it comes in pints?

My sinuses can damn well fuck off.

Idiots who insist on driving in the left lane while being passed on the right by 98% of all the other cars on the road can fuck off.

My lower back pain can go fuck itself.

Twice.

The IRS can fuck right the fuck off.

Got home to a letter in the mail saying that my return was incomplete - sign this, send it back in ten days, dire consequences, yada yada... Unfortunately, my life is scattered across three counties right now and it's hard to lay hands on the proper information.

Luckily I e-filed, so the return is stored electronically, right? WRONG-O. A certain company (whose initials are Turbo Tax) doesn't store "incomplete returns." They do, however, FILE THEM. And the IRS accepts them, and disburses the refund, and only four months later gets around to telling you that you left something out. In this case, it was the dippy e-signature thing; I was supposed to punch in some long confirmation code that I never received.

The form the IRS just sent me told me to use a different confirmation code, "included in this packet." No it wasn't. I called the IRS. I spent ten minutes wandering aimlessly through menus, unable to raise a human being (even though about one million of our fellow citizens work for this preposterous money-chugging behemoth), told by the automated system that pressing zero, saying "agent," and shouting "DAMMIT ALL GIVE ME A !%^@%$!* LIVE PERSON" were invalid entries...

Finally got a live person. Got the information in about sixteen seconds. This raises a small question in my mind:

WHY THE FUCKITTY FUCK DID I HAVE TO CALL THESE FUCKING PEOPLE IN THE FIRST FUCKING PLACE? They already know everything I'm telling them - I had to call them to get the information they needed from me FOUR FUCKING MONTHS after already disbursing my refund. And I say "disburse" rather than "give it to me" because they didn't even fucking do that - they sent the whole damned thing directly to my student loan creditor, even though I am NOT in default and was making regular payments. (Said creditor then had the gall to write to me and say that of course my next regular payment was due as usual, though they'd gotten nine times that amount in the mail just a few days prior.)

The IRS can FUCK the FUCK OFF with inefficient, bureaucratic knobs on, and double-plus-fuck-off for not magically knowing the "please stop fucking me off" code.

Whew. I needed that. Thanks.

We live to serve, 'Fly!

People who drive in the MIDDLE of a road, when there are blind curves and hills, can FTFO.

The street I drive in to to go to work is like this - I turn off the "main drag" and on to a residential street. My office/classroom building is at the end of the street. (it's a narrow, two-way street at that)

There are several hills and at least 3 blind curves on the street. Nearly every day, I meet someone tooling up the MIDDLE of the dang street, going at least 10 miles over the posted speed limit (which is itself about 5 miles over what I'd consider the maximal safe speed). I've had to almost run up onto the curb several times to avoid head-ons with these idiots.

(Of course, most of them are yakking on cell phones)

Oh, and while we're at it, the denizens of the apartments along the street who insist on parking their cars OUT IN THE STREET (so they will be six steps closer to their apartment) when the street is already too narrow, can FTFO. I have ZERO sympathy for the people whose mirrors have been taken off or who have been sideswiped by drivers on the street. There's ample parking in the lots; you're just being lazy.

I can fuck off. I went to the range last night to test fire a couple weapons (one new, one rebuilt), got a wee bit lazy, and was caught breaking a safety rule that, while inconvenient, is in place for an excellent reason.

Now I get a review by the safety committee. I won't lose range privileges, but....I can still fuck off.

And anyone else who forgets that weapon safety is a serious matter can fuck right off.

On the positive side.....both weapons are working great! I just have to get used to firing a pistol smaller than the massive .45 I'm used to!!!!

It takes a big man to fuck himself off, Jeff.

Thanks, Julie. But I have to ask....if I'm a big man, why did I buy a small pistol? Isn't that a contradiction? :-p

Not all men can have big pistols, Jeff.

Preferential treatment based on race can totally fuck off. I don't drive in to a resort every day. It's called WORK.

(And I thought being a big man meant you could fire whatever you want.)

Well, I guess I'm one of those "one size fits all" guys, Cullen......

Thanks for the reminder, Kate.....

Idiot "equal opprotunity" specialists can fuck the fuck right off. So can insecure office chiefs. As well as idiot "equal opprotunity" specialists and insecure office chiefs working together to produce a display of such moronic behavior that I want to run out the door and start selling my body on the street corner, just so I can say I don't work in that organization.

Happily, I'm not the target of their moronic behavior, but the sight of two men willingly sticking their organs of regeneration into a meat grinder, and inviting the female population to turn the crank is such that I cringe in shame. Shame for my organization, my gender, and the human race in general.

(And we can fire whatever we want to, Kate. The question is, how well [or poorly]] are you firing?)

Jeff, guys with big pistols are compensating for something. Ask any woman. It's the same with chrome: lots of chrome equals very little package. (Or, as a friend once said, "I drive a Geo Metro. What does that tell you?" smile).

Hey, Jeff, as long as your pistol perfectly fits its holster life is good.

I think it all falls into the "right tool for the right job" kind of category.

Jeff, guys with big pistols are compensating for something.

Hmmmmmmm.....having a small pistol and a big pistol sez something about that....

I'll just have to take Mr. Bingley's advice on this!

...having a small pistol and a big pistol sez something about that...

I think it says you go both ways...

BUAWHAHAHAHAHA! With firearms, that's not a good thing......

Jeff, it takes a big man to admit he has a small pistol.

Oh, and for Val: FUCK THE FUCK OFF AND DIE ALREADY, FIFO, GODDAMN YOU COMEMIERDA PIECE OF PIG SHIT! QUIT FUCKING TEASING US.

"I just have to get used to firing a pistol smaller than the massive .45 I'm used to!!!!"

JeffS - my Dad used to say "never get into a gunfight with a pistol that doesn't start with "4" " (although I think he'd make an exception for one that starts with "5") - I hope you're just using the mouse-gun for plinking. As the late, great Jeff Cooper used to say "a 9mm is nothing more than a badge of authority".

It's not exactly a mouse gun, John. It's a .40, as I am a firm believer in exactly what your Dad told you (I loathed the 9mm Baretta whenever I was mobilized......I seriously considered breaking regs, and hauling along my personal cannon. Good thing I didn't, though).

It's just that the pistol frame is smaller than what I'm used to. Consarned thing bucks like an angry mule!!

You fellas will have to talk to Jan Libourel about your disdain for the lowly 9mm.

I happen to own a 9mm Beretta, and am satisfied with it except for the trigger pull (pretty bad, and I have low standards in such things). I'd really like to get a .45 model 1911, or a knockoff thereof, but current finances don't allow that at the present time.

Email me if you don't get the Jan Libourel reference.

Ken - Kimber is a nice choice, or so I hear from friuends in the know. I generally like my Glock, but I hate the trigger on it, too. I've had bad luck with S&W, and won't buy another Smith product.

JeffS - you wanker. Talking about a "puny" .40 is like walking up to a bunch of drunken girls singing "Whip out your big 10 inch" and saying "I've only got nine and a half. Can I play?".

BUAWHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Yes, John, I'm aware of that. But my .40 (a Glock as well) does have a smaller frame. Hence (from one point of view), it is a smaller pistol.

/nitpicking

Ken -- the Baretta is not a bad pistol, but it's not what I would buy, and I wasn't real happy with the Baretta I was issued. And I just don't have much faith in 9mm, is all. What's good enough for cowboys is good enough for me.