it comes in pints?

OK, I'll bite:

egoPhone

(Hey, it's late. let me sleep on it.)

i(diot)Phone

iFool

duhPhone?

Or, if I can riff a bit on Julie's idea:

idPhone

(The id, of course, being the source of all childish and self-entitled behavior, according to Freudians)

I-gotta-have-itPhone.

Now that I've clicked on the links (and posted about it on my blog), I would respectfully suggest instead:

the owPhone.

(Are we sure this isn't a story that ran in the Onion, and got mistakenly picked up by the 'real' media. Because, dear God....I'm just horrified by it)

Wow. The lengths some people will go to prove their idiocy.

iTurd, iPhoney, iCandy, iSty, iGnoramoose, iDtenT, i gotta millions of 'em, and they are al just as stupid as these ;)

I read your first paragraph and had no idea what you were talking about. In your second paragraph it dawned on me. But I'd only heard "crackberry" for the first time about three weeks ago, and thought it was clever.

Guess I'm a luddite. Have I mentioned I don't have a cell phone? Or a car? Or a computer, even? I'm writing this with my mind.

This is one of those science fictional advances that old-time SF writers never thought of. I always get a special thrill to see that.

However, in this guy's case, couldn't he have just got some kind of thimble? For the price of surgery, he could have had someone custom make him a comfy plastic thimble to wear on his thumb. It would've taken him a little while to learn to use, but not as long as recovering from surgery. Geez.

Why couldn't he have had a stylus surgically attached to his index finger a la Edward Scissorhands?

People are dum.

iFag

Is his female parental unit now Whittler's Mother?

Is his female parental unit now Whittler's Mother?

Heh. Teramoron. :)

I suppose there's always iClone or iDrone, either of which would cheese off the fanboys to no end.

mePhone.

Metaloonie

iCone. If you have to ask, you probably don't wanna know.

iDiot, iDolater, iNebriant, iNanity, iNept, iRelevant, iRational, iReparable, iRitant, iPap, iPhooey, iPants, iPhascist, iPhad, iPharce, iPhart, iPhatuity, iPhogey, iPhellatio, iPheh, iPhlabby, iPhlail, iPhlunky, iPhoamer, iPhop, iPhondler, iPhornographer, iPhrown, iPhussy.

Whew. Personal favorite: iPants. (Too British?)

iBorg

ooops
http://northdenvernews.com/content/view/925/2/

Can we call Ken iFellForIt?

Hey, buddy, if I hadn't seen the links, I'd have fallen for it. To be fair, as "Social commentary", it fell flat. A Modest Proopsal, it was not. And the editor's smug "See? Them Intarwebs folks ain't as smart as our readership" commentary was disingenuous. How do they know that many of their readers didn't fall for it as well? those not on the internet aren't necessarily less credulous, they simply did not make their credulity publicly known.

Thanks for making me feel better, buddy. But you know, after stuff like this, and when James Taranto has a recurring category called "Life Imitates the Onion", I don't feel too awfully bad about falling for it.

But of course, there's enough egg on my face to take care of breakfast tomorrow.

As Homer says, "D'oh!"

Careful reading of the piece makes it clear to any critical consumer of information that the piece is pure humor and not news or reported as fact.

Franklin Foer: Doh! Why didn't I think of that??

Um, sorry, no. Not until the last sentence (which I didn't read the first time through) was there any hint of satire. Don't give up your day job, Benfly. (Oh, like that's his real name.)

I think I'll comb the NDN for "satire" from now on. ("Clinton wins"? Go on, pull the other one.)

Well, the other thing to consider (Ken and 'sous) is that those of us reading on the Intarwebs prolly never read this rag before, so we don't know its general tenor or tone.

Upon hearing that it was one of those 'free alternative weeklies,' my first thought was "oooooh....one of THOSE." The kind of paper that I thought was clever and trenchant when I was, like, 18, and living in Ann Arbor.

I dunno. I think any paper that deliberately runs a satire piece (on a day other than April 1) and then acts all proud of itself that it got someone to fall for it probably isn't one I want to read.

And I would suggest, given the whole mess with the article and the subsequent "haw-haw" from the newspaper, that we enter "iSnark" as one possibility.

mpbk,
Wow. Thanks for that link. What a smug jerk. Like Angie said, um, no, jerk-off, it wasn't in any way "obvious" that this story was satire. I especially love this part:

"Among the points of the piece: that U.S. society accepts plastic surgery and decorative deformation of the human body for vanity, but not other reasons (consider the Bonds steroid stories); that technology has become a new cult phenomena, in which items are praised or ridiculed based upon tribal allegiances instead of functionality and performance (and we are members of the Cult of the Mac- iPhone division); and we like to pretend that some of our writers have a sense of humor."

That sounds like a communique from the fucking Weather Underground. Give me a break. It's so dripping with elitism it's not even funny.

That's another thing - if you need to actually issue an entirely separate story to explain the points you were trying to make with the first, you didn't do a very good job to begin with.

I'll second anthony except spell it iphools.
iphreaks works too.

How 'bout iGetalife? (Referring to the slobbering mania that some people are displaying over a freakin' toy.

I mean - it's not like it's the first really-functional artificial heart, or a cure for cancer, or a safe desktop fusion unit. It's a friggin' PHONE. Sometimes I wonder if Graham Bell, had he had a crystal ball to see into the future, would have just smashed his headset and pretended nothing ever happened.)

iDtent-phone (ID10T-phone)

iFoolandhisMoney

iLikeshinythings

iSelfimportanttool

iBentoverforAT&T

iRetard

iLiveinmyparentsbasement

iPhrivolous

iPhartinyourgeneraldirection

iPhoundmyasswithmyhands