it comes in pints?

Pete Stark can Fuck Off.

Cancer can FO.
Specifically, neuroblastoma can FTFO.

Ugh, I can't express it as well as Val can... but cancer, especially in a 9 month old baby, who already lost one eye to neuroblastoma, and now went from being fine 4 weeks ago to having a neuroblastoma in her remaining eye, a neuroblastoma that grew so fast that it is already too large to laser so she has to undergo chemo today...
well, cancer, you can just kiss my ass.

Cancer can indeed fuck off. With rotten festering cheese knobs. Sideways.

People (especially in Herd Mode) can FOAD. Quit being stupid. No seriously. I can't fucking take it any more.

I have to say I second Julie. Cancer, especially childhood cancer, can just fuck off.
****

That said: politicians who "put a human face on the issue" by finding some sad-sack that they think needs a government handout - and therefore imply anyone who questions the validity or necessity or AFFORDABILITY of such a handout is just an old meanie who hates people and wants them to die - can FTFO.

You can say "but it's for the children" all you want. That does not necessarily make it right. You can say, "but there are OLD PEOPLE who have to decide between medicine and heating oil this winter!" but that doesn't necessarily make it right.

However, highjacking the whole debate by putting someone with sad puppy dog eyes on television to make everyone who has a heart that bleeds even just a tiny bit feel sorry for that person - it's just wrong and it's MANIPULATIVE. Let's call it what it is.

It's not that different from the little kid who falls down on the playground, looks around to see if anyone who saw him, and THEN starts bawling to get attention.

Oh, and while we're speaking of manipulative tears, Ellen DeGeneres can FTFO, too. Look, if you disagree with rules, if you think they're wrong, you don't just merrily break them - you work to get them CHANGED. And just because you're famous doesn't mean you should be exempt. Especially from rules like this.

Oh my goodness. In a little baby? Cancer can fuck off on the expressway to HELL. Jesus. How sad. What an awful thing for a wee little thing to have to live through, let alone what the parents are feeling. It must be torture for them.

To add to the Ellen thing - celebrities that have emotional meltdowns on television can fuck off. Look, I know you have feelings like the rest of us, but also, like the rest of us, you should be expected to confine them to privacy and carry yourself in public with dignity and a little bit of fucking decorum.

A- fucking- Men, Emily. Add to that celebrities whose lives are such FUCKING TRAIN WRECKS that it ruins the lives of those around them just by association.

Oh, Emily, I haven't had jury duty yet (I was away at college the only 2 times I was called, and that was over 10 years ago) but I hear it's not usually fun. Hope it goes quickly for you.

Pathological liars can fuck off. I don't understand how lies just roll off someone's tongue like that. "I'm working on it" is not the same as "I have a copy of the assignment sitting in a folder on my desk." Jeez. These people give me the creeps sometimes.

My jury duty is next week. Bleargh.

Concur: cancer can fuck off and die. And in children? There aren't enough pixels on this planet to tell that fuck off.

So can Pete Stark. Who is representative of a type of cancer on our society, now that I think upon the matter.

Idiots who don't know how to communicate changes in a plan everyone agreed to can FUCK OFF. Or, even better, just admit that the plan sucks in the first place, and it's time for a new approach to the problem.

Jury duty, eh, Emily? My sympathies. I've been tapped three times, but only got as far as jury selection (my professional credentials and experience tend to disqualify me; for example, some lawyers don't like it when I mention that I had law enforcement experience while in the military).

Cancer and all of its invasive cells may fuck off. I heartily agree.

Pneumonia in a charming lady who was fighting fucking cancer, but didn't have the immune system to battle fucking pneumonia can fuck its nasty self. Rest in peace.

The rapid progression of Alzheimer's Disease may fuck off as well. Damn.

Halle Berry, Oscar Winner, and winner of multiple other awards, who says that she STILL can't get roles in Hollyweird because she's "African American" can fuck off with a rusty chainsaw. Listen, sister, as far I can tell, you're gettin' paid the big bucks, you're getting roles and you're getting respect. I think your smug mug is in the fucking theater this weekend. Fuck off.

Oh, fo' realz Ellen DeGeneres and her crocodile tears, her above-the-law, the-rules-don't-apply-to-my-celebrity-self can verily fuck the fuck off with the aforementioned used rusty chainsaw and go fly a kite in an electrical storm. Read the fine print, or pay the fucking price of admission like the rest of us, "sister." There are rules for a FUCKING REASON. We all love puppies, too. Grow up.

People (students) that can't use the telephone, or those who don't know their email passwords, or ask if they can "text me through MySpace" instead of email in their fucking homework assignment. Also to those who do not know how to ask permission to do things that they want to do. To people that do not eat breakfast and then whine to me about how ill they feel at 10 am. Don't you fucking realize it is because you (students) are crashing because of a low blood sugar. FTFO to those who cant shut up and watch a fucking video about earthquakes, which is just what we have been studying. It's even one that talks about how you can survive one. Here in LA, that should be taught to you early and often, just like hurricane survival should be (or is) on the south-east coast... ARGH!!!

Susanna,
Yeah, about Halle Berry. Hasn't she been consistently employed for years now? It would be one thing if that remark were coming from a lower-profile, struggling actress, but Berry can fuck off. African-Americans appear in television shows and films in a much greater proportion to their actual population. I don't think this is a BAD thing, and I'd rather have an industry that goes out of its way to represent ethnic diversity than one that actively ignores it, but give me a fucking break, Berry. You're a stinking rich mega-star.

GMT - some day, we're going to have to have a FFOT Teachers Edition for all of you guys!

I agree about Ms. Degenerate. When I signed the adoption contract for Bear, I had to initial it in several places, and one of the places specifically said that if I ever had to give Bear up, that I would take him back to the shelter. It only makes sense. But what gets me is that she's trying to circumvent the rules (and now getting The Donald involved -- eyeroll). Another case of "EBM" syndrome (Everybody But Me) that I F.O.'d last week.

Oh, and the baby's name is Lauren, if you want to keep her in your prayers (along with her mom and dad, Tammy and Andrew.)
And, if you're ever looking at pictures of your kids and you notice that one eye reflects red and the other reflects white, TAKE THE KID TO THE DOCTOR IMMEDIATELY. Tammy has made a point of telling people about this, and twice it has led to children being diagnosed early with eye problems (one was glaucoma, the other was neuroblastoma.) It can save a kid's life -- LITERALLY: once the tumor gets to the optic nerve, it heads straight for the brain.

Thanks, y'all.

I'm not sure the rest of y'all would want to read a "special teachers' FFOT" as it would be exceptionally long and scorching.

Oh, here's one I forgot:

students who skip class, and then call me up and ask me to "e-mail me what we did in class today" can FTFO. No, I will not be your secretary. I have a website of class materials. You may go there. Note that I do not put up everything we do in class - that is part of the point of being in class.

And no, I do not record and transcribe the student discussions for the service of people who couldn't be arsed to be there. I'm sure that it would violate some privacy rule, on top of it JUST BEING NOT FAIR to ask me to do it for you.

ricki, it sounds like your idiot students would benefit by them taking correspondence courses. Assuming that they have the motivation to fill out the forms in the first place.

And. of course, they couldn't whine to you. Which is probably another reason why they wouldn't bother......gotta have someone to blame for their failure. Besides themselves, I mean.

For which, they can double fuck off.

Ricki,
I would skip class on rare occassions, but I would never EVER have the balls to go to the teacher and ask them to tell me what I missed. I may have asked a classmate to have a look at their notes or something, but give me a break! What a bunch of morons!

I don't have any FO's of my own, but I echo Julie's cancer one. CCFOAD. (Julie, would it be all right if I post that one for prayers? They can't hurt.)

Will definitely keep Lauren in my prayers, Julie. There aren't enough FO's for cancer.

Ricki, I have never heard of such an idiot thing to do--that's an outrage. Why bother to go if it'll be spoonfed later?

Em, thank you. All I have to say is, that probably the week that you have one, I will have had the best week of my teaching career, and the opportunity will have been wasted.

Sweet Crunchy Christ on a Crouton!

I was AFRAID of my teachers and had RESPECT for them. Some of them made an indelible mark on my life. When I got married, I invited three of them to my wedding reception and they came. My brother invited them, too. We often see them at holidays, go to their homes and knock back some drinks.

I am so totally appalled that someone would have the shamelessness to ask for the class notes after bailing on class.

Entitlement can fuck off.

Joel,
Yes, please post and/or send to any prayer warriors you know. She will be having chemo today and tomorrow, so it would be very timely.
Thank you!

Sweet Crunchy Christ on a Crouton!

Ironcially, that's less metaphorical to a Catholic. He does tend to be a little crunchy. (Was that lightning I saw coming this way?) :)

Julie, I posted here. Keep us posted.

Daylight Savings Times can take a flying leap into the abyss.

Yeah, there's no respect anymore. When I was in college (ahem) 10 years ago, just having to email a professor to ask a question or set up an advisement meeting used to give me the cold sweats. Calling someone Professor meant respect.

Fuck the stupid parents of this generation who don't respect themselves enough to teach their kids to respect their elders.

And Alan, don't forget Congress, who can go in there right alongside DST for (among their MULTITUDE of sins) fucking it up in the first place.

CTG, you made me smile. When I was in college, there was no e-mail. (And when Ken was in college, there were no phones.)

When Ken was in college, there was no college.

Hey, now... be nice... I went to college with Ken. In fact, I think I have some pictures of him in his freshman year (yes, we had cameras back then). Maybe I'll get them scanned someday...

By the way, we also had $5 lids back then, so life wasn't all THAT bad! :-)

Julie,
Pictures of Ken in college?

I.

Will.

PAY.

A he-man sized sizzling slab of FTFO, garnished with zesty cheese knobs to:

Vending machines with the screw-type product delivery system that stops one erg short of dropping your item to the bottom.

Perky people

Fleas

Death, for claiming one of our dogs last week.

Pictures of Ken in college?

I.

Will.

PAY.

If Julie sends them, I suspect she will too. :)

Heh.
Heh.

Let's see, Kenny-boy, what would you pay me to NOT send them? :-D

Eh, I'm far too old to give a rat's patoot anymore...

Even if you could remember what we were talking about...

Ken,
Shut the fuck up with the "old" shit.

Love,
Emily

I TOTALLY agree with the DST eff-off, and the eff-off to Congress for extending it. There are few things I find more depressing than having to drive to work at 6:45 am and have it look like the freaking dead of night out there. It is not nearly so bad driving home at 5 or 6 pm and having it look like the freaking dead of night.

And no, having that "extra hour" of daylight on the back end doesn't help me beyond that I don't have to put the lamp on quite so early when I'm grading. It's not like I can run out and get in nine holes of golf at the end of the day or something. I suspect the DST extension was made PRECISELY for that reason - so idle politicians can go out and have an extra hour of fun in the afternoons, while the rest of us continue to work, and curse because we are driving in in the dark.