it comes in pints?

Sex-toy parties can FO.
My girlfriend's housemate invited me to hers tonight.
Yeah, that's really what I want to do... sit for two hours listening to an oversexed sales woman demonstrate overpriced marital aids to a bunch of drunk women who are pretending they've never seen a dildo before.
I'm 48 years old. I've seen it all, done it all, and don't really need a Mew Millenium version of Doctor Ruth to help me out in that department, ok?
Besides, don't they know "Intervention" is on tonight???
And I can't just say, "I can't go", because I don't have a good excuse (I'm terrible at lying, anyway), and she practically begged me to go.
Ugh.
Um, gee... I don't feel so good. Do I look feverish to you? Mebbe I'm coming down with something... *cough*...

Attorneys can fuck off. When I send out an e-mail saying "the ONLY time I have for a hearing is Monday the 27th at 9:00," don't fucking call me and whine, "Is that all you have? Nothing next week? I was really hoping to get this heard next week."

Look, you entitled piece of shit, can't you fucking read? I capitalized the word "only" because I MEANT IT and I wanted it EMPHASIZED. ONLY means ONLY; it is not negotiable.

And don't give me any shit about how your clients need their day in court because they're "really injured and need a resolution to this." If you gave one IOTA about their injuries, you'd only take 10-20% of their settlement, not 40%, you greedy asshole.

Macassars can FUCK THE FUCK OFF.

Poseurs can FUCK OFF AND DIE while flying in an assjet to the moon. We trained several teams for hurricane recovery deployments, sent them to exercises, bought equipment, etc.....and just as soon as DEAN hits the horizon, a bunch of them (most of them prodded by their supervisors who had previously APPROVED their joining the team, but decided that enough was enough) decided they didn't want to play anymore. One supervisor actually put that in writing; I saw the e-mail.

All of this happened just AFTER one team was notified of possible deployment if DEAN causes any problems. Bunch of fucking asspie munching asshats, they ought to be thrown into a septic tank to find out what it really means to get shit on. You should have said something LAST SPRING, when we started spinning up for hurricane season, ya bunch of self-centered twits.

Luckily, the CEO actually showed some backbone, and told the supervisors "No team changes right now, and this supersedes ALL OTHER PRIORITIES. So deal with it."

So suck it up, people. Everyone hurts when disaster strikes, and it's time to start taking this aspect of our organization just a little more seriously.

What's a Macassar?

Alan,

trust me, it aint worth the effort finding out.

Alan, Ken thinks macassars are cool.

I think he needs to start drinking earlier in the week, myself.

State and local officials in Newark NJ can fuck the fuckity fuck fuck off con queso y mole for their 'sanctuary city' crap that directly lead to the execution of those poor kids. and of course the response is 'oh golly, we need new laws to crack down on guns' instead of enforcing the immigration laws that are already on the books.

Having to call customer service repeatedly can fuck off. One more call this week and I will cancel everything!!!

Oh, and Julie--I will gladly write you a note stating you barfed up a lung or something if that would help. 'Cause reading your description of the party made me wanna. :)

Bingley just reminded me--that dumb radio "commercial" by the DA's office in Philly about prosecuting "straw" purchasers of guns can absolutely fuck off. That voice actress wailing, "My baby's gone!" and the idiot writer who thought that line would create a metanoia in criminals (as if they're listening to the local news station--for what, the time and temperature?) can fuck off too, dragging that sorry-ass script behind them.

I think he needs to start drinking earlier in the week...

Maybe he just shouldnt stop drinking at all?

I thought the Macassars were like the Cossacks.

Thanks, Kate! Yeah, that would help. (How exactly does one barf a lung? Sounds ... painful...)

Actually, I do have one today. While I am waiting for the goody goodness of grilled teriyaki burgers smothered in cheese and avocados, Steve Moore's parents can fuck off. It's bad enough Moore's illustrious, life-long and lucrative NHL career never existed outside of their delusional imaginations. It's even worse to listen to that little pecker whine three years after his injury. Look, you stupid wimp, any athlete that enters professional sports that doesn't have a Plan Fucking B in the event of a career-ending injury is a flipping moron. This goes double for hockey. Stop bitching about your life being ruined. So sue Big Bert, whatever, but Moore's fucking parents claiming they have to sue too because of THEIR emotional distress? Dude, I'm sorry the cash cow you expected your son's "career" to be didn't pan out, but give me a fucking break. I'm sorry he got hurt. Nobody deserves that. Not even cheap shot shit players like Steve Moore. But Bertuzzi owes those parents NOTHING. Assholes.

Maybe he just shouldnt stop drinking at all?

There's an idea: FUCK OFF to being sober!

I have been waiting for this since last Friday!

Travel*ocity can fuck off with any and all side dishes du jour! They confirm your reservations someplace, then when you get there, you find there are no rooms...no rooms at all. Oh except for the 5 room suite that nobody can afford. And hours later, when you finally find a room you CAN afford, a crappy shithole of a room, for three times the rate you had originally booked for, with none of the amenities, the fuckers at Travel*ocity inform you that it will be 7 to 14 business days before they can refund your money. Of course, they debited your card the second you booked the room, but they cannot credit it for 7 to 14 business days? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?

Oh and the supervisor there can fuck off too! I was trying NOT to get upset with her. That is until she was laughing on the phone. I am trying to get some satisfaction for this unfortunate situation, and she is fucking laughing about it. And it was soooooo not funny. Then she proceeds to tell me HER supervisor does not have a phone, so I cannot talk to him. Yeah...right. I wanted to hop a plane to India and kick her ass, but there would probably be NO ROOMS whe I got there!

FOAD TRAVEL*OCITY!!!

I really have no major ones for today.

Julie - the phrase "Oh no, something just came up unexpectedly!" works wonders. It doesn't matter that the "something" is the fact that Intervention is on. I mean - I realize these friends probably aren't the "don't ask, don't tell" kind considering that they have sex toy parties (the thought of which scares me to death, considering the friends I have who are in the "home party" business), still, it's your own dang business if you don't want to go.

I have a blanket policy of refusing to go to those things. I had one "friend," about whom I realized I was only 'good enough' to get invited to her house when she was having a damn jewelry party. After that, I said no more. No more going and being sold to for three hours. No more subtle pressure about "but this allows me to be a SAHM!" No more. If I want that kind of crap, there are no less than three shopping channels that run on my cable network.

Sales parties can FTFO. And that goes double when you only get invited to socialize with someone when she's having one of those parties.

(BTW - have you ever seen the episode of King of the Hill where Peggy joins up with what is a thinly-disguised version of Pampered Chef, and it turns out it's harder to get out of than the Mafia?)

Fuck the fuck off to my friend's dickhead ex-husband and her twatwaffle mother who conspired with him (even though she knows he's a lying psychopath) to try to get the kid in question taken away from a perfectly good mother in a home she adores just because he's a bigoted, lazy cheap prick who resents having to pay child support and travel out of state to see his kid. Not that he bothers much, mind you. It's at times like this that I appreciate the inertia of the family court system.... HE lost in the hearing today.

Julie - the phrase "Oh no, something just came up unexpectedly!" works wonders.

Especially when one is trying to avoid a sex-toy party...

Maggie May,

You may have to wait a while longer for that money back from Travelocity. Tyey just got fined over $180,000 for "accidentally" booking trips for Americans to Cuba.

But I agree, they can FUCK THE FUCK OFF WITH ROLLING MACASSAR GNOMES AND KNOBS ON.

Val,

Are Americans banned from going to Cuba at all, or just directly from the US? I mean, can they fly to Brazil and then go to Cuba from there?

Not that I would ever DO that or anything. . .I was just wondering.

Amen, Ricki! It's the Friends Bill Of Rights, kinda. Thanks for reminding me that I have a backbone.

And Mr. B, I like how you think. ;-)

Amen, Ricki! It's the Friends Bill Of Rights, kinda. Thanks for reminding me that I have a backbone.

And Mr. B, I like how you think. ;-)

Mr. Bigley just made my day. Hah!

*sigh* "Bingley." Sorry.

Fuck off to tyops.

Lisa,

technically, Americans arent allowed to spend money in Cuba, thus their travel to the island, whether from the US or any third country is illegal.

Marc, I wish I could say "All the ladies call me Bigley"...but Emily would go after me with her rusty razor...again.

...but Emily would go after me with her rusty razor...again.

Which is why no one calls Mr. Bingley "Bigley".

Val,

Thanks for the support and the info. I guess they have bigger fish to fry than my refund... Stupid fuckers. I wonder if that customer service bitch is laughing now?

The people who manage the I-90 and Chicago toll roads can seriously fuck off. Once upon a time the toll charge was at least reasonably predictable and they gave you plenty of time to grab the change. Now, they spring the amount on you right at the booth and guessing that amount could be a game to occupy any kids you might have in the car. Will it be $1, $.80, or $1.60? All ages can play, fun for the whole family.

An extra special fuck off for the person who decided that the cash lanes should be on the left side instead of the usual right side when you exit I-90 onto 270. Almost got me on that one, asshole.

The boss can FTFO! I gave you a 4 week notice so I could assist the new hire (I am a support person and 2 weeks are the norm. Due to stupid advertisement that makes me incompetent to fill my own position, there has not been one person that has applied. THIS IS NOT MY PROBLEM! The five different software packages that we use are the most important part of the job (in the ad, he put this in as kind of an after thought)! Find a person who can use just one of them and the whole shop would cheer.

The best line from the job posting: "Interacts with internal and external personnel on matters of significant importance". WTF?

Best line from Friday. After working on Thursday from 7:30 AM to 10:30 PM and 48 hours overtime the previous 2 week period, he asks me if I planned to work this weekend. That would be a big NO!

I have loved working for this company. They have given me the best training and some of the most talented people to work with but that does not make up for an imcompotent boss.

"Attorneys can fuck off."

Judicial assistants can fuck off. :-p [ducks and runs from Lisa]