it comes in pints?

I just read that the dude in your post, Emily, has now decided to donate the letters to a church.

Good move, bro.

Val's Fuck Off left even the angels and demons speechless.

To the lazy Janitor at the La Jolla Cove Bathrooms where I shower off almost every day...

Fuck you, you lazy motherfucker..I dont care how "nice" you are. If you cleaned the fucking bathrooms better, Proposition C probably wouldnt be on the fucking ballot and your fucking job wouldnt be up privatization. You really want to know what I think about your stupid union flyer you've posted next to the mold infested shower? I hope you fucking lose your fucking job and they get somebody in there that can fucking clean a fucking shower!

KG's right . . . don't tone them down, Val. I like having my eyebrows singed.

Aw man. My little fuckette was too scared to load up after Val's. That must be what happened. HEY! FUCK YOU YOU LITTLE SCAREDYCAT COMMENT THAT WAS TOO SCARED OF VAL TO SHOW UP RIGHT AWAY, SO THAT I WENT AND MADE ANOTHER STUPID DUFOUS COMMENT LIKE A MORON!

That'll show... er, somebody.

I would just like to say that my GC has run on compressed air from the plant all week long without a hitch.

: )

To this cold/hayfever/sinus thing that's been annoying me for 3 weeks: FUCK OFF

PMS can totally fuck off. I am so out of it right now. I feel like crap. FUCK. YOU.

I figure, anybody that hasn't already done something to piss me off, will. So, everybody fuck off.

And have a great weekend.

no, not the drunk fat rat bastard, the other skinny YOU RANG? LURCH looking one
Bwahaha!

Val, there is no need to tone it down with comments like 'the ketchup bottle you rolled in on.'

I had relatively good week except for having to read and listen to the pundits go on and on about how the GOP is losing next week's election and Dems gaining and yadda. They can all fuck off cause all they care about is the ratings. The vote on Election Day will decide, not their FUCKING fantasy predictions.


And regardless who wins, I don't want to hear them boast they were right about the outcome.

no, not the drunk fat rat bastard, the other skinny YOU RANG? LURCH looking one
Bwahaha!

Val, there is no need to tone it down with comments like 'the ketchup bottle you rolled in on.'

I had relatively good week except for having to read and listen to the pundits go on and on about how the GOP is losing next week's election and Dems gaining and yadda. They can all fuck off cause all they care about is the ratings. The vote on Election Day will decide, not their FUCKING fantasy predictions.


And regardless who wins, I don't want to hear them boast they were right about the outcome.

I'd like to give the NY Times a big FUCK YOU! for their semi-annual November surprise article which, incidentally, kind of disproves their assertions these last 5 years. But that's besides the point, because I really like telling the Time to FUCK OFF!

I agree Emily, that guy in the story deserves a very serious fuck off. What kind of fucktard sells letters that desperate people wrote to GOD? Fucking wrong.

I really don't have any worthy fuck offs this week, so I'll just give a preemptive fuck off to the BCS. I know that you fuckers are going to find a way to screw things up. I don't know how you'll fuck up, but I know that you will fuck up. So let me say it now, fuck off for getting it wrong and for sticking us fans with a bad fucking game. And while I'm on the topic, fuck off to the assholes who keep calling for a playoff in college football - it won't work assholes, unless you want to extend the football season into March. Shut the fuck up and sod off.

Yeah, I know, I didn't really have my heart in it. So, where's Val?

Val will show up when he is ready. We must give the artist space to prepare.

To be fully honest about those letters, the ugly voyeur in me would kind of like to have a look. Just from the bits written in the article, they range from touching to fascinating to downright silly (can you imagine sitting down to write a letter asking God to win the lottery? TWICE?), but in the end, they are very private, initimate thoughts of real people, so to sell them? What a fucking wanker.

My spirit is broken. My will . . . nil. After a mind-numbing, thankless two weeks of dead concepts and bad marching orders and much chasing of tails and fake deadlines (all on the same project), my "superiors" can fuck right off.

In the meantime, I will count the hours until I can sink into the embrace of vodka and lime.

My spirit is broken. My will . . . nil. After a mind-numbing, thankless two weeks of dead concepts and bad marching orders and much chasing of tails and fake deadlines (all on the same project), my "superiors" can fuck right off.

In the meantime, I will count the hours until I can sink into the embrace of vodka and lime.

To all celebrities who are celebrities just because they are celebrities; FUCK OFF. I'm looking at you, Parasite.

I have a proper FUCK OFF to make up my signal failure to provide one for you all last week.

The boss of the simply irreplaceably wonderful Deogolwulf really needs to FUCK OFF into the darkness of a damp, cold Scottish night now that the "clocks have gone back", with a resounding kick up his fat arse to encourage him on his way, such kick to be administered with...

... WAIT FOR IT....

KNOBS ON.

Here's why.

PG

Fuck off to any clams that have and will show up here talking about their pathetic, destructive, stupid, nefarious cult and all of its "human rights" endeavors. That piece of shit "church" is one of the greatest affronts to human rights this country has ever spawned. Fucking tools.

At least now when you see threads like that popping up, the clams are outnumbered 25 to fucking one by people who know what that fucking "church" is really about. FUCK OFF, brainwashed minions of Elron Hubman.

Strangely, I was just heading over to offer a hearty FUCK OFF to all philosophies, spiritualists or "churches" that refer to their methods or tchotchke as "technology" after seeing that Madonna lost no time in slapping on the red yarn of a thousand truths and double coupons to that kid she crane-gamed out of Africa.

From a woman who treats even her birth children like fucking fashion accessories, I'm not surprised.

Yeah, fuck that red string.

This is my first time, so I have a lot to get off my chest today.

First of all, a very large and heartfelt FUCK OFF to the president of Iran. I can't pronounce your fucking name, nor even fucking spell it, but with all of the outrage over a few cartoons about Muhamad, how could you allow a contest for jokes about the Holocaust? A peaceful and understanding religeon my ass. Go find yourself another pig and FUCK OFF.

Next, John-boy Kerry - FUCK OFF. Let's see, you didn't study hard, got bad grades, so you got stuck up a fucking river in fucking Cambodia working for the fucking CIA on Christmas Eve, right? Except you made up the whole fucking story! You know what? A Double FUCK OFF for you for insulting me!

Finally, that woman with the three inch long nails trying to check out customers at the grocery store. You know who you are - you're the one who can't pick up a can of soup without using the palms of both hands because your fucking claws are too long. But at least we know your hands are clean, because you couldn't possibly wipe your own butt. What do you use those fucking nails for anyway? FUCK OFF, you fucking useless can't-fucking-use-your-fucking-hands dumb-fuck.

Now I feel better. Thank you and have a nice day.

Welcome, Curious. We're glad to provide the service!

I don't get those super-long nail chicks at all. It's like deliberately giving yourself a handicap. They don't even look good, either. Besides, shouldn't markets have requirements that people actually be able to function at their job?

To that fuckturd that saw fit to add my address to the Florida Democratic Party emailing list and thus ensuring that my email box is absolutely chock full of absolute shit from absolute shit Democratic candidates: ME CAGO EN EL RECONTACONO DE TU MADRE. FUCK THE FUCK OFF YOU FUCKING CONIVING MOTHERFUCKING ENTITLEMENT ENRICHED HEMORRHOIDAL FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING FUCKSORE.

To my neighbor, who sees fit to mow his lawn and trim his trees and then blow all the leaves and twigs and fucking green LEAFY bullshit over to the front of my yard: FUCK THE FUCK OFF YOU FUCKING FUCK OF A FUCK. I have more FUCKING TREES THAN YOU, YOU LEAF BLOWING FUCKHOLE, AND A YARD TWICE YOU SIZE. GET READY TO RAKE SOME FUCKING SHIT YOU FUCKING TREE TRIMMING, LEAVE YOUR DEAD BROWN CHRISTMAS TREE IN THE FRONT LAWN TIL JULY SANFORD AND SON GHETTO FABULOUS TRASH COLLECTING PEA BRAINED FUCKING FUCK OF A FUCKING FUCKTARD. AND CLEAN YOU FUCKING CESSPOOL OF A POOL, FUCKER, BEFORE YOUR WIFE LEAVES YOU FOR A REAL MAN WITHOUT FUCKING MALARIA.

To that woman in the Expedition that turned right into the street in front of me only to then slam the brakes, cut across three lanes of traffic to get to the left turn lane thus causing me to slam my brakes to the point where tires burnt rubber so I wouldnt tbone you: FUCK THE FUCK OFF AND TAKE THAT FUCKING GAS GUZZLING EXPEDITION AND SHOVE IT UP YOUR BIG FAT FUCKING TELEPHONE WIELDING WHILE DRIVING FUCKING ASS. Had I a gun turret on my truck I WOULD HAVE BLOWN YOU, YOUR FUCKING HEAP OF METAL SUV AND CELPHONE STUCK TO YOUR EAR TO KINGDOM FUCKING COME, YOU FUCKTART.

To that chick that works in the building across the street that parks on my office side of the street and dresses like a complete and total FUCKING SLUT FUCKETY FUCK and then gets all angry and serious and appalled looking when old men make eyes at her and whistle of honk as they drive by: FUCK THE FUCK OFF WITH YOU LOWCUT, HOOTERS BUSTING OUT OF YOUR TEENY TINY SHIRT AND LITTLE MINI-SKIRT THAT LEAVES ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO THE IMAGINATION SLUTTY FUCKING OUTFITS OUT OF SOME LEATHER AND WHIP CATALOG FROM AN ADULT MOVIE STORE FUCKING LITTLE EASY SLEEZY FUCKBAG.

To that Senator from Massachusetts - no, not the drunk fat rat bastard, the other skinny YOU RANG? LURCH looking one - that exemplifies the definition of arrogance and hubris and condescension and who saw fit to denigrate men and women in the Armed Forces that have more honesty, courage, integrity and dignity in a pinky nail clipping than you have in your whole entire wrinkled sorry excuse for a body: FUCK THE FUCK OFF YOU FUCKING WHY THE LONG FACE? MONSTER LOOKING, MONEY MARRYING, VIETCONG ASS KISSING WHILE MEN WERE STILL DYING IN VIETNAM, FALSE CONGRESSIONAL TESTIMONY GIVING, FORM 180 SERVICE RECORD HIDING SNIVELLING PURPLE HEART FOR A MOSQUITO BITE RECIEVING COMMIE ASS KISSING POLITICAL OPPORUNIST DOESNT EVEN HAVE THE BALLS TO STAND BY WHAT HE BELIEVES OR SAYS MOMTHERFUCKING FUCK OF FUCKING FUCKHEAD FUCK MOTHERFUCKER. No, seriously, FUCK YOU JOHN FORBES FUCKING KERRY AND THE FUCKING KETCHUP BOTTLE YOU ROLLED IN ON.

His name is spelled "Imadinnerjacket."

Here's my "fuck you" of the day -- week -- month -- year:

To the evil sinus infection that has kept me at home flat on my ass and taking horrible antibiotics and is no doubt making my bosses give my desk the hairy eyeball: FUCK YOU.

To the bank that just went ahead and cleared that check and then charged me and then cleared that other check and then charged me and then cleared that payment and then charged me even though the first charge made the entire account so under balance that now I can't pay my rent on time because I have no money: FUCK YOU.

To the idiot lying here in my bed typing this who didn't pay attention to her crippled bank account because she was too busy ignoring the viral infection that became a bacterial infection because she "has had little things like this before, they'll go away if I just keep taking tylenol and benadryl," so that her brain became increasingly addled, and who now as a consequence has a negative bank account: FUCK ME. Er, actually, FUCK YOU, ME.

I had this whole comment going, and it never went through. So to Movable Type's impenetrable commenting software, FUCK YOU.

To the pretentious prima dona working in my area, who preens and prances about, speaking of his high qualifications for the job, how he is duly trained, experienced, and registered, and complaining that no one listens to him.......

GET WITH THE FUCKING TEAM!!!!

Don't forward e-mails with complicated discussions to the boss with a simple "FYI"....add some analysis! Offering an opinion is just fine.

If you do offer an opinion, back it up. Don't dig your heels in and refuse to discuss it further because "I'm the expert!"....include facts and analysis. Assertions do not count.

Don't give a briefing on what a great job you are doing, when everyone knows that you are FUCKING THINGS UP. Those smiles around the table? That's humor, me bucko, not professional appreciation.

Cease with the sniping. I have part of your former duties because you weren't doing them at all. I am fully aware of your qualifications and experience, and it saddens me that you have mutated into a flaming asshole more interested in score points in office politics than simply Doing. Your. Job. If I want your input, and feel that I can trust your input, I will ask for it.

If you don't like sitting on the sidelines, too bad. Not everyone is first string all the time.

Oh, yes.....you didn't get the supervisory job because of the reasons above. Sorry, I know that you are technically qualified to run this team, but as a leader, I'd rather follow a rat through the sewer than have you in charge; you were the acting chief for nearly two years. Do you think that you being passed over was an accident, or an act of favoritism? BUAWHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Think again.

So get over your non-selection. Deal with it. Move on. And support the team.

And if you can't do any of this? Then.......

FUCK OFF.

WITH CHEESE.

AND WITH KNOBS ON.

Curious, not only do those long nails look kinda creepy, but they look absolutely NASSSSTY. Especially when you see those women scratching their heads and shit with them. GROSS. can you imagine the nail jam under there? UGGHH.

I hereby request a notice be given before each of Val's posts. The notice should be something like, "DON SUNGLASSES OR WELDING MASKS IMMEDIATELY!"

My eyes burn, so I should take a nap. :-)

No fuck offs this week. They've been amply handled by everyone else already. I'll just amen to what y'all have said and wish that your weekends treat you well.

Curious,

My apologies for searing the eyes. It's been quite a long and arduous week for me. I can either tone it down next week, or bring graham crackers, marshmallows and chocolate and attemopt to make Sommores by the comment fire.

:-)

Val, it's ok. I really needed the nap. I'll douse them with cold beer later.

Yes, I'll be drunk to my fucking eyeballs! Friday's rock!

Val sallys forth to brighten yet another Friday.

Thanks, Val!

Val, you seriously rock. My only complaint is that a statement like this:

FUCK THE FUCK OFF WITH YOU LOWCUT, HOOTERS BUSTING OUT OF YOUR TEENY TINY SHIRT AND LITTLE MINI-SKIRT THAT LEAVES ABSOLUTELY NOTHING TO THE IMAGINATION SLUTTY FUCKING OUTFITS OUT OF SOME LEATHER AND WHIP CATALOG FROM AN ADULT MOVIE STORE FUCKING LITTLE EASY SLEEZY FUCKBAG.

did not include pictures.

And please, don't even think of toning down the friday fuck offs.

Comin' to the party late because I was out of town to meetings all day yesterday and the day before..

Two things:
first of all - states where everything is eleventy million miles away from everything else, thus making it necessary for people to either drive forever and ever and ever to meet in person - those states can sod off. Can't we carve them up into, like, smaller pieces and put in more cities and stuff? Haven't lots of people really secretly harbored the desire for the U.S. to be 75 states - or 100? How much cooler would we be if we were the "United one-freaking-hundred States of America"? Wouldn't we look even MORE badass to the rest of the world? "Oh, we decided having more states was way more cooler, so we just made a bunch more."

I bet we could get 10 states out of Montana, easy.

Secondly - I was driving back LATE last night - people who put in those damed aftermarket halogen headlights that are brighter than the damn SUN can fuck off with knobs on AND with cheese. Those things do NOT make you any safer - in fact, by BLINDING the oncoming drivers they are very likely making you less safe. I was fantasizing as I drove down the highway of having a highpowered, super-accurate rifle I could aim at those blue-white orbs of doom and blow them away. I wouldn't want to hurt the drivers even though they are probably dangerous idiots, but I would like those headlights gone.

Oh yeah - the people who don't get the concept of "turn down your brights when there is an oncoming car" can also fuck off.

I hate driving at night.

Looks like this is where I'll be on Fridays! It's Thursday morning (barely even yet) and my fuck offs are ready to go.