it comes in pints?

Country/Western Trivia (Amusing lyrics Edition)

UPDATE: The unanswered questions are highlighted answered, and I'm just a wee bit surprised at a couple that haven't yet been guessed. Have at 'em, boys and girls!

Well, just like yesterday, I listened to "Gunfighter Ballads" on my bike ride. Damn, there's some good stuff on that album. But since I've used it recently, I shouldn't do that. Still, the little bro is a bit of a country music fan and so I feel rather obligated to continue my recent pattern of one R'n'R and one C/W trivia post each weekend. Not that I'm promising anything for the future, but I think it's a pretty good bet that I'll continue this pattern for a while. So if you're interested in interesting Rock/Country tidbits, keep checking back each weekend.

With that silly nonsense out of the way, let's move on. More than other genres, C/W is fond of humor. How else to explain Little Jimmy Dickins? But beyond him, even mainstream country singers have often gone for light-hearted humorous stuff. Sometimes this is a humorous broadside, sometimes just a subtle hint.

Just to be fair, I won't delve into actual parody, but I will include some stuff that strikes me as amusing, or at least somewhat droll. If it doesn’t strike you as such, my sincerest apologies but TS.

Heh.

Anyway, here we go, in no particular order but how my puny mind comes up with them:

1) What was the meanest thing my daddy ever did? [Julie: He went and named me Sue]

2) When I headed down main drag I could hear everybody laughin' for blocks around. But up there at the court house they didn't laugh. Why not? [Mike: Because to type it up took the whole staff, and when they got through the title weighed 60 pounds - close enough for rock and roll, Mike]

3) I said "Doc I gotta have my old brain back" and he said "I'm sorry there, Mr. Cash, but I can't do that." Why not? [Answer: Because the Doc transplanted it into a chicken]

4) Who's got a brand new flattop haircut and (lord) thinks he's cool? [Julie: The foreman (actually, I think it's the line boss but it's close enough for rock and roll; the foreman was a regular dog] - HA! Julie posts the correction just as I update this!

5) She's a beauty. No, she's a skag. She has class? Oh come on now, who is she? [Answer: That little Honky Tonk Queen]

6) After I threw my boss out the window (and got fired), I hot-wired a city truck and did what with it? And why, exactly, did I beat my brother-in-law half to death? [Dr. Weevil gets the first part: Hot-wired a city truck and turned it over in the mayor's yard. The second part is actually a somewhat lesser crime than that mentioned, though perhaps not to everybody] [Answer to the second part: I beat my brother-in-law half to death because I lost $20 on his football bet]

7) I'm no Robert Redford, even overhauled, but what happens at closing time? [Angie: The girls all get prettier at closing time]

8) I'm sure it's just my memory playing tricks on me, but I think I saw my buddy doing what? [Answer: I think I saw my buddy cutting down my neighbor's tree, but it could have been the whiskey...]

9) He'll steal your woman then he'll rob your head. Who is he? [Thornharp: Panama Red]

10) He was born in Oklahoma and he's not responsible for what he's doing. What's his wife's name, what does he like to drink, and what does he chase it down with? [Answer: His wife's name is Betty Lou Thelma Liz, he likes to drink Falstaff beer and chase it down with that Wild Turkey liquor]

11) A cowboy is cussin' the pinball machine and a drunk at the bar is gettin' noisy and mean. There's no place I'd rather be than right here with what? [Angie: With my red neck, white socks, and Blue Ribbon beer]

12) I was sittin' in Friday's suckin' on a glass of wine when in walked a chick who almost struck me blind. She had wet blue eyes and her legs were long and fine. What did I give her? [Joel: I gave her a nine, at least until she spoke, then I gave her a two. In fairness, as Joel points out, she ultimately gave me a one and a half]

13) I can't make love to a squealer, so there's just one thing to do. What? [Joel: I'll put on Sheila's red satin dress, after she pours me another tequila, of course]

14) For breakfast I have black coffee and one slice of dry toast. What sure is a rough way to die? [Answer: Dieting, dieting, dieting, dieting sure is a rough way to die]

15) Who never got a kiss, and don't know what he's missed? [Angie: Kaw-Liga, that poor old wooden head who wishes he was still an old pine tree]

Posted by Ken S at August 5, 2007 07:47 PM | TrackBack (0) | Category: Country/Western Trivia