it comes in pints?

It's also the main picture on Yahoo's front page, which is my home page, which means I have to look at her rodent face every time I click "Home."

Bitch.

I am finding myself having a profound and genuine desire to see her publicly assassinated. I know it's wrong to wish death on another human being, but I seriously cannot help it. What a useless piece of trash. I'm embarrassed to share a country with that family.

Lord. Like there's nothing else going on in the world. I am so done with the news media right now.

Ricki,
No kidding. Do they think people actually want to hear this crap? In the HEADLINES? Today, I read a sentence that almost scared me because it wasn't until I saw the words strung together that it occured to me that there could ever be such a thing, that such an evil could even exist.

"Paris Hilton fans."

She has fans? What exactly are they fans of? Is it the drunken, racist, whoredom that they admire? The complete lack of intelligence? Are they hoping to catch herpes from her? Or is it the it's-cute-to-be-stupid routine? I don't get it.

It's frightening.

You just don't understand the vast cosmic significance of this story, Emily.

Bill,
I don't want to. That would probably take an enormous blow to the head that caused permanent brain damage. At least I'd still probably have a higher IQ than Pawis.

Maybe the "vast cosmic significance" is that the end of the world is nigh. Start looking out for strangely-colored horses with scary looking riders on them.

Ricki,
I've had my eyes peeled for them ever since I saw that this morning. I feel like writing the editor of every news outlet that's carrying the story like it's of any consequence whatsoever and telling them that I am boycotting their publication and its sponsors. This is just beyond absurd.

I for one couldn't sleep easily in my own bed until I knew that Paris was back in hers - whomever she decides to take with her.

I have a feeling there's a revolving door somewhere in the vicinity of it, NF. You know, for speed and ease.

Oh, ew, NF & Emily--I just ate lunch!

I hope they fumigate her former bunk for the next inmate. Otherwise that would be cruel & unusual punishment.

And I think Lisa helped me figure out why I find her looks kinda creepy. Rodentface!!!

Kate,
Fumigate it? I personally think the only civilized thing to do would be to burn it.

Well, I didn't want to cost the taxpayers too much. . . more. . .

I've been busy and haven't had time to hit the news sites. Anything important happen while I was gone?

Kate,
I was thinking more of volunteering to burn it myself. While Paris was in it.

Apparently not, Ken. I mean, Paris got out of jail, but nothing else important.

WHAT???? AND NOBODY THOUGHT TO NOTIFY ME????

Well, given how you're usually up on current affairs, I'd assumed you would have been one of the first to hear. I'm sorry. I would have sent you a breaking news alert had I known otherwise.

If the corrections department was smart, they'd sell her bunk on eBay. Probably would make back more than what it cost to house her for her short sentence.

(Seriously? Didn't she just go back in like, last Monday? At least, that's what it seems like to me. But then, unlike La Hilton, I actually work for a living, and sometimes the days do seem to fly by.)

Well, it's okay. I'd already hit my quota of anorectic skank news for this month.

Ricki,
Somebody's auctioning off her trash on eBay.

Look at how much people are bidding...300 bucks for an empty dog food can. The end truly is nigh.

Welp, I've got my supply of canned food, candles, matches, and bottled water. How soon do you think we can expect the zombie invasion?

(Or aren't zombies part of the Apocalypse? I'm kind of shaky on that...)

I thought of eBay myself. Sarcastically so, and I can see that was a wasted effort.

ricki, you forgot guns and ammo. Lots and lots of ammo. Them zombies be hard to kill, they. Gotta shoot 'em in the head.

Paris, now, shooting in the head is worthless, t'ain't nothing there to shoot. No, she'd need a stake in the heart, and then we'd have to bury her at a cross road, with her head under her knee, and her mouth stuffed full of garlic.

And finally, we'd have to nuke the site from orbit. Just to be sure.

I believe McCabe's the resident zombie expert, so we'll have to ask him.

Jeff,
Why be so extreme? We do, after all, have the technology to merely eject her into space.

What did space ever do to you?

When it comes to Paris, it doesn't matter. It's us against them. Dog eat dog. Man versus nature. Survival of the fittest. If the Earth could endure that slut for 20 + years, space shouldn't have a problem for the few minutes it will take for life to leave her body.

Emily, her head is a vaccum, ergo, she can survive in a vaccum. If we can launch her into the sun, that would be better, as nuking her from orbit will leave her component parts within our biosphere.

And that we can't have.

As long as the sun can't catch herpes, sounds like a plan.

Okay, where are the Simpsons rockets? You know the ones? Where one was bound for New Earth where they put on the Useful People (like Lisa, she was going to be the proofreader) and then the other one, where they put, ahem, Other People. (IIRC, even back then, Rosie O'Donnell was on that other rocket).

Then they launched that rocket at the sun.

I'm sure Disaster Area wouldn't mind letting us put her in one of their stunt ships.

"I was thinking more of volunteering to burn it myself. While Paris was in it."--Ha ha! Emily, I didn't want to put words in your mouth, but I thought that's what you were going to say the first time around! :)

Well, I guess that would answer this question

Ken, I told you before, the answer to the question "Is Paris Burning?" is: "Only if her herpes is acting up again". Sheesh. For a biochemist, you're pretty slow on the biology. ;-)

Yeah, well, school's been a while...