it comes in pints?

//Nobody watched our show so I don't see how that could be the reason your pilot died.//

HAHAHAHAHA

Also:

//Yes, you thought of breaking the fourth wall. Groucho and George Burns stole it from you.//

Omigod.

I love how it gets ugly IMMEDIATELY. I mean, it's awful to say someone "Get cancer" - but then to write: "Love, Mark"

//So hold on to your hate and rage, even though it makes no sense. I'll go back to my life of thievery and leeching. //

Also this beauty:

//Let me know who thinks I am a hack so I can kiss their ass as well. I also suck dick lately. That's how I got my Dreamworks deal. //

And:

//I'm sure it's hard for you to believe, but I do not control the national media. //

Judd really keeps his cool in the face of that WACKJOB.

That was so enjoyable to read.

I guess if Mark Brazill doesn't go insane over stuff that makes no sense, the terrorists win.

Apparently so.

Wasn't it? I mean, unless the skit he was referring to was like a word-for-word rip-off of something he wrote, the guy is completely off his head to accuse the guy of stealing his idea. And he's so UGLY about it. "Die in a fiery accident and taste your own blood." Oh my fucking GOD.

"If you think cancellation hurts me at this point, you haven't been following my career as closely as I thought."

I LOVE this guy.

Comics always borrow from each other. That's - duh - part of the deal. Also that - this dude has been harboring resentment for all these years - and Judd's like: "Uhm, I still thought of you as an old friend ... I had no idea that you were so, uhm, out of your F***ING MIND!"

The best part is how Judd from the start tried to bring things down to a civil level - his opening letter was a fucking unsolicited apology, for chrissake - and the other guy just fumes from the go. I love how he finally just lets loose in the end and gives the guy a good serving of asshole right back.

"Usually the cancer insult is a closer."

HAHAHAHAHA.

hahahahahahaha

> Tell her I know how she feels

***I'm on it.

The perfect reaction to guarantee the wackjob will go nuts. I applaud that move.

BTW, I don't apologize for stealing all your ideas and I never will.

Marc,
It's okay, because in your case, I've known you were an uncreative loser from the start, so there's ultimately nothing to be disappointed about.

This is so gorgeous!

I feel for the writers that have to pitch to you. Never doubt how much they hate you.

Presenting to a "genius" and getting silence and an occasional blink in return is one of the worst feelings you could ever have in your professional life.

And it's something that happens to me more than I like to admit.

I still can't stop laughing at the line "As for the cancer, I'll wait till you get it and then steal it from you."

Laughing and hating the prima donnas at the same time. I think writers are the worst at this diva shit...and I say that as a writer!!!

oh man - I take back waht I just said....I have a hard time accepting an explanation from someone who refuses to accept an apology, and the tone of Judd's first couple of letters sounded so decent.

Strange thing is, I've come across Mark-like divas in closer circles and they are just as unpleasant and self-righteous...not to mention cruisin for a bruisin when they cross the wrong path. Or at least one can hope.

This actually makes me feel not so alone when it comes to what happens when someone gets the idea they are gods in their own minds....

Well, and screenwriters are the lowest of the low. It makes them insane sometimes. You kind of can't get any less respected than those people. And getting that CREDIT on the screen is everything. It means everything - in terms of career, your paycheck, your future. I don't see it as being "divas" so much as I see it as being highly aware that they TOTALLY dispensible. Part of the job. Obviously the Judd guy has managed to not get CRAZY because of that reality - and the other dude has gone off the deep end because of it. hahaha

Also - I love how the crazy guy truly believes that "breaking the fourth wall" is HIS idea. Uhm - what????? hahahaha

Pretty much any comedy sketch about a band is ripping of Spinal Tap, isn't it? Heck they did it to themselves with "A Mighty Wind".

Sharon,
It's not even that he wouldn't accept the apology for something that happened ten years ago, it's that he's still mad about it to the point where he cannot even be civil to an old friend over some irrationally perceived grievance...like Sheila mentioned, this dude actually thinks he invented the concept of the "fourth wall." How big of a clueless retard to you have to be?

John,
Judd even mentioned Spinal Tap at some point during the correspondence. Cervantes should rise from the grave and sue them for having the nerve to rip off his ideas about utilizing satire.

Lord knows if anyone else ever uses a fart joke, then they're in for a heap of hell!

This is why I only use terrible ideas on my blog. I'm wise to these jokers. Steal this meme, baby!

Let this be a lesson to you all: only steal from dead writers.

And - I mean, so much of comedy is PARODY anyway ... so the whole "original idea" thing just gets really murky. You just need to chill OUT and keep going with what you're doing, and not make too many enemies, and just keep going. There are very few original ideas left in the world. Deal with that.

I know, Sheila.

"Hey, you stole my idea for a sit-com about a family that lives in the suburbs, right down to the cracks about the difficulties of raising teenagers and the nutty neighbor sidekick!"

Wow - I've never heard THAT idea before! It's something completely New!!! Break the fourth wall a couple of times, and you have truly ground-breaking television.

I don't know. We could always discover a fifth wall.

(Quick search of the internets)

Too late. Artists already have. Sixth wall is taken by porno writers and some Spanish language writer.

Seventh wall belongs to Minas Tirith

Eighth wall brings us to Burning Man, man.
Damn. There just aren't any walls left.

Didn't Dante do a ninth wall, or am I misbemembering?

What does "misbemember" mean?

"I still can't stop laughing at the line "As for the cancer, I'll wait till you get it and then steal it from you.""

That's the one that got me, too, Emily. Classic. Game, set, and match.

Sheila, Emily - thanks :D That explains a particular person I have encountered online. They are a screenwriter, and seem to believe they are "cutting edge" on writing something that is basically porn. When told that their material didnt fit the purpose of a more genteel site, they went off the vicious deep end. Its just weird how all of this is popping up amongst other bloggers I know just recently. Either that, or I have been incredibly sheltered. I love how Judd took the high road...and only got nasty when pushed.

Marc - love all those levels of hell...I mean, walls!

Sharon - no doubt, because you were a Puritanical censor who couldn't appreciate True Genius Art. You were scared of his talent! (Admittedly, his talent for being a possibly dangerous turd, but still.)

Oh god, Sharon. He's not one of those people that thinks he's being "edgy" and "real" because he just writes base and depraved bullshit, is he? Even better...is he planning to have it filmed in black and white so it's super real and artisitic?

Yawn.

Maybe he could write something about the dark underbelly lurking beneath the comformist sheen of suburban life. The world simply hasn't seen enough indictments of the lie at the heart of the American Dream. Well, critics haven't at least.

Yep - but its worse than that...its a SHE. Is okay though. I fortunately didnt get too familiar with her work...probably because I was really trying to focus more on what I was doing. *whew!* I have no idea if she has had any of her screenplays accepted. I guess I wont ever, 'cause I dont move in those circles! LOL

Sharon, when I was in school, the English departments lit. mag included a story just like that, basically porn pretending to be edgy. Some idiots in one of the funding committees pulled funding from the magazine over it. So at a big student senate meeting (Hey! I need something for my resume), the magazine advisor and the author showed up. The author had this smug artiste busting away at bourgeous norms attitude ready to be a martyr. So it comes time and we unanimously restored the funding, which was obviously unexpected and a bit deflating to him. In the process we took the time to point out that his writing was crap (including quoting passages from it to make our point) and that we hoped future writers from the English department would be able to, you know, write. Just because they let his "edgy" shit through was no reason to shut down the whole thing. It was pretty hilarious to see them win and be destroyed at the same time.

Ooops...I don't know why I always assume lame people like that are a "he." I wouldn't want to get familiar with work like that even if I didn't have my own shit to worry about.