it comes in pints?

Damn. I've barely gotten into it and I'm appalled.

Oy. I don't have children, but even I think this woman is way way way overboard. What will she do now, drown her children so she can stroll through museums unhindered?

Fuck off, you stupid French tart. With a cheese encrusted wine bottle.

PS: Mt FFOT comment(s?) come later. First, breakfast......

Ken,
Even when I read blog posts by parents who are frazzled and exhausted because of their kids, there's always an underlying hint of love and humor to their frustrations, like they ultimately believe all of the grief is worth it. This crap is just a laundry list of stuff she had to give up and extra work she took on without the slightest counter of all of the positive things that come from having a family. Look at your posts about your daughters, how proud you are of them, how lovely they've turned out. Or Joel's outlook on parenting. It's got to be tough, for sure, but what about the support, love, holiday laughter, watching kids grow and learn? The horrible thing is this woman probably thought she was being funny and cute. Yeah, sure. Your kids probably thought it was great to see their mother publicly announce they were a mistake.

Jeff -- that was another thing. "ohmygosh, I couldn't take in the surrealists' exhibit without Junior complaining about being dehydrated! Woe is me!" Just the selfishness in general - "it killed our sex life." So what? Like raising decent human beings isn't more important than sex and lattes and trendy museum exhibits?

Holy Christ. I had a fuck off but after reading that I am aghast. I'm glad I believe in sowing what you reap, 'cause that lady's got some awfully pregnant karma waiting to fuck her the fuck off.

Cullen, the worst part is that the karma will probably land on her kids.

I really hope those kids get good jobs to pay for all of the counseling they'll need.

Cette chienne peut baiser le casser.

Man, babelfish sucks ass and can fuck the fuck off. The above french is supposed to be a translation of "This bitch can fuck the fuck off."

Val,
It says "this dog can kiss to break it."

"this dog can kiss to break it."

Words to live by.

Well, Val, you could say

"Cette chienne peut baiser ma cul"

which is (roughly) "This bitch can kiss my asshole."
(Cussing in French isn't my strong suit. We studied Racine when I was in high school and there's really no vulgar slang in there).

"Foutre" is the closest French equivalent for the verb you're looking for, but I'm not even sure it has the same impact as the anglo-saxonism. A lot of those Frenchies toss around four-letter words like Valley Girls toss around, "Like" and "ya-know?"

****

And now for my FO:

And yes, I know this is INCREDIBLY petty but it is something that chaps my hide every time it happens:

Students who walk into a Friday morning class, see it nearly empty, and turn to me and say, "Do I get bonus points because I showed up today, hee hee!" can totally, completely, and utterly sod off.

I am SO FRIGGING TIRED of that line. It wasn't even funny the first time I heard it, and I've heard it at least eight times a semester for the eight years (24 semesters, give or take a few - I teach summer school) I've been teaching.

Today, I heard an even worse variant: Dude walks into class, looks around, says, "Not enough people here; go back home."

No. Dude, you do not have the say. Don't even presume that.

To the students who say that, I have two responses:

1. If you really think you have to get "paid extra" for doing something that other people don't seem to want to do even though it is something you are expected to do, you're going to be very unhappy in the working world. I recommend an adjustment to your expectations.

2. I don't get paid extra for grading your crappy homework that was written in your tiny, crabbed handwriting while you were sitting in the deer stand/in the bass boat/in another class and then that you spilled Dr. Pepper on. And that you then stapled together out of order, so I have to take it apart and try to figure out where you hid the answer to question #6.

So, whiny "why do we have to work on Friday" people, flip off.

...and I just read the link.

And that woman can most certainly fuck off. (And yes, I'm using the "real" word here).

Good grief, lady (and I'm using that term loosely) - it's called being a grownup. It's called accepting responsibility. (And I observe her kids are 10 and 13 - not babies - and neither one of them, apparently, is disabled.)

And what a horrible, anti-mother thing - to say "why should women transform themselves into fat beasts of burden in sack-like dresses?" Because maybe there's something more important in life than looking like Kate Moss or whoeverthehell is the popular fashion model now?

Gah. No wonder France is slowly and steadily capitulating to the Muslim immigrants; not only are the native Frenchies child-averse, they're so self-absorbed that they don't care about what happens outside their own tiny frame of reference.

Gah. I think I need to go now and watch one of my friends (who are all GOOD parents) play with their kids or something as an antidote.

When I read the linked article, I had to laugh at the kid's reaction to the art exhibit. "Bullshit" is a perfect description of a dispiritingly large fraction of modern art.

This "lady" reminds me that I should really be thankful that Aguste Dubost was smart enough to get the heck out of Normandy after the Franco-Prussian War. Ironically, he left because that war convinced him that he did not want any of his descendents drafted to fight European wars. Well, I guess nobody saw the World Wars comming that far ahead.

Emily:

Like raising decent human beings isn't more important than sex and lattes and trendy museum exhibits?

Not if you're a self-centered idiot freaking out because you've finally realized that the universe does not revolve around you. People like get me riled up; I want to go to France and thump this ignorant bitch on the skull with a cluebat. The kids would be better off if she put them up for adoption.

/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\

My FFOT contribution:

Any senior leader who sneaks around you to visit your customers, just so they can say "Hey, I visited so-and-so, and they actually say that they know you!" can take their arrogant, oversized, cheese encrusted ego, fold up until it's all corners, light it on fire, and use it to FUCK THE FUCKING FUCK OFF.

Not only do you come across as arrogant and petty, you are telling our customer that you don't trust your own staff. I know that you're new to us, but you just seriously stepped on your own wang, bubba. I ain't forgetting this one.

Ricki, I just had to shake my head at that "fat beasts of burden in sack-like dresses" crack too. I've seen far too many good-looking mothers to take it seriously.

At the risk of offending a portion of the local clientele, there's a reason the term MILF was coined.

While it is true that I have not had a girlfriend for over 10 years, and, yes, it is true that in that time (and before that time) I haven't gotten so much as a single phone-number let alone a date, and it is also true that I make the mistake of generally only being interested in women who prefer to be with good looking guys who treat them like shit...I mean, confident guys which makes it all more pathetic appearing, this is not license for busybodies to go behind my back and try to "help" the situation. Meddlers and "helpers" can fuck the fuck off. Thanks for creating an awkward and slightly embarrassing situation for me to come back from vaction to.

Also, coworkers who, intentionally or not, spend a decent portion of the time I was away throwing me under the bus, get in the fuck off line for the fuck off ride at FuckOffLand.

Ken,
That's something I was thinking too - lots of moms are great looking, lost their baby fat, and have a ton of style. Give me a break.

And even if they HAVEN'T lost their "baby fat," or wouldn't know "style" from an outhouse, should it freaking matter?

I mean, I don't want kids, but I still think if I wound up with one, I'd make a hella better mother than the woman in that article. Or lots of Frenchwomen, apparently.

It shouldn't, Ricki. But that woman kind of implied that women are basically consigning themselves to be ugly and dumpy and fat for the rest of their lives should they choose to have children, which is just stupid. Women without kids can let themselves go just as easily.

Selfish people like that crazy bitch can fuck right the fuck off. Also students who CAN'T READ. Not because they are illiterate mind you, but because they don't know how to read and STUDY. CHRIST. It tells you to use the fucking COMPOUND microscope, right there in the fucking directions, genius. So why is your slide on the Dissecting scope and you're complaining to ME that you can't fucking SEE anything? Oh yeah. DUH.

Also, I am not your bitch. I teach your class, and I am nice, but that DOES NOT FUCKING MEAN that I will do whatever you ask. Whining at me just fucking pisses me off, it won't help your cause. Why don't you spend your time STUDYING if you want a good grade rather than bugging me to churn out more materials for you.

And one more thing. Did I mention that it is BEYOND stupid for you to BITCH and MOAN about not having enough $$ to buy a second textbook to replace the one that never shipped, BUT YOU CAN FUCKING GO OUT AND BUY A $300 CELLPHONE because it gets internet and has a keynboard. YOU HAVE A GODDAMNED GOOD BRAND FUCKING NEW LAPTOP YOU FUCKING MORON. BUY YOURSELF A FUCKING TEXTBOOK SO YOU WON'T BE BOTH BROKE AND FLUNKED OUT OF SCHOOL YOU FUCKING IDIOT.

AND SHOW THE FUCK UP TO CLASS ONCE IN A WHILE.

CTG - well, the laptops or cell phones could have been Christmas or birthday gifts or something, but what kills me are students who whine about the cost of textbooks, but have no problem coughing up the dough to drink their body weight in beer every weekend.

CTG, if I had a buck for every time a student tried to look at a slide using a dissecting scope (or, worse, tried to cram the whole frog/flower/whatever under the compound scope), I'd almost be able to retire now.

I'm kind of relieved it's not just me that happens to. Sometimes I wonder if my great mental presence in a classroom sort of sucks the intelligence out of all the students, based on how some of them behave...

And I am SO WITH YOU on the textbook bitching. Look, if you drive a nicer newer car than 90% of the people in this town, you have no right to gripe about paying $90 for a textbook. Or if you have an iPhone you spend half of class showing off - don't come crying to me that you "can't buy" the textbook.

All the gadgets aside, I was always prepared to have to spend a huge chunk of money at the beginning of the semester on text books. I even prided myself on the creative ways I came up with to save here and there. And these guys have things like e-Bay and Amazon where I bet they can find stuff even cheaper! (oh, crap. Listen to me. "Kids today..." I sound like my mother). What are they complaining about? It's not like having to buy text books is some kind of fucking surprise. Especially science text books. They are *always* expensive. And if these guys think $90 is a pop, try majoring in art history. You want to talk about expensive fucking books....

"Laure said that the exhibition was "bullshit." Cecil began to scream..."

I'd say the karma has already landed.

Of course, it was an exhibition on "Belgian surrealists", so it's 50/50 on whether I'd also call it bullshit or let out a scream. Maybe both.

You want to talk about expensive fucking books....

Ken showing off his gold leaf edition of the Kama Sutra again?

Anyhow, that 'womyn' can most definitely fuck off. I will in fact raise a non-alcoholic beverage in honor of her fuckoffedness tonight as I sit in the restaurant hopefully several tables away from Daughter and her friends as they gleefully and most noisily celebrate her birthday. They'll yell and scream and giggle at insanely high and annoying volumes and drive me completely insane...and I will love every minute of it, because that's what you live for when you sign up for this parent gig, so you can totally fuck off and climb back into your putrid self-serving jar of Pardon Me Do You Have Any Grey Putain that you oozed out of.

That's "Grey Poupon", Bingster. Although for The Selfish And Stupid French Tart™, "Get Pooped On" would fit nicely.

Whoa. She decided after 13 years and one bad day at a museum that becoming a parent, two times over, was a "mistake"? She publishes this diarrhea and people are eating it up? Do they not understand the population crisis in and potential decline of European civilization? Up yours with a baguette, biotch.

To the airhead seller who supposedly mailed the book I purchased, and who replied when I reported that it never arrived, "I didn't send it certified mail or anything so I can't track it," then copied and pasted Half.com's entire "Buyer Protection Policy" into the e-mail (duh, I can look it up myself when I go to file a claim against your stupid ass): Fuck off and step out of your little Oblivionland. Delivery confirmation is worth the 60 cents or whatever. I needed that book--and (sorry to our esteemed professors, I am going to whine a little) you wasted my time and my money and took advantage of my need for a cheaper used copy. And all you can say is, "I don't know what happened. Sorry for the inconvenience"!? Prepare yourself for the negative review, you clueless idiot.

And party planning with family members (especially the ones who are last-minute, pie-in-the-sky types) can fuck off. I don't think I need to say any more about that.

Jeff,
"Putain" is the French word for "prostitute." I think Mr. B wrote it deliberately....

Bingley's "Grey Putain" would have made me spit beverage onto my monitor, had I been drinking at that moment. Good one.

I am not in complete agreement with Corinne Maier, only in 90% agreement. (I disagree, for example, with the "fat beasts of burden in sack-like dresses" bit, because that describes me from approximately the age of eight until the present day. Except I don't wear dresses.) Which is why I never wanted kids and didn't have them.

It seems to me that if you don't want kids, either give them up or keep your yap shut about it.

On the other hand, this is a great antidote to those who swear that if you'll regret it if you don't have kids. A lot of people say that they regret childlessness, but no one ever says they regret having children, for reasons that should be obvious (and it's not because they don't regret).

I will gladly denounce Maier's "egg-shitter" terminology if parents will denounce those mothers (virtually always mothers) who act as if the mere fact of birthing a child has qualified them for the Nobel Prize.

(I am sore on this topic ever since they had some sort of bash-the-childless fest over at Tim Blair's, which reached its nadir when Zoe Brain, a transsexual, went on about the "selfishness" of childless women. I think that if there's one person who ought to keep her yap shut about this particular topic, it's a man who became a woman after having children.)

Yeah, Angie. That's kind of what I was referring to with my "sainthood" remark. You know what's even more selfish than not having children? Having children you don't really want or can't afford or won't make the time for. I don't owe it to the world to reproduce.

Read the link. Appalled.

Ricki says the kids aren't disabled. I'm not so sure. A 10-year-old who screams and has to be taken outside - ? I can see a 3-year-old, but a 10-year-old?

And at 13, I would think Mommy could succinctly explain that "we did what you wanted, now it's my turn" and the kid would get it. That's how it would have worked with mine, had I ever had to actually point it out. Don't remember having to, at least not by that age. Maybe when she was 7 ... maybe.

So IMHO the kids either are disabled, or are criminally spoiled/neglected as to social development.

"Putain" is the French word for "prostitute."

Entschuldigen Sie, Herr Bingster, ich kann Deutsche, ich kann nicht Französisch. Dann ich verstanden, das war sehr lustig!

Laura,
Given that lady's attitude, I'll put my money on "spoiled."

Meine Güte! Ich bin unhöflich. Dank, Emily, für Ihre Hilfe.

In Munschen steht ein hofbrau haus.

(Sorry, just wanted to show that I'm not entirely clueless about things European....)

Bingley,
Eins, Zwei, G'suffa!

And Jeff,
As meine Oma used to say, "nicht zu danken, drei Mark kosts."

ich bin ein jelly donutschen.

In München wir trinken bier, ja!

ist das nicht ein schnizelbank?

ist das nicht ein fette sau?

Your Oma was a smart cookie, Emily! ;-P

Mr. Bingley, as one of my teachers used to say, "Sie haben die Fleisch gehabt!!"

Aw, you all are making me miss my relocated-to-CA friend who used to speak German to my cat. She would give him a very puzzled look from her hiding spot behind the sofa as he spoke to her.

And I'm still laughing over "Grey Putain." I may not know French but the Italian and Spanish words are very similar.

FUCK THE FUCK OFF TO THE FUCKING IDIOT IN ONE OF MY CLASSES THAT ABSOLUTELY INSISTS ON SITTING IN HIS CHAIR WHILE LEANING BACK ON IT, JUST BARELY ON THE SEAT. DONT YOU FUCKING KNOW THAT YOU WILL FALL OFF, ESPECIALLY WHEN I GRAB THE FUCKING THING TO PUSH IT BACK DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I AM NOT SORRY AT ALL THAT YOU FELL ON YOUR PRECIOUS LITTLE ASS AND NOW YOUR PREPUBESCENT MACHISMO HAS BEEN BRUISED. GO AHEAD AND WHINE TO THE SECURITY GUARDS. THEY WILL JUST LAUGH AT YOU AND TELL YOU THAT ITS YOUR OWN FAULT.

I believe the phrase we're looking for is "Cette salope peut aller se faire foudre." (I knew someday my education would come to some value.)

Anyone who thinks nobody should have children has no right to exist, having once been a child herself.

From the description of her little darlings I'm pretty sure the woman's neighbors wish she hadn't had children too.

That being said, a cynical and selfish attitude towards one's fellow beings is characteristically French. As is the obverse: a cloying, sugary sweet sentimentality. In short: they're nuts. Ignore them.

Late addition to the FFOT: The assholes who were trying to illegally dump in my apartment's parking lot, who then lifted my phone number off the incident report when the police (yes, I called them) were there, and now are calling and leaving me harassing messages on my home phone number, can fuck off in the heap of twisted metal shit they were trying to unload. It's an unlisted number, so now I have the ringer turned off for however long it will take me to change my home number, which of course is associated with all my major household accounts and will have to be changed everywhere. And I will have to explain to the HR lady about changing my number, which I'm dreading b/c she seems to have a problem with confidentiality. Dammit. On top of that, I lost a night of schoolwork b/c I had the police out here twice. I have just slightly less than a year left of this fucking hellhole that I am TRYING to make livable, and shit like this happens. Next fall can't come soon enough in that respect.

And I guess next time I'll just have to close the blinds and pretend nothing is happening down in the dimly lit parking lot. Bastards.

Kate, that sucks with intern-like vigor. I join you in your FOAD, especially for the HR information sieve.

Kate, prosecute them to the fullest for harassment and intimidation. Log EVERYTHING.

And get a weapon if you don't already have one. Not likely little pissants who leave messages are likely to go any further, bot don't take a chance.

And any HR person who has a "problem with confidentiality" should be fired.

Joel, thank you. Yeah, she's got problems and it's a small office. Hence the career change in progress.

Ken--Well, the calls were not threatening, fortunately, and the officer who came after I called about them said I shouldn't hesitate to call 911 if it escalates. Fortunately there have been no new calls since (guess they had to go do some more scavenging and dumping), but I'm still changing my number.
And I think the company is incapable of firing anybody these days.

Kate,
Damn, that totally SUCKS. What a bunch of assholes. All around, from the dumping idiots to the HR broad. Grrr. Keep your chin up. Like you said, one more year....

Hey, Emily, thanks.

I had coffee with a friend of mine today and she was so ticked she said if they threatened me, "Just tell them they're gonna have to deal with your mean older sister"--her! Hahaha.

The bright side is that my sibs actually came out of the woodwork to make sure I was o.k. (b/c otherwise I don't hear a whole lot from them).