I second you on the longest week ever thing. I think it's the damned leap year having some kind of weird effect of slowing down the time that we're at work.

What I think can FTFO for the week?

ALL of the bad crap going on in the lives of people around me can most sincerely FTFO. It hurts to see people I care about hurting. And the repercussions - the fact that I need to pick up extra work, or other people need to take over responsibilities, stuff like that - is killing the folks who DON'T have bad drama going on (all three of us).

And the people who feel the need to blow minor crap up into GIANT HONKING DRAMA can FTFO with a venegance. (Firefox is telling me that's spelt wrong and I can't think of the correct spelling right now). Anyway - I DO NOT CARE that you and your boyfriend had a big fight earlier this week; woman up and hand your homework in on time. If your life is so adversely reacted by his every bad mood, you're probably better off without him, honey. ESPECIALLY if you're asking everyone around you to make allowances for you 'cos you're "really really upset." There are lots of things I could be "really really upset" about but I make an effort not to let it affect how I function PROFESSIONALLY.

Yeah. Work can fuck off.

Did I miss a memo, or was this "All 30 Motherfuckers I Work With Turn Into Drama Queens" Week? You know, it's bad enough to work with teenagers. But when the grownups start sniping at each other like teenagers, it makes me wonder if we ever truly get out of junior high.

Useless herbal remedies can fuck off with cheese-dipped echinacea lozenges and zinc knobs on. I'm worse today than I was when last night when I took the stuff.

And I know that I come from a tradition that teaches patient endurance of minor sufferings - and I'm trying real hard, ya dig - but this will probably scuttle my wife's plans to see Henry Rollins at House of Blues tonight. This is very upsetting to me.

Ricki - I think "venegance" will do as a shorthand for "elegant vengeance." Makes it sound classier than just smacking somebody around. We're all about class here at the FFO.

Anything that scuttles plans to see Henry Rollins at the House of Blues can fuck off. Even if he is an asshole. Unless it's the House of Blues in Anaheim. That place can fuck off big time. I wouldn't go there again if Elvis was opening for Jesus.

My sinuses can fuck the fuck off.

Man, Emily, I'm tired too. Nightmares can fuck off. I've been having a lot of them this week and I don't know why. (And Henry Rollins is an asshole? Do tell! I just remember one of the few things my brother and I bonded over in college was the "Liar" song.)

Ricki, you sound just about ready to hang a "Save the drama for your mama" sign on your office door. Feel better, 'Fly--if what you were taking was homeopathic, sometimes it makes things worse. That's the signal to stop taking it, then things will get better. Laughter is still the best medicine, and on that note I left something at the ANTM watercooler for you.

It's actually been a pretty good week. Had a great birthday Monday, and today is Go Texan day, where the Trail Riders ride their horses and pull their wagons along the freeway access roads in order to get to the Houston Livestock Show and Rodeo (http://www.hlsr.com/wh/wh_tr.aspx). Anachronisms like that always put me in a good mood, so I can't think of much to FO today, but I support you all in your rants. :-)

A horrible week, a horribly long week, that can fuck off until the cows come home from their date with Ken. Epitomized by the unexpected business trip next week which offered the tantalizing chance to have a few beers with someone whom I think is just aces...but of course the way my fucking life is going the one night I'm free is the one night he's not. fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck.

I fully expect that several seagulls will shit on my head as I walk to the ferry this afternoon. Pencil it in, folks.

Self-righteous ignorance can fuck off.

Surprise participation in a conference call can fuck off. Phones make me sick to my stomach. They can fuck off with a phone up their ass. My one goal in life is to never use a phone again.

B, if the seagulls won't, I'd be happy to!

I knew I could count on you!

Going against the ancient customs of the FFOT, I would like to offer a word of thanks to a member of the entertainment industry who sometimes goes against the Hollywood groupthink.

I don't think much of her as an actress, but I have to admire her for expressing herself so forthrightly. She may well save a few lives.

Great catch, Jeff!

Back into FO Mode......

CEOs who want to make a name for themselves by loading excessive work onto their subordinates can FUCK OFF with a cheese encrusted box of kleenex. 'Nuff said there.

Obama The Messiah™ can fuck off while hopping around the Beltway on a cheese encrusted pogo stick. Now that he has a good chance of winning the Dhimmicratic nod for Presidential candidate, he's showing his true colors, and he looks to be worse than Billary. Makes me long for the days of Billy Jeff schtupping interns in the Oval Office.

I needed a chuckle. "Not if Elvis were opening for Jesus" is a good one. Thanks, Em.

Actually, my shifts have seemed shorter this week as a 1 A.M. close time turned to a 10 P.M. close time. I'm sure it will wear of, but still...not a bad week.

This is for all the androgynous nitwits out there and the girls who don't know any better than to swoon over them:

Mr. Sandman

Yes, I sent it to my daughter. She's a big girl.
: )

Laura, those Disney girls are cooler than I gave them credit for!

My FFOT is once again directly at our brilliant and esteemed members of the MSM whom, last week, swooned over fidel and Cuba's savior brother raul, ad nauseum, ad infinitum, upon castro's "retirement." here's a FUCKING clue, MSM: fidel castro is DEAD, ICE FUCKING COLD IN SOME FUCKING EMPTY FUCKING MEAT LOCKER IN HAVANA (God knows there's been no meat in that locker for decades), while what's left of his government kisses your ass and manipulates those tiny liitle specks of a speck of a speck of a brain of yours and convinces you just what a brilliant, benevolent, beloved leader the bearded MOTHERFUCKING bastard was. And what's worse, dear members of the MSM, is you complete IDEOLOGICAL FUCKING TOOLS are lettings yourselves get FUCKED LIKE A SAILOR WITH A FISTFUL OF FIFTIES AT A FUCKING WHOREHOUSE, all the while fawning all over yourselves at how moral and just and ideologically perfect your INANE AND FUCKING MYOPIC - not to mention COMPLETELY FUCKING FUCKED-UP - your FUCKING STUPID ASS MOTHER FUCKING assertions are. And WHO THE FUCK VOTED YOU to be the FUCKING IDEOLOGICAL fucking police, MOTHER FUCKERS? take your fucking opinions on fidel castro and shove them in his FUCKING COLOSTOMY BAG, FUCKHEAD MOTHERFUCKING FUCKS.

I guess I need to read more blogs... I thought MSM was Miami Sound Machine (blush)... It's not. :-)

On behalf of my oldest son (who will probably be too zonked to do his own FFO), graveyard shift can fuck off with cheese-encrusted Vivarin. Poor kid (he's 19 tomorrow) just got his first full-time job, at a frozen-tater plant, and they've got him humping the grave. Meanwhile, the house is far from quiet during the day, what with screaming babies and bickering sisters, and he's got no shot at a social life because everyone else he knows is on a day schedule. Yeah, someone's got to have that shift, but it can still fuck off. With a venegance.

FUCKED LIKE A SAILOR WITH A FISTFUL OF FIFTIES AT A FUCKING WHOREHOUSE,

Val, I hope you don't have any copyrights on that phrase, 'cause if you do, I'm gonna violate 'em like a cheerleader at a frat party.

Sonic Update Manager can go get FUCKED LIKE A SAILOR WITH A FISTFUL OF FIFTIES AT A FUCKING WHOREHOUSE.

Joel's right, that's a good one Val!

No internet because vandals broke the cable connection box outside my apartment and having to buy a new computer can FUCK OFF. Well, the new computer not so much (though the Napster, Ebay, and McAfee Overpriced Antivirus programs I had to uninstall can F.O.), but the no internet for a whole day can just die.

a day late, but OH WELL. things happened.

to the boy not-so-fondly known to one and all as (don't look, Mom) Doucherocket, and to the multitude of girls who let themselves be forced by him and/or videotaped with or without their knowledge, and to the professors & others who allegedly knew about this (don't look, Mom) Doucherocketry and didn't do anything, AND to the school that won't expell him.

Yeah.

Check your e-mail, Emily!