These pathetic cretins can fuck off.

Obesity Contributes To Global Warming - Study

SWITZERLAND: May 16, 2008

GENEVA - Obesity contributes to global warming, too.

Obese and overweight people require more fuel to transport them and the food they eat, and the problem will worsen as the population literally swells in size, a team at the London School of Hygiene & Tropical Medicine says.

This adds to food shortages and higher energy prices, the school's researchers Phil Edwards and Ian Roberts wrote in the journal Lancet on Friday.

John McCain can take a flying leap off a polar-bear-infested iceberg for sucking up to Pleistocene Liberation Organization enviroweenies moonbats.

If only Dennis Kucinich's flying saucer would kidnap the Arizona RINO and detain him indefinitely on Tralfamadore or Ceti Alpha 5 or wherever so the GOP could nominate a real Republican.

McCain's a Cylon anyway - doesn't that disqualify him for the presidency?

Gaia can eat the carbon footprint of a million SUVs and two million Burrito Supremes for giving North Texas a spring that doesn't come with more than three consecutive days of spring weather.

People who leave 5 car lengths in front of them in heavy traffic can FOAD.
OK, if everyone's going 70, it would'nt hurt to use the "3-second rule". But if everyone is going THIRTY on the freeway at (big hint here) RUSH HOUR, the 3-second rule does NOT apply, buddy! If you leave that much space between you and the car in front of you, Everyone And His Brother (Except ME) will zooooom to get in front of you. Why not ME? Because I'm stuck BEHIND YOU, you idiot, and No One In Their Right Mind is going to let me into the next lane so I can zooom by you too!
So do us all a favor and keep a REASONABLE distance, OK, Mister I'm Too Stupid For My Prius?
Thank you very f-ing much.

I think I had Julie's a-hole commuter cousin in front of me two days ago on the two-lane road we all use to crawl east after work. Never mind you're letting the traffic you're unaware of is behind you back up into the next township. Dumbass.

This week's FO goes to the jerks who keep making their own special entitlement parking spaces in front of my apartment building. I'm not talking about stopping for a few minutes to take in your groceries or drop someone off. There are a few handicapped spaces and a few regular spaces, and they fill up fast. The rest of the parking is in the lots behind the buildings. You have to park there like everyone else. I suspect you're a visitor--I understand it's a pain in the ass to walk around to the front to get buzzed in, or to ask whomever you're visiting to come down and open the door for you, but it's called SAFETY and SECURITY. And your piece-of-shit car that is so lovely to look at when I want to sit on my patio or open my blinds, is (1) parked in a fire lane, (2) making it difficult for people with legitimate parking spaces--especially our handicapped residents--to leave their spaces without fear of collision, (3) narrowing the amount of road a car driving past can get through.

You were parked there when I got home from work last night, and you were still there when I left for work this morning. I reported you to management, and the next time I see your car there, I'm asking the police to come issue you a ticket. Maybe a $100 fine will motivate your entitled lazy ass to respect the other people who live here and do the right thing, to make living here decent. In the meantime, fuck off with a rusty tailpipe.

"Mister I'm Too Stupid For My Prius."

I LOVE that.

Ken-About a month ago or so I read a story in the NYTimes(I think) about how people were debating if the carbon footprint was bigger if one walked to the store for a short trip or drove. You see, if you walk to the store then you burn calories and there is a carbon footprint to the food you eat to replace those calories. It might be better for the earth if you drove. Seriously. The twittery was astounding.

I saw that Dave. I believe it has been largely debunked (better calculations) but I was amused by it.

That's like the huge debate Dear Abby started years ago as to whether you'd get more rain on you by running versus walking. It went on and on, both sides citing their theories of rain drops per square inch times speed, etc. Don't you just want to scream, "DO YOU NOT HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO WITH YOUR TIME?"

Julie has gone and done it now.

I’m too stupid
I’m too stupid

I’m too stupid for the Earth
Too stupid for the Earth
My politics hurt

I’m too stupid for my Prius
It’s quite ridiculous
It never carries us

When I do my little speech
For the Nobel, yeah
And the Oscar, yeah

When I do my little speech
I fly everywhere
Carbon print? Who cares!

I’m too stupid for the sun
Poor Gaia’s overdone
And this is no fun

I’m an eco-warrior
I compost, don’t litter
Because I’m better!

When I say we’ve got to change
Don’t think that it’s strange
It’s your lives to rearrange

I just trade my carbon credits
It means I’m cool
I can burn more fuel than you!

I’m too stupid for this thread.

Right said, Fly!

'Fly, you are too funny! I laughed out loud in my cubicle! Thanks!

Flooding can fuck off.

Assholes who build in flood plains can fuck off.

Fuckwads who let assholes build in flood plains can fuck off.

Shitheads who encourage fuckwads to let assholes build in flood plains can fuck off.

Crybaby pricks who buy or rent what shitheads encourage fuckwads to let assholes build in flood plains can fuck off.

Indeed, they can all FUCK OFF AND DIE AFTER GETTING ASSPLOWED BY A FLAMING DUMPTRUCK DIPPED IN CHEESE AND FULL OF DIOXIN CONTAMINATED SOIL, DRIVEN BY A LITTLE OLD GRANDMA HIGH ON CRACK.

It's gonna be a long weekend. The good news: the flooding is mostly minor.

"Because I'm better"--LOL! Accurately capturing the epidemic of "smug" as portrayed in one of my favorite South Park episodes. Awesome lyrics, 'Fly.

Julie--on Dear Abby? Seriously? Everybody knows if you want answers you write in to Marilyn vos Savant!

I was already laughing at "I'm too stupid for my Prius." Now I will be singing it all day. Then Ken's "Right Said 'Fly" comment! Let's just say between the three of you, hilarity has ensued.

Thanks Julie, 'Fly and Ken...I forgot what I was pissed about! No fuck off's today.

the assholes who broke into my house, scared the shit out of my dog and took my laptop can die with a thousand burning, rusty spoons shoved up their assholes.

My credit card company can also FOAD for making it needlessly difficult to BUY A REPLACEMENT LAPTOP. For FUCK'S SAKE PEOPLE, I just had a laptop stolen. OF course I am going to buy a new one! I shouldn't have to call YOU and the company MULTIPLE times.

Ah, makes me want to take a walk down Tim Blair Memory Lane:

Old Bruce: I’m On Fire

New Green Bruce:

Hey little girl, is your daddy home?
Will you please put down that damn cell phone
ooh-ooh
And pull back that curtain
ooh-ooh-ooh
Damn Halliburton

Tell me now baby, don’t you think it’s alarmin’
How celebrities contribute to Global Warmin’
ooh-ooh
With our greenhouse gasses
ooh-ooh-ooh
Pompous asses

Sometimes it’s like someone took their Hummer, its engine throaty with brawn,
And spent an hour doing donuts in the middle of my lawn

At night I wake up with the sheets soaking wet
Pursued in my dreams by a Swift Boat Vet
ooh-ooh
And when we tour he won’t come see us
ooh-ooh-ooh
Can’t get laid in a Prius...

That whole thread was weapons-grade awesome.

Geez, CTG, that sucks! I hope that shithead Prius-prick who stole from you gets a lesson in karma -- real fast.

I agree that James Frey is a total poncey, self-aggrandizing idiot... except for one thing... he made the Duchess Oprah look like an ass. And that? Well, that's worth Oprah's weight in gold. Or platinum.

I am surprised she did not have his typing paws severed off by Dr. Phil himself on live television accompanied by some sort of Louisiana-style mouth-off lambasting.

Aww, shit, I am sure he will write something she likes about golden retrievers and chocolate brownies one day and he'll be on the show again with Sarah Jessica Parker sharing diet and facial tips.

Oprah can fuck off.

(Loving the Toyota Pious fuck off thread.)

Hahaha. He's got some new novel out now that he's touting. At least this time around his calling it fiction. But I still have to hear him going around everywhere acting like a poseur jackassed adolescent hell bent on proving to everyone how cool and rebellious he is. Grow the fuck up, Frey. There's nothing rebellious or cutting edge about feeling like you need to make a point of it to everyone. Rebellious people are just that - they don't give a shit what anybody else thinks about them. Idiot.

CTG, that sucks!!! So sorry! Hope everybody's O.K.

Lying, defensive-cry-baby-full-of-excuses people can FTFO. It's not five yet but Lord I wish it was. Computer literate, my porcelain white ass. And funny how defensive people can even get huffy with their buddies if they feel threatened. Shut up and take your medicine.

And you know what--this mystifying obsession with Horse-face Parker can fuck off. Why do people fawn over her? I mean, for all I know she's nice to people, but what is with the worship?

CTG - crap, that's lousy. Miserable snots. He probably stole all your sudafed too, the meth head.

That's like the huge debate Dear Abby started years ago as to whether you'd get more rain on you by running versus walking. It went on and on, both sides citing their theories of rain drops per square inch times speed, etc. Don't you just want to scream, "DO YOU NOT HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO DO WITH YOUR TIME?"

I have a son with Asperger's. Never, ever ask him a question like that. He'll tell you. :)

I'm so not impressed either, Kate. I think it was Maxim magazine that voted her the *LEAST* sexy woman. I don't get it with the potty mouth sex talk and the stupid sex movie and sex show.

Yes, I get it. You wear lots of expensive shoes and ironic, mismatched clothes, all the while looking like you ate a sheet of windowpane acid before you got dressed. And apparently you get to bang the rich guy and talk graphic, embarrassing sexy talk while you drink pink drinks and eat canapes with your fellow over-the-hill-rode-hard-and-put-up-wet gashes.

And so? So? So fucking what?

There are some "horsey" looking women who are attractive. She's not one of them. She's cute when she's not trying to be HOT.

Not to bag on people who like that show, but I never got Sex in the City. I watched a couple of episodes and just didn't think it was funny. At all. In one of them, one of the characters meets a guy at a wedding, bangs him in some closet during the reception and is then later disappointed when he didn't stand up for her after his dad pinched her on the ass or something, saying "oh, if he won't stick up for me now, he's clearly not the one." Uh, yeah, you dumb bitch. Guys who fuck women they've known for twenty minutes in the broom closet of a hotel during somebody's wedding isn't exactly what most of us call "a keeper."

Dumb show.

"windowpane acid"--hee hee. Well, maybe that's part of it--people don't distinguish her from her SATC character (that she will never be able to shed for the rest of her life!) and they're really fawning over--gag--"Carrie."

I don't get THAT either. I tried to watch the show and didn't last three minutes.

I saw some interview with Parker and she was talking about how "touching" the movie was.

Touch this, sister.

Emily, you must have a higher threshold than I do!

I was gagging the whole time, Kate. I mean, I'm all for sexual liberation and everything, but there's a difference between liking sex and being a complete and utter slut.

Complete and utter MONEY-GRUBBING, SOCIAL-CLIMBING sluts.

Hahaha. I honestly haven't seen enough of the show to know that much about the characters, other than the fact that they were very unappealing, unlikable people the few times I gave it a shot.

Oh, I am having a stellar day. My DSL can fuck off for refusing to connect when I get home--two nights in a row. I'm upgrading to FIOS on Monday and I swear DSL is just messing with me now. I was especially irritated tonight when it decided to connect after I got through ten minutes of haranguing the automated phone help and had to explain to the live tech guy that I didn't have a reason for calling anymore.

Stay connected, stupid DSL! I have assignments to do!!! Don't make me haul the laptop to my parents'!

Kate - remember, DSL stands for "Dumber, Slower, Longer."

LOL, I didn't know that! I forget what VISTA stands for--that was a good one, too. Made the transition today and everything seems operational, so yay!