Never? You need to get out more.

Freak.

No joke: a few months ago, I was staying in Hollywood at the hotel by the Kodak Theatre. I went for a morning walk, and at 8:30 a.m. I saw some tall, skinny blonde guy wearing the Darth robes and carrying the helmet. And he was in a hurry.

So many questions . . . the biggest was, why the HELL didn't I have my camera?

Funny. I had him pegged as a harmonica player.

Cullen probably figured he was a banjo player. Being evil and everything.

Awwww...I'll bet old Vader's joined PETA, too.

Makes me want to think up new words to "The Devil Went Down To Georgia"...

Vader went down to Georgia
He was lookin' for a Jedi knight
He dreamed of war
And blood and gore
And he was spoilin' for a fight

Take it away, kids...

maybe we need a Photoshopped picture showing Vader playing the world's smallest violin? You know, to convey even less nanopity than a regular guy playing the world's smallest violin?

I bet the acoustics in his meditation chamber rock.

The Dark Side of the Force should feature a more sinister instrument, like the accordion.

There's a great YouTube clip of Arthur's duel with the Black Knight from "Holy Grail" - with all of the Black Knight's dialogue overdubbed with Vader lines.

Arthur - Bravely fought, sir Knight.
BK - I find your lack of faith disturbing.
Arthur - Your arm's off!
BK - You don't know the power of the Dark Side!

PS - Ken, it's "Vader went down to Bespin." Otherwise, great start.

Acknowledged, Fly. Take it away!

As you wish, my master...

Vader went down to Bespin
He was lookin’ for a Jedi Knight
He dreamed of war, and blood and gore
And he was spoilin' for a fight

Well he came across this padawan
Lighting his saber and swinging hot
Vader jumped up on a passing Kronk and said
“Boy, show me what you’ve got.”

“In case you didn’t know it
Son, you’re not a Jedi yet
And if you think you’re all of that
I’ll offer you a bet
Obi-Wan has taught you well
But now he’s dead, of course
And after you lose, I’ll turn your soul
To the Dark Side of the Force.”

The boy said, “My name’s Skywalker
And it may be kinda sad
But I’ll take this bet, and you’ll regret it
‘Cause you’re the one who killed my dad!”

Well, Luke, remember all your skills
Save you, your training can
‘Cause Vader’s bent for conquest
And he may cut off your hand
If you win, you’ll be a Jedi
Like your father was
But if you lose
The Rebel cause is lost

Vader waved to Luke and said, “Let’s start this show.”
Luke walked up the platform stairs and stood before his foe
Then Vader’s saber fired up and it made an evil hiss
The two threw down and Luke got beat around
By the Dark Lord of the Sith

When the fight was finished, Vader said,
“Don’t believe old Obi-Wan!
Before he died, the old fraud lied –
You are my only son!”

“That’s not true – it’s impossible!”
“Search your feelings, you know it’s true!
We’ll kill the Emperor, and the war is won -
Let’s rule together as father and son!”

Well, Vader bowed his head, but Skywalker wasn’t beat
He dropped into that chasm underneath the Dark Lord’s feet
Vader said, “Luke, you won’t get far – we’ll meet again, you see -
I done told you once, you son of a Sith, it is your destiny!”

Dude, I doff my hat! Bravo!