it comes in pints?

Insecure, self-centered, technically retarded so-called "professional engineers" can not only fuck the fuckity fuck fuck off, they can do so while taking a high dive into a vat of boiling velveeta cheese. My office has had to deal with the same slice of uncooked asspie TWICE this week, on two separate, unrelated matters.

In one case, the twit actually apologized, but only after being bitch slapped by 14 different people for not only unresolving a resolved problem, but for doing so by sucking in an outside agency. Talk about stirring the shit!

In the other case, I had to respond to comments on a document issued by my office from this asshat. No details, except to say our self-centered asspie was disturbed to realize that the center of the universe may not actually be located within his cubicle. His attempts to reshape the space-time continuum to suit his ego were both pathetic and hilarious, but I had to spend considerable time expanding the document, with emphasis on describing the true nature of the universe. In a philosophical sense, of course. The document is important, but not in any earth shattering way.

Otherwise, I got nothing. Have a nice weekend, y'all!

Oh, Emily? No hockey hug here, just a hug.

Could someone translate Emily's post into English? I don't speak hockey.
:-)

Hahaha. Sorry, Julie. I wrote that in such a rage, it never crossed my mind that no one would understand. Basically, Kevin Lowe is the general manager for the Edmonton Oilers in Canada and he's just come up with an offer to lure away Ducks forward Dustin Penner away from Anaheim to the tune of something like four million dollars a year. Which is fine, whatever, but he did it while he knew the Ducks' general manager, Brian Burke, was away on vacation and couldn't immediately react and at a time when their captain, Scott Neidermayer, is considering retirement and if he's made up his mind yet, he hasn't said so. So on top of having to worry about whether Penner's worth matching the offer, they also have to pressure Scotty to make a decision about retiring, because they can't afford to keep Penner due to salary cap rules if he wants to stay. The thing is, Penner hasn't really been that good of a player up until last year. He was sent to the Ducks' minors team in Portland for most of his career. He really picked his game up last year and did rather well, but it wasn't entirely on his own - a lot of it had to do with the other guys on the team and the way he played with them. On his own, he's definitely not worth that price. It's kind of a cheap screw to the Ducks, really. There's always the chance that Penner will opt to stay without a matching offer, but that's kind of a long shot. Guys like that are too friggin' rare.

Oh, and before some dumbshit assfuck comes in here to give me the whole "don't you know there are more important things going on in the world?" lecture, let me preface that by saying YES. I know this, in the scheme of things, isn't really all that important. I will not DIE if Dustin Penner moves to Edmonton. Nobody will. I know there is war, famine, death, political scandal, and little hungry children in Africa covered with flies. Just because I don't write about it here doesn't mean I'm oblivious to it or don't care, so if anyone feels inclined to give me that stupid fucking condescending lecture now, shut the fuck up and step away from your keyboard. Don't waste your time, because it will take less of mine to hit the "delete" button.

Sorry to all the nice people who come here and actually have the sense to realize blogs are meant to be a hobby that shouldn't be taken all that seriously...that wasn't directed at you.

[quickly puts stupid fucking condescending lecture notes back in pocket]

As if you'd ever be a big enough jag-off, Ken.

Emily -

Dustin Penner deserves a little bit of your anger. As I remember the rules, the offer sheet isn't binding until the player in question signs it. Your boy is tryin' to get paid. Can't blame him too much for that, but maybe a little.

Mr. Lowe, on the other hand, will probably wind up fuckitty fucking off himself if he "succeeds." Fitting reward for his little sneakthief offer: if the Ducks don't match they get the three draft picks (1st, 2nd, and 3rd rounders). The first-rounder will likely be top-ten since Edmonton is a lousy side, and this is a deep draft class.

If I were home I could look up some of the likely prospects available at that spot in my copy of the Hockey News. (It's not online that I can see.)

Hockey?

That's some sort of game, right?

'Fly - oh, I know...players bouncing around is such a part of sports that I never really let myself get attached to anyone (well, I do and then I get bummed and beat myself up for being stupid about it). Penner may stay out of loyalty even if the Ducks can't or won't match up, but I wouldn't really be too harsh on the guy for not turning his back on that kind of dough.

Mojo - indeed it is. And one of the funner aspects that few people know about is the off season hunting of those who would mock it by finding them where they sleep, placing them under heavy sedation, ripping out one of their kidneys, and selling it on e-Bay. The proceeds go to children's charities, so it's actually one of the softer sides of hockey.

Speaking of hockey, Emily - how's the project? Did the Playmobil suggestion pay off?

I haven't even received the Legos I ordered for it yet. I'm starting to get a wee bit ticked off, considering how much money I was charged for shipping. But I haven't looked into the Playmobil thing yet. Marc says there's one of those knight sets you can get at Target that have something that will probably work. But otherwise, I've pretty much got everything figured out. The hard part is going to be the photography...

Man, that sounds fun....

Oh, and 'Fly better not be hugging no kind of nobody because HIS ASS IS GETTING MARRIED IN A WEEK!!!!!!

Hey, hugs are far from adultery. As if I'd ever move in on the Ladybug's territory.

Well, technically it ain't adultery for a week, I must admit.

I wouldn't be afterward, either. If memory serves, I've hugged you and neither one of us broke one of the Ten Commandments.

Uncertainty can fuck off.

Hm. Is blogdultery a real thing? Is it even a real word? Nah, I trust you, Emily. I'm keeping an eye on Ken, though.

You definitely don't want to drop the soap around Ken. And congrats on the Big Day, 'Fly. I hope it's beautiful for the both of you!

I dunno, Em; having drinks with Jar-Jar had to violate a couple of them.

Well...DUH, Mr. B. We probably violated the Geneva Convention as well.

The Geneva bit ought to count as points in our favor, actually.

Hahaha. Possibly.

(BTW, 'Fly...mail just came. Legos were with it. Fun, fun, fun on the way!)

See? I totally did that "Legos in the mail" thing by mentioning it!

Bings, you do understand that Mr. Binks is NOT invited to the reception.

The invitation said "Mr. Bingley and Guest".

Muwhahahahahaha

No worries, 'Fly. He's tucked away over here safely on the West Coast with me, so Jar Jar will not be crashing your wedding.

No matter how many threats Mr. B. makes to the contrary...

Sigh.

It's all for Jar-Jar's sake. He wouldn't make it past the cocktail hour alive. And there's a nice inlet nearby in which to sink the evidence.

Hm - on second thought, maybe we can sneak him in...

I'm warning ya, Fly, he doesn't hold his liquor very well.

People on Naboo who can't hold their liquor can fuck off!

And here I was thinking this weekend would go over pretty well, buh-uht: FUCK YOU U-HAUL!

I reserved your Goddamn equipment over two weeks ago and now, the day before I'm scheduled to load up and get on the road, you tell me that you don't have any trucks in right now. What's the point of a fucking reservation system if you don't fucking reserve shit? This is the third time I've used your company and each time you've found some way to fuck me over.

Never the fuck again. If you don't have your fucking truck on fucking time you will be paying for my fucking move.

Crap, that SUCKS, Cullen. I hope you stick it to them. Do they think people who rent their trucks have the privilege of being able to put off MOVING when they fuck them over? What about people who have to be out by a certain day? I mean, that's just stupid. I had that happen once with a car reservation. Straight up right out of that episode of "Seinfeld."

"I know what a reservation is, Sir."
"No, I don't think you do, because if you did, you would have RESERVED a car."

...finding them where they sleep, placing them under heavy sedation, ripping out one of their kidneys, and selling it on e-Bay.

Uh-huh.

Lotsa luck, keed.

Don't need the luck, since I was only joking out of the irritation for people who constantly insist on yawning and registering their lack of interest when others exhibit enthusiasm for something that they don't care about. Heaven forbid you just let it alone without pissing all over everyone's head for liking something you don't.

Dang! I begin to see why hockey players have such a tendency to move around. They're afraid their psycho fans will catch up to them.

Flippant diagnosis: Severe Wet-head.

I totally forgot how much I want one of those.

It'd be pretty cool to go back into Episode I and insert lines like "Meesa wasted" before JJB trips over stuff or makes an ass of himself. You just know he threw up on R2 when they took off from Tatooine.

Cullen - funny, I was thinking that I should have done U-Haul instead for our furniture move. Budget gouged me for a one-way, closed early the evening I wanted to pick up the truck (so I had to come back next morning), and both the pick-up and drop-off points were these holes in the wall that made me question whether or not the rental would be stolen or graffiti'd before sunrise.

Po-dunk truck rental outfits that turn their customers over a barrel can fuck off round-trip in a truck two sizes smaller than promised, with no AC or power steering, mileage not included.

Nightfly - hahaha. "Meesa wasted." Like that guy who did that "Phantom Edit" version of the movie where he removed all of the Jar Jar parts.

Josephine.
The word is a cuss word in itself.

Cullen, that just plain sucks. Time for an ass whoopin', sounds like to me.

I'll join Emily's FUCK OFF because I hate the Oilers (and because I have to stick up for Anaheim).

I would also like to send a Fuck Off to Newport News, VA, the community that is having a "group hug" night for Michael Vick to show their support for him.

Group hug? Are you fucking serious? I'm going to be sick.

My cable/internet company (which is pretty much the only one in town) can FTFO with extreme and serious prejudice.

I scheduled for them to come out and do an "upgrade" on my services today - scheduled it TWO WEEKS AGO. They told me at the time, "Someone will call half an hour before they arrive."

I sat at home ALL DAY LONG with my thumb up my ass, waiting on them to call. NO ONE CALLED. I called the head office - which is like halfway across the country, and the woman was totally surprised - "What? They never came out?" like she couldn't believe it.

Of course - because she's 800 miles from me. And she doesn't know the local lazy-ass techs who spend three hours taking "lunch."

Supposedly someone will come out tomorrow. Hah. I really don't believe it, but guess I will have to experience another thumb-ass day, just on the off chance they will.

Oh - and it turns out there's no cable outlet in the room. Guess what? the cable company doesn't pull cable, you need a contractor for that! Arugh.

So I'm off to the only store in town still open at this hour (5 pm on a Friday), the Wal-Mart, to see if I can figure out ON MY OWN what kind of router to buy. (Because - no one in the electronics department at wal-mart ever knows about anything other than maybe Super Mario Brothers and iPods)

Oh, and I had a minor plumbing issue today. Called a dozen plumbers. When I finally got one, was informed that everyone was "totally booked up" for the next two weeks. I figured out how to fix it myself.

I guess that's the theme, now, as far as customer service is concerned: "fix it yourself."

(Yes, I saved myself the $70 which will probably end up going to the router cost, but whatever. I would have rather paid someone to do it for me.)