It's not that there's no one specifically that I'd like to fuck off this week, it's just that I find there are times in life when it's best to keep your yap shut. So I will. But that doesn't mean you have to. Take it away.
Posted by Emily at January 26, 2007 07:34 AM | TrackBack (0) | Category: The FFOT 2007In a continuing theme:
Ivan Drago and his robotic blonde wife from Rocky IV can FUCK OFF. Seriously: do you think you can actually beat the Italian Stallion?
Gimme a freakin' break.
Posted by: sheila at January 26, 2007 08:10 AMThe people who smirk when I tell them I pulled a groin muscle can FOAD.
(Shaddap, Ken!)
Posted by: Julie at January 26, 2007 08:12 AMI wanted to stay in bed and read a book today. Work can FUCK THE FUCK OFF. Speaking of work, so can the idiot that sits next to me. What a fucking moron. He can fuck off as well.
Posted by: Curious Feller at January 26, 2007 08:27 AMPeople who use public forums to push personal agendas can FUCK OFF AND DIE.
'Nuff said. Emily is right, there are times when it is best to zip the lips. But I had to post this one. They know who they are....and they will burn in Hell.
Posted by: The_Real_JeffS at January 26, 2007 08:57 AMI agree with the Feller: work can FTFO. Damn it all, why why WHY do I need their dirty money?f
Posted by: Shannon at January 26, 2007 09:13 AMPeople who set business meetings anytime after 3 pm on a Friday can FUCK THE FUCK OFF WITH FUCKING NOBS ON. Come noon on Fridays. Im already planning my fucking weekends, numbnuts, the last thing I want to do is sit through some stupid ass boring fucking meeting where the time oozes forward.
Some non-smokers can FUCK THE FUCK OFF, specifically those that have quit. Its not that theyve quit smoking, its that theyve quit BUYING THEIR OWN FUCKING CIGARETTES and thus are constantly begging for smokes from people WHO BUY THEIR OWN CIGARETTES, thus, they can FUCK THE FUCK OFF. Cheapass, mooching smoking-non-smoking bastards.
And yes, I agree with those above: WORK CAN FUCK THE FUCK TO FUCKING FUCK OFF.
Posted by: Val Prieto at January 26, 2007 09:44 AMDumb ass New York lobbyists who haven't grasped the concept of fucking time zones can fuck the fuck off. You are calling my office at 6:00 am you fucking moron! You are just fucking lucky I even pick up the phone and answer your questions. Don't you even DARE try to bully me into giving you the answer you want. No means no and if you can't accept that then Fuck Off! You think I'm just some little local push over? Think again JACK ASS!!
Thank you so much for letting me get that one off my chest!
Posted by: nancy at January 26, 2007 09:48 AMVal,
I saw a cartoon in the New Yorker once.
It showed a vendor's cart in Manhattan, with half a dozen people standing around smoking a cigarette. The name on the cart's awning was "Just One Puff".
I always thought that would make a great business-- selling single cigarettes on the street in front of busy office buildings!
Julie
Posted by: Julie at January 26, 2007 09:50 AMVal, I second you on the meetings! My boss, who is actually a pretty good guy, has an annoying habit of calling members of staff in to his office to talk about stuff at around 11:30 or so. My boss is the most long winded guy you'd ever meet. You are in his office for hours. Right during lunch time for normal people. Some of my coworkers have almost fainted!
Posted by: nancy at January 26, 2007 09:53 AMPeople who hit you up in bars for cigarettes because "they only smoke when they drink" can fuck off, too. If you "only smoke when you drink," then how about you buy yourself your own fucking pack of cigarettes before you hit the pubs? Asshole. I am not a vending machine.
Posted by: Emily at January 26, 2007 09:53 AMHahahahaha you told Ivan Drago to FO!
Tommy Gunn, you ungrateful jackass, flip off. (Even though your movie never happened.) Brian Dennehy's sheriff from First Blood can flip off, and PLEASE take David Caruso with you. CSI:Miami sucks. Wesley Snipes and that preposterous blond job, FOAD. John Lithgow and Rutger Hauer; and Armand Assante's bad guy from Judge Dredd. (That whole movie can FOADWKO, now that I think of it.)
Screw you all for messing with Sly Stallone.
Posted by: Nightfly at January 26, 2007 10:11 AMNF,
Have you seen that clip on Youtube that everybody's been linking to, the David Caruso speak-pause-put on sunglasses-then finish the sentence montage? It's abso-friggin'-lutely hilarious.
I'd like it if I fucked off as I'm pretty goddamn sick of me.
Oh. And movies with French dudes playing Scots can fuck off, too.
In fact, bad Scottish accents can fuck off as I have a bad feeling we'll be joined at the bar tonight by a guy who thinks no gathering is complete without him breaking out his comical Scottish accent.
Posted by: marc at January 26, 2007 10:38 AMBullies--all kinds of bullies, be they office bullies (yes, you stiletto-wearing, do-nothing hag-vampire busybody, I mean you), cyberbullies (knock it off, you obsessive, passive-aggressive SIL* and stop haranguing my mom), or school bullies (there's a nod to my past triggered by visiting my nephew's school last night)--can all fuck off.
*I need to qualify this: People who are ordinarily lovely people but get irrationally insecure and feel they have to make my mom cry can fuck the fuck off. (And parents who screw up their kids so they get this way can majorly fuck off.) Lingering awkwardness among family members can fuck off, too.
And on a lighter note--drivers who don't get the whole "yield" concept can Fuck Off with Turn Signals. What makes you think you can 'squeeze' into a line of oncoming cars during rush hour? You're driving a fucking gargantuan Suburban Assault Vehicle fer cryin' out loud!
I love it when I'm so tired the vulgarity flows at a much freer rate than usual.
Posted by: Kate P at January 26, 2007 11:07 AMEmily - thatnks for the Youtube link on Caruso. It WAS friggin' hilarious! The sunglasses KILL me! Was he that annoying on NYPD Blue...does anyone remember?
Either way, the IRS can fuck off with bells on! I just found out yesterday that they gave us an extra day to file our taxes. I am a CPA...this is NOT good news for ME. So IRS...fuck the fuck off!
Posted by: Shannon C. at January 26, 2007 11:12 AMJudge Dredd!? Fugly fake futuristic movie costumes can fuck off. Good grief.
Posted by: Kate P at January 26, 2007 11:13 AMShannon:
Was he that annoying on NYPD Blue...does anyone remember?Yes and Yes Posted by: Ken S, Fifth String on the Banjo of Life at January 26, 2007 11:17 AM
Shannon,
I only watched "NYPD Blue" on occassion, but he was nowhere NEAR as annoying on that show. Unless the bleak recollections of Denis Franz's ass are obscuring my memory.
I guess my biggest irritation this week is people who couldn't find their bums with both hands.
I had a student ask me to photocopy the lab exercise for her this week because she hadn't bought her lab book yet. Why? Her financial aid check hadn't come in.
This is, like, a $10 book.
The woman standing in front of me is wearing new jeans of a brand far more expensive than I'd ever buy, and a nice new-looking fashionable winter coat. She has a cell phone with her. And she can't cough up $10 for a lab book. So she wants me to run my sick, coughing ass down two floors to the photocopier to make a copy of the lab she knew she was supposed to have by class time?
I don't THINK so.
Someday I am going to snap and make some kind of crack like, "Oh, and next time you go to the loo, do you want me to come in and wipe you, too?"
Oh, and this cold can eff off. I'm through with sounding like one of Marge Simpson's chain-smoking sisters. I'm through with having to stop and do my "Camille" act in front of classes (coughing fit with my handkerchief pressed to my mouth). I'm through with sucking on "herbal cough drops" that taste like sick.
Posted by: ricki at January 26, 2007 11:20 AMNightfly,
I swear, I almost did my entire FTFO today on CSI: Miami and Carusso. It's not just Mr. Redhead over-emoting wanker that pisses me off. Its the that whole neon lit, flashy to the point of gaudiness, fast paced the whole city of Miami is high on cocaine bullshit depiction of my city that gets me. And what's with the Hummers? The real Miami CSI guys drive either those butt ugly narc sedans or freaken bulky vans. oh, and all the "cubans" have mexican accents when they speak Spanish.
Yeah. CSI:Miami can FUCK THE FUCK OFF WITH DNA PROVEN NOBS ON.
Posted by: Val Prieto at January 26, 2007 11:53 AMI will add my own sentiments that work can indeed FTFO. We just found out that two of the most non-useless folks around here are leaving in the next 6 months.
Oh, and in honor of Clam Day, TC and pals can FTFO. In fact, they can FOAD with knobs. And then be run over with steamshovels.
Posted by: caltechgirl at January 26, 2007 12:29 PMHehehehe, I hit a nerve with Caruso and CSI:M.
When I get home I have to get to that montage. It sounds hilarious - can't spare the time now, alas.
I don't remember him as that annoying on NYPD Blue for a few reasons. First, his acting hadn't cemented into shtick; second, a stronger show with better supporting cast; third, he made the brilliant decision to cut out after year one, so we couldn't turn on him. But now we CAN turn on him and it's oh so sweet.
Speaking of which, how does John Kelly get to live while Sipowitz loses two partners, a wife, and a kid? Steven Bochco can FOAD.
Posted by: Nightfly at January 26, 2007 12:39 PMJust a quick link for everyone who's interest we've piqued that hasn't seen the Caruso video. It's HERE. Don't miss it.
Posted by: Emily at January 26, 2007 12:47 PMNightfly - Seriously excellent question! I don't remember Caruso being as annoying on NYPD Blue (maybe for the reasons you suggested, or maybe he just wasn't memorable for me), but if anyone deserved to die, it was John Kelly...NOT Bobby or Danny or the wife and kid!
Posted by: Shannon C. at January 26, 2007 01:07 PMSipowitz--I remember wondering, how many bad things can happen to one person? When that happens on a show I call it "Party of Five Syndrome." Anyone ever keep track of all the stuff that happened to THAT family? I think "ER" caught it in season 3 and it just baffled me how people could keep watching the same characters get steamrolled over and over. . . without contemplating their karma or anything (e.g. unplanned pregnancy, something wrong with unplanned pregnancy, in the meantime your brother gets shot and your apartment goes up in flames. Once you get through all that, your best friend gets cancer, your father develops dementia, and your cat gets psoriasis. Just you wait till Sweeps, my pretty).
Posted by: Kate P at January 26, 2007 01:38 PMKate,
One thing that drives me absolutely nuts is when shows like "Party of Five" are hailed for their "realism." Um, no, actually, it is in aboslutely no fucking way realistic for a family's life to suck that much. Simply swinging a 180 degree opposite of sugar-coated generic family sit-com to mega-drama "who's getting fucked sideways with cancer and a car wreck this week?" doesn't make something pragmatic or authentic. It's like when that movie Kids came out about ten years ago or so, and everyone was congratulating its gritty, true-to-life observations of urban, sexually-active twelve year olds getting sloshed on school nights and swapping AIDS. I kept hearing about how wonderfully honest that movie was. Give me a break. I bet more twelve-year-olds ride to school in chauffeured cars than live like the kids in that movie. Degeneration, sickness and tragedy may be a part of real life, but they are generally only a small part of it, not representative.
I have a few FTFO's but seeing as I actually said them outloud to the people they pertain to (it felt good, but definitely not worth it in the end sadly), I'll refrain from repeating them.
So I will just second everyone elses and hope y'all had a better week than I did. :-(
Posted by: Alli at January 26, 2007 02:35 PMWell, Kate has nailed it. Normalcy doesn't sell advertising. That's why we get the shallow ends of the bell curve - either the pre-pubescent crack dealer skanks or the unutterable snobs. (I was going to say, the trailer trash or Paris Hilton, but there's no difference there save the size of the trailer.)
Posted by: Nightfly at January 26, 2007 02:35 PMAlli,
It's over...welcome to Friday. Hopefully, next week is better!
Nightfly,
It's not even normalcy necessarily that I'm expecting. I don't have a problem with dramas like "Party of Five," as cheesy as they may be. It just irks me when they're praised as being realistic just because bad shit happens to people on the show. Yes, shit happens in life, but not every five seconds. That, and it's almost laughable the way that characters are confronted with problems. One of them will succumb to alcoholism, learn a valuable lesson after getting in a drunk driving accident and overcome their addiction over the course of like two episodes, which is about as far from reality as you can get. It's absurd.
See now Caruso is one of the big reasons I don't watch CSI Miami. Why on earth would anyone watch that show when there is a perfectly good CSI New York on? Because Gary Sinise is the anti-Caruso
Posted by: nancy at January 26, 2007 04:42 PMNancy, to the detriment of CSI:NY, Sinise is not the anti-Caruso. He studied at least some from Caruso for that show, or at least the writers did. I don't watch Miami, but I still like NY and think it would be better if they'd lay off the Miami overtones.
From Kate:
Sipowitz--I remember wondering, how many bad things can happen to one person?It's simple karma. Sipowicz, whose ass Emily has rightly dissed, got far above his rightful station in babes. It was bound to turn on him.
That said, I have no specific FO yet this week because it's not yet Friday for me.
Posted by: Ken S, Fifth String on the Banjo of Life at January 26, 2007 06:16 PMLOL "rightful station in babes"? The Friday FO Thread is so educational for me!!!!
Posted by: Kate P at January 26, 2007 07:30 PMP.S. Alli, here's hoping things can only improve from here for you.
Posted by: Kate P at January 26, 2007 07:33 PMThanks Kate. :-) Hopefully by midweek things'll pick up.
Oh I do have a FO: When someone leaves you a note saying "URGENT"... getting back to them before you go home for the WEEKEND would be nice. Especially if you leave at NOON!!! Seriously. I NEED to get some of this crap done, and since you're the one it hinges on... you're KILLING ME here. Urgh.
Posted by: Alli at January 26, 2007 07:59 PMFUCK OFF EVERYBODY! I REALLY LIKE TO SAY THIS. FUCK OFF SHIT-ASSES! HOORAY!!! CHOLO
Posted by: Fr. Morse at January 29, 2007 12:35 PMCholo,
How much money would it take to bribe you to go away and never come back?