You know, when I think of Victoria Beckham the first thing that comes to mind is usually "comic genius".

Fingers crossed that this project will come to fruition. it's so misguided. It gives me so much hope.

Sheila,
Whenever I feel disillusioned by life in general, when I find myself in times of struggle and doubt, it is the hope alone that we will be given the divine gift of something this awful, even just picturing the possibilities, that genuinely fills me with a joy of life that I cannot express in mere words.

(I finished Snapping this weekend. It's like that euphoria that ex-cult members talk about experiencing at first. Like a drug. The dream of this film is my crack.)

Oh, thank you Xenu. This could be better than Battlefield Earth, The Postman and Kirk Cameron's Left Behind series combined.

Bill,
It could be. It very well could be. That is my dream.

Do you guys remember when I flew out to New York to meet up with you to see Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy on opening night? This film will merit another such adventure. We could all wear "Hail Xenu!" shirts or something.

Well, I can think of some part of her anatomy that is surely alien already...

I wonder if there will be more of these kind of things (also more things like Left Behind), so they can develop a Religious Whackjob Movie Channel on cable or satellite. They could devote one day of the week to each thing: Moonie Monday, Th*tan Tuesday....

(and I say this as someone who is sometimes called a religious whackjob by some of my more irreligious friends myself. But whackjob or no, I will say I cringe at the whole Left Behind franchise and the bad theology contained therein, and that's probably the religious whackjobbery that is closest to my own brand of religion...)

Ricki,
I would never leave the house if they did. I would be the first person ever to die of an overdose of television.

I would sell a kid to buy the plane ticket to see this movie with you guys.

Lisa,
You have plenty of time to save up money and arrange for the kids to spend the weekend at grandma's or something. You must do this.

All of this tells me that I need to kick up a few of the whackjob movies up on the Netflix queue. So I'll be watching The Omega Code sometime soon.

Bill,
Hahaha. Lady in the Water IS coming out on DVD tomorrow. That one should be good for a few laughs.

I'm coming too. If the premiere is in LA, y'all can party at my house.

There's no such thing as overdosing on TV! You take that back right the fuck now!

I wonder if the movie will explain those enturbulations on her chest. If this actually does come out (unlike its maker), I will be sorely tempted to camp in line -- in costume! -- for tickets.

Something tells me the tickets are not going to be in nearly high enough demand to warrant camping out. Like the stunningly beautiful Battlefield Earth, I think the only people besides weirdos like us that will see it will be the Clams that are given fifty bucks each from their local chapters to go see it several times on opening day.

I can see us all already, sitting in the theater, laughing our heads off, surrounded by these earnest Clams who are peeved not only that their precious Elron is being mocked, but because they're sitting through the movie for the fourth time that day.

I said I wanted to camp out!

By all means, go for it, Marc. I wasn't trying to stop you, just help you from looking even crazier than you already do.

The Lady in the Water...even my love for bad movies won't let me tolerate the ponderous filmmaking of M. Night Shylaman.

I'd rather be waterboarded.

The thing about Shymalamadingdong that amuses me is how completely and utterly clueless and arrogant the guy is. I have to see his awful movies for myself because I find it horrifying in a kind of hilarious way that he honestly thinks he's making good films while writing off the tidal wave of bad reviews and poor box office returns as a matter of his "tastes becoming rarified."

Uh-huh. And Spinal Tap never declined in popularity. Their appeal just became more selective.

Isn't this wet broad movie supposed to be some sort thinly disguised angry defense or attack on his detractors? Or was that just me at Applebee's again. I could swear I remember reading that.

Marc,
I haven't seen it, but judging from several interviews I've read with the guy, I wouldn't be surprised if his ego was big but fragile enough to pull something like that. I can see him insisting, just like Roger Christian in the commentary track on the Battlefield Earth DVD (yes, I've listened to it), that his films are just before their time and it's the fault of the audience for not "getting" them. There doesn't seem to be even the slightest possibility in his mind that his movies just genuinely, downright suck.

I might have to do a water lady and village double header this week.

Marc,
I did a little digging around and found this review, where it turns out one of the nastier characters in the movie is a film critic that Shamadong apparently gave an obviously awkward amount of screen time for a thrashing.

"If Shyamalan wants to slap around film critics, hey, fine by me; but to sacrifice your entire film to do so reeks of a director who could stand to hear a little more 'no' in his life."

Hahaha. Hear hear.

My 13-year-old watched The Village the other day, and pronounced it the "stupidest movie EVER," with the usual eyeroll and huffy sigh, of course.

Lisa,
That's so funny. Bright little man. You see, Shamalamatramagama, even pre-pubescent boys can see through your bullshit movies.

Each film of his has been worse than the preceding film. I wonder what steaming pile of crap he'll lay next.

Bill,
Assuming he can get anyone to finance his next movie...I look forward to it. Unless he wises up and realizes he absolutely positively sucks as a writer, his films are only going to get worse.

It's a beautiful thing.

It'll probably be something in which a plasticized former pop star plays the bride of an alien overlord.

Wait....

Oh. My. GAWD. Marc - you are on to something. That would be PERFECT. The unnamed Dom Cruise/Victoria Bustham Scieneo film written and directed by M. Trite Shamathong project.

I am weeping at the prospect. Openly.

Yeah, but you cry when the velcro on your shoes comes undone.

But it would be the perfect shitstorm. It might be fun to try to write an M. Kniggit Shamalama styled FLC movie.

Well, you've forced my hand. Have at thee, moviegoers.

Nightfly,
That is beautiful.

The films of Shymalondry are so terrible, they inspire the penning of mournful folk songs.

So Tommy has signed on Beckham in the bride role for his movie and we can dream that he gets Shyamalan to write it. Dare we hope...Hasselhoff for the groom? Or would that be over the top?

Nah, it'll probably be Revolta.

By all means let's meet again for the premier, but let's not actually go see the movie. There's no way I want to give these wackjobs a dime.

Mr. B.,
There's a way around that. You just buy a ticket for another movie showing around the same time and go to a different theater.

Brian,
I think Revolta might be one of the silently disgusted ones, even if his wife won't shut her stupid yap about it.