You read The Manolo? :)

I love him, and am secretly thinking he is One Of Us since he belongs to Pajamas Media AND linked from Instapundit (which drove one commenter crazy, btw, BWAH).

Every celebrity in the world is primped, plucked, photoshopped and air brushed until they look like a living doll, so this isn't really a surprise. If Entertainment Weekly can make the Dixie Chicks look good naked...oh, I'm sorry. Did I just make you vomit?

You know what is a surprise? The way CBS is running commercials pimping Katie Couric joining their nightly news. "In just six, five, four days..." For fuck's sake, you'd think it was NASA colonizing Mars the way they treat it like a celebration. Who gives a shit?

CBS is thrilled that they filled that chair with someone prettier than Dan Rather. I mean, I really like Charlie Gibson as a person, but Peter Jennings was a little easier on the eye (not that shallow, just sayin').

;-)

Long time ago, I was working on a boxing invitiation for a boxing-loving Las Vegas hotel and two fighters that shall remain nameless. We used the photos that were provided, made sure there was enough bold type and exclamation marks, and sent it off for approval.

One of the fighters noticed (or his "people" noticed) that he looked a little doughy. It was true -- but that really wasn't our fault. He just looked as if he had no neck, no abs and biceps that reminded us of those misshapen loaves of bread that come out of the bread machines.

The postcard came back and we gave it a couple thousand dollars' worth of work. When it arrived in mailboxes, this guy had a chin and a six-pack.

There's a photoshopped picture of Oprah on the cover of TV Guide, August 1989. They pasted her head on Ann Margaret's body, of all things.

http://www.cs.brown.edu/courses/cs024/lectures/lect_01_part2_web_files/slide0047_image065.jpg

People got all freaked out, for some peculiar reason.

Okay, so the "retouched Rather" made me laugh.

But I will admit that this plays on one of the GIANT frustrations I have about society. Not only are women not allowed to age facially ("you really should Botox that, dear"), or hair-wise ("I know the name of a GREAT colorist"), but now they're expected to be Barbie-doll-proportioned even into their 50s?

(The fact that "Botox" has even BECOME a verb fills me with blind rage.)

There are some things I am willing to do - because they carry other good "side effects" (like working out pretty religiously every day and eating healthfully). But for $)(*%&'s sake, when I start getting noticeable wrinkes, and when my hair gets grey enough that people comment, I hope to GOD people will leave me ALONE.

but I don't anticipate they will, considering the way I've seen people slip colorist's names, and names of plastic surgeons, etc., to each other.

In some respects, I look forward to being older: for one thing, it's better than the alternative. And for another, I'd never go back to me at an earlier age for a million bucks because I was one screwed-up chica. But I would like to have the freedom to sag a bit and grey a bit and yes, maybe even put on a bit around my middle, without well meaning but dim people saying things like, "Well, Katie Couric keeps herself up! Just look at this photo!"

(yeah, yeah, I'm a day early for the Friday F-Off thread. Sorry.)

I don't like it when normal people are compared to media personalities in the first place. When you're a TV news anchor, it's part of your JOB to look good. You get paid huge money, so you can afford the personal trainer and dietician and the three hours a day working out and fashion stylist and make-up artist...blah blah. Normal people don't have the time or the money for that shit in real life. Of course we don't look like the women on TV.

I won't be around tomorrow, so I'll do this for both of us, ricki -

Enough with the lie of perpetual youth and beauty! Let people just look like real people, for pity's sake.

OH - and for a news org to pull this shite when they'll be the same ones maundering about "unrealistic gender appearance" and "lookism" and whatnot? Kindly Fuck Off, CBS. Didn't you used to be the "old network"? Matlock, Murder She Wrote... now you're airbrushing Katie Couric? Will you add any critical thinking faculties or journalistic standards while you're in there?

It's really saying something when you'd trust Louise Fletcher more than an actual news department to give you straight news and get to the bottom of things.

OK - I take back the "Kindly Fuck Off" thing - specifically, the "Kindly" part. Just Regular Fuck Off, CBS.

"Just regular fuck off."

I love that. Don't gently fuck off or strangely fuck off. REGULAR fuck off.

I'm with you ricki.

Regular fuck off with extreme prejudice.

OTOH, if a few Botox injections could net me Katie Couric's salary, I'd probably go for it. I'd even forgive her that irritating perkocity.

I'm just surprised they can't do this in real-time in-camera already. It's just a couple algorithmic filters in Photoshop, "Pinch" and "Spherize" to begin with. Given the 8-second delay (for sound, right?) they already employ, a couple fast, dedicated microprocessors should be able to do some kind of slimming.
I'm surprised Reuters doesn't have a simple smoke and an ambulance filter anyhow.
There is a professional ($$$) video camera that does light skin-tone smoothing and re-touching so that a makeup artist isn't required in the field, I remember it came out around '00 and there was a pretty big squawk about it then.

In this week's US Magazine (not only do I read it, I SUBSCRIBE to it), they had an article wherein a plastic surgeon (TO THE STARS!!!) reviewed then-and-now pictures of celebrities and pointed out what tweaks each had had done.

There were the habitual offenders we all know and love, but one of them was Nicole Kidman. !!!Her forehead is too smooth not to have been Botoxed, and she had work done on her eyes. She one of the most beautiful women I know of, and still, it's not good enough for Hollywood.

How do these people ACT with their faces all frozen, nipped, and tucked?

I haven't seen Nicole Kidman with an expression since "Moulin Rouge." Watching "Bewitched" (don't ask why I sat through it), I realized it was a good thing she mainly had to move her nose, because the rest of her face wasn't playing along.

Her forehead is an egg. With shellac on it.

Hey Ken,
You know how I know that you're gay? You read a shoe blog.

Hell, yeah, nightfly.
Hell, yeah, Mr. Bingley.

And to all the celebrities who make it extra hard on us ordinary people - because we don't have an army of makeup artists and Photoshoppers and macrobiotic cooks and whatever the hell, and then act as if EVERYONE could have the body and face you have - you are welcome to fuck off.

(Hey, nightfly started it.)

I don't know...even if it had the potential to net me millions of dollars, I'd still be idgy about doing the Botox...we don't know what the long-term effects of it are. It could cause people's skin to melt off and fall to the floor after fifteen years of application, or something.

I mean, it's a TOXIN for God's sake. It's a TOXIN from a scary little soil-dwelling bacterium and it can kill you. (I know too much soil ecology to be able to deal with botox injections.)

(And it's not a FUN toxin like alcohol. It's a scary toxin.)

and honestly, I'm pretty happy on what I make now. Even if I don't have the bucks to hire a sadistic personal trainer to call me "lard ass" and motivate me to exercise by wanting to kill him...

(And I think Ken's wife is going to be awfully surprised about the gay thing.)

Only a quarter gay. I read manolo sometimes, but I have no sense of style and I'm not really into showtunes.

Casting directors for commercials now are often told by their clients to find "actresses who haven't done Botox". Because the face becomes frozen. It's a liability - especially with commercials, where facial expressions usually have to be exaggerated.

How many actresses have done the Bosox?

Those modern-day Mae Wests...

But on the flipside - the pressure to have no lines on your face and zero body fat is enormous. You don't get work if you don't get work done, especially after a certain age. Most actresses do a little Botox here and there. It can actually add years to your career - if you use it wisely and well.

But the frozen-face phenomenon is really disturbing - I hate to see it. You see Nicole Kidman in Moulin Rouge- her soft beautiful expressive face - and you see her now? Huge difference.

Couldn't she just stop, red? Doesn't it only work for 6 months or so and then you have to get 'toxed again?

Mr. Bingley,
You know how I know you're gay? You know about botox.

If you heard some of the ideas I've given my Bride for our home decorating project you would be most assured that I am not gay.

But I'm Super!
Thanks for asking!

Bingley - yeah, she should totally just stop. She's WAY overboard with it. Like - she's frozen-face girl now - and somehow it seems like her hairline has receded as well - giving her this looming frozen pearly-white forehead which is QUITE alarming.

Emily - how bout that moment in 40 year old virgin when the angry Indian co-worker walks into the storeroom and sees the two guys hugging and crying? That whole exchange, and the look on his face, just makes me LAUGH.

"You know how I know you guys are gay? Because you are holding each other. Ever so gently."

Hahahahaha. There was one point in that movie, after the scene where Rudd and Rogen do their whole "do you know how I know that you're gay?" routine and they start telling Andy how he needs to sex up his apartment if he's going to have a woman over that I just lost it. Literally. From the moment when Rudd says "You know how I know you're gay? You like Asia," I had to pause the movie and step out of the room to catch my breath, I was laughing so hard.

"Is that the Six Million Dollar Man's boss?"
"That's Oscar Goldman. He's way more valuable than Steve Austin."
"Why do you have that?"

Yeah - the Six Million Dollar Man's BOSS line is so so funny.

And how they basically have to just empty his entire apartment before she comes over.

"Boner Jams 2003"

I love when he goes: "Everybody Loves Raymond - what is that tape doing here .... Well, that's just a good show."

...and that's the only thing Andy ends up watching...

hahahahahahahahahahahaha after lighting all those candles!!

Oh, I love that scene where he "sets the mood"...just to watch porn and masturbate.

"The truth is, I don't really do...that...all that much."
"Are you kidding me? I've jacked it twice since I've been here."

And the framed Asia poster...a FRAMED ASIA POSTER. Like, who the fuck even listens to Asia anymore? "How hard did the people at the frame store laugh when you brought that poster in?"

And how - of course - Asia kicks in at the end when he runs off after Catherine Keener.

But Emily - I think my favorite moment in the entire film is at Planned Parenthood - when the father says:

"My daughter is, for lack of a better word .... DUMB ..."

Just HOW he says it ... I laugh every time I see it. I loved the out-take too - where he glances at his daughter - and then can't stand it and bursts out into laughter.

I loved the jew-fro kid and his dad in that scene.

"Shut up, Seth, we were at temple!"

Oh my God - the Jew-fro!!

"Seth, you have a TINY penis."

Sheila,
Did you listen to the commentary (not recommended if you haven't)? Judd Apatow (at least I think it was him, since they basically had the whole damn cast and crew in the room and nobody was identified when they spoke) said they originally wanted to use some INXS song for that scene where he chases after Keener. Judd said something like "I think this song works." Fuck yeah, it works. It was beyond PERFECT. That's such a great moment...him chasing after her driving away on his BIKE.

"There were two sides to that billboard and they both hurt equally."

hahahaha Yes, I did listen to the commentary - it HAD to be Asia!!

How 'bout that random pissed guy?

"Get out of the road, VIRGIN!"

And then of course the brilliance of using the theme to Greatest American Hero - it was perfect!!!

I also loved the random fat kid in her store holding the silver boots. "Lady, I just want to buy these ... so I can take them home ... and wear them."

That was hysterical..."I wish it were that easy."

"I wish it were that easy too, but you're making it extremely difficult."

I was really surprised to hear that was actually a REAL store. I thought it was just a joke because, like how in the hell do you make money just selling other people's shit on e-Bay?

How 'bout the bit in the commentary where we learn that that poor kid got heatstroke while filming the Bollywood ending?? hahahaha He's wearing that huge poncho and doing his choreography and he gets heatstroke!

Oh, and how about Jane Lynch's singing in Spanish??????????

Sheila,
Oh my god. And then to find out what she was singing meant "When you clean my room I can't find anything Where are you going in such a hurry? To the football game."

And the look on Steve Carell's face when she's doing it is priceless. Um...oooookkkaaayyy.

Also - that that was her audition! She made that up IN HER AUDITION - and they basically just wrote a transcript of what she said, cast her, and said: "Okay - do exactly what you did in the audition." LIke - what???

She's so serious, and so disgusting. Like she totally thinks that she is the hottest woman ever. When she SNIFFS him??? hahahaha

I know. She was just brilliant in this movie - everybody was. I even got over my unexplainably irrational dislike of Paul Rudd (ohmygod...that scene in the store after they come back from the "Date-a-palooza" thing, where he goes off on the ex-ex-ex girlfriend he can't get over into the video camera...filming his ass and everything. That was too funny). Part of why it works is because the guys in charge had the good sense to let all of these people off of a leash. I hate writers and directors who have to stick to the script like it's a bible or something, especially when they're surrounded by people with great ideas.

I know - I love how Paul Rudd is like the "gooey" guy who talks about their souls meshing during sex or whatever, and how he loves "cuddling" - meanwhile, they broke up 2 years ago and he just can't move on.

"But hey, man, that's her journey. That's love."

HAHAHAHAHA what??? She gave some other guy a blowjob on an escalator while she was seeing you - and "that's her journey"????

I love how it came up that they only dated for four months, too. How can you not get over *four months* in like a DAY?

"She was adorable...fucking bitch."

Also - when she finally appears, at the speed dating thing - she is so over him, like: "I moved, I changed my phone number, I changed my email ..." And he says, fondly, with a glassy-eyed smile of reminiscence, "This is so us ..."

hahahahahahaha

And when Cal confronts her..."You need to stop messing with my friend's head because you're giving him hope and that's not right."

"Um, dude, he's stalking me."

"Well, I did not know that and I'm sorry."

hahahahahahahahahahahaha

How bout the butch chick at Speed Dating? "Hey - I'm Gina - what'sup."

Also - jumping around now:

When Cal finds out that Catherine Keener is a "grandma":

"Fuck her on her plastic couch! Fuck her while she's playing Mah jong!"

"Fuck her while she's watching 'Murder She Wrote.' Fuck her and then have her send you a check for twelve dollars on your birthday."

And "Gina" was hilarious. "I'm thinking about getting back to riding that old pogo stick."

And the one chick where he tries to get away with the just asking questions thing. After about the third time he asks her if she's "fine" and she says "are you fucking retarded?"

"Do you want me to be fucking retarded?"

hahahahahaha I LOVED that woman. How PISSED she gets immediately.

hahahahaha I'm laughing right now.

Oh - and one of my favorite lines ever:

"Be David Caruso in Jade."

Andy nods understandingly. "Got it."

Hahaha. What, like five people in the world saw that movie? That two of them found each other is a miracle.

I know - the reference couldn't be more specific. hilariouis.

But I do have to say that my favorite part of all, Emily, in the whole film - is when he is shouting at Paul Rudd: "I HAVE A VERY FULFILLING LIFE" - and then there's the montage of what he does alone in his apartment.

Seriously. I can't stand it. Every time I watch it.

"And now, I going to paint your silver pants blue."

And laughing fondly at the comic book. I just love that shot - it is SO goofy.

"What am I supposed to say. I am the 7th degree imperial yo-yo master...oh do me, yo-yo master. I want you to do me because you're the yo-yo guy."