You disgust me. Cheer down.

Nope. Won't do it. Even you couldn't kill this buzz, Summers.

Fuck off and die painfully you cocksucking assholes who used to own our house. What, did you fucking think that I would have to suffer through a weekend with NO power and NO water. Did you think I would be as rude to PWP as I have been to you? OH FUCK NO. I was sweet as pie to the lady on the phone AND she made sure we will be turned back on today. Not Tuesday like you ballbags wanted.

See, you are condescending ignorant pricks. She was a nice person.

Get the fuck out of my life and suffocate in your own misery you classless fucknuggets.

Hey, keep up the buzz, Emily! :-D

Back O/T......empire builders can FUCK OFF AND DIE WITH KNOB ENCRUSTED RUSTY CROWBARS ON A DARK AND STORMY NIGHT. Those sort of pricks are the ones who remind me that while there is no "I" in "TEAM", there is certainly "ME".

Y'all have a nice weekend!

90 degree weather can fuck off. I'm not ready for it and I hate leaving the cat in an apartment with no AC while I'm slaving at work.

And jaywalkers!? During rush hour you cross at the intersection, on the fucking green, or fuck off. And an automatic fuck-off to people who drag their toddlers across busy streets. You're scaring me. This week has been particularly rife with 'em in my area.

Thank God the weekend's coming. I'm looking forward to having some of that happy stuff Emily's got!

Found over at McCabe's place, this guy can totally fuck off. What a moron. Suing a restaurant because his dumbass son drives drunk and gets himself killed. Yep. It's THEIR fault because they had the nerve to serve him booze. It's a towing company's fault for not getting a stalled vehicle out of the way at competitive speed. Don't their drivers know they're supposed to work quickly in case some careless, drunken jackass talking on his phone wants to come speeding down the highway? Where in the hell is Dean Hancock's sense of dignity and personal responsibility? What a creep.

Also named in that lawsuit was the driver of the stalled car.

Money-grubbing pig.

Yeah, Ken. I mean, really. It makes me almost not feel bad for the guy for losing his son. This is just outrageous.

I nominate him for the 2007 Cleopatra awards. He's pretty deep in de Nile, no?

What a fucking jackhole. Sod off you worthless piece of crap.

people that move to South Florida from who knows where, live here a year or so and proceed to bash my city can heartlity and fully FUCK THE FUCK OFF, WITH METAL FUCKING SHAVINGS. You have to have some gall to move to a city and bring your negative attitude along with you and then have the audacity to point at others who have done the exact same thing and blame it on "Oh well, we live in South Florida." To those folks all I can say is FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING WHINY LITTLE FUCKING BITCHES. If you dont like Miami, GET THE FUCK OUT, believe me, we dont need you and there are oplenty of fucking people that would gladly live here and not be some dour little DIVA, complaining about everything and anything. Miami isnt the only place with crime. It isnt the only place with taxes and expensive houses. And it certainly isnt the only place with rude people. And, if you little fucking whiny divas would leave fucking South beach every once ina while, you would learn the reality of this wonderful city of mine: most of the biggest PRICKS are people like you, who moved here for whatever reason other than settling donw to build a hiome and a community. Miami is not SDouth beach and I can assure you, South beach aint Miami. So go FUCK YOURSELVES AND THAT SHIT ASS FUCKING CITY OR TOWN YOU CAME FROM WHERE YOU LEARNED THAT SHITTY FUCKING BEHAVIOR. ASSFUCKS.

Val,
About ten years ago, it was really fashionable for people living in L.A. to complain about how much they hated it. It pissed me off. Like you said; if you hate it here so much, then FUCKING LEAVE.

Another group of people that can fuck off - people who have never been here and take everything they judge L.A. by from television programs and then trash the whole city based on a handful of ill-behaved celebrities (who account for approximately 0.05% of people who live and work in Hollywood) and episodes of "Baywatch." If you have never been here, never spent time here and think the whole city is non-stop Beach Blanket Bingo, fuck off. We've got three world-class art museums, symphonies, ballet, opera, theater, ethnic enclaves from every country in the world, great food and a hell of a lot more interesting things besides Hollywood Boulevard and Disneyland. Just because YOU are too ignorant to be bothered to find that out before judging the entire city doesn't make US the uncultured louts. That's YOU, buddy.

Off topic...but did you know today is Towel Day? No one told me, I didn't know until the IT guy came in to work wearing a 42 t-shirt and carrying a towel.

Well, I didn't bring a towel, but I am wearing a jersey I had personalized with the number "42."

People who cause other people I know to cancel lunch plans can fuck off. What's with all this work bullshit?

Don't their bosses know that they were going to buy me pizza?

Sounds like somebody needs their priorities straightened out.

Other than that, I can't think of a thing in the world to bitch about. I should probably mark this one down on the calendar.

Seattle people can fuck off and die, with fish-scented Starbucks-saturated highfalutin'-gourmet-cheese-encrusted knobs on. Who the FUCK invited your weenie asses over to this side of the mountains anyway?

It's Memorial Day weekend. Hallele-fucking-lujah. That means about a million of you dipshits will be taking over the town, swarming over the pass like ants onto a dead possum. Well, this is a holiday weekend here, too, and we'd enjoy it a hell of a lot more if you weren't here.

Yeah, I'm talking to you, shit-for-brains roaring into town in a Jeep that Daddy bought you. You think it's cute to flip me a finger as you cut me off at the stoplight? You think I should be impressed with how buff you look in a muddy swimsuit? You think I should stay the fuck off the street I LIVE ON because you and your swill-buddies want to get to the dunes a couple of minutes faster?

I got disappointing news for you, fucklehead. I've seen a mohawk before (like, back when I was high school), and I'm not impressed by the vast array of metal thingies you have hanging out of your body. And all your fucking bling is just glaring the sun in my eyes. (The sun: that's what that big yellow thing in the sky is. Chances are you've only ever seen it on TV.)

I know you think eastern Washington is nothing but your fucking playground, and we're all just the hired help. But hard as it may be to believe, WE LIVE HERE, dickweeds! Those are OUR dunes you're running your sand toys through (that cost more than all three of my vehicles put together). Those are OUR stores where you're hassling the clerk because she has nicer tits than your math teacher and bitching about not having forty thousand different soy additives for your fucking latte! It's COFFEE, you fucking cry-baby! Just drink it and stay awake!

And quit tossing your shit out of the back of Daddy's jeep on the sidewalks (or on my windshield, fuck you very much)! See that garbage can over there within upwind pissing distance of where you're stopped? I fucking paid for that with my taxes, and it wasn't so candy-ass city boys could snicker at how cute it is while leaving their messes behind for us. The people you see on the sidewalk aren't the fucking janitors, you brain-damaged vaginaclots!

Yes, I've seen Seattle, and I'm not impressed. I lived there about the time you were whelped, and I came back here for a reason, because it was spawning useless short-bus-rejects like you faster than I could avoid them! The next time one of you smog-addled sphincters laughs at my cowboy hat (which isn't even a cowboy hat, it's an Akubra, but you wouldn't know the difference, because they don't fucking sell them at Eddie Bauer), I'm going to shove that eyebrow ring so far up your ass you'll have to clean it with Pepsodent!

I may just look like another inbred hick to you, fuckhead, but you're looking to get your Coastie ass kicked from here to the top of Snoqualmie pass. And I'm wearing the boots that can do it.

My hair can fuck off.
If I use hotrollers and roll them so it curls under, it curls up instead.
If I use hotrollers and curl them up, it curls sideways.
So, apparently my hair is dyslexic.

And if I don't use hotrollers, I look like Paula Poundstone.

I can't win.

So, FOAD, hair. Britney had it right.

Have a great weekend, y'all.

Allergies can fuck the snot off!! Whose fucking bright idea was it to invent sneezing, cougling, runny noses in the first place? Pollen can kiss my sniveling, sneezing, runny, snotty, and red fucking ass!

Emily can fuck off.

And so can the Wings. Come on, the fucking ducks? After that fucking start? WTF.

And Sunday, give up a goal in the last minute and lose in OT. WTF.

Joel,
Basically, ALL city people who vacation in small towns and mistreat the folks who live there or act like population numbers are porportionate to IQ levels of its citizens can fuck off.

Emily, I've never been to LA, but my wife spent her early years there. I didn't realize how funny L.A. Story was until I watched it with her, and she got all the inside jokes I didn't understand.

I agree with you: People who bitch about where they live can fuck off and die in a stationary position. Leave or shut the fuck up. There are a milion places in the world, so why do you have to stay where you are and make it suck for everybody else around you?

Hahahaha, Aaron. I won't rub it in.

Okay, maybe I will just a little.

Joel,
Around that time I was talking about, bumper stickers starting cropping up that said "IF YOU HATE L.A. SO MUCH THEN PLEASE LEAVE AND TAKE A MILLION OF YOUR BEST FRIENDS WITH YOU." I soooo wanted one of those.

There are a lot of jokes in L.A. Story that you'd kind of miss if you've never spent a fair amount of time here. Like when Steve Martin goes to visit his next door neighbor and he gets in his car and DRIVES there. He just pulls up about eight feet or something. It's hilarious. It would have taken him less time to walk from his door to hers, but he drove anyway.

I didn't think L.A. was nice at all, Emily, until a friend of mine moved out there about--gosh, can it be 4 years already? He LOVES living there. In fact I think his answer to any problem is, "Come to California." I am tempted to visit!

I remember the Lakers played the Blazers in the championships right about the time of the Rodney King hooraw, and signs sprouted up around Portland that said, "Beat L.A. - the police do."

If you ever do, Kate, make sure to give me a shout!

Joel - oh my goodness, that is hilarious. That kind of reminds me of a joke everyone threw around Coloradoin the Rockies' early days. A kid was in family court because his parents were fighting over custody and the judge asked him if he wanted to live with his mom and his dad and he answered "neither. They both beat me." So the judge asks him who he does want to live with and he says "The Rockies. They never beat anybody."

Around that time I was talking about, bumper stickers starting cropping up that said "IF YOU HATE L.A. SO MUCH THEN PLEASE LEAVE AND TAKE A MILLION OF YOUR BEST FRIENDS WITH YOU." I soooo wanted one of those.

Apparently a lot of people did that in the 80s, and went to Oregon, which didn't go over well with the locals. I bought a truck with California plates when I lived in Portland, and I've never gotten so much raw hostility from strangers. I got more fingers than I could count, kept finding soggy garbage in the back, and one asshole actually tried to run me off the on-ramp on the freeway. I lost no time getting the plates changed, and it all stopped.

People who are nasty to Californians for moving north can fuck off as well. If they came here, they must like it better than wherever they left, and can you blame them? Obviously YOU like it better here, or you'd be there.

Tell you what. If they try to turn the place into an urban enclave, then we can break out the torches and pitchforks, but at least give them a chance first.

Joel,
I remember the hostility of Oregonians when I lived up in Humboldt County. They used to complain about their state being "Californicated." Screw them. It's OUR country, too, and we can travel it and settle wherever we like, douchebags. It's not like L.A. doesn't have to deal with several hundred thousand starry-eyed, naive people moving here every year and bringing their own local attitudes with them as well.

Yeah, but the other side of that is the people who go there and bitch that it's not like where they came from, or that there's something they don't like about it. Don't like it? Go back.

Oh, I would, definitely, Emily. It's more the timing than anything else--my friend's a medical writer and travels a lot, and I'm in the middle of my graduate program. But I can hardly wait to see the West Coast.

Joel, I was raised in northwest Washington, and I personally experienced the "Californication" of the I5 corridor in Oregon and Washington. This had both good and bad consequences, but on the whole, was not a real problem. And I am not nasty to people who simply move up here; after all, it's beautiful country! Why deny it to them?

OTOH, I have personally dealt with people who moved from California to "get away from it all"....and promptly tried to recreate what they left behind, because "That's the way we did it in California!"....whether that way works or not. This is not unlike Val's FFO comment. If you want things that way, why the FUCK did you move in the first place?

I mind me one family that moved from California to a fairly remote town in Idaho. They eventually moved to a slightly more urban area, but one of their major complaints was the lack of a salad bar in the local grocery store. Seriously.

I think that they picked the town off a map, instead of checking it out first. And this place IS remote, although not primitive, although I grant you that the local phone company had only recently installed a system that would handle touch tone phones (this was in 1993 or so).

So I have no problems with people who relocate (except, perhaps, for the ungodly raise in real estate prices that have resulted from this mass migration). Nope, it's a definitive FUCK OFF to people who move without thinking....and then expect everyone around them to change to suit THEIR needs. Those sort of people are usually very poor neighbors. Demanding people usually are.

Your experiences were bad.....but substitute "Seattle people" for "Californians", and you might get an idea as to where that attitude came from. This does not justify poor behavior, but it might explain it....in part, anyway.

George Lucas can fuck off for ruining my glee over Star Wars. You suck as a director, and suck as a script writer. You're still pee'd off because the writers and director of ESB not only did just fine without you, they actually IMPROVED the Star Wars story. I used to work for a museum director like you: whenever one of his staff actually began making a good reputation for themselves and actually improved the archives of the collections or applied their skill and education towards their job, HE had to find ways to spread gossip and accuse them of stealing, or put them in situations where they couldn't do what they do best, and then go to the museum board and claim the improvements for himself. Fuck you GL.

Fuck off the amnestyu and La Raza crowd. Here's a cactus spine you can slit open your genitals and drink your own blood...its what their/your 'people' did to worship their bloodthirsty gods...NONE OF WHICH HAPPENED ON TEXAS SOIL!!!! Fucking assholes.

So appropriate that the only fuck-off worthy incident of this week happened today! This goes out to the party of FOUR adults at the zoo, who were all in nominal charge of one obnoxious four-year-old child. This child, despite the presence of approximately 15,000 signs in the reptile house saying "Please do not tap on the glass as it disturbs the animals" was thwacking away at the glass and scaring the hell out of a little meerkat. Since the adults were all yakking away and doing nothing, my friend said to the kid "Please stop doing that, it's not nice to the animal." Did the kid stop? No. Did any of the FOUR authority figures suggest to the kid that maybe he should, oh, I don't know, OBEY THE ZOO RULES and stop beating the shit out of the glass? No, one of the women GRABBED BOTH OF MY FRIEND'S ARMS and screamed at her that "YOU DO NOT TELL MY CHILD WHAT TO DO!"

Fuck off, lady. I hope you're proud of the little future juvenile delinquent you're proudly not raising. I can't wait until your kid starts pounding on the glass at the alligator exhibit and gets the fear of God put into him by one of those malevolent eating machines. Oh wait, you'd probably just sue the zoo, wouldn't you? And fuck you for helping to screw up what could probably be a perfectly decent kid, because HEAVEN FORFEND the dear child learn to obey rules and act like a human being and not a troll. After all, don't the rest of us realize he's YOUR CHILD?

I'm no fan of people who try to butt in on a parent/child relationship.

But of course that presumes that THE GODDAMN PARENTS ARE RIDING HERD ON THEIR GODDAMN KIDS AND MAKING SURE THEY BEHAVE LIKE CIVILIZED HUMAN BEINGS AND FOLLOW THE GODDAMN RULES, SO FUCK OFF TO THOSE PARENTS FROM ME TOO!

And rock on, Sonetka.

Oh, and since I haven't actually put one in yet, my own personal fuck off:

FUCK OFF to making my peeps work on a fucking holiday weekend. Bad enough I have to be there but that's what I get paid for. I HATE, HATE, HATE pulling my ace chemist in on a fucking holiday weekend. The boy I don't feel quite so bad about since he's a young buck without dependents and welcomes OT, but I hate pulling my main gal away from her husband and kids.

For that matter, I hate having to come in but it gotta be done.

And before anyone asks, yes, my boss will be in too. I doubt anyone at corporate will, unless it's to poke us with long-distance sticks.

To the backers of inmigracion ilegal in Congress and their two and a half trillion dollar amnesty bill. No amnesty for illegals, no amnesty for appeaseniks.

To Los Estados Unidos de Mexico, for causing this illegal immigration mess by ranking even lower than France on the Index of Economic Freedom.

Thanks, Ken - I'm not a fan of it either, really (especially considering the number of people who have tried to "alert me" to the fact that my son has a noticeable eye condition, because I totally never noticed over the course of the last two years!). However, my friend is really not the drive-by parent type - this kid was just flagrantly pounding away and for all his family reacted he could have been in an alternative dimension. THAT was what was so infuriating - they couldn't spare five seconds to tell their kid "Don't do that" but they could commit what was technically assault on someone who told him not to do something flagrantly against the rules.

And you have my sympathies for being forced to work on the long weekend. I used to work for a place like that, and it was pretty much the ne plus ultra of the "Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves" model of business. I hope corporate has to move their picnics indoors due to rain :).

Thanks, Ken - I'm not a fan of it either, really (especially considering the number of people who have tried to "alert me" to the fact that my son has a noticeable eye condition, because I totally never noticed over the course of the last two years!). However, my friend is really not the drive-by parent type - this kid was just flagrantly pounding away and for all his family reacted he could have been in an alternative dimension. THAT was what was so infuriating - they couldn't spare five seconds to tell their kid "Don't do that" but they could commit what was technically assault on someone who told him not to do something flagrantly against the rules.

And you have my sympathies for being forced to work on the long weekend. I used to work for a place like that, and it was pretty much the ne plus ultra of the "Beatings Will Continue Until Morale Improves" model of business. I hope corporate has to move their picnics indoors due to rain :).

(Just got back into town. So I'm a little late).

1. Rosie O'Donnell can flip the flipping flippy flip off, with a double back-flip and lots of cheese. Yeah, yeah, I know, she resigned or whatever the hell - but she's a major irritant and she makes me embarrassed to have two X chromosomes.

(If she's a "woman," can I refer to myself as a "lady," just to put a little distance in there?)

Rosie, I don't know when you went off your meds - but please, get back on them.

2. This is two the two rude fratboy wannabees I ate lunch with on the train today:

Eff. Off. with extreme prejudice.

The one - single - only waiter working the whole dining car is not placed there solely for your amusement and service. If you had looked past your own gin-blossomed noses, you would have seen that there were about 30 other people waiting for their lunch. It was not funny or cute or clever that you harangued him and told him you wanted to order off the dinner menu. When he told you "no, that's not possible, I'm sorry," the first time, that should have been sufficient. You did not need to stop him and ask him the same question three other times.

It was also not necessary to keep demanding your cheesecake. He was getting it when he could. Trust me - I ate two other meals under his service; he's a good waiter and is doing his level best.

Also, it was NOT cute, you holding up your empty glasses and shaking them at him as he raced up and down the aisle with OTHER PEOPLE'S LUNCHES, making the "Drinky! Now!" gesture. Grow a little patience, boys. That man worked harder than you likely ever will.

(The fact that he was Black and you were white was also not lost on me. If any of the way you treated him was related in part to that fact, shame on you.)

Oh, and if you stole the generous tip I left for him because I had to leave before you (and I sort of suspect you did), I hope your girlfriends give you crabs, scabies, and worse in your nether regions. And that they're the medication-resistant kind.

Hey Ken - how's that K________e project going? ;-)

Working weekends reeks on this end, too, but at least when I have to do it, everyone up to and including the CEO is in on it, too.

A great big steaming, flaming Fuck Off to the traders, brokers, fund managers and every other muthafucka trading in Oil futures and every other Oil trading market. You have caused the price of oil to explode. Yes you are making lots of money and you will receive a huge bonus check at year end. You will also be the first up against the wall come the revolution.