it comes in pints?

It's in my Netflix queue. I'll have an opinion some day.

Right now though, lack of air conditioning can fuck off. The HVAC guy is coming out this afternoon, so whether or not my HVAC unit can fuck off remains to be seen.

Worse than "The Incredible Melting Man"? Wow.

I haven't seen that one, so I can't say, but if it's worse, you should consider suing.

Whoever associated with delivering the shoes I ordered that decided to slit the box open and steal them instead can FTFO, repeatedly. Fifty dollar shoes, size 7W--WTF are you gonna do with those?

Um, on second thought, if it's one of those shoe freaks, I think I'd be better off not knowing. . .

That's pretty crapulent, Kate.

The Myanmarian despots stealing foreign aid to their people can just fuck the fuck off, dipped in their pilfered gov't surplus cheese sauce and rammed home with a mast pole.

Hezbollah can fuck the fuck off, as can Iran and Syria for this war-by-proxy crap against all of their neighbors. Man up, Ringo, and just say that it's you and your sock puppet buddy in Damascus. Hell, even Yassir owned his own shit. I'm sure Jimmah Carter will respect you in the morning anyway.

Kate... that sucks! And yeah, you're probably better off not knowing.

Serving jury duty on a by-the-books, sterotypical frivolous lawsuit brought on my a plaintiff who claimed ten out of ten pain after being rear ended by someone traveling 5 miles per hour, and who has a history of "slip and fall incidents" can fuck off with a knobby neck collar.

Personal injury attorneys who look like Guido's slimy cousin; who talk to the jury like they are slow 3-year-olds, and who encourage thier client's to run up enormous chiropractic bills in the hopes that there are 12 idiots in the world who will buy what they're selling, can fuck off with a jalapeno dusted volume of case law.

Fellow jurors who reject all of the physical evidence in favor of their "gut feelings" can fuck off with a cheese-dipped evidence book. Take your bleeding heart somewhere else, you fucking morons, and demonstrate just one fucking ounce of logic and common sense!

Okay...so, I did not enjoy my jury duty as much as I thought I would.

Great minds must think alike, because Nightfly's is pretty much what I was gonna say:

"The Myanmarian despots stealing foreign aid to their people can just fuck the fuck off, dipped in their pilfered gov't surplus cheese sauce and rammed home with a mast pole."

And I would add: these Kleptocrats deserve to be assplowed by a Yeti on skis wearing a rocket-powered backpack, who got lost on his way home to the Himalayas.

ANY petty despot who puts his (or, I presume, her, though it seems that petty despotries tend to develop in countries that also keep women down) own luxuries ahead of the basic welfare of his people can FTFO with extreme prejudice.

Look, as an American I tend to be one of those people who jumps to donate aid to people in any nation affected by a natural disaster. But in this case, I'm not sending any money, because there's far too high of a chance of it going to line the pockets of some epauletted asshole who would cheerfully spit in my face if I were within distance of him.

I think this situation makes a lot of people angry because they want to help, but the help they give won't get to the people who need it.

Thanks, 'Fly and MM. And MM--is that what I have to look forward to next Friday if I get called? Yikes!

Ricki--I've been downright skeptical for years when it comes to any kind of donations, to the point where I just say, "I only donate to my church." I'm pretty sure it gets assessed to give "up" to the bigger causes handled by the church at large (including relief), so I figure I'm just letting them sort it out.

The Myanmarian despots stealing foreign aid to their people can just fuck the fuck off, dipped in their pilfered gov't surplus cheese sauce and rammed home with a mast pole.

I second that one, Fly! The Myanmar government's actions on this warrant a congratulatory card from Stalin.

Once again, CCFOAD.

I've been downright skeptical for years when it comes to any kind of donations, to the point where I just say, "I only donate to my church." I'm pretty sure it gets assessed to give "up" to the bigger causes handled by the church at large (including relief), so I figure I'm just letting them sort it out.

Notice that many of the first responders to this have been nuns, whose faith is all but illegal in Burma. But as we all know, religion poisons everything.

Joel,
Yeah, people who dismiss *everything* about religion as inherently bad can fuck off. There's a lot of GOOD done by churches out there as well.

Emily, that applies to more than just religious groups, too. Everyone who is doing something good in Myanmar is having to fight the government to do it. And yet they're still bringing aid. Right alongside the nuns are Buddhist monks, and we know what kind of treatment they've been getting in Myanmar of late.

Yes, religion tends to go hand in hand with charity; it's usually mandatory for the adherents. But as far as I'm concerned, anybody willing to sacrifice themselves in a situation like this is someone I'm proud to share a planet with, whether they profess a creed or not. "Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren..."

[pardon the deviation from the Myanmar despots]
A hearty fuck the fuck off with Tabasco©-tainted toilet paper to the ladies who think it's perfectly fine to carry on a cell phone conversation IN a public restroom.
I don't know your friend/spouse/sibling/offspring that well. Hell, I don't know them at all. I'd even be willing to guess they WISH you didn't feel that comfortable with them.

Gaia only knows what ELSE they think is perfectly fine to carry on a phone conversation doing.

Ugh. No...I really don't want to know.

"Tabasco©-tainted toilet paper"

OUCH!

I'll third the FO the the Burma despots. Kicking them out of airplanes at 10,000 feet sans parachutes is very appealing.

(BTW, I hope Sylvester Stallone is feeling good about himself, 'cuz he pretty well nailed that government in his latest "Rambo" flick.)

Now, for me.....

CEOs who don't know what they want, know that they want something, won't make the effort to say what they want, actually answer the question "What do you want?" with "I don't know", but still insist decision briefs for that subject can FUCK THE FUCKITY FUCK FUCKING FUCK OFF WITH CHEESE CAKES DIPPED IN NAPALAM, FLUNG AT THEM BY THE WORLD'S BIGGEST TREBUCHET, WHILE BEING FORCED TO READ JIMMY CARTER'S AUTOBIOGRAPHY BACKWARDS AT GUN POINT BY AN ASS RAPING HOMICIDAL MANIAC.

Thank you. I feel much better.

People who schedule conference calls at 4:00pm on Fridays can fuck the fuck off. I hope my earpiece picks up every noise the train makes.

Spammers can fuck off - Emily

OUCH!
*snort!*
I was tempted to go with Habañero, but I'll save that for the second or third offense.

A hearty fuck-off in advance to all the snotty self-important ZPG-mongers who are going to sneer at these people all over again. The people who are going to make clown car or inbreeding jokes while browsing through the organic-foods coop can fuck off with a moldy radish. As can the horse they would have ridden in on if PETA hadn't protested.

Jeff S, I had to stop reading your FO and walk away for a moment so as not to attract attention with my chortling. That was magnificent, amigo.

X-LA: I finally figured out that's why people aren't flushing anymore--they don't want that sound in the background while they're yammering. I can't stand that. As much as I haaaaaate the high-pitched squeal of the auto towel dispenser, I *will* use it if someone is standing next to me at a sink and blasting me with a cell phone conversation.

Jeff S: The only thing worse than, "I don't know," is, "Well, you tell me everything you can give me, and I'll decide what I want then." Arrrrgh.

Thanks, Joe. And I endorse your FO to the ZPG freaks. They can help achieve their goals by sticking their heads in a meat grinder.

Kate -- doncha just hate managers like that? It's like "I'm too lazy to be original, so I'll use your brains instead." Dude, just let go of your control freakiness, and enjoy life. You get shot for screwing up only if you work for Hugo Chavez.

A hearty fuck the fuck off with Tabasco©-tainted toilet paper to the ladies who think it's perfectly fine to carry on a cell phone conversation IN a public restroom.

And to the one in front of me in the Express Lane the other day who took so long to get out her money (and fumbled her change) because she was yapping into the cell phone plastered to her ear. Cripes, the store employees with lots of customers to help deserve at LEAST a bit of respect and attention. Grow warts, bitch.

That shoe-stealing shit is harsh. Had that myself...should be easy to find the asshole neighbor who needed a pair of size 14 workboots, but Sherlock Holmes I ain't.

Getting work-related phone calls on your day off can fuck off. Getting ass-reaming phone calls about turning your phone off during a movie can fuck off.

Fuck that. I don't call the boss during his leisure time. He needs to quit bothering me while I'm watching Harold and Kumar.

I have a strange Fuck Off:
Fuck off to not having a private place at work where you can go and have a good cry.
Ladies rooms don't work.
Cars are too public.
Unoccupied offices are locked.
I felt like Christopher Reeves in "Superman", when he needs a telephone booth and looks askance at the telephone on a pole.

And while I'm at it, FTFO to all the radio stations in Houston, who for the last week have had Mothers Day contests where people can call in and win a prize for their mom by saying what a great person their mom IS. Why not have a special contest for people who don't have moms anymore? They can say what a great person their mom WAS? We want to brag on our moms, too. You don't have to give us a prize. We just want to be able to tell you about our moms.

Oh well, call me Scrooge. It's just been a long long long week.
And, enjoy your moms, y'all.

Aw, Julie, I'm sorry. You don't think about how much that would suck until you hear it from someone for whom it is sucking...

Oh, and X_LA_Native, it's too bad that one can't conjure up really horrific gross loud bodily noises on cue, because it would be SO tempting to "let one" while that idiot is in the middle of their conversation. (And then very loudly comment on noise, duration, or odor - loud enough for the person on the other end of the cell phone to hear).

Oh, and people who don't FLUSH in public restrooms can FTFO! I hadn't heard of that but wow, that's nasty. I mean, unless you're in some kind of massive drought situation where "If it's yellow, let it mellow..." is in effect, that's just really horrible and gross.

Can I tell my mother to fuck off? Kinda sorta?

If it's not one thing, it's my mother... and the blessed gift-giving occasion of Mother's Day is upon us. She recently (Wednesday) told me that I would be approaching menopause, and wouldn't I like to have some fucking children? I mean, in like 7-10 years.

And that men get more "distinguished looking" with age and that women, well... we just don't.

Yes, perhaps I'd like to have some fucking ungrateful children not unlike myself who might one day write such crap as this on a Friday Fuck Off Thread about her just before Mother's Day? I just might.

I was looking for a card that said, simply, "You're My Mother." And you know, they don't fucking sell one of those?

Can't make this shit up, people. I can't.

It's for fun and for free. And for fucking off.

And that men get more "distinguished looking" with age and that women, well... we just don't.

I'm sorry, Susanna, but that is simply not true.

She recently (Wednesday) told me that I would be approaching menopause, and wouldn't I like to have some fucking children? I mean, in like 7-10 years.

If you ever have your mom coming for a weekend or something, and you want to borrow a couple to get her off your ass, let me know.

And that men get more "distinguished looking" with age and that women, well... we just don't.

(sings) Oh give me a crone... a crone of my own...

Late to the party as usual - I have to give a shout-out to my gastrointestinal bug.