it comes in pints?

Fuck off to that little shit that tailgated me and several other cars in heavy traffic, cut off several people as he tried to weave in and out just to pick up a few car lengths. Fly off the highway and die in a fireball, asshole.

Fuck off to octogenarian (I am, probably, exaggerating but it's for effect) professors who feel the need to spout their personal opinion as though it's gospel truth. And then, when someone attempts to call them on it, they use their age and "wisdom" to deflect your argument.

For example: Gee, professor, I understand your sentiments about who government seems so much more divisive now than ever, but if you read much of what our founding fathers wrote about one another, you'd see that this kind of political in-fighting has gone on since the beginning. The only real change is our eloquence.

"Well, Cullen, that may be the case. But I've been around the block for a few years and it just doesn't seem that way to me."

Well, prof ... fuck off with a cheese-knobbed subscription to the History Channel. Maybe you should think about some of this crap before you spout your politically tainted dogma to a class.

about "how" the government

dammit.

Cullen,
That's just hilarious. Jeebus, didn't this guy ever have to take history 101? Maybe it's just that I took a lot of history in school, but "divisive" has pretty much been a national characteristic before we were even a fucking NATION. How could he even be a professor and have managed to skip the whole federalist/anti-federalist thing or the stories about how much the Founding Fathers argued and disagreed? Does he think Benjamin Franklin farted on Thomas Jefferson and he just pooped out the Constitution and the argument was over?

And another thing -- I don't like people who use the word "divisive" like it's a bad thing. The only time you are going to find a government that isn't divided and where everyone agrees is when one side is forcing the other to shut up. I'll take the arguments over that any day.

The sad thing is that it's grad school and none of the other students will say anything. The guy goes and spouts off about how things were so much better in the past ... his recent diatribe I outlined on my blog about how he said corporations and the government used to be inherently "good" just threw me for a loop. First thing I thought was, "Oh yes. These same companies, the ones that are responsible for us having child labor laws, those good ones, right?"

Sheesh.

Cullen,
That's like when I hear people talking about the "golden age" of Hollywood when everything was glamorous and perfect and everyone was well behaved and classy. Uh-huh. Do you mean like in the days when writers and actors where indentured servants to studios and Judy Garland was being felt up by Louis B. Mayer in his office and there wasn't a damn thing she could do about it? Or are you talking about the days when Ava Gardner was throwing drinks at Frank Sinatra while calling him a fuckface at the top of her lungs in a public restaurant?

"he said corporations and the government used to be inherently 'good'"

Dang, Adam bit into that apple a lot more recently than I thought.

Emily - hahahahaha I love all those Ava Gardner stories. "Do you eat pussy?" said to some dude in the commissary. Yeah, that golden age when people were nice and innocent. Mm-hmm.

And you know how I feel about the whole "entitled to opinion" thing. No. You're not. And if you feel compelled to speak openly on a topic you know nothing about - then don't be shocked and upset when people who actually DO know about the topic at hand call you on your bullshit. If I pontificated on hedge funds in some arrogant "let me break it down for you" way, even though I know nothing about them - I should expect to be called on the carpet.

I can't remember who said it - but something along the lines of, "Everyone is not entitled to an opinion. Everyone is entitled to an informed opinion."

Amen!

Sheila - with the Anonymous thing stepping up, everyone's got an opinion about what they're doing ("gee, how is it any different than any other church" bullshit), with few people actually bothering to find out, you know, what they actually believe. Ten fucking years I've been following the criticisms of that bloody stinking "church," and in all of that time, I have never EVER once encountered a violent, hateful person who wanted to persecute Clams for their beliefs. I have only met kind, gentle souls who wanted to help people that are being hurt and abused. Then the ignorati come along and say "what's wrong with Clamatology?" Don't ask. LOOK. In the age of the internet, you have no excuse for not being able to find out before you defend the indefensible.

The same thing with people who talk about "Hollywood." Um, going to the movies doesn't make you an expert or historian on the entire bloody business. One obnoxious celebrity in People magazine does not equal every actor in this town. If you hate L.A., but everything you know about it, you learned from "Baywatch," fuck OFF.

You know how I feel about "the glory days of Hollywood" people. Give me a fucking break. There have always been scandals, fuck ups, junkies, attention whores, sluts, womanizers, hard drinkers, wife beaters, and loud mouths in this business. The only difference today is that most of them have formed guilds.

I shouldn't be, but I'm laughing at the concept of wife-beating guilds.

"Excuse me, is this the Whoring Local 228?"
"Next door, buddy - this is Gaffers, Grips, and Coke Bingers 616."
"My bad."

Nightfly...we can always count on you for a moment of levity!

Migraines, employees who work fewer hours than you , but complain about their workload, and people who feel the need to come rub my nose in it when my college team loses a game can all fuck off with cheese dipped bells on.

You know how I feel about "the glory days of Hollywood" people. Give me a fucking break. There have always been scandals, fuck ups, junkies, attention whores, sluts, womanizers, hard drinkers, wife beaters, and loud mouths in this business.

Yeah, but it was a better class of scandals, fuck-ups, et. al. At least, they made better movies. :)

As always, CCFOAD.

My family can fuck off (gently, because I love most of them). Specifically, those members of my extended family who recently discovered my blog and are now making it necessary to be careful what I write for fear of hurt feelings. It's worse because my ex (a plague of genital warts upon her!) is married to my cousin, so everything has to be kept nice and upbeat or my son will suffer for it. I had to come up with a post about my dad yesterday because the Harpy's mother-in-law (my aunt) was upset that I had remembered Mister Rogers but not him. Goddammit, if I wanted those people to know what I was thinking all the time, I'd be talking to them instead of writing on my blog!

And this is an ongoing one, but the Harpy can fuck off for ingratiating herself with my family to try and split their loyalties. Sooner or later my cousin will figure out that the reason she married him was to get back at me. But for now I have to treat her as a valued in-law, instead of the hinge-legged, sneaking, cold-hearted, child-stealing Lady-Macbeth wannabe she really is.

Joel...your ex is married to your cousin? That sucks in a way I have no words for. She can definitely fuck off!

Yeah, it started out that she tried to worm her way in with my dad's side of my family in order to make them see what a lousy person I was by comparison. (The pretext was that she wanted them to be close to my son.) She gleaned my cousin's e-mail address from a group mail his mother sent out, and essentially stalked him into a relationship. (He's seven years younger than she is, BTW.) This resulted in his being involved in her abduction stunt , and because he was, I couldn't even tell them that it had happened. A couple of years ago they got married in my grandparents' living room, with the entire family invited but me. (Not that I wanted to be there; I'd rather watch a gruesome car crash. But it emphasized that she could get them to shun me if she wanted.)

You know, when she and I watched "The Hand that Rocks the Cradle" back when we were together, I had no idea she was taking notes.

And with my luck, she'll follow the link from my sidebar and run across this thread eventually. Whereupon I'll probably never see my son again.

Finally, whoever is in the lunchroom blowing the fumes from fried chicken into the office can fuck off and die in an extra-crispy fashion. It's Good Friday, you sadistic heathen fucklehead! Take your yummy stuff elsewhere before I say "screw my immortal soul" and tear the food from your fingers!

Attorneys who decide to quit with no notice and skip out on hearings they were scheduled to be at the next fucking day can fuck right the fuck off. Triply so when said fuckhead of an attorney creates a situation wherein I have to wake my ass up and be in court an hour before I'm use to waking up. Fuck that shit. Besides potentially fucking over your clients, you fucked a fellow attorney who doesn't even work at your goddamned former firm. It's highly un-fucking-professional, you asstwit. And the last fucking thing I want to hear is that you skipped out on your professional fucking responsibilities, you fiduciary fucking obligations because you are pissed off that your employer (who granted, is a Grade AA asshole of the highest fucking order) cut your pay because you don't do all the fucking work that you fucking signed on for. You want to fuck over your now former boss? Fine, asshole. You want to fuck over your now former firm? Fine, jackhole. But you do not fuck over clients you stupid fucking twit of a lawyer. And don't even start with the fucking, "Well, they're not my clients any more." Um, go take professional fucking responsibility again.

Relatedly, asshole attorneys who beg you to do a favor on a moments notice - like, say, covering a hearing because their associate quit on them - who then gives you shit because one judge did not want to wait for you (after already putting you on second fucking call) because, for reasons only known to the first judge, he decided to call your case last (despite being first on the calendar), can fuck right the hell off on rusted cheese encrusted razor blades. I did you a favor, you fucking hack; don't give me shit because the judges didn't want to cooperate with you. Pay me for my time and leave it at that, asshole. And telling me that I should have to pay you next time I miss a hearing is pretty much reason enough for me to never cover a fucking hearing for you ever fucking again. I was covering your pathetic ass, and that's how you treat me? Fuck you.

The copier/printer in the next room can fuck the fuck off. What's the matter, little beeping baby...37,120 copies since 8am is too much for you to handle?

Joel, my husband's ex and your ex should get together and have lunch. They are obviously cut from the same cloth, and would get along famously.

My husband never sees his son at all. They cash the checks alright, but that's where it ends. I'm sorry other people have to go through it too. This kind of stuff can definitely fuck off on Friday, and every day, with all of the latest accoutrements.

Bummer, Joe. Thank God my ex didn't have the backbone to pull that stunt.

Massive computer systems that are designed to weed out unqualified job applicants but somehow fails to identify one clown who is emminently UNQUALIFIED can fuck the fuckity fucking fuck off with a cheese encrusted server.

And the unqualified clown can fuck off with a razor blade if he LIED on the application.

Either way, I'm golden.

Fuck the fuck off to the student that tried to influence what I was going to do or say by bringing her mom to my classroom after school. She was sorely mistaken, and totally embarrassed her mom by acting like a total Ass Fucked, Piece of shit, Fucking fool. If I ever did that as a kid, I would have been summarily beaten until either I was bloody or I would have never been able to sit down properly ever again...

FUCK THE FUCK OFF TO THE FUCKTARDS WITH HOT POKING IRONS AND 10-SPEED FRONT TIRE FORKS IN THIS TOWN THAT FAIL TO CLEAN UP THE FUCKING DOWNED FUCKING TREE LIMBS IN THE FRONT OF THEIR FUCKING OVER-PRICED FUCKING HOUSES. ITS ALREADY FUCKING DANGEROUS FOR THOSE OF US THAT ARE TRYING TO SAY "FUCK YOU" TO THE COST OF GAS BY RIDING OUR BIKES INSTEAD OF DRIVING A FUCKING AUTOMOBILE. THOSE WHO DO DRIVE IN THIS NECK OF THE LA MEGA-POLIS USUALLY DON'T KNOW THE FUCKING LAWS ANYWAY, SO WHEN I HAVE TO GO EVEN FARTHER OUT IN THE STREET, AS TO NOT RUN OVER A 2" DIAMETER STICK OR HUGE FUCKING PALM FROND WITH SPIKES THAT LOVE TO DESTROY MY TIRES, I TOTALLY FEAR FOR MY LIFE. I AM CAREFUL, BUT THEY ONLY EXTREMELY RARELY ARE...

I DONT WANT TO PAY ANY EXTRA FOR MY BIKE TUBES THAN MY WIFE WANTS TO PAY FOR A GALLON OF GAS, AND I DONT WANT TO BE JUST ANOTHER TARGET FOR AN UNINSURED FUCKTARD THAT PROBABLY DOESN'T HAVE A VALID CA DRIVERS LICENSE EITHER. ASSHOLES!!!!!!

Okay, um, GMT may not like all of this. But as a recreational/get-some-aerobic-exercise-besides-running-around-the-office-and-labs-like-a-crazy-person weekend biker (I might consider biking to work too but it's about 50 miles each way), second the fuck off to the twatwaffles who leave shit in the road where it can puncture my tires.

OTOH, fuck off to those dipshit bicyclists who like to bike the small backroad with no bike lane that I commute home on to avoid the parking lot that is the main highway, and WHO LIKE TO RIDE SIDE BY SIDE ON THIS WINDY LITTLE ROAD SO THAT NO ONE CAN PASS THEM UNTIL THEY GET TO ONE OF THE FEW STRAIGHTAWAYS MORE THAN 100 YARDS LONG. Fucking assholes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're a fucking vehicle under the law; that doesn't mean you can't show a little common (or, apparently, UNcommon) courtesy. Dickheads. I pull over to let others go by when they want to go faster, why can't you?

Don't worry Ken, that isn't me. I hate those too, when I am and when I am not riding...

"Excuse me, is this the Whoring Local 228?"
"Next door, buddy - this is Gaffers, Grips, and Coke Bingers 616."
"My bad."

And I thought the Ava Gardner quote was funny....