it comes in pints?

Daylight Savings Time can fuck off. Plenty of people have ranted on why this is a stupid idea, even if it has been around since WWI, so 'nuff said.

Hillary Clinton can fuck off with a cheese encrusted voting machine, and not just because she's a power hungry "intellectual" "elite". If you mess up in public (such as in a debate), you need 'fess up in public, especially if you're running for President. You know, the most powerful political office on the planet. Don't play the gender card. Pelosi has already lowered the glass ceiling (or, at least, replaced with with bullet proof glass).....there's no need to give her a hand.

The writers of "Heroes" can fuck off if they don't get their storylines moving. I'm starting to suspect they're just small poorly developed ideas that they have to stretch out over x amount of episodes. As my friend from college would say in reference to the long-winded alumni we were paid to call and ask for donations: "Wrap it up!"

P.S. Emily, my friend who is a marriage counselor calls Dr. Phil a "thug with a Ph.D."

Double the fuck off to Daylight Savings Time. $12 hamburgers at Mohegan Sun can fuck off, so can $6 shots of Dewars. Christian Pastors who embrace the techniques of Scientology can fuck the fuck off. Presidential campaigns starting two years before the election can fuck the fuckity fuck off.

You wouldn't be as cute with one ear, BTW.

Kate,
I've heard "Heroes" is a good show, but I've never watched it. But that kind of sounds like what happened with "Lost." It started out pretty good, but because American network televsion insists on milking their programs for every penny, a lot of the episodes now just have a bunch of pointless fillers that don't really move the story forward at all.

As for Dr. Phil, it's not just that he's a thug (don't give me that "he's being tough for their own good" bullshit), it's that the people that he counsels usually have much deeper problems that can't be wrapped up in an hour. I know he has his stupid "Dr. Phil House" or whatever where people get more thorough therapy, but even if that's the case, I don't really think problems that profoundly personal belong on television. Don't people have the dignity to keep these things to themselves anymore?

And Carl Bernstein can fuck off, with his snotty elitism about journalists only giving readers what they want and that's why the news is sucky and celebrity focused. Okay, so I'm not claiming to be the voice of everybody, but listen up - I'll even shout it for you, Bernstein and your ilk: I DO NOT KNOW ONE SINGLE PERSON WHO REGULARY READS THE NEWS WHO IS NOT SICK TO DEATH OF CELEBRITY SHIT BEING THROWN IN LIKE IT'S THE SAME THING AS REPORTING ACTUAL IMPORTANT EVENTS. GOT THAT?

For fuck's sake, during the height of the Hilton hysteria, I actually considered taking the stupid bitch out myself and doing the time for it just to make her fug mug go away. And don't fucking act like a lot of your "celebrity reporting" isn't actually just studio-planted advertisements for television programs and movies. I'm tired of seeing things that are blatant promotions for upcoming releases being treated as if they are news.

Fuck you, Carl Bernstein.

Fuck you Sam Raimi. Spiderman 4. Just fuck off.

Kate, I, too, started watching Heroes last year but abandoned it mid-season because of the slow plot. Now I have no interest in it.

And I second the DST fuck-off!

CCFOAD, as usual.

Bill, that story about the Reverend Clams is revolting. I second your FO on that one.

And the Writers Guild is cordially invited to fuck off with dried-out typewriter ribbons. So strike. Who'll notice? They'll just get a couple of developmentally-delayed twelve-year-olds to scab for you, and nobody will be the wiser.

Oh, please don't let this thread devolve into a shit-on-writers moan. Please remember that 1) your hostess happens to BE one and that 2) the WGA has done a LOT to help protect me and things that I've written. There's a lot more to writing than being developmentally disabled, and those scabs you mention are going to find the doors of opportunity that they gleefully took advantage of slamming in their face as soon as this is all settled. And you WILL notice the writers are gone when the only thing television has to offer are game shows, reality crap, Law and Order re-runs, and dimwitted talk show hosts left to their own devices. You think most movies that come out now are bad? Wait until they have to dust off the B-list scripts that are in storage for a good reason.

Besides, I don't think anyone here would like it very much if you helped create something and in the interim of its initial distribution, a new way of sellling it emerged and the guy the check is made out to kept all the proceeds for himself because there's nothing in writing that says that he has to share.

I second your complaint about the ear infection. It's been weeks and my sinuses are just now starting to come right. Poor Ladybug is still fighting through some of the aftereffects. Whatever the heck that was can FTFO.

Idiots who go on Judge Judy because they think the whole world will agree with them can FTFO. OK, so you're on Judge Judy, and you're trying to explain why you shouldn't have to pay your back rent, because you have your kids to think of. Cue violins, squeeze out a few tears - and then JJ questions you for two minutes, and you are forced to admit that your three kids have three different fathers, and that you've been living off the SSI disability benefits of the eldest child, who is autistic, instead of spending that money on HER. Maybe THIS is why YOUR OWN PARENTS are suing you.

Or, you could sell a couple of cel phones on eBay, and then send the winning bidder PICTURES of those phones, claiming that those were all the bidder actually won. "'Cuz that's whut it says in the ayd, and it's not mah fault shay cain't rayd." That's really your defense? That's the best you can do in a court proceeding? You, Ms. Cretinous Thieving Trailer Queen, are a FUCKING MORON who should be in JAIL. TEN MILLION PEOPLE are listening to you proudly talk about your scam.

They should just rename that show "Bad Life Choices Theater" and be done with it. What's worst of all, I got hooked while I was home sick and now I CAN'T HELP WATCHING. I need an intervention.

I need an intervention.

A divine intervention? Or can we wait for Messer Summers to return?

Jeez, Emily, I just read that link to Carl "I broke Watergate!" Bernstein. Bernstein is an old blowhard trying to stretch his 15 minutes of fame out for a few more years. I'll bet he's jealous because he's so full of himself that he makes Hilton look like an effing genius, thus diverting all that media attention from him. Us proles just don't know a great intellect when we see one.

Fuck you, Carl. In fact, fuck off and die with a cheese coated copy of this, including the security seals. Whining loser, shilling for a whining loser.

Oh man, Emily - sorry to hear about the ear infection!! I am just now recovering from mine, via penicillin - and it was NOT fun! Feel better!!

Let's combine Emily's and Nightfly's television FO's and pitch "Bad Life Choices Dirty Laundry Theater". Sponsored by the latest perfume from Skanky McHotel.

Emily, I apologize and withdraw the fuck-off. I had no idea you were part of that organization. They can fuck on.

This is the Islamic answer to Doctor Phil......both of whom can fuck off and die with a rusty chainsaw.

Actually, I'd be happy if WGA goes on strike. Better $$ for them and more time for Wii and catching up on the 200 hours of crap stored on my Tivo and working through my netflix queue. More time to read and write, too.

I don't have a good FO this week, so I'll hit the usual suspects: Work can FO. Traffic can FO with a rusty chainsaw, and Cancer can FOAD with crusty pus filled cheese knobs.

Oh yeah... Dr. Phil and his "WHAT IF you stop picking your ass and start picking your nose?" crap can fuck off and go fly a rusty kite in an electrical storm.

He hams up the Texan accent, too. Such a male hysteric. "Bully with a Ph.D. is right."

Hey, DOCTOR McGraw, WHAT IF you cut the crap and stop being a bully and talk to people like they're human beings? Oh, that's right. The only people senseless enough to appear on your Oprah-For-Carnies-Television-Show have sub-room temperature IQs.

Rat fuck.

Doormats can fuck off. My 70+ yrs old mother just fucking tripped and fell in her apartment, and now has a broken finger and torn rotator cuff in her shoulder and will miss a lot more work than she can afford. fuckityfuckfuck. thank god she managed to avoid breaking her hip.

Not that Oprah "Crocodile Tears" Winfrey is any better.

My father-in-law, a neurologist, has rendered his clinical opinion on her. He says she is a "moron." That was after the whole cattle/beef/mad cow thing, in which Oprah's loudmouthed, reckless medical expertise regarding Creutzfeld-Jakob disease wrecked the livelihoods of many thousands of ranchers.

Moron.

The most horrifying thing about Dr. Phil is that the Pathmark near my house has obviously some kind of shared deal with Dr. Phil - so that little TV screens thruout the enormous store broadcast helpful little sound-bite tips, from Dr. Phil himself.

It seriously feels like I'm in Demolition Man or something ("Be well!") - where the "benign" leader's face is EVERYWHERE, piping his helpful messages into every public space possible.

I'm doing grocery shopping and cannot escape Dr. Phil's head babbling at me to "talk to my partner about my feelings" as I go through the produce aisle. Or I stand in the cereal aisle and there is Dr. Phil's talking head telling me I need to let go of my anger.

I mean, honestly. ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

Oh no! Doormats and falls can indeed fuck off.

Here's to her speedy recovery!

Susanna,
I wrote off Oprah permanently when she had Michael Moore on to promote Sicko and declared that everybody in America needs to see this movie. Seriously, all politics aside, anyone who recommends that guy's hyperbolic, factually challenged bullshit is a fucking idiot.

Holy crap, Sheila. I think I would lose my mind.

Another thing that bugs me about Dr. Phil is how bleeding condescending he is, especially since he's really dispensing nothing more than common sense to people who are either in an irrational emotional state or self-destructive in a commanding tone. Um, dude, it doesn't take a PhD to tell married couples they should be nice to each other or to explain to an alcoholic that their behavior is hurting themselves and their loved ones. You are not a fucking genius.

I think he's more of an opportunist riding the Self Help Gravy Train for his own benefit than a guy who sincerely cares about helping people. You don't need your own TV show to do that.

Emily - I read a book last year about the self-help industry and how it is (increasingly) filled wiht charalatans (even more so now - because of the Internet, etc.) You barely need any qualifications to hang up a shingle and be a therapist. I can't remember the name of it but I have it home, I'll check - it was AWESOME.

It is also connected somehow to our fascination with cults ...

I watch Dr. Phil (because I can't help it, okay?? I'm picking through pita bread and he's there above me, musing about abusive relationship dynamics) - and I see these people listening to him as though THIS will be the quick fix, the pill, the easy way out ...

It's like the diet industry, being filled with people saying they have THE WAY to being thin.

Follow me! I have found the trick!!

See, here's the thing about Philip McCrevass, Phil McCracken, Phil McGraw... whatever his fucking name is... he is SUPPOSED to appeal to everyone. He is supposed to be this big, macho, ex-jock dude that dudes will listen to and so forth.

And my husband laughs out loud, with disdain, whenever His Smugness comes on the TV. The guy is a world-class sell-out, financed by Oprah herself.

Cults and pita bread and Dr. Phil--now there's one interesting combination.

Mr. Bingley, sorry about your mom and I hope she gets better soon. You too, Emily.

Sheila,
That's the thing that kills me about his show. Sometimes I watch, too, for the trainwreck appeal of it...but the last episode I watched was a couple with a troubled marriage because he smacked her around and she was an alcoholic. Um, these people HAVE to know what the problem is with their marriage. It's like, they need some guy like Dr. Phil to tell them "you need to stop beating your wife" and "you need to quit drinking"??!? WTF? And they kept showing this video, over and over, of the guy hitting his wife in front of their very, very young, screaming, frightened daughter. The little girl must have been around two. And they just kept showing it...exploiting the vulnerable emotions of a child that size, REPEATEDLY, for the sake of sensationalism and ratings? It makes me fucking SICK.

Dr. Phil is an asshole.

Yeah - God forbid that the people listening to Phil actually do any real WORK to fix their lives. No. They think Dr. Phil has a magic wand. "Tell us what to do!! Give me 3 bullet points of advice ... but don't tell me to do any deep WORK ... because I'm scared of that!! Just do it FOR me, dr. phil."

Bah.

I think I need to throw eggs up at the TV screens next time I go shopping.

Oh crap. I keep signing "red" when I mean to sign "sheila".

Maybe Dr. Phil can tell me the deep subconscious motives I have going on beneath this slipup.

Sheila - you really need to be more up-front with your feelings. =P

Bings, sorry to hear about your mom. Prayers will go out for her quick recovery.

That's what most of those "self-help" type gurus are. Like you made the comparison with diets. People don't want to exercize and give up gooey foods. They want somebody to tell them they have invented a pill that makes their bodies melt off pounds while they sleep. I know there are people that genuinely need therapy, that need a doctor to help them through their difficulties, but that usually requires more care than an hour-long lecture. People just want Dr. Phil to FORCE them to do what they don't have the guts to do on their own. It's just a quick fix. The problem is still there, even if it goes away temporarily.

FOAD all of the little snot-bags that think that they are the ones that run a school. Dont they fucking know that that is akin to the prisoners running the jails, although they probably all would like it that way, because I can see at least 5 of my students that are heading that way if they don't realize what the fuck they are doing with themselves, or what they might do after their mommies and daddies kick their sorry asses out of their houses.

Also FOAD TO THE ASSHAT THAT STOLE MY fUCLA TOWEL THAT I HAVE HAPPILY BEEN USING TO WIPE UP ALL OF MY MESSES WITH. THE FUCKING RETARD IS A SORRY EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING AND IS ONE OF THE ABOVE. I FUCKING HATE HIM. MAY HE ROT IN HELL.

Emily - yup. Look, I've had psychiatric help. I have needed it. I am grateful for it and for the drugs they prescribed. They saved my life. But it's hard work (for some of us) to be healthy (not for everybody - but for some of us!) - it's HARD WORK. It's not a bullet pointed Power Point presentation that will give us the key, the magic pill ... it takes work. Day in, day out.

Dr. Phil and his bald head propagates the view that being (a good husband) (a healthy person) (a loving wife) is easy ... that everything can be tied up in a neat little bow after one half-hour episode of his bald ass lecturing me.'

THINK AGAIN.

Everybody who's commenting on the strike when they have no CLUE what they're talking about can fuck off.

Daylight fuckall time, yeah, it's about fucking time you fucked off.

Being halfway through the NFL season needs to fuck off, too.

Sleep. Since you're rarely around, fuck off.

My downstairs neighbor's very impressive stereo power can fuck off.

Finally, baby spinach that's more stem than leaf, fuck the fuck off.

Oh yeah, and, once again, my coworker who is just a fucking bullshit factory and who constantly made shit up and lied about things so that late summer and most of fall were fucking miserable, needs to fuck off. Miserable shitdrip.

This guy.

Denounced his son-in-law to the FBI as a terrorist, then when he was caught, "He has admitted sending the email, but said he didn't think 'the authorities were so stupid that they would believe anything. But apparently they are.'

He said he 'couldn't help the US authorities' paranoid reaction'."

What an unspeakable jerk.

Everybody who's commenting on the strike when they have no CLUE what they're talking about can fuck off.

That would be me. I absorbed a news headline and didn't read enough further to know better. Fucking off as ordered, ma'am. :)

Laura, that's un-frimpin'-believable. Does he have no idea why we're so cautious? It's only paranoid if it's not justified.

That said, I'm more pissed at him on behalf of the American authorities (who have better things to do) than on the douchebag-in-law's behalf. My daughter's brought home a couple of losers I wouldn't mind having subjected to a body cavity search.

Joel,
That wasn't directed at you; it was a week worth of frustrations of reading blogs and comments from people who just plain have no idea what they are talking about. At least you only told the WGA to fuck off - I have a tendency to get pretty cynical and reactionary when it comes to striking unions myself. But I'm getting a little tired of being insulted with suggestions that screenwriters are just greedy idiots whose shoes could be filled by anyone who can peck at a keyboard. Seriously, I know it's not brain surgery, but trust me, it ain't that fucking easy, either.

Seriously, I know it's not brain surgery, but trust me, it ain't that fucking easy, either.

As I well know. I write for a living, too, mostly fluff and the pseudo-informative stuff that you have to put a "paid advertisement" disclaimer on. (I call it "prostitorial.") Honestly, most of what my job entails makes the typical movie script sound like Pulitzer material. I was just having a gratuitous sneer at Hollywood, and aimed it at the wrong people.

I'm going to offer a late fuck the fuckity fuck off to all the Trade Kobe talk bullshit. I don't know what the fuck has happened to the Lakers - if it's just as simple as having Derek Fisher back - but holy fucking shit, three games into the season and the Lakers actually look like the fucking LAKERS.

As far as the writer's strike goes, I wish you guys well (if only because I am an aspiring writer myself). Here's hoping that the industry figures out a solution that's good for both sides.

Late to the party, of course, but FUCK OFF WITH BELLS ON TO THIS MSNBC [spit] HEADLINE WRITER.

"Christian Pastors who embrace the techniques of Scientology"

300% tithes?

And some very aggressive techniques for keeping the sheep in the fold.