial is a trial that is guaranteed to go on a certain day. Anything set second-out or third-out, etc. (we rarely go past three) gets to go if the first-out goes away, either by non-suit or settlement."

Oh, OK. We'd call that a special set, although nothing is ever GUARANTEED to go.

"This, of course, is only for civil cases. Our prosecutors decide which criminal cases go on a certain day."

Lucky them. At the central courthouse downtown, each division has a calendar call on about a quarter of its current active cases each week, setting trials for the following two-week period. Depends on the judge, but defense continuances requested a calendar call are almost invariably granted, while the state is pretty much limited to getting ONE for the life of the case.

"...out of the 24 or so I have set for trial every week, maybe one every two months goes go trial."

One every two months?! My old division downtown set multiple jury trials for every Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, meaning something was almost certain to go, and there was at least a not-unreasonable chance of three jury trials in one week. In the six weeks I was there, I tried five cases to verdict and had three more plead after jury selection. And that, of course, is not counting bench trials, which he did on Thursday afternoons after calendar call, and usually between two and five of them in one day.

We don't do jury trials out at the satellite courthouses where I am right now...I'm looking forward to getting back downtown fairly soon, hopefully, although running a division out west all by myself and doing case filing has made me a better prosecutor in preparation for that.

To the people that tell me to hurry up when I am paying with pennies at lunch time. Its already difficult enough to count a bunch of pennies with all the noise and beeping.
To the jerk that knocks on my door everyday bitching about my music. The only way to enjoy gangsta rap is loud with alot of bass. I don't care if your kid is studying or its 2 am. Any time is a good time for rap.
To the assholes who complain about my odor. I am large and I sweat alot and its alot of work for a big person to squeeze into the shower. Have some tolerance.
To the losers at work who say I should do as much as they do. I can't do as much work because of my size. They should understand that, and be willing to help me out. Also to the prick that complains about me eating food in the breakroom with his name on it. I have a large appetite and I need my calories to be productive.
They can all seriously fuck off.

Speaking of people who can fuck off, Mr.R's hilarious comment reminded me of this.

i hope i don't offend anyone by saying "piss" here instead.

the parents and grandparents of the child three rows in front of us on our flight from Orlando to Houston last night can just piss off. they apparently think that instead of having a cranky, mildly whiny baby, it's better to tickle the baby over and over and make the baby do the BLOOD-CURDLING SCREAM GIGGLE at the top of her LUNGS for the discomfort of the entire packed-to-the-hilt 757 so that every time Jesus and Harry Potter have finally comforted my edgy, terrified, 2 diverted-planes-today brain enough that i'm just about to drift off to sleep, i am stopped suddenly by the sound of what i am sure is a woman screaming for help.

also, what Tainted Bill said about the media. they can piss off for telling us over and over about the "King Prawns and champagne". do you think they were special ordered and flown in from another jet to the window of his jet for a special fee? me? i'm thankful he was in business class away from the children. oh, and they totally missed the part about 3 Homeland Security agents escorting him. He's a matter of national security? How about sending a few FBI agents or sheriff's officers over there for him and putting DHS agents on... oh, i dunno... NATIONAL SECURITY!!

the media can also piss off for showing me pictures of LAX and the LA prison facility a million times. like i need to see the building that a child molestor is in right now. is a freaking building. tomorrow will you show me paint drying and wind blowing through leaves on trees, please? anything other than LAX?

and yes. Ray Nagin can piss off for the NYC comments and every other word that's ever come out of his moron mouth. and NOLA can piss off, too, for reelecting him. i don't want to hear them whining about anything that happens to them in the future because of his ineptitude.

oh thank you so much, Emily. i feel better.

Was I drinking too much Maker's Mark last night or do I remember some comments directed at me that are no longer here?

Fuck off to the idiots who walk the streets of the USA dreaming of "a social consiousness" they would despise if they lived it.

I ***love*** this!

FUCK OFF to those G*d Damned IDIOTS who have absolutely NO CLUE that other people need to WALK in the hallway that you happen to be standing in the MIDDLE of to have a CONVERSATION. Get out of the fucking way you fuck!

The addendum: FUCK OFF to you people who just stop in a crowded public area as if there just couldn't be anyone walking behind your fucking sorry ass.

FUCK OFF to whomever keeps making candy bars smaller and smaller while charging more. Candy is NOT technology. FUCK OFF!

Definitely FUCK OFF to the fucking media. When you have someone with an immense amount of knowledge on a topic, GIVE THEM MORE THAN THREE FUCKING MINUTES you FUCKERS. Who gives a flying FUCK about any video of Karr? Fuck off, you hacks.

Man, that *does* feel good!

[Edited by Dave J since dear Miss Emily's not around at the moment: Hello, my name is Mark Prior and I like to insult my hosts. I'm actually so juvenile that I said "fuck you bitch" to a woman I've never even met. I definitely need to fuck off, and since I've just been banned, I'll be doing exactly that. If anyone else would care to ban me from their blog, my IP address is 66.50.110.148]

Was I drinking too much Maker's Mark

No such thing.

Dave,
Oh hell yeah, tell me what 66.50 wrote.

To all the assholes who use beer as an excuse to be an asshole, you're a fucking asshole already don't blame Anheuser Busch. Just Fuck Off somewhere else.

Fuck off Bad Luck. You are NOT in my life anymore.

Oh hell yeah, tell me what 66.50 wrote.

I can only guess, since it was gone before I fot here, but I'm guessing it was along the lines of "Fuck off, Emily, for having more balls than I could have even with testosterone injections, yet being more of a woman than I'll ever get to be withing a mile of."

Or something along those lines.