Oh for chrissake. Don't they still have backlots there? Isn't there a passable airport somewhere like Barstow that isn't so crowded?

People who pull onto an INTERSTATE HIGHWAY and who go 25 mph or more BELOW the speed limit and common-flow-of-traffic.

I can guess in some cases why people do it, and here are my suggestions:

1. If you are afraid of driving "fast" (65 mph, trust me, is not "fast"), and you are afraid of getting into an accident, being a TURTLE on the freakin' highway is NOT going to make you safer. You are a HAZARD in the road and are more likely to get into or cause an accident by your slowness. Find back roads and drive on them.

2. Your Ford P.O.S. (or Chevy P.O.S. for that matter) can't go over 40 mph. You should not be on the road, period, in that antique POS. Get a better truck and retire that thing. You can always drive it in the civic Independence Day parade. (it's always the old, old men in the trucks that are circa 1948 that I wind up behind on the interstate)

3. You're half-baked (or more) and figure if you drive reeeeeeaaaaaal sloooooowwww, the cops can't see you and therefore can't pull you over. Look. Stoner logic may work in the stoner world, but in the world where 90% of us are driving sober, it leads to possible accidents. And - the cops can see you just fine. Lay in your supply of Doritos BEFORE you smoke up next time, mmmmkay?

4. You're really ancient, you can't see over the car steering wheel, kids today drive too fast...they make drivers over 70 re-take the road tests in some states for a reason. Apparently they don't do that in my state. (I've also seen old confused guys going northbound on a southbound lane. Scariest thing in the world, to be hurtling along at like 70 and realize that you're facing the front grille of an '82 Chevy pickup...) Plenty of people who are older drive just fine - don't make younger drivers stereotype all the older ones by your bad driving.

Ken,
It's not the actual airport they're trying to film, but one of the major highways that lead to the airport, that millions of cars and trucks with cargo going to the airport travel on. This would literally affect the lives of millions and millions of people. If cargo is delayed and misses the flight, we're not just talking locally either. It will literally have reprecussions for people all over the world. I have a customer in the Netherlans who has to shut down production if I don't get his parts to him on time, and they move out of LAX.

I understand film crews need to film on actual streets, but these are people that can make a part of Hawaii look like London, for chrissakes. Find another way. Find another street. Re-write the fucking scene. Whatever. Just don't even think about shutting down that part of town.

another, unrelated one:

if you are taking a STATISTICS class from me, and I assign homework, and you don't show your CALCULATIONS or even your NUMERICAL ANSWER on the homework - you just say "reject the null," I have no way of knowing if you a. did the work, b. understand what you did, or c. pulled an answer out of your ass. Please don't come griping to me when I take points off and say "where are your calculations? Where are the numbers?" Because, you know? Statistics is math, it deals with numbers. Words are nice but I need numbers.

Ive been waiting all week for this post....

To those drivers that leave like three car lengths in front of them when stopped at a light thus preventing me from getting into the left turn lane: FUCK THE FUCK OFF YOU FUCKING ROAD HOGGING FUCKERS!

To the fucking dry cleaner that serviced the shirt I put on this morningin a hurry only to have the buttons turn to fucking sand in my fingers: FUCK THE FUCK OFF YOU FUCKING BUTTON BURNING FUCKER! With an extra added FUCK THE FUCK OFF for not understanding what the FUCK light starch means. I need to be able to move my arms when Im wearing a shirt you FUCKING OVERSTARCHING FUCKER!

To the person at the ATM in front of you that takes out $20 from four different accounts: FUCK THE FUCK OFF YOU MONEY GRUBBING CHEAP BASTARD FUCKER!

To the guy driving a Hummer that parked in my office parking lot taking not one, not two, but THREE FUCKING parking spaces: FUCK THE FUCK OFF YOU COMPENSATING FOR YOUR SHORTCOMINGS FUCKING FUCKER!

To Miami Herald Executive Editor Tom Fiedler who referred to certain segments of the Cuban-American community in South Florida as "chihuahuas nipping at his heels": FUCK THE FUCK OFF YOU ARROGANT, CONDESCENDING HUBRIS LADEN PIPSQUEEK MOTHERFUCKING FUCKER!

This is like therapy. How much do I owe you for this session?

Gawd I love it when Val does a Fuck Off.

Those unutterably awful social-engineers who basically lost their reason for living when socialism was shown beyond all reasonable doubt (OK, I know, their doubts aren't reasonable which is why they still cling to them like a doomed seal cub nuzzling up to its dead mother) to the world's greatest clusterfuck and who then went to colonise and destroy - comprehensively (spot the deliberate pun) - the state education system over here forcing me to get stomach ulcers with worry over how to pay the private school fees SHOULD JUST FUCK OFF!

I really mean it this time.

"This is like therapy. How much do I owe you for this session?"

I don't know how much it'll cost you, but I get paid by Emily for coming here and just saying...

Toodle Pip!

Man I feel cheapened...
PG

LAX? It's virtually impossible to find anyway.

Driving whines: you might have found me in agreement until Tuesday when I drove to, into, around and back up the A1 from Florence. Trust me, American drivers are superb in comparison to the Italians. And they don't perform suicidal stunts on Vespas.

Aren't they, Ken. "Fucking overstarching fucker." Never thought I'd hear that one.

Mark,
Did you seriously have trouble finding LAX when you were here?

Companies who send people to wander into offices, grab the first person they see, and then, without even knowing what kind of business we are or if the person they are talking to has any purchasing authority, lay in on a hard sell for some bullshit service. Fuck off.

Fuck off to my insurance provider. I can't even say anymore, I'm too upset, and I'm in a nightmare right now, so all I can say is FUCK THEM. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU.

Yahoo "Answers" can fuck off. Talk about a completely retarded fucking feature. 90% of the questions people ask are retarded, something that can easily be learned from a reliable source by spending twenty seconds on Google, or otherwise just stupid, subjective wastes of time. And to leave something open like that so any schmuck with a computer and an internet connection can answer leaves the whole thing ripe for a lot of misinformation. And fuck off to the people who answer questions when they don't have a fucking clue as to what they're writing about. Especially all the people that are still putting forward things about Syd Barrett that ARE NOT FUCKING TRUE. And fuck Yahoo! for having a time frame after which the questions are closed for new answers so that people can't leave a correction to tell everyone that other people that left "answers" are blowing lies out of their ass. Fuck OFF.

Val, that was so bad-ass you made Dirty Harry cry. Totally awesome.

Emily,

"ARROGANT, CONDESCENDING HUBRIS LADEN PIPSQUEEK MOTHERFUCKING FUCKER"

Poetry in pixels.

Ken,
Did you see the photoshop on Val's site related to that remark? HahahahahafuckingHA! It's hysterical.

Fuck the flu. Just fuck it. And to the asshole that brought this particular strain to the office (even though the incubation period on this one is so long I'm sure the poor fucker didn't know he was sick until it was too late), fuck you too.

And to the one that KEEPS coming to work spreading your fucking contagion, being a stupid fucking martyr because you imagine the place is going to fucking fall apart without you:

Fuck you. Fuck you HARD on the HOOD OF A HOT CAR.

I may as well tell myself to fuck off, too . . . because I came to work today.

Emily,

I emailed Fiedler that second picture. Still waiting for a response....

Oh my god, Val. That is too funny. You'll have to post about it if he replies.

"so bad-ass you made Dirty Harry cry"

hahahahahahahaha, nightfly! I am TOTALLY stealing that line.

Another fuck off - people who go into 20-item-or-less lines at the wal-mart with 40 items and THEN write a check to pay for those things can fuck off.

and wal-mart can fuck off for letting people do it. Get some cashiers with balls! Have them tell the people to take their damned overflowing baskets to a non-express line! It's not like people are going to stop shopping with you because you are "mean" to them by holding them to the rules! Either gut up and tell people, "No. This is the express lane. This is for people like the woman behind you* with a carton of milk and a frozen pizza. It is not for your cart 'o' doom with eight bazillion cans of catfood and three loose peaches and fifteen different types of Ramen." or take down the "Express Lane!" signs! It's false advertising to call something a quick lane when you still get stuck behind the same old biddies wanting to pay for everything with nickels as in the other lanes!

(*that would be me, slowly working up to a real head 'o' steam of anger as I once again get stuck behind Little Old Lady that No One Says Boo to Even Though she Inconveniences Everyone Else)

To continue the movie theme: Renny Harlin, FUCK OFF AND THEN DIE IN THE MOST EXPEDITIOUS MANNER POSSIBLE.

ricki,
I think the cashiers might be under orders to let them through (then why bother having a fucking express line if you're going to let people violate the maximum?). At my local market, one cashier was complaining about people that do that and said he wished the scanner that reads the bar codes just shut down after ten items so that they were literally incapable of checking out people that had more items than the limit allowed. I think that's a great idea.

Yes, I saw it. Priceless!

Punchline to an old joke: "Either you're from Harvard and you can't read or you're from Yale and you can't count."

You know who else can fuck off? Me. That's right. ME! It's Friday afternoon and I grow tired of doing the same shit over and over again. So, you know what? I just may FUCK OFF this afternoon.

Maybe.

FUCK OFF to managers acting like they are paranoid bean counters, more concerned about covering their ass than getting the job done, and hamstring their employees in the process. No wonder the Federal government is slow and toxic.

Not my manager, Zeus be praised! No, the other members of her peer group.

and With Knobs to the cell-phone-enabled PRINCESS who pulled her little red car RIGHT out in front of me from a side street without bothering to look. Hey girl! Guess what - the universe does not revolve around you, and traffic does not magickally stop for you when you are out on the road. You are DAMNED lucky I have a fast reaction time, or else your bumper would have been seriously rearranged.

And to quote Kathy Bates: I'm older than you and I have more insurance. (But it still would have been YOUR bloody fault!)

I hope my slamming on my brakes like that didn't screw them up. If it did, I hope the next time you meet up with someone who has SLOWER reaction time than me. And someone without insurance.

Hang up and drive, bitch!

Ricki - how quickly we forget our cultural lessons -- remember, it can't just be "with knobs." It must be "with knobs on."

Compare and contrast -

1. Amish funeral procession that includes the family of the murderer out of respect for their loss and pain;

2. Westboro's joyless idiots heckling funerals of people dying to safeguard their freedoms

Phelps' fucktards should be taking notes from the Amish; until then, they can fuck off mightily.

In honor of my birthday tomorrow:

Fuck off, 41! Fuck the hell off.

With cheese.

Fred Phelps is a fucking fucked up freaky fucking fucktard who can fuck off. WITH. KNOBS. ON.

I realize I'm way late to this, but the Dept of Transportion here can just fuck right the fuck off. I live in the sticks. To close EVERY single main drag is bullshit. To close the ONE ROAD that goes under the railroad tracks is so far beyond bullshit I don't think theres a word for it. How are you supposed to go anywhere?

To the kids who insist on crossing the highway in front of their trailer park. I realize you didn't choose to live there and that to go anywhere you need to walk. I get that. BUT my best friend was killed that way. Please. Spare everyone around you that horror. Seriously. Because its impossible to stop on that road. And the shadows are so long in the fall that you cannot see anyone moving. Maybe don't fuck off, but please THINK. Seriously. Because I don't think we've ever recovered from losing her and it was almost 10 years ago.

sorry 'bout that, Emily. But being within seconds of possibly having one's life ended by some blonde princess chick does tend to make one forget one's grammar.

So: chickie poo in the red car, WITH KNOBS ON.

and I TOTALLY second you on the Fred Phelps thing. I have a former student who has joined the "Patriot Guard" (I think that's the right name) of veterans who go to the funerals to try to fill in and block the Phelpsites from getting to the families. And also to honor the men or women who have fallen. So, a big cheer and "Fuck yeah!" to my former student, and a big "Fuck you!" to the Phelpsites.

(I heard a rumor that they were thinking of protesting at the Amish funerals. They didn't - if they had, I really really really really hope a giant bolt of lightning had come down and vaporized them all, and a deep rumbling voice-from-the-clouds had said, "do not FUCK with the Amish, guys.")

Ricki,
Read this.

Those people really were going to go to the funerals. That's almost worthy of starting a Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday FUCK OFF thread devoted exclusively to them every FUCKING DAY.

Does anybody understand these people? I mean, what is their fucking problem? What in the hell kind of creed would inspire them to do something like that?

"People who pull onto an INTERSTATE HIGHWAY and who go 25 mph or more BELOW the speed limit and common-flow-of-traffic."

I just tried someone for a traffic infraction fatality who did that. Fuck off doesn't begin to describe it.