it comes in pints?

Fred Phelps should be beneath the GROUND. I would happily pay cash money to throw the switch on Ol' Sparky should that piece of filth ever happen to be strapped in it.

And Fuck Off to the culture of victimhood in all its manifestations. Rosa Brooks, who usually irritates the living shit out of me, today only irritated me a little with her obligatory Bush-Bashing. She actually has a pretty good column about the stupidity of thinking "we're all victims" in the LA Times today (registration required, I suspect).

A snip:

On Wednesday, USA Today worried about the effects of "the trauma this generation [of young people] has witnessed….The Oklahoma City bombing. Columbine. Sept. 11. The space shuttle disasters. Hurricane Katrina. And now Virginia Tech. Previous generations … had their allotment of horrors — two world wars, Vietnam … but no cohort of American youth has ever endured repeated mass catastrophes in the … 24/7 media environment."

Excuse me? More than 400,000 American soldiers died in World War II, and 58,000 died in the Vietnam War, but the Millennial Generation is uniquely traumatized because it has watched sad things on TV?

I love the counter-protesters who dress in angel costumes with giant seven foot wings and stand in circles around the Westboro asshats so that the families don't have to see them.

I love the motorcyclists who surround the military funerals to keep the Westboro Bastards away from the grieving families.

Emily,
Yep...and the Patriot Guard. Bless 'em.

Ken,
No kidding. I'm sorry, I don't want to hear about how "traumatic" the suffering is for anyone growing up in the latter half of the last century or any part of the current one. Um, did you bury most of your children as infants from now-easily curable or preventable diseases? Did you live through the plague? Grow up in a rigid society that pre-determined your fate in life for you? Suffer torture, rape, years-long wars on your soil? Anything remotely comparable? No. The news made you sad. Fuck off, you spoiled little wankers.

Emily,

I agree with all of the above wholeheartedly, especially Fred Phelps and the MSM, they can GO FUCK THEMSELVES AFTER THEYVE FUCKED THE FUCK OFF.

I have a rather personal FTFO today:

To my neighbor two doors down, the "American" old man, whom my wife and I have fed at least twice a week since we've lived at our home, the same one I personallytook to the hospital fater he'd sprained his ankle and couldnt get anyone in his family to give a shit, the one whose yards and trees I cleared up after 3 hurricanes, the one whose internet I set up, the one Ive hung out with because no one in his family gives a rats ass about, the one whom I basically said "You know, you really shouldnt blow your leaves into your neighbor's yard and who took such offense to my remark that he immediately went and cut down the offending avocado tree and then stood in front of me and called me a "Fucking Spick" and said that he was tired of all us "fucking spicks and niggers" can FUCK THE FUCK OFF AND DIE LIKE THE WRTECHED FUCKING RACIST MOTHERFUCKING BIGOT SON OF A BITCH DECREPID OLD FUCK THAT HE IS. You are not, not even nowhere near what our America is, mr Neighbor man. With your unbridled fucking racist bigotry and that lonely festering hatred that contaminates your fucking being like a fucking cancer. have fun eating canned Spam and dog food, motherfucker. Have fun fixing your house and yard after storms you bastard. have fun sitting all alone in your digusting smelly fucking house 24/7 you prick. And take the fucking plywood sheets you tie-wrapped to your chain link fence because you couldnt stand the look of this "FUCKING SPICK" any longer and shove them straight up your fucking racist ass, MOTHERFUCING FUCKRAT SON OF A BITCH MOTHERFUCKER.

Val,
I so want to kick that guy's ass. I hope you called him a fucking toothless honkey right back, except I expect your manners are too nice to retort like that.

Let me add to the list none other than the honorable Senator Harry Reid (D-NV), who openly announced that we are losing the war in Iraq.

First, Harry, you don't know that, especially you said that "We can't win as long as we follow Bush's plan", when in fact, the surge seems to be working.

Second, you sound like a child stamping his foot and screaming, "I want it NOW!" Like a lot of other congresscritters (of both parties), now that I think upon it, but you get my point.

Third....I have NEVER EVER seen an elected official so publicly denigrate and insult the military while supporting the enemy at the same time. John Kerry and his fellating of the Vietnamese in Paris has nothing on you. Nancy Pelosi and her Syrian vacation pales. You would have said much the same by simply showing your middle finger to the camera, and saying, "Eat this, troops!"

But, of course, you support the troops, so you can't do that, hmmmmmm? Slimy bastard.

So, FUCK OFF YOU BURNT SLICE OF ASSPIE. FUCK OFF WITH A WEDGE OF CHEESE UP YOUR ASS.

And I'm with you, Emily, on the fucking media. God, I am SO glad I don't watch the news on TV, it was bad enough just reading the papers and web sites. What a bunch of rating motivated collection of ghouls. FUCK YOU AND THE NEWS VAN THAT YOU RODE IN ON.

Add in the the gun lobbies (on both sides, mind you, but the anti-gunners were worse) who didn't have the decency to wait TWENTY FOUR FUCKING HOURS before pushing their schtick. Especially the congressional asshats who "had a bad week" (but somehow managed not to get shot), or submitted anti-gun bills that they didn't even understand. FUCK ALL OF YOU.

Val, you are a good neighbor. Too bad that old fart doesn't have the brains to see you for the good neighbor that you are. Good riddance to him.

And, oh, yeah.....

This "culture of victimhood" can FUCK OFF WITH A RUSTY CHAINSAW. Watching the news IS NOT A FUCKING TRAUMA EVENT.

God, for some backbone in this country.

Jeff and all of the Media Hate-ahz,
Did you see that one LiveJournal entry someone wrote on their blog? It was linked everywhere yesterday. It was a person who knew someone who was injured at VT -- it was a very touching, personal entry and in the comments, almost IMMEDIATELY, all of these messages showed up. "Hi, I am Dipshit Producer X for [insert media outlet here] and I would like for you to get in touch with me at soandso@abc/mtv/nbc.com to talk about your experience." Um, asshole? The person just did. Why don't you bloodsuckers leave them to their fucking grief and healing?

Diarrhea can fuck off.

Emily,

I was so completely stunned when those words came out of his mouth that I stood there agape. It didnt anger me as much as hurt me. ive been called plenty of things before - spick, wetback, etc...- but never by someone I considered a friend and someone Id spent a great deal of time helping. I mowed the guys fucking lawn every week, for crissakes. Maggie and I fed him at least twice a week, sometimes every day when his daughter never showed up on Sunday with a weeks worth of "food." I practically wiped his ass when he had that fucking cast on his ankle and then the guy goes and calls me a "fucking spick"?

I just swallowed hard when he said it, turned around and walked by to my home without saying a word.

Crap, Val. That breaks my heart. I'm so sorry. What a creep.

My current favorite media moment was hearing one reporter saying that signs are already popping up around the campus and town asking the media to please leave. The reporter said (basically), "But they need to understand we have a job to do here."

Yup. What they do is too fucking important, so anyone who wants to be left alone can fuck off.

Bounceback fuck off to them.

"We have a job to do."

Yeah, it's to report the fucking news, which you can do without shoving a microphone into the face of a person who's just suffered through a barely speakable fucking tragedy. AND they can report the FACTS without resorting to wild speculation and rumor until you have solid information. What a bunch of fucking turds.

I remember after the Loma Prieta quake in 1989 (the quake during the World Series), the newsreaders (anchorpeople) came and wouldn't leave. When Peter Jennings said something like "It's Day Six after the quake..." I snapped. Like the cops say, "Keep moving, keep moving... Nothing to see here." Just let people get back to normal, or some semblance of normal.
Vultures is too nice a word for them.

Julie,
The best part is when, like Marc noted, they act like they're justified, as if there were no way to report the news without resorting to sensationalism and making things out to be ten times worse than they really are for the sake of ratings.

Emily,

Re: Gen X or Y or Z or whatever is is now, "Fuck off, you spoiled little wankers."

In their defense, I have not yet seen an example of one of these kids actually being that way. It's the doltish adults who think they need it, although treating them that way, I think, does lead to very soft adults unable to cope with any problems at all.

Then again, I don't troll MySpace so it's certainly possible there are some out there whining about how they had to hear bad things.

Yes, the "woe is the suffering of The Children (tm)" crowd. Shut the hell up and stop raising kids like they're fucking Kobe beef or something.

Val,

At the risk of sounding like Mister Rogers, I'd be proud to have you as my neighbor.

But you'd have to move to Houston. :-)

Emily, I did not see that LiveJournal link, and a good thing, as I omitted a FUCK OFF to office idiots who....never mind, it's too detailed and contextual, and I'd end up practically naming names. Suffice it to say, FUCK OFF OFFICE IDIOTS.

But I was literally bouncing off the walls after that meeting. If I'd seen that LiveJournal entry, I'd have gone ballistic.

GOD, what a bunch of FUCKING losers the MSM has. Those bottom feeders are beneath contempt. BENEATH. FUCKING. CONTEMPT.

"We have a job to do." Yeah, well, FUCK YOUR JOB AND THE DISEASED CAMEL IT RODE IN ON, YOU WORTHLESS BUNCH OF BLOOD SUCKING LEPEROUS GOPHERS. I'd suggest going out and making up some news, but then, one of the mouth breathers with a reporter's badge probably would. If they haven't already.

The good news is that I get to spend the couple of days as a volunteer at a local sports event, using my hobbies for the common good. And then I'm on the road next week. I need a change.

If anyone's interested in the LiveJournal entry, it's here. The media pounced *immediately*. They got called on it several times, too.

Jeff -- I do agree that they have a job to do that is necessary. We all count on the media for information and news. It's just the way they go about it that pisses me off. Dignity, respect, honesty, those kinds of things are not something you have to omit from your professional pursuits in order to get your job done. They just do it voluntarily in pursuit of their Pulitzer or high ratings. Shitheads.

Julie - agreed. Vultures usually have enough class to wait until something's dead before they set in.

Val - that's hideous. But on the other hand, you now know why this guy's family keeps their distance. Assholery is its own reward.

My personal salute today is to the casual abuse of police privilege. It's not even so much the governor of our fine state being hurt in a crash because he wasn't belted in - I've always said that if you want to risk hurtling through your own windshield, it's your business. The thing that gets me is that he totally ignored the troopers who urged him to wear one pretty much every time they drove him anywhere. It's the attitude that the law (however silly in this case) doesn't apply to the chief executive of the state, no matter what his oath of office may state, no matter whom he swears by when he makes it.

Then there's the trooper - whose respect for the law includes going 90 miles per fucking hour so the governor can attend the public abasement of a withered husk of talk-show host. If it's that damned important, how about budgeting the necessary time to do it without endangering the lives of yourself AND the other motorists? 90 in a 65 is not a trifle in NJ - that gets any of us little people double fines and four points on our driver's record, and in turn jacks our insurance rates.

And it goes all the way to the local squad car I saw two nights ago, who came up to a red left turn light and made the turn without pause - even though the light was green for the oncoming traffic (us). Did he use his emergency lights? Heh. He didn't even use his blinker. That is your choice of one or more of the following:

39:4-81 (failure to observe traffic signal)
39:4-90 (failure to yield at intersection)
39:4-105 (failure to stop at traffic light)
39:4-115 (improper turn at traffic light)
39:4-126 (failure to give proper signal)

Congrats, officer. That's ELEVEN points total for that spectacular move - and yet you're going to haul us to the side? I respect the law and the police, and it would be nice if they could possibly do the same. This "we're better than you civilians" crap can fuck the fuck off, with tasers and spike strips.

Cripes. I glanced at that LiveJournal entry. One of the earlier comments was "no guns = no deaths".

I'm sure that will come as news to all those people who were stabbed or bludgeoned to death.

Ken,
The "guns r bad" people haven't annoyed me this week nearly as much as the "they're ought to be a law!" morons. Um, there is. More than one, actually. It's illegal to shoot people. It's illegal to bring guns to a school. It's illegal to even threaten to bring guns to a school to shoot people. It's as if people thing you can legislate the prevention of tragedy and human failures.

Val, anytime y'all want to move to NJ let me know.

That fucker can totally fuck the fuckyfuckybangbang off.

As can people who wait until the last fucking minute in your office to let you know that important clients are coming and they need you to do a ton of fucking work to prepare things and set up the fucking dog-and-pony show when I've got a ton of other shit to do can fuck the fuckyfuckybangbang off.

with toot sweets.

thanks Julie, Nightfly and Mr. B.

Val, I'm sorry you were called something so awful. And Julie, I hope you'll feel better soon.

Generally, 90-95% of what I've seen, heard, or experienced this week can fuck off. I am tired, crabby, and even less tolerant of the usual (to quote Emily) "guns r bad" posturing and academia hand-tying.

I have to send out a very special "hoity-toity" fuck off to the Lexus driving asshole who took advantage of the fact that I wasn't stopped DIRECTLY on the bumper of the car in front of me and pulled out of the Wawa parking lot without even bothering to make eye contact first. And I guess he didn't need to thank me for letting him out of the lot, b/c technically I didn't. What is it with these people who think there's some sort of hierarchy b/c their car is more expensive?

But the big flaming asspie award this week goes to my SIL's ex-husband who (along with his new wife) is nickel-and-diming his own son's child support to death. And announced a big reduction in child support via a letter 6 days after my brother and SIL got married. I just found this out and this is the only place I can talk about it. My mom would hunt the guy down and kick his ass. I cannot believe this is the same person who trumpeted his moving to PA to be with his son b/c his son was SOOO important to him. Until he met his wife, so I guess that was just a line to pick up chicks. So now, you moany stringbean, you begrudgingly let him spend time with you, then report his behavior and let your wife project all these problems onto him (OCD? No, blondie, YOU had that as a child). Don't use your difficulties starting a new family to punish your ex--I know we were all aggravated with 2 unexpected pregnancies in a row while they weren't married but she and my brother worked it out and have a good marriage now WHICH BY THE WAY PROVIDES A STABLE HOME FOR YOUR SON and he LOVES his stepdad. If you're reducing your support to save for treatments or adoption, pay for the child you already have first and consult a financial planner about the rest. But whatever the reason, fuck off. You used to emote about how I felt like a sister to you and if this is how you treat family, stay the fuck away from me.

Jeff -- I do agree that they have a job to do that is necessary. We all count on the media for information and news. It's just the way they go about it that pisses me off. Dignity, respect, honesty, those kinds of things are not something you have to omit from your professional pursuits in order to get your job done. They just do it voluntarily in pursuit of their Pulitzer or high ratings. Shitheads.

Emily, no argument that the media is necessary. But the necessity for a media, as you note, takes a backseat to humanity. There are good reporters out there, I know this. But they appear to be in the minority. I'll respect the good reports, and flip off the shitheads looking for a good line on their resume.

Oh, and Jeff - "BURNT SLICE OF ASSPIE" is going into the year-end folder.

Totally, Jeff. The media seems to be of two extremes - the flippant, instrusive, insensitive side and the overly-huggie, openly weepy, it's all about your feewings (Oprah, Dr. Phil, et. al. Make me puke) bullshit.

I just read that LiveJournal entry.....God, those media vultures were blatant about it. That's simply disgusting.

Val, I'm really sorry you were treated that way by a guy you'd been so generous to. And Kate P, guys like you describe are the reason fathers have such a bad reputation.

I wanted to say those separately. I'll get my own FO up in a moment.

BUAWHAHAHAHA! Thanks, Emily, it's nice to know that I contributed something to the Friday Fuck Off Folder™!

I'm part of the media, and so I command myself to fuck off and die. I don't write vulture stories; my stuff is all fluff. But we all share the guilt. Besides, I sorta like knobby cheese.

As for Fred "Jesus loathes you, this I know" Phelps, he may be beneath your FO radar, but he's not mine. (Apologies if the excessively religious tone to follow is off-putting to anyone.)

Listen up, you! Yeah, you, with the picket sign and the cheap suit and the stink of piety hanging about you like a flies around a week-dead walleye. Who the hell do you think you are?

Yeah, yeah, I know. You're Fred-by-God-Phelps. You're a solid-gold, two-hundred-proof preacher of the word of God, aren't you? You've got a voice that shakes the earth, and a King James too big for ordinary mortal men to thump. You've never lain with a man as with a woman, and you've never coveted thy neighbor's wife's ass, and you've never bowed down to a graven image. Well, congratu-fucking-lations.

You HAVE beaten your kids with mattock handles, and you HAVE forced them to sell candy door-to-door to support your sorry holy ass, and you HAVE starved them and overexercised them and made them more afraid of you than of hell. And every time you open your mouth to say "Thus saith the Lord," you take the name of the Lord thy god in vain.

I know you'll never see it, because I wouldn't let you in my home if you were sterilized and sealed in plastic, but on the wall by my front door is a crucifix, a cross with a man hanging on it. He's got nails in his hands and feet, and on his head is a crown of thorns. And NOWHERE ON THAT FIGURE DO I SEE YOUR GODDAMN COPYRIGHT!

That's Jesus, fella, the real McCoy. Not the name you throw out like a mantra while you're shouting in the faces of soldiers who died for a country you despise. No, that's the Jesus who told the woman to go and sin no more, who replaced the cut-off ear of a soldier who came to arrest Him, who went as a lamb to the slaughter out of love for... sinners. Sinners like me, and homosexuals, and fornicators, and journalists, and soldiers, and communists, and abortionists, and even double-puckered unwiped assholes like you. He didn't die so that you could use His name as a bludgeon or an outlet for your bile. He died for sinners, AND HE DIDN'T ASK YOUR FUCKING PERMISSION!

And when He comes back (as I believe He will), and he asks what you've done unto the least of these His brethren, what will you say? "Well, I shouted at them, and spit on them, and gloated at the thought of them burning in hell. I twisted the knife in the backs of soldiers' families, and I consigned their children to the flames, and I made your name a stench in the nostrils of the world. Ain't you proud of me, Jesus? Now let me in this minute, before I get my posse together and picket the Pearly Gates!"

No, you won't, big man. You'll do like the rest of us, and kneel and weep for your own sins. And there won't be a goddamn thing you can do about it. You won't be able to bluff your way into heaven with sound and fury. Nothing will matter on that day but your own humility. And I'm sorry, Fred, but I don't think you can manage that.

A better Christian than me would be praying for your conversion and hoping too see you in heaven. But I'm not that good. I can't bring myself to love you as myself. Hell, I can't manage to love you as I would an ass pimple. And I don't have lungs strong enough to adequately shout...

FUCK YOU!

Jeff,
It's almost as if they've completely forgotten that they're dealing with actual, you know, PEOPLE and stuff. With real FEELINGS and emotions that are fucking SUFFERING. My first major in college was journalism and I quit that shit after dealing with one too many of the types that think journalism is the most noble pursuit a person can undertake and therefore the ends justify the means, no matter how many people they hurt in the process. Like you said, there are decent journalists out there, people who really risk their lives and deserve respect, but they seem to bee too few and too far between.

Speaking of which, the asshole that wrote the bogus article on the company my father works for in the March issue of Vanity Fair can fuck off, as can any other journalist who thinks it's okay to basically LIE in order to make someone or something look bad because YOU falsely perceive it as sinister. Fuckwads.

I just got an e-mail from one of our I.T. people warning us about possible phishing sites related to what happened at VT. Those phishers can FTFO, big time.

Yeah, Kate. And the Clams can fuck off for immediately jumping on the opportunity to promote the pet cause of their fucked up cult.

I wonder sometimes if Phelps has any love at all for Christ... he doesn't seem to love anyone else who lays down his life for his friends. And I seriously think that, to be that rigid and cramped in one's soul is already Hell. If the love of God can somehow peek through one of the last remaining slivers of space, if he could breathe free air for just an instant, it may make all the difference.

I don't know. I'm not naturally inclined to be any nicer about it than you, Joel. But I also know that there have been instants where I've been that furiously miserable - ON PURPOSE - crying until I choke myself, so insane with rage at whatever it is that I feel fevered and nauseated. I once hauled a baseball bat outside the house and attacked a tree - beat the thing until my hands were cracked and swollen, and then kept going. That's insane enough, but the evil of it is that, in my deepest heart, at that moment I wanted to be the tree.

To be like that on the inside forever is too bitter to contemplate, and I can't help but pity the bastard for what he's done to himself, even if I have no pity for what he's done to everyone around him. That's the fruit of his internal landscape. It's all he has to spread to others. If God's love can rescue even him from that prison, if he could, like Scrooge, feel that gratitude and that freedom, and turn into the best master the old town had known, even for a short time... Well, that would be something worth seeing.

Until then, he and his odious protests can fuck off.

In any case, Nightfly, I think he's going to be heartily surprised at which direction the escalator takes him when he finally, mercifully the sake of the rest of us, meets old St. Pete.

And Tom Cruise, with all the PR bullshit he's shovelling everywhere about "helping" 9/11 workers with that totally, utterly bogus "detox" program his Clams have concocted - which has been DENOUNCED by a ton of authorities - can fuck off and DIE. You flipping, braindead idiot.

And I seriously think that, to be that rigid and cramped in one's soul is already Hell. If the love of God can somehow peek through one of the last remaining slivers of space, if he could breathe free air for just an instant, it may make all the difference.

You've been reading Lewis' The Great Divorce again, haven't you? :)

There are so many FUCK OFFS! that I would like to put out today, it has been one of the most difficult weeks in a long time. To the anti-gun crew, the media, Val's asshole neighbor, my EMPLOYERS for so many reasons other than my job, the clams, the people who are dicking us around about the fucking house we are trying to buy, my landlords for kicking us out because they want to move back in, did I mention my fucking employers? The fucking shitsacks. Oh and the snotnose who called in a bomb threat here yesterday. He/she can fuck the fuck off too with smelly, rotten cheese-covered knobs.

And especially stupid motherfucking students who are so wrapped up in theor own fucked up pathetic asses that they can't read. The word "everyone" includes you too motherfucker, or do you think you are that fucking special? And yes, you pathetic pigsnot waste of my time, if you DO BADLY ON A PLACEMENT EXAM, you WILL be placed in a lower level class. I don't give a fucking SHIT what fucking classes you took before. I don't care that you've exceded your university's requirements for math and english. You are coming to me to prepare you for graduate or professional school, then you had goddamn better LISTEN to me when I tell you what you need. CLEARLY you didn't do too fucking well on your own the first time, did you, or you wouldn't be coming to ME, would you? Get a fucking grip. Then grow the fuck up and get a fucking clue you little douchebag moron. No one is going to hold your hand. If that is what the fuck you want, then go somewhere the fuck else.

Heheheheheh... not recently, as I've shared at the Hive, but yes, now that you mention it, I seem to have internalized it pretty well. =P

Heck, you even have Ken to give you a Scots accent a la George MacDonald. (I always picture Sean Connery when I read the book, for good or ill.)

Emily, I just looked up the article in VF, and I'm with you. Those guys can fuck off with crusty knobs. I gave up in disgust when I got to the part about 9/11. It actually reminds me of the Protocols of Zion.

Sometimes my profession embarrasses me. Okay, most of the time.

Joel,
I actually had to stop reading shortly into it. I just tore it out and mailed it to my dad. I can barely believe how many fucking LIES and retarded leaps of logic are in that article. The imply SAIC is some kind of "stealth operation" because they don't advertise. Why would a fucking company that manufactures missiles and space lasers fucking advertise? Who do you think buys this shit? Their offices have big signs on them. I've been fucking inside of them. Then they carry on about we should all be frightened at how many of their employees have high security clearances. Um, who the fucking fuck of a fucking fuckity person would you have designing missiles, you stupid fucking moron?!?!

And don't even get me started on the irony of the magazine that has more pages of adverts for diamond-studded Bvlgari watches and $500 Hugo Boss t-shirts than actual content writing an article about a supposed sinister, greedy corporation - and in the Hollywood issue, of all fucking places! How do they think movies get made? On carbon credits and UN grants? Right. Who's their target audience? It ain't the fucking poor and disenfranchized, that's for bloody sure. As I wrote in the note to my dad that I sent with the article, you'd think a magazine called Vanity Fair wouldn't have such a hard time taking a look in the mirror.

Joel, I'm not religious but that Phelps-bashing ROCKED!

Tragedy brings out the best and the worst in people. We've seen the best (the heroic prof who used his body to save his students) and the worst (too many subhuman examples to list). Unfortunately, the subhumans always seem to overwhelm the heroes. (Mark my words: in a year or so, someone will come up with "VT: The Musical" ... "It's like Les Miz meets Rent!")

So all I can say is, the subhumans can FOAD.
Long live the heroes.

"Why would a fucking company that manufactures missiles and space lasers fucking advertise?"

Because I want one?

John,
Hahahaha. I'll see if my dad can't get one for you. A company as sinister as SAIC probably gives them away as Christmas bonuses.

Woah...so they thought a lot of people having high security clearances is disturbing? That kind of ignorance takes effort. I mean, you'd have to wake up each morning with no other goal but to be ignorant. That must have taken some serious training.

Oh, and on thread, fuck off to those whose bad habits get assigned to me as well. My turn signal is not on because I do not intend to turn. I don't care that no one uses their turn signal when they turn; mine's off because I'm going straight through this intersection. Please observe this fact before turning in front of me or, as more often happens, almost right into me. And then take that dirty look you give and cram it in your ear, then tear off your ear and cram that up your butt after eating Indian food.

Marc,
This is how that part of the article read, cut and pasted and anotated by me:

Its anonymous [so anonymous it has the letters "SAIC" right on the front of it] glass-and-steel Washington office—a gleaming corporate box like any other—lies in northern Virginia, not far from the headquarters of the C.I.A. [not far from CIA headquarters! That must mean they're practically the same thing! For fucks sake, I live "not too far" from a McDonalds. Does that make me a hamburger?], whose byways it knows quite well. (More than half of SAIC's employees have security clearances.) SAIC has been awarded more individual government contracts than any other private company in America [and? Would you feel better if it were Wal-Mart or Safeway or something?]

The article's here, if anyone's interested, but remember to read it with a grain of salt because most of it is horseshit (the part about them being sued by all these former employees - I know the details of most of those lawsuits and they're all frivilous, like it never occured to the author of that article to check into that. One of them is a woman that they kept on the payroll for YEARS, despite the fact that she did ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Not a thing...and then finally let her go because they couldn't afford to keep her on anymore. She thanked them by suing them).

Oh, and I should mention that SAIC is not a publicly traded company, but it's an employee-owned company.

A big corporation with lots of money has a lot of people -- include ex-employees -- suing it? Shit.

I can't read the article. I'm too scared to follow any link to VF for fear that I might stumble on some of Wolcott's writing that will blow my mind.

I have a copy if you'd rather I e-mail it, Marc. It's actually worse than Emily describes it.

Another thing I want to point out, if only to help exonerate the poor guy they implied was up to some kind of sexual misadventures with some of the employees - I didn't read that far, but my dad told me about it. Aparently, there's something in the article about one of their higher-ups - a guy my dad has known and worked with for 20 years - taking some of the younger male employees to his sail boat...implying that they were molested under the threat of losing their job or something. The thing is, this guy regularly held staff meetings on Saturday mornings and thought it would be nice, instead of all of them being stuck in a stuffy office on a Saturday, to hold the meetings on his sail boat. Which he did. With the entire staff present, not just one or two guys.

Joel,

The FTFO to Phelps was magnificent, and you didnt even need that many CAPS!

Thanks, Val! From the master, that's the highest compliment I could have hoped for. :)

Dittos on your comment, Joel.

My shout-out goes to those things that pop up on computers to say that there are new updates available and I need to get them RIGHT NOW. There is nothing I could possibly, POSSIBLY be doing that is more important than dealing with those damn things. As soon as I think I have the Windows thing turned off, here comes Java.

If I want your damn update I'll ask for it.

To Harry "Tokyo Rose" Reid, for calling for our surrender.

To Harry "Tokyo Rose" Reid, for calling for our surrender.

I second that one, with knobs, cheese and a big yellow stripe.

And another big Fuck Off to Harry "Lord Haw Haw" Reid for denouncing the Supreme Court for upholding a law he voted for.

WTF? SAIC is an evil corporation now? I've dealt with it before, including in Kuwait. It does good work.

Besides, what happened to Halliburton and its subsidiary, KBR? It's no longer any fun to bash them?

Fucking idiots.

fuck off to the assholes playing poker that continually get lucky when they make stupid plays. Fuck you, I've taken a lot of time and effort to learn how the game is supposed to be played only to have you hit a two fucking outer on the goddamned river and take a monster pot that should be mine.

Fuck off to stupid clients. That's all I can really say about that one, ethically.

Fuck off to dipshit bosses who don't have the sense to recognize that a first year associate is over his head on half the shit he's doing and literally making it up as he goes and has more shit piled on his desk than he knows what to do with and then only to be yelled at for not getting shit done. Fuck off, I so desperately need a new gig.

Fuck off to sore necks caused by the aforementioned asshole bosses.

Fuck off to 14 hour days for shit pay.

Fuck off to writer's block and the fact that the only time I come up with stuff for the story I'm working on is when I'm about to walk into court.

Fuck off to all the presidential candidates who have actually gone and got myspace pages. Really? I mean, seriously, guys, you're running for president of the united fucking states of america, not class fucking president. And an additional fuck off with knobs to myspace for actually rotating through the candidates on their "cool new people" section.

And yeah, fuck off to me for caving a while back and setting up a myspace page.

Sinus infections that run for three weeks with fever and chills and are resistant to three types of antibiotics can fuck off.

Texas oak pollen and mold can fuck off.

But Val's crusty neighbor can fuck off the most. That's sickening.

I want to mail the contents of my sinuses to him. On a warmed slice of asspie.

(I had a sinus ENT procedure on Fri, hence I slept through FFOT.)