it comes in pints?

Plagiarizers can flip off. I found a paper yesterday that was totally copied off the Web - but not copied from any of the sites the author claimed he had used as reference. (Hint to people who would plagiarize: don't steal stuff that sounds smarter than you normally write.)

I mean, seriously, dude: you wasted your time and mine. You got a big fat 0 for the assignment. You are lucky I don't take you to the Academic Council and get your fanny booted. This is the second time you've taken this class and the second time you've tried a stunt like this.

Also - the fact that you specifically tried to DECEIVE me, by going to sites you didn't reference and stealing from them - well, that just pisses me off more. Do you seriously think that I'll overlook all the complex unexplained jargon (jargon I DO NOT KNOW MYSELF)? Do you think I'll accept that you're suddenly writing at a postgraduate level, when your essay-responses on exams have been marginally high-school?

Do you think I don't know how to type in a suspicious sounding phrase to Google?

I hate that students do this - my campus doesn't subscribe to TurnItIn (not that we should HAVE to; students shouldn't plagiarize) - because it means that to fulfill the feeling I have of needing to be fair, I have to run Google checks on all the student papers.

So, flip off for stealing a couple hours of my life. Oh, and don't come asking me for a recommendation for a job. You really don't want me writing you one.

Oh, and a big, super, triple-axel flip-off to the people who try to make the contorted claim that plagiarism "isn't wrong" because either so many students do it, or because grades are "meaningless anyway," or because people work collaboratively in the "real world."

No, no, and no. When you are asked to do research and LEARN about a topic and SUMMARIZE information from a variety of sources and SYNTHESIZE it and write it up IN YOUR OWN WORDS, it is NOT the same thing when you go to damn Wikipedia or somewhere and just print out what they say. That's more like, in the corporate world, the boss stealing an underling's good idea and never giving the underling credit.

I don't care what any "relative morality" creep says, plagiarizing an assignment - ESPECIALLY one you were given well over a month to do - is WRONG.

Oh, and people who think Wikipedia is a "good" academic resource can flip off. Wikipedia is good for getting a quick definition of something, or for researching some episode of the Simpsons that aired six years ago. But it is TOO DAMN FULL of errors and people-changing-stuff because they can for it to be anything like trustworthy.

And, for freak's sake, you're in COLLEGE. You should be able to find a better resource than Wikipedia. We have a whole blessed library with scientific journals and real books and stuff. Using Wikipedia - that's just lazy.

Ricki,
When I was in college, a widely accessible internet was still kind of in its infancy and really was more crap than anything remotely useful, especially so in an academic sense. I'm surprised more schools don't have rules about only using "official" sites for research. We did. I cannot believe someone would actually use Wikipedia for those reasons. Like you said, it's useful. Yeah, when I want to read the short version of Pete Townshend's biography for amusement. Not when I need to learn something important, historical, scientific, or otherwise.

What gets me is, I specifically stated in the assignment "DO NOT USE 'GENERAL ENCYCLOPEDIA' SITES LIKE WIKIPEDIA" and still two people did it. (And yes, they lost points)

I guess following instructions, like academic honesty, is something that's dispensable these days.

(Incidentally, some schools - I want to say Bennington - have banned Wikipedia from being used as a resource for research papers.)

And these are people in college. Jeez. It's a simple enough instruction that shouldn't have to be pointed out in the first place, when you think about it. It really ought to be common sense, especially at a university level. I could go right now and modify an entry I like however I please, at least until someone catches me and I get banned and have to get a new username and password under a bogus freeware e-mail account and do the same thing all over again. I could write that Julius Caesar was Prime Minister of Great Britain during World War I and it would sit there like a matter of FACT for hours until someon caught it. What kind of idiot would trust a site like that?

Wikipedia was in the news this morning for reporting that Sinbad (the comedian) was dead.
He's not; he's very much alive, but appreciative of all the condolences.

And Emily, I wholeheartedly agree with you about owners of expensive cars. I used to jokingly ask the rhetorical question, "Do you have to BE an asshole to own a Lexus, or do you BECOME one after you own it?"
Then a friend and I came up with the answer:
It's an option. The Asshole Option, on all Lexus's, new and used.
:-)

Just to change things up, my FFO will be a haiku:

Water falls from sky
Drivers Panic! Traffic jams!
Learn to drive, assholes.

"The Asshole Option." Hahahaha. "Yes, I'll take the tinted windows, leather interior and the asshole option." Kind of like Borat's "pussy magnet."

Christ on a candy cane!

Using Wiki for references? Wow. That's like using Cliffs Notes or the Encyclopaedia Brittanica. Wrong. I finished undergrad in 1993, but web resources were widely available during grad school. However we were only allowed to use journals and actual BOOKS.

How infuriating that must be to read someone's 10th grade musings and incomplete sentences on an exam and then read some pedantic crap (worse, not one's own pedantic crap) in a research paper and be expected to smile and grade it.

How DO you grade it?

Funny song--a parody on a Jackson Browne song?

Ricki, I fear for that student's future (and ultimately the future of anyone near him wherever he ends up, for that matter). Emily, some colleges are starting to outright BAN Wikipedia as a source. Library science students get all the dish. :)

My next door neighbor can fuck off for revealing this week that I've been living next to an "uninhabitable" "fire hazard" for Lord only knows how long via the Code Violation signs the building inspector posted on his door the other night. Thanks a lot, jagoff, for the weirdo screaming woman and child who aren't on the lease, the angry drunk father of said child showing up and pounding on the door, and all the nasty snatchrattling bugs you've invited into the building the last few months. You've fucked up my kitchen and scared the hell out of me for the last time. Get your grungy belongings out and fuck the fuck off.

Oh, and considering the fact that the apartment is uninhabitable--the woman who doesn't actually live there can fuck off for bringing the baby in there last night. It says do not enter and it's infested with the bugs that have been finding their way into my kitchen. No wonder the kid was crying.

And the apartment management can completely fuck off for saying, "We were wondering when people were going to start calling," when they got my call. And for having the nerve to insist that the signs aren't true and that the stupid neighbor was using the apartment as a storage unit. WTF!? Storage units don't have people watching TV and crying children in them, nor do they usually have to be required to have spoiled food removed from them. That load of BS can fuck off with grungy code-violating knobs on.

How do I grade things like the plagiarized paper?

With a red pen, making a big fat "0" on the front, and a printout of the plagiarized webpages stapled to the back, and a note that they're free to come and contest the grade with me if they disagree. But no one ever does; no one has a leg to stand on.

And then I go for a walk to get my blood pressure back down. (I'm on allergy meds that preclude drinking.)

(And I am laughing my fool head off at "asshole option." I think that comes STANDARD on the bright yellow pickup trucks several guys around here drive).

Oh my god. Yellow cars can fuck off. If it's not a taxi, it should not be fucking yellow. Period. EVER. That is just about the most offensive thing you can do to an automobile.

Maybe it's nostalgia, but I sort of miss primary colors in cars. Everything's some metallic gloss now. But that burnt orange Ghetto Special is awful, and can fuck off with twin mufflers.

"Asshole Option" is hilarious. "Thank you, sir... And will sir be upgrading with the Asshole Option this afternoon?"

"What does that entail?"

"Sir shall receive a subwoofer the size of a refrigerator, tinted windows, rims that cost more than sir's exceptional mortgage, and a sense of entitlement so large that it affects local gravity. All shall bend to sir's will - literally."

"Ummm... can I park across two parking spaces whenever I damn well please?"

"But of course. And the car will automatically switch on its high beams whenever sir tailgates."

"SIGN ME UP!"

BTW - thanks for the kind words, Kate; you are off on the source, but not by much.

Aaugh, it's Joe Jackson, then, isn't it? I always get those two mixed up.

Big fugly trucks definitely have that asshole option--2 parking spaces, easily--and don't forget the "zero in on the little sedans' bumpers so you can ride them" feature.

I suspect there's not a whole lot of satisfaction in that for you either, Ricki. But at least it silences them and the good guys win. Like you said, it's a waste of your time and theirs. If someone is going to waste a fucklotta time pasting together a big lie, why not put together a real paper?

(And Xenon headlights come with the burnt orange baby diaper car, no?)

Nightfly,
If you ever suggest that yellow cars are nothing less that the trasport of choice for the Earthbound minions of Satan, I will ban you from this site FOREVER.

YELLOW CARS ARE EVIL AND SO ARE THE PEOPLE WHO DRIVE THEM.

MULLETED ASSHOLES IN ALOHA SHIRTS FROM WALGREENS AND DIESEL DUALIE PICKUPS WITH DEER LIGHTS AND 22" BEAT RIMS AND JESUS FISH HAMMERED TO THEIR TAIL ENDS AND "CROWN OF THORNS" LICENSE PLATE FRAMES AND BUMPER STICKERS THAT SAY "LIVE LIKE GOD IS IN THE ROOM" WHO DON'T REALIZE THAT THE STATE OF NEW MEXICO COULD FIT IN THEIR HILLBILLY FUCKING BLINDSPOT NOT TO MENTION TWO OTHER CARS AND WHO THROW THEIR CIGARETTE BUTTS OUT OF THE WINDOW AND WHO DRIVE LIKE NO ONE ELSE IS ON I-10 WITH THEM CAN FUCK OFF.

THAT RUSTYFUCK ALMOST DROVE MY ASS AND ONE OTHER PERSON OFF I-10 THIS MORNING WHEN HE FAILED TO RUSTYFUCKING YIELD. BUT I SUPPOSE WHEN YOU DRIVE A CAR COVERED IN PHONY CHRISTIAN CRAP YOU ARE EXEMPTED FROM BASIC FUCKING DECENCY? AND YOU CAN THROW YOUR FUCKING CIGARETTE BUTTS OUT BECAUSE PEOPLE WHO ACTUALLY BELONG TO THE FUCKING CHURCH WHO HAS ADOPTED THAT FUCKING PATCH OF I-10 WILL FUCKING COME ALONG AND SCRAPE THAT SHIT UP ON A SATURDAY YOU FUCKING LOW RENT PIECE OF ASSPIE?!

FUCK OFF YOU PHONY MULLETED TURD.

Hey! I have a really cool co-worker who happens to drive a yellow Mustang. Although she IS our front desk person so there must be a hint of evil there. Job requirement.

Get 'em Susanna! "Live like God is in the room"? But apparently God is not anywhere near the highway?

Asspie. I LOVE that word.

Kate,
A person can be cool and evil at the same time. Like Hannibal Lecter. I bet he drove a yellow car.

Yeah, a yellow car with human skin seats. Ew!

Hahaha. And a pair of kidneys dangling from the rear view mirror.

Or actual testicles (as the Cake song "Race Car Ya-Yas" suggests fuzzy dice represent). Oh, double ew.

And...oh, I hesitate to go here, but....

Hannibal Lecture would never need to buy a set of "truck nuts" to hang from the trailer hitch of his yellow pickup...

And if he drove a four-on-the-floor stick, the gearshift knob would be a REAL skull. (or at least a kneecap; maybe a skull's a bit big).

(Actually....people with truck nuts can flip off. I'm glad I don't have little kids; I'm not sure how I'd respond to questions of "What are THOSE, mommy?")

"Lecter" dammit not "Lecture."

"Hannibal Lecture" is when you want to skin that a-hole who sits in the back row of your class and makes irritating comments...

I loved the Hannibal Lecture in World Civ Class.

The MSM "reporters" that covered the story on fidel castro being well enough to run in this year's "elections" in Cuba can FUCK THE FUCK OFF LIKE THE FUCKING COMMIE FUCKING PINKO BASTARD MOTHERFUCKERS THAT THEY ARE. First, there's no such fucking thing as a fuicking "election" in Cuba, you fuckfarts, and second, if fidel castro were well enough to run for "president" in a few months time, dont you think he'd be well enough to make the FUCKING ANNOUNCEMENT ON HIS FUCKING OWN? FUCKING THE FUCK OFF IS WAY TOO GOOD FOR YOU FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING MEMBERS OF THE SELF-ANOINTED FUCKWAD PRESS MOTHERFUCKERS. So, not only may you FUCK THE FUCK OFF, BUT FUCK THE FUCK OFF WITH BLEEDING, PAINFUL, BURNING AND INFLAMED FUCKING HEMORHOIDS THE SIZE OF FUCKING BASKETBALLS YOU MOTHER FUCKING MOTHERLESS FUCKS.

And while Im fucking at it, communists, socialist, Marxist, fidelistas, etal can FUCK THE FUCK OFF AS WELL YOU FUCKING GENOCIDAL HYPOCRITICAL FUCK BASTARD MOTHERFUCKING SONS OF FUCKING BASTARD MOTHERFUCKING SMUG FUCKING BULLSHIT ARTIST MOTHERFUCKERS.

(Oh - I guess that would be one of those comments.)

Emily - we'll call a truce. Nice bright reds and blues, happy kelly greens, even pumpkin orange (not darker metallic orange, and certainly not with 4000 watt headlamps). No yellow. (Though I still think they didn't stick out so much when all of the cars were like that. And white cars - I see far fewer of those now.)

Kate - yep, the tune is "Sunday Papers."

Susanna - yeah, I love the cig butt out the window. We get that around here. What, your car is too nice and shiny to get the ashtray dirty? They aren't that hard to empty out into a trash can when you get home. Unless the Mulletteers don't have ashtrays because they rusted out and fell through the hole in the floorboard.

Oh, and the COMIE FUCKING BASTARD MOTHERFUCKER THAT KEEPS ADDING MY EMAIL ADDRESS TOP TRUTHOUT, ANSWER.ORG AND COPDE PINK CAN GO FUCK HIMSELF, HERSELF OR WHATEVER FUCKING FUCKED UP SEXUAL FUCKING GENDER YOU ARE, YOU FUCKING PLAGUE OF THE EARTH MOTHERFUCKING COWARD FUCKS. PREY TO GOD I NEVER FIND OUT WHO YOU ARE FOR YOU WILL MOST CERTAINLY MEET HIM ON THAT FUCKING DAY.

"Fuckfarts."

Hahahaha.

"PREY TO GOD"

Freudian slip, Val?

Freudian slip, Val?

LOL Emily. I guess it was.

Val, what is MSM (besides the old Miami Sound Machine)?

Julie,

MainStream Media.

Oh, sweet Lord, Val. So eloquent. Such poetry.

I don't know about this truck, 'Fly... it had some bondo patches on it. And presumably some deer scent/urine/blood on it, too. And excuse me, but when I drove up next to this guy to get a closer look at him (which I couldn't really since his truck had a 14" lift), he looked like a Class-A creep. I shudder to think what a blue light might pick up in the cab of that thing. And what kind of periodicals chronicalling the adventures of underage girls he had crammed into the floorboards.

But you're right - truck's too good for a cigarette butt. Leave those for the church kids to pick up.

This whip's co-piloted by Jeebus!

Having the worlds latest spring break in history can fuck off. All my friends are on break this week or were on the week before, but not me. Until the 26th. Su-ucks. :-(

The weather can fuck off too. IT was 77 degrees here on Tuesday. And by Wed night... it was snowing. That shit is just WRONG.

(havn't been around much, the asshole option is hilarious!!!)

The construction on ONE of TWO main east-west arteries in my town can flip the hell off.

All of the traffic is rerouted onto the other artery (because one of the two is under construction and is only open to "local" traffic, like the people that live off of it - and it would truly suck to be them right now). They have re-timed all the stoplights to try and account for this.

BUT THEY DID IT WRONG.

I sat at a red light for - I am not kidding - TEN FRICKING MINUTES this noon. And the light wasn't TURNING red as I pulled up to it, it HAD BEEN red for a while. There was a string of perhaps 10 cars ahead of me. And there developed a string of 20 or more after me.

There is NOTHING in this town - commercial business wise - that is worth waiting 10 minutes at a red light for. (I had gone to buy gas and was on my way back home).

I wound up peeling out the wrong way - made a u-ey on the street I was waiting on - and went home a very roundabout way. (So the light could still be red, for all I know).

This construction is predicted to last for six months, which means, given the way contractors work in this state, it will either

a. take sixteen months
or
b. be done before the six-month limit but will be found to have been done improperly, making the road unsafe, and requiring it to be closed for an additional year while the contractor's balls-ups are fixed.

Road construction, eff off!

Fuck difficult decisions.

Oh, and Hannibal Lecter would never drive a yellow car. He had far too much class for that.

He wouldn't drive a frickin' beemer either. Probably a Bentley. If he did drive a German import, it would be a very stately Mercedes sedan.

Alli - snowing here, too, if by "snow" one means "icy sleet that sticks on contact like bubble gum in your hair."

And you know that everyone on their way home is going to be double-cranky and four times as impatient. Curses will fly; horns will sound; jackasses will speed and swerve; bumpers will meet.

A pre-emptive flip off to all the lousy drivers who think that "weather" is just a preposition, and who will turn this commute into Krazy Go-Kart Bumper Kars.

I have a friend who drives a yellow SUV. You'd think that she would be instantly recognizeable. But no. Because another friend ALSO has a yellow SUV. Two of them. I'm sorry but yellow SUV's should only be driven by lifeguards.

Ahem. Now then. FUCK OFF to ridiculous levels of security that make no fucking sense! I went through a metal detector at the courthouse yesterday. I kept getting rejected. Guess what set the fucking thing off? My ladies wristwatch! Guess what courtfucks, I'm not going take out the justices with my Timex. Fuck that was annoying. I don't mind security, but use some brains when you do it. Because that metal detector was manned solely by an older woman about five foot four and 135 pounds. Has it occured to anyone that the most sensitive equipment in the world ain't going to protect you from the insane fuckroid who mows down your security team?

And I got a phone call while I was writing this. A big three piece suit fuck off to legislators who try to use our office for political witch hunts. We're not playing assnuts.

A major FUCK THE FUCK OFF to the last hour of the workweek on Friday afternoon. It's the longest fucking hour of my fucking life every fucking motherfucking week.

I'd like to tell myself to fuck off for joining the Junior League about two hundred years ago thinking it was a good idea to involve myself in the community in a charitable organization and a good way to meet people and a great way to immerse my way in a new city as a transfer when I moved.

Every year I pay dues and fines and more dues and rummage quotas and more fines for not meeting my hours and meet some people who aren't as engaging as the cigarette butt that mullet-headed phony Christian and probable pedophile threw out the window of his deer urine and shit-stain diesel dualie powered by Jeebus. And yet I continue to do it because I figure the money will go to the charities because I have sat on the board and I know that there are little to no admin costs and all of the money goes to the charities.

Yeah, so I can fuck off. Because I will probably do it again next year. Because it's a "good thing" to do.

YELLOW CARS ARE EVIL AND SO ARE THE PEOPLE WHO DRIVE THEM.

The '69 and '70 Mustang Mach 1 had a gorgeous yellow with black racing stripes. The Super Bee and Hemi 'Cuda had a similar paint job. Certain cars demand certain paint jobs. I've never had anything against yellow cars, but have never found it very good on anything except Mustangs and old Super Bees and 'Cudas.

Allergies can FTFO with Claritin knobs on.

To the neverending sleet beating against my windows--fuck off! I can't stand the crackling noise anymore. "Lousy Smarch. . ."

For once I can't tell my office to fuck off for not closing when the weather's bad b/c they closed the office early (and not just by 15 minutes). But I did hesitate to get on the road for the reasons Nightfly gave earlier. I was about 10 yards from my apartment's parking lot and I thought the stupid BMW (Mercedes? It was older and I don't know cars) in front of me was never going to stop fishtailing enough to get through the intersection!

Man, cigarette butts pitched out the window make me mad. All I can equate them with is countless reports brush fires in Jersey, all summer long. Several years ago I went to a poetry reading in New Hope and one of the women got up and read a poem inspired by all the brush fires--the first line was "Hey, Smoker Dude. . ." I wish she had published it; it rocked!

FTFO to the NIH. The electronic grant system was designed by some fuckwad twatwaffle who can't find his own ass with both hands and a fucking flashlight because his goddamned head is already jammed up there so fucking tight.

Oh, and speaking of stupid fucking college students, FTFO to MY students again.

No, I will NOT reteach something because you are too stoopid to get it the first time. Yes, your grade WILL reflect your inadequacy. No I will not coddle you. I will not set you up for failure when you get to the real world. If you can't fucking handle that, what the holy blue fuck makes you think you can make it as a doctor? There are some GODDAMNED GOOD REASONS why it is HARD to get into Med School. Like you know, because being a doctor is HARD.

I am not the motherfucking bad guy here. They are the motherfucking idiots.

Oh, and for the record when I tell you that your homework this week should have been easy for you because it was 7th grade math, I sure as fuck am NOT being condescending. I'm just telling you truth. It's a 7th grade math problem. If you can't fucking do 5 simple ALGEBRA problems in 24 hours, I think maybe it's time to reassess your fucking goals in life, huh?

Fuck off to my homebuilder and the supervisor, neither of whom wouldn't know which end of the boot to pour piss out of, hence we will NOT be moving into our fucking house next fuck off Friday because there's a fuckulating power box in ankle-grabbing driveway.

Here's my list:

FUCK the FUCKITY FUCKFUCK OFF to the YELLOW (read: evil) PINE POLLEN that is EVerywhere -- my car, my walkway, my hair... STOP IT. You're PINE trees. You don't need to procreate here. We have enough of you -- that's why they call it the "piney woods". So, GO THE FUCK AWAY.

And while we're at it, FUCK THE FUCK OFF to allergies in general, and specifically to whatever causes my rosacea to bust out all over my face this time of year. I look like I have zits.

FUCK OFF with gouda cheese (also yellow) to the SUV drivers who are so plentiful here in Stepford, I mean Woodlands. YOU DON'T OWN THE FUCKING ROAD, or the parking lot, for that matter. In the mornings, you start those humongous engines to take Precious the whole what, mile if that, to school. At work, the parking space next to me had PLENTY of space in it when I arrived, but when I came out, one of your gas-wasting, carbon- monoxide spewing, goliath overgrown VW Fucking Van On Steroids was not only over "the line", but your door knocked off my side view mirror, which had been carefully taped on with Gorilla Tape Which Only Sticks To My Fingers and Itself (but that's another post). All the way home you Texas Style Imperial Walkers cut in front of me so I can't see traffic ahead. Studies have proven that your gas hog is NOT safer than regular cars, so TRIM DOWN, BUDDY! And Fuck Off With Gorilla Tape.

And finally, FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK YAHOO for losing a file I *saved*. Hello? Comprende "saved"? It means it should BE SOMEWHERE, but it's not. So Fuck you and the horse you rode in on, Yahoo.

OK, I feel better and can enjoy my evening. :-)

FUCK THE FUCK OFF TO MY IDIOTIC STOOPID STUDENTS THAT THINK IT IS FUNNY TO TELL ME TO FUCK OFF AS THEY LEAVE THE CLASSROOM BECAUSE YOU'RE SMART ASS GOT INTO "IN SCHOOL DETENTION".

Don't you realize that you need me so that you could actually GRADUATE high school?

ALSO FUCK THE FUCK OFF TO THE TOTAL FUCKWAD SHITPILE [INSERT DEITY HERE]-DAMNED RETARD THAT WROTE ME A "FUCK YOU" ON MY FUCKING CLASS DOOR WITH A FUCKING PERMANENT BLACK MARKER. God help me if I ever catch you doing it again you FUCKING CRUSTY SHIT-TARD, for I will be arrested for killing a minor. Man up and tell me how much you "enjoy" my class for once... I know that it is probably the FUCKING TWATWAD that actually told me where to go, but just in case it isn't...

FUCK OFF TO STUDENTS THAT PROMISE THAT THEY WILL COME AFTER SCHOOL RIGHT AT THE BELL AND TOTALLY BLOW ME OFF! I totally hate that as does my darling wife...AS IF WE DON'T HAVE LIVES OUR FUCKING SELVES. I CAN'T BE HERE ONLY FOR YOU ALL THE FUCKING TIME!

FUCK STOOOOPID CHICKLITS THAT CAN'T PAY FUCKING ATTENTION TO PEOPLE COMING AT THEM ON A BIKE. WHEN I COME AT YOU TELLING YOU TO WATCH OUT, DON'T FUCKING GET IN MY FUCKING WAY! I CAN'T FUCKING DODGE YOU AND THE FUCKING TREE AT THE SAME FUCKING TIME! I AM NOT SORRY FOR THE BIG FUCKING BRUISE THAT WILL EVENTUALLY ERUPT ON YOUR SIDE. IN FACT I KIND OF HOPE THAT YOU PEE BLOOD AFTER THAT. I GET FUCKING HURT TOO WHEN I FALL AFTER DODGING THE TREE AND FUCKING HITTING YOUR SORRY LAZY GOOD FOR NOTHING (BUT MAKING BABIES) ASS.

Fuck DST. I totally hate it! That is all that I have to say about that.

Oh, by the way, I didn't have a good week, how can you tell... Everyone else, have a great weekend! Thank you for letting me vent.

that's my husband (GMT). I love him so much! And yes, he kisses me with that mouth :-)

Waitresses who are visibly antsy over the possibility that I am costing them tip money by sitting at a sports bar watching basketball with friends, waitresses who come by our table and remind us that if we aren't ordering, we'll need to vacate the table.

Lady, between us, we're ordering each ordering overpriced Newcastles every half hour. Do the math...between the beers and the wings and the burgers, our table is spending 30-40 bucks an hour, and we're planning on camping all afternoon, spending that much every hour. Do the math, between us, you got about 8 bucks an hour in tips off our table by the time I tapped out after 7 hours...coulda been more, but I thought it a bit discourteous....

Fuck the fuck off, please.

Tommy,
"we're ordering each ordering overpriced Newcastles every half hour"

Something tells me they're working.

And GMT, welcome. We've adored your wife for ages around these parts. You must be pretty awesome if a chick that cool marched down the aisle next to you.

And to think we came for the atmosphere....

Well, I'm late, had a long day, and a longer week....

First of all, a hearty FUCK OFF to myself, for reasons to remain unknown. I deserve it, and that's enough said.

Now....

Career Army officers who got where they are by locking their lips to some general's ass, and pretty much avoided learning to being a LEADER and SOLDIER can FUCK THE FUCKING FUCKITY FUCK OFF AND FUCKING WELL DIE IN A FUCKING FIRE OF FUCKING FLAMING FUEL.

Asshats like the character I am thinking of should be supervising garbage removal contracts or inspecting spent brass to make sure there's no live ammo. DON'T FUCKING WELL PASS YOURSELF OFF AS PATTON'S FUCKING CLONE, YOU FUCKED UP FOUL PIECE OF SLIMY ASSPIE!!!!! I've known sergeants who can outdo your ass staggering drunk and puking from bad booze.

People can die when you are a clueless fucking fool who depends on subordinates to make themselves look good. The job isn't done well, and people get pissed on for your vanity. Better that you resign and flip burgers as some hamburger stand in the middle of North Dakota.

Whilst I'm at it, a most sincere FUCK OFF AND DIE WITH RUSTY CHEESE KNOBS to government employees who treat their jobs as entitlements, and perform their duties in a half-assed, unprofessional manner. Doing the minimum necessary work until retirement IS NOT REPEAT UNDERSCORE AND CAPITALIZE NOT PROFESSIONAL. It's called "coasting", and I'll do everything in my very minute area of influence to make your FUCKED UP FUCKING JOKE OF A FUCKING JOB ABSOLUTELY FUCKING MISERABLE, YOU LOWLIFE HEAPING PILE OF STEAMING CAMEL DUNG.

By being sure that you actually work for a living. I resent being lumped in with the lazy shitheads in government service. FUCK ALL OF YOU LAZY TWATWAFFLES AND THE FUCKING HORSES YOU FUCKING RODE IN FROM THE FUCKING RANGE WITH CHEESE SPRINKLES, SPREADING YOUR SMELLY HORSESHIT ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE LIKE THE CLUELESS ASSHAT THAT YOU ARE

Thank you. Have a nice weekend.

caltechgirl, ricki, thank you for teaching. I used to resent those research papers in college (this was pre-INTERNET, hell, pre-personal computers), but after a while, I realized that knowing the subject is as equally important as being able to research the subject, and develop my own conclusions.

It was a painful process, but my teachers made sure that I knew how to find answers through references, investigations, and original thinking.

It's a skill that I use in my job, even unto today. Your students, those that bother to listen, will benefit magnificently from your efforts, although it make take them a few years to realize it.

Them that don't listen? Well, the world will benefit from you when you don't let them off easy. I've known quite a few people who graduated in spite of not learning anything in school, and they are, invariably, the hardest people to work with, let alone for. I admit to dropping out of my postgraduate studies when I realized that I wasn't cut out for that sort of thing. I've never regretted not completing my masters....it would have been false.

And I know of what I speak. When I hit Officer's Basic Course in 1979, one lieutenant, a commissioned officer in the Army and a genuine graduate of New York College, read at the FIFTH GRADE LEVEL. He couldn't pass a test because he couldn't read, comprehend, and answer the questions fast enough. One test, 30 questions on basic road design (watered down to the cookbook level) took the class, on the average, an hour to complete, and the vast majority passed it. This particular lieutenant had answered maybe 3 questions by then....all of them wrong.

Yet this poor creature was allowed to graduate from college, and was commissioned as well. You could see the confusion on his face: "Why are you making me take these tests? I never had to before!"

Cutting to the end, he flunked basic, blew off a remedial reading course arranged for him, and eventually was discharged. Result: a bitter man who viewed himself as a victim, and (in his view) unfairly deprived of a military career. (He was not deprived, though, it was a very good decision......putting that kid on active duty would have been even worse.)

And so, I offer my FFOT comment: All those people who accept the pay for being a teacher, but only mark time in the classroom, FUCK OFF YOU MISERABLE, SELFISH ASSWIPES.

And a heartfelt thank you to the genuine teachers in our midst.

Grand Moff Trojan, that was outstanding for a FFOT rookie!

And BTW, FUCK THE FUCK OFF TO PEOPLE WHO TURN WHAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN A 15 MINUTE MEETING INTO A 90 MINUTE ENDURATHON WITH CRAP ABOUT CONTROL CHARTS AND STATISTICS ON A FUCKING FRIDAY AFTERNOON. IT COULD HAVE WAITED UNTIL MONDAY GODDAMMIT!

I would like to add my $0.02 to this FFOT, late as it might be.

For the second time in 3 weeks, some (indvidual) tailgated me, then went roaring around me, and cut me off, just to get to the CLEARLY VISIBLE stopped traffic ahead. They did this to save that one critical second that clearly made a huge difference.

I hope both these characters break down on I-5 about a mile north of Kettleman City at noon on July 4. For those not familiar with that part of California, let's just say "at least it is a dry heat".

Oh well, when I got tailgated tonight by a Mercedes, I found myself asking, "Would Sir like the asshole option", and I started to laugh. Thanks Julie for giving me a means to make jerks less enraging.

Mike

OK, so it's technically Saturday, but I'm guessing Val at least will appreciate this one: FUCK OFF to the asshole I saw on campus today. Not only was he wearing a Che shirt, oh no - it was a Che shirt emblazoned with the slogan: "Che Guevara - Do You Even Know Who He Was?" The usual Che shirt is bad enough, but this little twit managed to bring it even lower: not only in-your-face, obnoxious and historically idiotic, but condescending as all fucking hell.

(I was tempted to stop and inform him at length that I certainly knew who Guevara "really was" but I had my toddler with me. The maturity called for by parenthood can occasionally be a real trial).

Robert J White Eyes, FUCK YOU!! Fuck all the lies you told me. Fuck the Promises you broke. Fuck off Asshole! your nothing but a motherfucking loser boy!! I hope you get back 200%+ what you have done to me. FUCKING TWAT. Ugly ass bastard anyway

To Valerie Plame, for lying about being a covert agent. She should be sentenced to spending every morning of the the rest of her life polishing Scooter Libby's shoes.