it comes in pints?

To the person or persons unknown who broke into my office building last night and stole a bunch of equipment and damaged the ceilings while crawling around in them like some demented Mission Impossible parody: I hope you get caught. I hope your crime - because of the dollar value of what you stole - rises to a felony. I hope you get sent to federal "pound-me-in-the-ass" prison, where you wind up as the "backdoor girlfriend" for a sweaty hairy guy named Raoul who is also a mouthbreather and talks in his sleep.

Because, you know? You ruined an otherwise perfectly OK Friday for me and everyone else here. We even were SUPPOSED to have a day off, now we get to come in and make damage estimates. Fun! Not.

Fuck off, people I work with -- who considered themselves my FRIENDS -- who stand and bitch about the WoT and how our president is an idiot and this was all about oil and it's all Vietnam!Again! and we should just turn tale and run because now the Europeans don't like us wah wah wah, and then when they see that I'm in the room, go, "But I support the troops."

Fuck off.

With knobs on.

And cheese.

Up the ass.

The soda machine in the hallway can totally fuck off. It just stole 2 dollars from me and I still have no soda.

I have no fuck offs this week. Polar opposite to last week.

So I'll wish a fabulous fuck off to those who would ruin otherwise good days for others.

Oh, fuck off anybody who just casually and arrogantly brings up politics in an environment such as work, and who just *assume* that everyone else in the room agrees with them. Fuck off. It's one thing to spout on a blog or a Young Republicans meeting or whatever where you know you're surrounded by people who agree with you, but otherwise, kiss my fucking ass with your self-righteous politics.

And to do that in an environment where you know a woman whose fucking husband is DEPLOYED IN THE WAR? Oh, there's a special place in the darkest corner of hell marked "people that Satan thinks should FUCK OFF" just for YOU.

Lisa

"With knobs on"

Ah, it's good to that the fine tradition of correct English usage being adopted and taken to the heart of our American cousins. Brilliant.

Oh, and Emily, me and Arthur would dearly like to tell all our loyal readers who have not yet come to see us at our new haunt to FUCK OFF, but we can't because, err.., we want them to come and say hello. So we won't.

But the tosspots who throw their chewing gum on the pavement and make my smart city look like a dump. They can definitely fuck off.

Oh and the judge who just fined Philipe Karsenty for telling the truth. He needs to take a good at himself and the mess that people like him are making of a country that was once the seat of much great learning and fearless pursuit of rationality.

He needs to FUCK OFF. NOW. And take his multicultural bullshit chums with him.

Toodle Pip!
PG

Thanks for the heads up on the new digs, PG.

And thanks for "tosspot." Another cool word. The British are keenly superior to us in the insult department.

I'm totally bogarting "Brilliant!" as my Gwyneth-style affectation, I hope you Brits don't mind.

(And that should be "turn tail" in my post. Fuck off, misspelling!)

GOD DAMN THE LAZY ASS WHINING MEAN-SPIRITED ELITIST RICH FUCKING FRAT BOY PRESIDENT OF THE UNTIED STATES

. . .but you support the troops?

Steve,
Hate to break it to you, but Bill Clinton left office years ago.

To those bastions of Journalistic integrity at CNN who allow the castro government in Cuba to control what they report about the communist nation and in turn have everyone dumb enough to believe their bullshit thinking Cuba is a fucking paradise: FUCK THE FUCK OFF YOU FUCKING BUNCH OF FUCKING COMMUNIST ASS SUCKING FUCKING BASTARD MOTHERFUCKERS.

And while we're at it, to the NYT and Reuters and everyone else with a "news bureau" in Cuba can go FUCK YOURSELVES TO FUCKING HELL. Do some fucking real fucking reporting and tell the fucking truth, instead of censoring your stories so castro, etal, dont throw your sorry asses out. FUCK THE FUCK OFF YOU FUCKING SHAMELESS HYPOCRITE MOTHERFUCKERS.

To all those drivers that see fit to make a fucking uturn on my fucking lawn because youre too fucking dumb to fucking read the fucking roads signs while youre driving and thus always, ALWAYS, turn into my street when it clearly states "NO THRU STREET" right on the fucking corner: FUCK THE FUCK OFF YOU GRASS KILLING, CANT UNDERSTAND THE MEANING OF A SIMPLE ROAD SIGN I GOT MY DRIVER'S LISENCE WITH FOOD STAMPS ON EBAY DUMBASS MOTHERFUCKING MIAMI FUCKHEAD DRIVERS.

To the couple that comes to the pediatrician in my building together, knowing full well the parking spaces are not only limited but small and who see fit to both bring your child to the doctors office with each of you driving your own fucking HUMMER thus taking up at least 5 or 6 spaces and sometimes blocking the parking lot entrance: FUCK THE FUCK OFF YOU ARROGANT SELFISH FUCKING SORRY EXCUSES FOR FUCKING HUMAN BEINGS. And take your fucking hummers and shove them straight up your uptight, far higher than your asses asses. FUCK THE FUCK OFF.

All of the above, with FUCKING KNOBS ON.

Damn. "far higher than your asses" should read "FART higher than your asses."

With knobs on.

"I GOT MY DRIVER'S LISENCE WITH FOOD STAMPS ON EBAY DUMBASS MOTHERFUCKING MIAMI FUCKHEAD DRIVERS"

Val,
You are a true trailblazer. The world's first formal "Fuck Off Artist." You are the maestro.

Steve on the mountain:

"PRESIDENT OF THE UNTIED STATES"

I've often thought so. Then again, "untied" or just "unhinged"?

;-P

Lisa,

And for our part, we simply *adore* the phrase "totally", though for its full effect, there needs to be an interjectory "like" as in:

"I'm, like, totally ... [insert whatever it is that you feel strongly about]"

Awesome.

PG

PG,
I never knew that. Being from Southern California, I say "like," "totally," and the word that completes the SoCal required lexicon trilogy, "dude," quite a bit. A lot of American people say it gets on their nerves, with some complaints being accompanied by direct and arrogant orders to cease using them.

Come to think of it, those people can fuck off. That's like me telling everyone in the South to stop saying "y'all."

Jadier Molina can fuck off.

My whole week has been like this in my head. I am nine kinds of frazzled. SOOOO you can understand my frustration with pinheads on the road - both in AND out of cars.

Cullen, for example, has had a great week partly because some nitwit from Richmond County, Georgia, spent Thursday's commute flinging his crappy Daewoo sedan around our busy four-lane road during rush hour.

On Wednesday I nearly creamed an ultra-serious power-walker in my neighborhood - she had chosen to stroll around in the street even though there was a perfectly useful sidewalk two feet to her left. This was after an oncoming car strolled across the double-yellow lines to pass a turning car and honked at ME for the near collision HE caused.

On Tuesday, I actually missed the first period of my hockey game because my normal 30 minute trip to the rink took 75 minutes. (By the way, I am the goaltender. This wasn't good times.)

And while on the loading dock fifteen minutes ago I observed someone going to lunch, leaving our parking lot by streaking through it at about 30 mph - never thinking that perhaps other people in the building (you know, COWORKERS) might want to pull out of their own parking spots in safety.

So, fellow commuters and pedestrians who refuse to confine their activities within the proper boundaries and put themselves and other at risk - all y'all can simply fuck off.

Emily - aMEN to your last Fuck off, dude!!

Red and Emily,

Dude, they can so, like, totally FUCK OFF.

Sweet.

PG

To the assholes who put their candidate's signs on my lawn this morning, without asking me...Fuck Off!

FOAD to the folks running the company's lunch party and are blasting the song "Kokomo" for the third time.
1- Some of us are still trying to work
2- It wasn't that great a song the first time.
3- It was even worse the second.
4- The third time through is an EEOC violation, I'm sure.
Anyone got a Motrin? Midol? Demerol?

Public Service Announcement to everyone who wants to grab my guns, or raise my taxes while telling me that you're doing it "for the common good": please be advised that I own a gun and shovel.

Was that too subtle? Then fuck the fuck off.

Steven Allen Smith, "family centered divorce" my ass. Fuck off to you, your "peace maker" (tm) sharkbites, your reputation, your career, and your efforts at ruining the lives of innocent children.

To that nitpicking, whining, money sucking, barrier placing, bureaucratic, tree hugging, indecisive environmentalist downstairs, who lives to research every single possible aspect of a minor construction project, no matter how small or unimportant the detail, based on the advise of the lawyer spouse working in the same organization (but not the same office, imagine that!), without regard to the fact that said work needs to be completed before winter hits, thereby driving up costs.....

FUCK OFF AND DIE.

WITH CHEESE.

AND WITH KNOBS ON.

And maybe with a tree branch shoved up your ass, just to show how much you heart Mother Gaia™.

Katie Couric can FUCK RIGHT OFF.

Madonna. Madonna can FUCK OFF. With big, splintery nails.

You don't just tootle down to the used-child lot and pick one out like it's a 1998 Nissan. You remind me of those people who buy baby chicks for their kids at Easter, knowing the poor thing won't live to see May, but it's just SOOO CUUUTE!

Next time you crucify yourself in concert, do some other child a favor and stay on that damn cross!

Oh, I have so many "fuck offs" to throw Madonna's way, I don't know where to start and would probably make the internet explode by the time I was finished.

MADONNA - FUCK OFF, you self-righteous, self-centered, self-absorbed, stupid, moronic, phoney, bitchy, useless piece of fucking poopshit.

Come to think of it, any celebrity that uses children as fucking fashion accessories to improve their "image", their own or little starving African children with flies on their faces, can fucking fuck the right fuck OFF. You people are DISGUSTING.

One more - to Malawi adoption officials who lied to that little boy's father and promised him his child was going to be adopted by a "nice Christian woman" can fuck off, too.

And the "charity" Kabbalah school that Madonna founded can fuck off. Give me a fucking break, you dumb, retarded bitch. These children need things like FOOD and VACCINES and CLOTHES, not fucking mystical red strings and eight dollar bottles of magical "blessed" water. And they sure the fucking fuck don't need your version of "Kabbalah" that's such a fucking joke that anyone with half of a brain can see it for the BLATANT FRAUD that it is.

The people who go scavenging through my garbage every fucking time I put some beat up old crap furniture out and then leave shit scattered about my drive way can FUCK RIGHT OFF

Did Diptera just say what I read he said?

Oh. And BINGLEY can just FUCK OFF.

Ah...for the love of siblings...makes me want to call my little bro and tell him to fuck off, too!

Fucking Bush Derangement Syndrome, or whatever the clicky little phrase is, can fuck off. I'm sick of listening to my friends slowly become bigots.

Oh yeah, and parties of 5 or more who have to get separate checks and all pay for a $5 lunch with a credit card? Please get in the fuck off line for processing so that I can get on with my day.

Marc,
On BDS - I got into it on a non-political message baord that I visit and a few of the people there were going on about the Lancet study and how "horrifying" and "sickening" the results were. I got the usual stuff about "oh no, it couldn't possibly be politically motivated because the Lancet's just a medical journal" crap. I finally managed to convince these people, using handy little things like facts and verifiable examples, to, at the very least, question the veracity or likliehood of the figures. After which, several of them went on to say "well, it doesn't matter if the statistics aren't true. As long as they make Bush look bad."

I flat out asked them "so, you think it's okay to make up lies about people because you don't share their politics?" They flat out said "yes." Bush is evil, so "by any means necessary" is perfectly acceptable.

That's not just hypocritical, it's practically downright fascist. These people are fucking SICK. They'll consigne Joseph McCarthy to historical hell for asking people if they were Communists (I'm no fan of the guy, but that doesn't mean I'll resort to distorting the truth about what he really did), but to lie about something to make a Republican look bad, even to the extent that it might ruin their life, is okay.

And these are people who call themselves "liberal."

I'm getting a lot of "facts are lies" or "facts are irrelevant" whenever they get in the way. I rarely argue, but sometimes can't help it when being subjected to the avalanche.

The cracking point this week was that a friend saw that "Loose Change" thing and decided that, since it was well produced, it must have been mostly right. This is a guy who is almost never easily fooled by such stuff. That and the random pronouncements about people's motives for supporting or opposing something have been getting...disturbing.

By any means necessary can fuck off.

That's the scary part, Marc. A lot of this stuff is coming from people that are otherwise smart folks.

And the hypocrisy is astounding. They'll chastise conservatives and Republicans for being supposedly unthinking, unquestioning robots, but say anything bad about Bush, no matter how unreasonable it may be, and they won't doubt a word of it.

I don't really like to argue either, especially not in the forum I was referring to, which is a friendly place and I like it that way. But Jesus fucking Christ on a pogo stick, give me a fucking break with this BDS crap.

There's also the irony of this sort of stuff coming from people who will constantly chide Bush for being stupid, yet there they are, eating up the most unlikely statistics and scenarios that are thrown their way.

Fucking morons. And I say that as a person who's never voted for someone named "Bush" in my life.

The response that really drives me nuts is when a hoax or misinformation is exposed, they like to say, "Well, it says something pretty awful about them that I would believe this about them." No, it means you've lost your rational edge completely, so drop the pose of purity.

Right. But it says absolutely nothing whatsoever about how awful the people who perpetrated the hoax/lie are. They were doing it for noble reasons. Fake but accurate.

People actually fucking buy into this shit and don't see anything flawed hypocritical about it, all the while being condescending elitists convinced they're superior to your average, unthinking rube of "middle American."

Oh Emily, if that's the message board I think it is, I'm probably happy that I stopped visiting a while ago.

There's plenty of room to disagree on the actual facts or real reasons, but there seems to be almost no desire to look into those. Instead, they make up this absolutely fanatastic shit. And that they'll burst out with them at any random moment is making being around people more difficult

It is, Cullen. And it was your old sparring partner who was the one who was saying it's okay to make up shit about the Bush administration because they're evil. To be fair, not a lot of other people over there hopped on board and some of the lefties agreed with me that lying wasn't a good thing to employ in politics, albeit under the umbrella that they had to believe so in order to remain the morally superior people that they were. But they did have this long thread about how "disturbing" the 9/11 conspiracy theory about Bush being behind the WTC attacks was. I stayed completely away from that one.

I love how these type of people always manage to have things both ways. They'll give a standing ovation to a Michael Moore film that paints Bush like a drooling retard for not reacting to the news about 9/11 immediately and in the very next instant claim that he knew about the attacks before hand. The diabolical yet moronic genius that is both too Christian and not Christian enough.

Oh, and "fanatastic" can fuck off too.

Hell, I'll just tell myself to fuck off to put a nice finish on the week.

I had a feeling that it was and that it was probably him.

To be honest, if our firewall at work didn't block the site, I'd still be there. I do miss it.

But the political debates pissed me off.

Marc,
It's pretty much the "simply saying it makes it true" rule of thumb that a lot of people seem to follow when it comes to politics.

"Our civil liberties are being eroded daily by the Bush administration."

NO THEY ARE FUCKING NOT. If you're going to say something that fucking stupid, back it up with actual facts and evidence that there are people who are actively being persecuted for their political beliefs. Name one fucking thing you can't do now that you could do when Bill Fucking Clinton was President. ONE FUCKING THING.

Oh, you can't? FUCK OFF.

I probably deleted it, but that sounds a lot like that "precedentalism" post I either wrote or thought about writing. So many people I know or deal with are just now learning what presidents and the government do, so think that, since this is the first they've heard of it, it's the first it's ever been done. Their awareness is necessary for something to exist, and they can't be bothered with the idea that they came in on episode 12, not the pilot. That, in itself, doesn't make these things good, nor bad, but they ain't fucking new.

To clients that stink of fear, can't make a fucking decision and piss all over everything I do just to put their shitty little thumbprint on it, FUCK OFF.

To Cirque du Soleil -- Las Vegas doesn't need another one of your stupid shows, and I don't care WHOSE music you're using. Your Elvis show is going to be another middle-of-the-road fuckfest. So FUCK OFF you pretentious French-Canadian contortionist FUCKS.

To my co-worker who just played "Xanadu" and got it stuck in my head, even though I like it in a guilty sort of way, fuckyoutoo.

And a special fuck you goes out to Harry "Hypocrite" Reid, who just did a dollar-for-dollar matching pledge for our local NPR station. You probably paid that out of your campaign funds, you smarmy, useless FUCK. In fact, the whole Nevada Congressional delegation can go punt, because you all have done, despite your vaunted power, absolutely fucking NOTHING of value for our state.

Like, totally fuck ALL y'all.

To all of the fucking people that I work with who put off all of their fucking shit until the last minute and expect me to drop everything and hustle like Carmen Fucking Miranda to mop up after your fuck ups, FUCK OFF. Especially when you all manage to expect me to drop everything I am doing to take care of your incompetent ass at the same fucking time.

Fucking people.

Oh yeah! Now I remember the reason I called. Talking ads on websites: FUCK OFF! Especially those that rotate in after I've been at a site for a few minutes.

And ESPN.com with their "I'M NOT WORKING" Screaming Yellow background color can dive in the shallow end of the fuck off pool as well.

Okay, Friday's not over yet.

The State of New York can fuck off. Really. Right now. with sandpaper condoms.

Is the almighty NARAL really in so much control of your shithole of a state that the Constitution pales in comparison? Really, can you shit-for-brains even spell "free exercise"?

You don't want our hospitals, our shelters, our charities? Fine. Provide your own. Your government has such a damn fine record of efficiency and self-sacrifice. (*cough*Tammany Hall*cough*) Or better yet, let's see fucking NARAL run a goddamn soup kitchen. Call it the Margaret Sanger Memorial Shelter, with free sterilizations and euthanasia for the non-productive. All subsidized by the state, of course.

Sold-out self-righteous black-robed pricks.

Haven't you people ever heard of truthiness? It doesn't matter if it's true, as long as it's truthy.

I sincerely apologize for my earlier rude remarks. I just don't care for the faux Texan. Actually, I don't care for any politician in any party. Politics as we all know is the art of convincing 51% of the people to believe your lies.

Steve, never apologize for a Fuck-Off thread post. That's the whole point. :)

To the people who are trying to block the widening of the highway through our mountain town, which will mean less of us get killed playing 'dodge the diesel-truck' when turning onto the highway, those same people who put signs up saying 'Heritage before greed' as if its our 'greed' which makes us want the only road from Sydney thru the mountains west to have more than *1* lane going each way, a big FFF off! (I was brought up not to swear in front of respectable ladies).

And hear hear! to all of you.

Oh yeah, definitely FFF off to Cirque de Soleil, go back to your friggin Soleil - Cirque right on up it!

Second that one!

Darn. It's not Friday any more. And I wanted to join in.

No matter, I am in quite awe-inspiring "fucked off" company that I feel I shall need a week to prepare a proper "fuck off" of my own to join in next time.

I am Number 57 what is the record number of FOT's. And leave Katie Fucking Couric alone.
Oh Bollocks my front door bell is tringing.
Fucking Jehovah's fucking Witnesses although it's probably the nice people from the church down the road, fucking church people.

Yes, I did say what you read I said. Frazzled, I tells ya. And I'm sick of the wandering through traffic bit. I don't drive on the sidewalk, so why must they jog in the road?

...Carmen Fucking Miranda...

I will supply the fruit basket for you to play that role, Emily.

And anyone who tries to deny me can fuckoff!