it comes in pints?

Great, you'll probably set off Ken's toenail fetish.

Do you think I should have saved it and sent it to him, Bill?

June can fuck off. It's left me a beaten dog.

Surprisingly, I haven't any for today. This week actually turned out pretty well, with several crises averted.

And it finally stopped raining. Thank God. I was seriously looking into the mods necessary to make my car into a boat-car.

Hmmmmmm.........

Puffed up, pompous, self-centered pricks, full of their self-importance and self-righteousness, who insist on incessantly whinging over minor details can FUCK THE FUCKING FUCKITY FUCKING CHEESE ENCRUSTED KNOBS FUCK OFF. We know that you ordered Item "A", but got Item "B" instead, thanks to The Great Procurement Process™. But while Item "B" is indeed several pounds heavier (it's for portable use), it's about SEVENTEEN MILLION PERCENT BETTER than the virus infected POS that you were so specific in ordering. And telling me that you have "a sense of frustration" because ONE item out of TWENTY on your shopping was changed, and you feel that you "aren't being listened to" AIN'T GONNA FUCKING CUT IT, BOY! I've known soldiers who went into battle with less than they needed....so you can hop on a FUCKING COMMERCIAL JET PLANE AND EAT THEIR FUCKING MASS PRODUCED IN FLIGHT MEAL OF HALF BAKED ASSPIE. And enjoy the taste. Go with what you got, boy. It's the way of the world.

The Senate of the United States of America can fuck off for being the collection of disconnected, condescending, half-witted dumb fucks that they are. The intelligent Senators, alas, are outnumbered by the idiot Senators, who seem to be growing in numbers daily. It makes me wonder if alien body snatchers landed in Washington, DC recently.

Bureaucrats offering up one-over-world solutions to complicated problems can fuck off. With cheese covered mouse pads. 'Cuz I'm sick of explaining to people that yeah, that idea works....but it's not a panacea, it's just another tool in the tool box.

Have a nice weekend!!

Everybody I supervise can fuck off. We get a new manager, and suddenly it's like everybody decided to take this week off, as far as "thinking for themselves" is concerned. Up until this week, things have been running smooth as silk.

It's like I missed the memo that says everybody start doing their Morgan Freeman just out of Shawshank, gotta be told to take a piss impression.

Fuck all this.

P.S.: that toenail yank just about puts my whole week in perspective....

Holy shit. It's Friday already. When did that happen?

Friday meetings can fuck off.

In re: your toenail. OUCH!!!!

Driving While Jersey can fuck off.

Listen, it's utility work, there's no shoulder, we have to merge. That's the end of it. Neither of us likes it - so why don't we take turns here? Why ride the bumper of the guy in front of you and refuse to let other drivers in? Do you have a giant yellow "Asshole On Board" sticky in the rear windshield that you're just dying for me to see?

Fine, scrape past the pylons and zoom ahead the instant you can - and get stuck next to me at the next traffic light anyway. Well played, Andretti. While you're sitting there, you can fuck the fuck off, using your $400-per-month Option-equipped tinted-window penis substitute.

Nightfly,
OOOOOOO. Those people who zoom past you, cut you off, won't let you change lanes, whatever, just so they can be the FIRST! GUY! TO! STOP! AT! THE! RED! LIGHT! are really, really obnoxious.

Those who diss Jersey can fuck off :)

Ann Coulter, that unspeakable cunt, can fuck off. Just because.

FTFO to the little fucking squirrels who now think taunting my dog is a game. Your day is coming. I just need to get to WallyWorld for an air rifle and some BBs. Oh yes. Your day will come.

And FTFO with knobs and wheels of cheese to my employer who fucking sat on my project for TWO FUCKING WEEKS because certain people don't want to be responsible for anything.

And while we're on the subject of irresponsible. FUCK THE FUCKING FUCK OFF WITH POINTY STICKS AND FESTERING MAGGOTS to my idiot shit-for-brains S-I-L who plans a party for my in-laws 35th wedding anniversary SPECIFICALLY when we CANNOT be there. I mean, yeah SUNDAY IS indeed their anniversary, but why couldn't you plan the party for SATURDAY NIGHT, dammit. Some of us have to drive 250 miles to get home afterward and be up at 5 AM on Monday to go to work. OF course we can't go, you silly twat. Don't tell me you're disappointed. And I'll bet you'll use this as YET ANOTHER wedge between hubby and the rest of your family. It's not my fault he's the only one of you who got 1) an education 2) a job without family help and 3) hasn't lived at home since High School. So you wonder why he doesn't call? Do you think maybe it's because he doesn't want to hear your crap and excuses and it hurts him that you all exclude him? Or maybe it's because he married a fat republican bitch who thinks she's above the rest of you? Grr.

Thanks for letting me get THAT one off my chest.

Damn, CTG...I bet it doesn't just hurt him, either. You think she'd put aside any of her petty dislikes and what not for the sake of the people the occassion is meant to honor - her fucking PARENTS. It's not about HER. It's about THEM and I imagine they might enjoy their special day a little more if their son was there to enjoy it with them. What a bitch.

Isn't there enough pettiness in the world without FAMILY trying to score fucking points off you? Sorry, CTG -- that sounds absolutely infuriating.

Toenails, bosses, and shitty drivers and shitty family members...they can all FO.

Add to that people who bitch and moan about other people's kids while letting their own brats scream, run on furniture, and kick other kids. And then you get all pissed off because *I* can get your kids to sit down and shut the f*(% up? It's because they know I mean it, and you don't. FO, you useless excuse of a parent.

Yes, the Senate can certainly fuck the fuckity fuck off.

As can psychotic neighbors who seek to impose their fucking whack job psychological problems on my Bride and drag all of us into their fucking attention-whore demented little world.

Thank you all for the glorious ravings about my "dear old family". But FTFO to children that think that it is a right to take summer school since they were so fucking dense during the school year that they now NEED my remedial 7-8 Grade Math Topics class. I am not sorry that you now need to come to my class for 2.5 hours because you SUCK!!!!

also FTFO to administrators that think that it is "smart" to insert an individual that has passed Algebra II with a B+ into what is essentially a Pre-algebra class. Fucking moron. The student needs help with English, he should have 5 hours of English, not 2.5 of Math and 2.5 of language class. Fucking idiots! I would rather teach one class of 30 that need the course than 2 X 25 student classes with individuals in them that are just spinning their wheels. It is absolutely in-fucking-sane trying to teach the class to those that need it while half of them are crying that we are "going too slow" and that it is "too easy".

Fuck them all!!!

I am done!

Jeez, CTG, what a pain. My condolences, I've dealth with insane in-laws as well. Any chance that you can drive up Saturday, and have a little pre-party, maybe take them out to dinner that night, or even breakfast on Sunday morning, and then go home? Or would that be another wedge?

Well, JeffS, we'll probably take them out for breakfast the next time we drive into town. Therefore we can spend some unhurried, quality time with them.

The vulture-woman at the next desk can fuck off in advance. I'm heading out in a few minutes for what will probably be the only four days of vacation I get (although I'm entitled to three weeks, and when I come back) I'll find that at least three crises have been manufactured to make it appear that I've dropped the ball. In the five years she's been here, I have NEVER taken more than one day off without being set up by this creature, and I have no reason to think this week will be any different. So fuck off and die, you loathesome, vicious, petty-ass bitch!

CTG, re your squirrels...the comment "Oh yes. Your day will come." had me laughing my fool head off.

I can just see you going totally Dr. Evil on them.

(Seriously - they'd be cute if they'd stay the heck out of the yard. And not tapdance on the roof and roll nuts around at 6 am on Saturdays.)

Bringing up the rear. . .

Amy Winehouse can fuck right off--although I'm afraid she might enjoy it, that grungy twatwaffle. I'm sick of seeing and hearing her or about her everywhere. I've been stalking the Barnes & Noble magazine rack for the July issue of Spin to come out solely for the Smashing Pumpkins tribute CD, and then I had to cringe as I bought it b/c there she is on the cover. She's overrated, hardly talented, not that attractive, and needs dental help ASAP. And who the fuck is so vain as to have multiple self-portrait tattoos all over herself? And not very flattering ones. The layout people covered up the naked chest of the tat on her arm with the bar code, and it was an improvement. 95% of her quotes in the article were nasty. And if she wasn't saying something nasty, her boyfriend was. None of it related to the actual subject of MUSIC. At least I can line the catbox with the mag.

Finally, the management of my apartment building can fuck off for still having not taken care of the roach problem in the building. How can I invite people over for dinner when there's the chance I'll open the dishwasher (which has, like, 2 rinsed off forks in it) and scream? At least the evil parking lot sofa finally went away. Thank God.

Emily, I am so sorry to hear about all that stuff. That sucks!!! I hope your weekend gets better.

Hmmm Guinness.

WOO! Great news on the wallet,Em!

I second the wahoo. Kind of nice to be reminded that the human race isn't as vile as it looks.

YAY!

Joel,
This happened to me once in college, too. I lost my wallet somewhere on campus and the person who found it turned it in to the University PD - they even left the cash inside. People can be really incredible sometimes.

Awesome news! (Phew, no DMV appointment.)

Sorry Im late for the party, but i need a Monday vent.

To the roofing "inspector" that inspected the roofing work on my house and whom disapproved same not once but twice, despite the fact that a)Im an architect and a roofing consultant for Miami-dade County b) that I have inspected more roofs than he can even begn to start thinking abot inspecting c)that i have all the proper documentation, including the county approval of the roofing system and its instalation requirements, and have seen to it that the roofers abide by same: FUCK THE FUCK OFF YOU FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING PETTY I'LL WORK FOR THE COUNTY MY ENTIRE LIFE BECAUSE IM A PETTY LITTLE LAZY MOTHERFUCKING PRICK AND DONT HAVE THE BRAINS OR DETERMINATION TO SUCCEED ON MY OWN. Today, I will call your supervisor and show him exactly how you have delayed my roofing project for three fucking days in June in Miami, arguably the wettest month of the year for no reason at all. then, i will show your boss the damage to the interior of the house, including the ceilings that are now worthless and must be replaced, damaged as a result of your disingenuous disapprovals becase you must have a really - and I mean realllllllly - small pecker that you have to take issue with me and my roof because I happen to know more about this shit than you do and you have some little county inspector pussy ass power trip going, YOU FUCKING MOTHERFUCKING FUCK OF A FUCK. I SWEAR I WILL HAVE YOU FUCKING COLLECTING FUCKING TRASH BEFORE THE END OF THIS WEEK, PRICK.

Ah, there's the Val we all know and love!

Imagine what FFOT's would be if, say, we had socialized healthcare.

6, 7k vents a week. Minimum.

well lets all just fuck off im well buzzin :):)