it comes in pints?

Goodbye to 2006

I already know this is going to be a disjointed, rambling, personal, melancholy post. Today I've been thinking a lot about the difference a year can make: a year ago I was still selling watches in the mall and was depressed close to the point of suicidal about never expecting to work as a lawyer ever again. I had to go to bed early on New Year's Eve because the store was open New Year's Day, even though half my coworkers would ultimately be sent home because they were so hung over or still drunk. That feels like a lifetime or more ago rather than a year.

I don't usually remember my dreams, but last night I had two that I do remember: each one woke me. They're the kind of dream you have to wake up from to shake off, to rid yourself of any lingering sense of their reality. And I also knew I had to write about them.

They were less surreal than how I guess one usually thinks of "nightmares." Each dream was about a woman, but no, they weren't sexual dreams. They were dreams about losing a friend. I have to be a bit vague here because while I don't think either reads the blog, others who do probably know who I'm talking about. One was someone I knew a long time ago, and lost touch with so thoroughly that I put all thought of even the possibility of reconnecting out of my mind, so was amazed to hear from her again right about the time I moved down to Florida; the other was someone I met more recently and who even more recently and suddenly was gone, not exactly from my life, but certainly from immediate reach if that makes any sense. They're both people I care for, and each dream was about them departing forever in devastating anger.

Why I feel compelled to write about this may be because that's something I fear deeply. I know it must not be rational, but I do. I've made so many friends here, and I fear losing each of them, of you all, as well. I love my new job, but it's also taken me away from being able to post nearly as much as I'd like to, and that I regret. Logically I know that couldn't possibly drive anyone away, but as crazy as I know it is, there's a part of me that dreads it anyway. So my New Year's Resolution is to blog more again. I'm grateful to Emily and Ken for being the two best co-bloggers anyone could ask for, but they shouldn't be having all the fun.