John McCain Is Beneath Contempt

That's all I can really think of to say about this story. Other than perhaps to ask, "didn't you swear an oath to uphold the Constitution, Senator? Doesn't your now finally explicit position obligate you, at least to the people of Arizona if not the whole country, to resign immediately?"

(via Pej)

My (recent) brush with greatness

or The Long-awaited Banjo Post

or How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Just Accept That I Suck at Transcribing

Lisa posted about some of her brushes with greatness. Sheila replied with some of hers. Now it's my turn. Not that I have many. Oh yes, I could talk about running into Michael McDonald in our hotel in Atascadero some years ago when he was playing, and we were attending, the Mid-State Fair. But we didn't actually get to talk to him, unlike we did with Paul Revere (of "and the Raiders") just a few short minutes later, who held the door in a very gentlemanly manner for Daughter Number One (who, in turn, was really jazzed that she got to meet "the pirate guy" we had seen performing the night before and made him hold the door several seconds while she stared at him). Nor about the other celebrities and performers we saw at the same hotel that trip.

No, I'm going to describe a much more recent and personal brush with greatness which, tangentially, involves a banjo:

No doubt, you all remember the post in which I posted the lyrics to a beautiful song called "Parnell Square", recorded by the bluegrass group Sidesaddle. That post was sadly turned into something cheap and tawdry by Bingley and Bill, who, to everyone's shock and horror, made tasteless comments about Sheila's sainted boobs.

Well, sad to say, my transcription skills are marginal and I got some of the lyrics wrong. How did I learn this? I'm glad you asked, because it is my recent brush with greatness.

A couple of weeks ago, I was contacted by Jackie Miller of Sidesaddle, who noted that the lyrics I had posted were not completely accurate (but not bad for an idiot - my word, not hers). The lovely and talented lady very kindly provided me with the corrected lyrics and the story behind the song. The tune was originally "Music City USA", by John Westly Ryles. The lyrics were later rewritten as "Parnell Square" by Peter Yeates, who sang the song with a very Irish accent (I've heard part of his recording of it, too). Ms. Miller heard Yeates sing it in Portland, OR, in the mid-80s and Sidesaddle then recorded it in 1991 (along with several other great songs - buy the album, dammit!)

The banjo connection? Well duh. Sidesaddle is a bluegrass group. They have a banjo. Okay, Jackie Miller plays guitar so this point to Cullen (but don't push your luck, boy; I can still hunt you down).

And so, to complete the circle, here the corrected lyrics:

"Parnell Square"

Mary, back from county Kerry, singin' songs and Dublin's all you talked about
I sold everything I owned to bring you here so you'd be famous, there's no doubt
Last night you knocked 'em out in Gallway now Kilkennies runnin' wild
Your new show on the telly isn't bad
But May I'm livin' yet I'm dyin', starin' out at Parnell Square from me cab

Traffic lights blink red and orange, Finlayder's church bells ring out, it's late alright
They're comin' out of the Eiron, and the National Ball Room's closin' for the night
Two young Dublin punks with their safety pins streamin' bottles at me car
These jackeens here can make ya awful mad
But May I'm livin' yet I'm dyin', starin' out at Parnell Square from me cab

Guitars, banjos, mandolins, oh how they play
Pumpin' out the sound from every pub and club 'round Dublin Bay
Although I know I lost ya to the swingin' showbiz world
I remember all the happy times we had
But May I'm livin' yet I'm dyin', starin' out at Parnell Square from me cab

I picked up a fellow kultchy, he was starin' out at Dublin quite amazed
In his hand he had a gatto roll, said that he was just up for the day
So I showed the yob your picture and he made a cut remark
So I floored 'im, jeez was I mad
But May I'm livin' yet I'm dyin', starin' out at Parnell Square from me cab

Guitars, banjos, mandolins, oh how they play
Pumpin' out the sound from every pub and club 'round Dublin Bay
Although I know I lost ya to the swingin' showbiz world
I remember all the happy times we had
But May I'm livin' yet I'm dyin', starin' out at Parnell Square from me cab

Two young fellas told me how they hate the violence and the killin' in the North
Then the big one pulled a gun, held me up, took everything except me shorts
They said it wasn't for themselves, as they headed for the Pond
I know it wasn't for the Lads
But May I'm livin' yet I'm dyin', starin' out at Parnell Square from me cab

Guitars, banjos, mandolins, oh how they play
Pumpin' out the sound from every pub and club 'round Dublin Bay
Although I know I lost ya to the swingin' showbiz world
I remember all the happy times we had
But May I'm livin' yet I'm dyin', starin' out at Parnell Square from me cab
But May I'm livin' yet I'm dyin', starin' out at Parnell Square from me cab

Hahvahd is Teh Suck, Part 21985

This really has to be up there among the all-time most pompous bullshit lines:

"It's kind of disillusioning," Parai said. "Being at a campus full of accomplished people, it's hard to believe that somebody would cheat."

No, actually it's not, you self-righteous, condescending, holier-than-thou, pampered little egomaniac. "Look at MEEEEEEEEEEE, I got into Hahvahd, isn't that supposed to mean that no one will ever question my credibility?"

It's stuff like this...

...that actually makes me proud to be a lawyer. As a once and perhaps future Washingtonian, I regret never having attended an oral argument at the Supreme Court, and I'm looking forward to being eligible to apply to the Supreme Court Bar in December. And I agree completely with Henninger: keep the cameras out.

United 93

Who's going to see it, who's not and why?

UPDATE: Anyone who's now seen it, please feel free to share your thoughts or drop a link to a post you've written about it here.

I feel a banjo post coming on...

...but I'll bide my time...

Experts My Ass

Gawd, I hate so-called "relationship experts." How these people manage to bilk millions from people writing crappy advice books that they peddle with the help of the touchy-feeling chat show circuit is beyond me. They're not academically trained counselors and in some cases, have worthless degrees from e-colleges that have lost their accreditation. I get especially irked that people pay so much attention to advice that rarely boils down to anything more than telling a couple that they should be nice to each other and considerate of their partner's feelings and needs. Duh. If one or both people don't have a grip on that much, they were doomed to fail from the start and no amount of yapping "experts" on Oprah is going to save them. Besides, what kind of moron would take the bum steer from a supposed "expert" who's been divorced? They can't even save their own relationships, let alone those of strangers that they know little or nothing about. That's like asking Tammy Wynette, who ironically will be most remembered for singing a song called "Stand By Your Man," how she manages to stay happy in love (to all five husbands). Solving problems between a couple takes a while and none is going to be saved by a thirty-five minute lecture from John Gray (fuck me if I'm calling that guy "doctor") visiting Dr. Phil's couch.

Then again, instead of complaining about the racket, maybe I should try to get in on it. Apparently, people are willing to fork over their hard-earned cash to any old schmuck for dishing out little bits of common sense packaged as a sure-fire plan to save their marriages from ruin and why shouldn't I take advantage of the opportunity? I'll even charge competitive fees to give the experts, my new colleagues if you will, a run for their money. The plan is genius. I could kick myself for not thinking of it before. So, if any of you out there are having troubles in your relationships, drop me a line. I'll be happy to solve any problems you may have. I'll even begin practicing my earnest, sensitive facial expressions that say "I'm listening and I care" in case my new career takes off and there's a television demand. Go on. Give me a try. The doctor is in.

A Demand

Restaurants that serve fried cod should be required by law to stock malt vinegar.

Pet peeve

One of my pet peeves comes to mind because I'm currently listening the Cunning Linguist on the radio. I'm sick up and fed with people incorrectly using the phrase "begs the question".

I[t] does NOT mean "brings up the question". [Thanks, Gus]

UPDATE: I did not know this one, probably because I've seen (heard) it written (spoken) incorrectly for so long. "The vehicle careened out of control" is incorrect. The correct version is "The vehicle careered out of control". I learn something new everyday.

College - it's like kindergarten only with lattes

Jeez.

If students fidget, talk or walk out of class, the guide advises seminar leaders not to "manage" such behaviors, but to explore their underlying causes. Instructors must remember that to such characteristically American cultural beliefs as the importance of morality, rationality and personal responsibility, there are equally valid alternatives that must be respected.

. . . And finally, if students do not contribute to discussions at all, seminar leaders should "make space for silence."

The road to hell is paved with feel-good intentions.

"there are some people on Earth even Jesus isn't very fond of"

Damn this is funny. Via Cullen.

I made my way toward the university bars, and settled on an authentic Irish pub called "O'Malleys." Everything was as Irish as red-hair and freckles, from the authentic Irish Coronas and Dos Equis, to the authentic Irish giant-screen televisions broadcasting authentic Irish baseball games.

I wonder if Sheila knows about this place.

The strangest thing about the drink was that it tasted good. It was like liquifed, liquorfied candy. But the floating jizz-bombs of Bailey's, coupled with the syrupy goop of grenadine, gave it the consistency of lung-butter. It was like drinking a sweet wad of phlegm, the kind of phlegm you only get when your sinuses become so infected with disease that they're ready to make your head explode.

Yeesh.

Gathering Moss

When your magazine is touting a cover highlight story about the confessions of the soon-to-be ex-Mr. Jessica Simpson, you have officially gone from Not As Good As You Used To Be to Full Blown DefCon One SUCKITUDE.

"Nick cried within the first 10 minutes of the first day and I think that's because he's sad, but also because he's expressing something real," [Rolling Stone writer Allison] Glock told us.

"He cried because he was sad." Jeez, I wonder what other brilliant observations Glock's article will offer. No wait. Actually, I don't give a crap.

Did you know...

...that there's not one, but two dwarf KISS tribute bands?

TV Turn On

In honor of this insipid occassion, I plan to digest every mind-numbing minute of low brow brain rot my remote control can uncover for the duration of the week.

We've always known that there's a lot more at stake than just getting people off their couches: TV Turnoff Week is all about saying no to being inundated with unwelcome commercial messages (because, unlike us, your cultural and intellectual superiors, you are too stupid to discern the bullshit). Saying no to unfettered media concentration (we know better than you how you should be spending your free time). And challenging the heavily distorted reflection of the world that we see every day on the screen (because you can't tell the difference between reality and entertainment, dumbass). All of this is why, in the nearly 15 years since Adbusters launched TV Turnoff Week, it has grown into such a runaway success (if only in our own self-important minds) – such a success, in fact, that there are now literally dozens of groups dedicated to promoting TV Turnoff (and they suck ass as much as we do), at the local level, in schools, universities, malls and public spaces all across the globe (since "pretentious git" is not solely an American phenomenon, but you candied, provincial galoots probably needed us to point this out to you).

[...]

Whatever you find yourself doing for TV Turnoff Week, we want to hear about it. Send your stories, photos, poster designs and whatever else you think might be interesting to TVTURNOFF [ at ] ADBUSTERS.ORG. We'll post the best ones here as the week unfolds.

To: TVTURNOFF [ at ] ADBUSTERS.ORG
From: Emily
Subject: My Week

Dear Adbusters:

I just want you to know I spent my week watching stuff like "Entertainment Tonight," Mexican soap operas and "E! On Holiday: The Sluts of Majorca." You know, for the cultural education.

Now fuck off, you pompous, pontifical, faux-noble snobs.

Warm regards,

Yeah, that pretty much sums it up

Gullyborg presents News of the World, in 30 seconds!

A Young Spielberg In The Making

You can see his first genius effort, Kung Food Guy, here.

(Thanks to proud Auntie Red.)

Can't sleep, clowns might disarm me

Jeff's having too damn much fun with his magic camera.

Hooray for New Math

This is way cool.

Teen's unconventional route decodes unsolved math problem
EL CERRITO: High school junior will take his work to the Intel Science and Engineering Fair in May in Indiana

[...]

The El Cerrito High School junior [Lukas Roots] clinched four awards early this month at the San Francisco Bay Area Science Fair with his solution to a mathematical conundrum known as the Traveling Salesman Problem.

[...]

His path to Indiana began at the end of his sophomore year. Math teacher Jolanta Walukiewicz handed him the fourth edition of "Excursions in Modern Mathematics," a college-level book, as a summertime diversion.

"I told him, there is this interesting book," Walukiewicz said. "Maybe you can read it."

Lukas instantly began to go about solving some of the problems posed but took to one in particular: The Traveling Salesman question asks how to most efficiently plan multiple trips across the nation.

"What caught my attention was it was an unsolved problem," Lukas said. "I thought I might as well try this."

For nine months, he slaved away, even carting the book to Germany for summer vacation, said his father Kim Roots. In the city of Moers, Lukas arrived at an arcade to play the fantasy card game Magic. Out came the graph paper.

Too freakin' cool.

Jeebus wept

Just when you thought the moonbats couldn't get any more moonbatish....

Internalize WHAT?!

There being a common theme to the titles today, I had to follow suit. But this isn't about Kaavya Viswanathan: I don't really have anything to add.

What it IS about is that HOLY. FUCKING. SHIT, I won my first trial today! While it's all a matter of public record, I shouldn't be talking too much about work here, and won't be, but a DUI conviction in my second week on the job feels pretty damn good. I give most of the credit to my trial partner, to whom I'm deeply indepted for helping me get up to speed in so brief a time. This place brings new meaning to the phrase "hit the ground running."

Not a bad start at all: until today I was feeling completely overwhelmed, but now I've got a sense that I really can do this. To say our presentation might have had some rough edges would be an understatement, but it only gets better from here.

Internalize that

Following up on Emily's post...

It's a small advance for society, I suppose, that Ms. Viswanathan didn't merely throw it all on the anonymous packager. And she did contribute some original material. She and her publisher have announced that future editions of her novel will offer more of it in place of the stolen bits. In software terms, that means that "Opal Mehta" was a beta version pawned off as a finished product, requiring patches and additional work that the consumer should have gotten in the first place. I was rather hoping that the practice wouldn't catch on elsewhere. (And I should know, since I Nightfly ran a blog carnival that blew up in my his face some months back. Yes, it was my his fault.)

Good

And about flippin' time.

Bush Eases Environmental Rules on Gasoline
By NEDRA PICKLER, Associated Press Writer
32 minutes ago

WASHINGTON - President Bush on Tuesday ordered a temporary suspension of environmental rules for gasoline, making it easier for refiners to meet demand and possibly dampen prices at the pump. He also halted for the summer the purchase of crude oil for the government's emergency reserve.

Enough with the "boutique" formulations.

Right on Rick

Why I loved this guy even before the Dodgers picked him up (Special thanks to Kevin Aylward)

Be sure to listen to Vin Scully's call. "Wait a minute, there's an animal loose...two of them..."

And the Dodger Stadium scoreboard said "Rick Monday, you made a great play!"

More from Blackfive and Violence Worker

Internalize THIS

Sheila wrote a great post yesterday about the Kaavya Viswanathan alleged plagiarism broo-fa-la-la-la, where the young author appears to have lifted several passages for her first book from another writer.

Today, the news came that Viswanathan has announced that she intends to change the passages in question in future editions of the book, saying "While the central stories of my book and hers are completely different, I wasn't aware of how much I may have internalized Ms. McCafferty's words. I am a huge fan of her work and can honestly say that any phrasing similarities between her works and mine were completely unintentional and unconscious."

As I wrote over at Sheila's place, the only thing this girl has internalized is the shit that she's full of. Even for books that I've read over and over and that I can say completely changed my world view, there's no fucking chance whatsoever that I could "accidentally" lift entire paragraphs from my subconscious, certainly not more than once.

Here's the deal, missy. This is how you handle something like this: "I'm sorry. I made a terrible mistake, possibly even a criminal one. I shouldn't have done it and promise to work hard in the future to earn back your trust by not doing it again." Backpedalling excuse-making will only have you come out of the whole thing looking worse for refusing to accept responsibility for your actions. Perhaps even more tragic, it makes your apology worthless and phoney.

Damn Funny

"Driving Like A Berk."

Grrrrrr - the Car Chase Post

Dear Natalya L.,
Cut it out. I mean it. If I waste my time writing one more post about you, it's going to include your full name and home address. When you pester my activity log, you also happen to dump your IP address, which makes it pretty easy for me to find out who you are. Stupid bitch. Go away.

We now resume regularly scheduled blogging.

Momma 'n' Daddy

I've been really enjoying Professor Norm's "Momma 'n' Daddy Archives," covering country songs about - you guessed it - Mommas 'n' Daddies. I sent him a letter about one of my favorites and he's posted it.

That song always tugged at my heart; not just because it's such a mournful, beautiful piece of music, but also because it's a piece of California's history and because of that, a small piece of me.

He dreamed of something better, and my Mama's faith was strong And us kids were just too young to realize That another class of people put us somewhere just below; One more reason for my Mama's hungry eyes.

I've been "somewhere just below" and gratefully, "too young to realize," even if I do remember the strange irony of people managing to stare while looking the other way.

Oh good lord it's horrible

Do NOT click here. It's not safe for work. Or human eyeballs.

Creativity

I doff my hat to your creativity, sir. From Lucianne.com via KSFO.

Just read it

Now

Post Number 3000 exactly. And there couldn't be a more potent one.

Quiz

So, you run a high-profile institution that charges extortionate amounts of money for services that claim to help people improve their lives and health based on the supposed "scientific" studies of a racist, misogynist madman. The validity of said practices are publicly questioned. What do you do?

a) Compose a well-reasoned response containing facts and evidence to counter the accusations.

b) Ignore the accusations and leave it to the public to find out the truth for themselves.

c) Lie and tell everyone your critics are kiddie fuckers.

Extra credit: How many days can a mentally unsound woman survive without proper medical care, enough food or water and sanitary living conditions?

Confessions

I was supposed to read I, Claudius for a Western Civilization course in college and never did, but I still got a perfect score on the ensuing quiz based on what I remembered from watching the BBC mini-series with my dad.

Your turn.

I love this guy

Love the guy, and I love his new book. Picked it up this past Monday, finished it yesterday. Will trade with Daughter Number Two (the "Grammar Nazi") when she comes home for Mother's Day. She bought his previous book not too long ago and I've been waiting to get a chance to read it.

The Cunning Linguist is my idol.

Did he actually say that?

Jeezus.

Law enforcement authorities also said the bill will prevent investigators from arresting, detaining and prosecuting someone who uses deadly force unless they find there is probable cause that the force used was unlawful.

That pesky probably cause.

Curse Your Neo-Con Imperialism, Dubya!

Forcing yourself on innocent Swedes!

Name That Movie, Part II

Name That Movie

Because I sure can't.

Thanks to Rob for sending the cap in.

Hamas and Fatah shooting at each other

Does it get any better? (via Vegemite Man)

BTW, keep refreshing at Free Will to read the subtitles. My favorite so far: "The culture war has given me a thousand yard stare."

"Stupid racist water"

"Stupid racist water"

Jesus jumped up H Christ on a friggin' pogo stick

God will smite me again

For laughing at this, too.

For those of you in the area...

...you might want to put this on your calendar. Normally, Emily posts the artsy stuff but she's apparently having a weekend romp with some guys named Jameson and Bushmill* and is currently unavailable.

*Because that's just the kind of "bring both sides together" gal she is.

Yeah yeah yeah

God will smite me and all that but damn it's funny.

"He looked like Cliff Clavin in a silk nightgown"

Ha! Steve rocks.

Also, there's a recipe for a Blueberry-banana Placenta Smoothie. Yum!

The Carnival of Cordite is up

At the Revolutionary War Veterans Association. No watermelons in sight, though...

Thom Crews

I said I wouldn't but I found more funny stuff.

After Holmes' delivery, Kidman released a statement saying, "I hope both mother and baby are doing well." The absence of Cruise's name could be interpreted as an oversight or, more likely, a sign that Kidman would have liked to add, "I hope the father drowns in a pool of his own maniacally induced spittle."

Heh.

Lock and Load, Bill!

The watermelons are rising up again!

Why the TSA is useless

Reason Number Many.

DENVER -- A United Airlines flight from Chicago to Sacramento, Calif., was diverted to Denver International Airport on Friday after a man trying to open an aircraft door and claiming to have a bomb was subdued by passengers, authorities said.

Emphasis added.

The ridiculous and ineffective security lines at airports are useless. I am convinced that there will probably never be another successful hijacking on an American commercial flight because the passengers will no longer allow it. People forget that there were at least four incidents in the months after the 9/11 attacks in which passengers took down would-be hijackers or killers (including Richard Reid).

The era of complacency is over; rather than taking potential weapons from passengers, they should pass them out.

Will someone please explain...

...exactly why we should want to legalize vast numbers of unskilled lawbreakers at the expense of law-abiding, skilled, educated, patriotic immigrants? For that matter, at the expense of any law-abiding immigrants, irrespective of skill and education?

Comment of the week

This week, officially a tie.

From Cullen: "They look like something Jane (Tarzan's Jane) would wear if she mind melded with Imelda Marcos and was high on LSD."

From Brian B: "I can claim ancestors who massacred Indians, as well as ancestors who served in the Union AND Confederate armies. If I were inclined to hold grudges, I would be obligated to a level of self-loathing that might just cause a rip in the fabric of the Universe."

Gentlemen, you may collect your prizes on the way out.

UPDATE: Whoops, just became a three-way tie. I didn't see this one a Jeff's earlier.

From Bruce: "It's like Forre[s]t Gump said... 'Life is like a box of fucking morons.'"

Weekend Drink Recipe

Continuing the theme of food and beverage items with insensitive names and helping spread the outrage, how about we kick off the weekend with a lovely drink recipe.

Irish Car Bomb

You will need:
1 Pint Glass
Guinness Beer
1 Oz Whiskey (Jameson's if you're Catholic and/or Nationalist, Bushmill's if you're Protestant and/or Unionist)
1/2 Oz Bailey's Irish Cream

Pour Guinness into pint glass, fill half full. Pour whiskey into shot glass. Pour Bailey's on top. Drop shot glass into pint glass. Drink like you're a 19 year-old co-ed at the end of exam week. Repeat as necessary or until vomit is induced. Wake up with pants around your ankles.

Enjoy and have a nice weekend.

Quote of the Day

"I hate newspapers a lot and try not to read them ever. I hate the Guardian more than all other papers because people who read the guardian go on about 'being guardian readers' and people who write the columns are pure cunts."

"The Earth Fucker"

I started here, scrolled through the Great Beetroot Controversy, and somehow stumbled onto this. BWAHAHAHA!

Ben & Jerry Should Have Known Better

You're only allowed to call it "Black & Tan" if there's alcohol in it. Duh.

UPDATE: Slugger's on the non-story, complete with links to the OUTRAGED! and OFFENDED! about the "chilling tale" (chuckle) and a "where's the Bloody Sunday flavor?" joke in the comments.

What is wrong with this picture?

My buddy Jeff has already eviscerated a story from my local newspaper so I will forego the "pleasure" and concentrate on a different one. Once again, the Ninth Circus Court has invented a new "right", immediately after denying the existence of another. Apparently, the "homeless" now have a "right" to camp on public property if the county doesn't provide enough free beds.

But in the words of Arlo Guthrie, that's not what I came to tell you about. Unfortunately, there is no online picture as there is in the dead tree edition, so I will have to describe it and you can tell me what is wrong with it. It shows four "homeless" men sitting on a park bench. Passing a cigarette.

Humor

Via Instapundit. "Whatever, dude". Be sure to read the comments, too.

Read

Go here. Now.

Name That Movie

This is in honor of Rob.

Absolutely my last Thom Crews post

Unless I think of something else funny, of course.

I don't normally read the "People" column in the local paper because...well, I don't actually give a rat's ass*. But I just had to link to this.

The blessed day has come. The pod has released its payload. The spawn of Cruise has been unleashed upon the planet.

Yes, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes on Tuesday finally brought forth the most anticipated [Feh - Ed.] child since Rosemary's baby.

[...]

It's the first child for Holmes, 27, and the first biological [Ha! - Ed.] offspring for Cruise, 43. Cruise has an adopted daughter and son from his marriage to Nicole Kidman. [Oh - Ed.]

And though, while the folks at People Central are thrilled for Tom and Katie, we can't help being disappointed they didn't name her "L," "Ron" or "Hubbard."

When it becomes available, you can bet we'll bombard you with more information than you ever wished possible.

Heh heh heh.

*Actually, it's usually pretty funny because it skewers pompous, irritating celebrities.

Random question to the blogosphere

Are pilsners more apt to go skunky than, say, pale ales or porters or stouts?

That's been my experience, anybody else?

Best Skylines

This is an awesome post ranking the world's best skylines. The pictures are stunning.

Well, since Emily brought up funny TC stuff...

Heh heh heh (via CTG)

"Speaking From His Martian Hideout..."

This is hilarious.

For tree hugging sis

With our compliments.

Blast from the past "Fat, drunk and stupid is no way to go through Congress, son"

UPDATE: Apologies to Ace for stealing the line and thanks to Emily for making me do it

Oh my Gah-awd! It's the return of Jew Bullets™!

Now with Jeff Goldstein-style asterisks! * *

Waco

Has it really been thirteen years? It almost feels like last week, watching this in helpless horror.

Emily

Whatever else you may do today, do not, under any circumstances, click here.

Interesting questions

Mahndisa has some interesting questions regarding the 14th Amendment, including an observation I hadn't really noticed before.

First question:

So my readers and fellow bloggers, are children born to illegal immigrants on US soil full citizens?

My knee jerk response is, of course, obviously yes. Except that Mahndisa points out something I hadn't noticed: The 14th Amendment doesn't just say "all persons born or naturalized". Section 1 reads in full:

All persons born or naturalized in the United States and subject to the jurisdiction thereof, are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside. No State shall make or enforce any law which shall abridge the privileges or immunities of citizens of the United States; nor shall any State deprive any person of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor deny to any person within its jurisdiction the equal protection of the laws.

Clearly, as Mahndisa notes, there are two distinct parts: birth within the United States, and the state of being subject to the jurisdiction thereof.

I'll ask Dave to weigh in when he gets the chance, but I read this as excluding, for example, tourists, diplomats, and others who are here with the intent that it be temporary. So where do illegal aliens fit in? It depends, of course, on the meaning of the phrase "subject to the jurisdiction thereof", but I am no longer inclined to assume the they get automatic citizenship (but aside to Mr. Grey Ghost: "why should children of illegal immigrants be held accountable for lax US laws on immigration?" For the same reason that children of applicants who didn't get in should be "held accountable" for immigration restrictions)

Second question:

Do you think the Fourteenth Amendment is necessary? Certainly, the Fourteenth Amendment did a lot more than establish citizenship criteria; it also provided voter eligibility criterion, due process and equal protection.

Yeah, rather obviously. I don't feel like rereading the other sections but the Dred Scott decision alone made it necessary. Plessy was based on the narrowest possible interpretation not actually denying the plain language of section 1, and made necessary the rightful slapping down the Supremes gave it in a later incarnation.

Third question:

But in terms of establishing citizenship, how would you all define it? Do you think that being born on US soil is sufficient reason to be granted citizenship?

I do not think it should be sufficient, but until now have assumed it was. I'm not sure of that now. I will say, though, that a lot of legal and illegal immigrants deserve it more than many of the people I am forced by circumstances to call my countrymen.

Fourth question:

Given the more conservative makeup of SCOTUS, it is quite possible that cases involving Fourteenth Amendment matters could be more narrowly interpreted so what do you all think the impact of this interpretation will be on immigrant rights? I mean illegal immigrants and legal immigrants.

Eh, I'll forego this one. Trying to outguess the Supremes is like... but no. That way lies madness.

Mr. Mojo Risin'

Guess who wimped out on his hiatus.

Name That Movie

A few people have written saying they miss the "Name That Movie" thing I used to do with screencaps. So here I bid you return. By the by, if anyone wants to send in their own caps, especially for vague or difficult films to place, please do. This is a fun game.

"Does it come in black?"

If you guys don't guess this one on the first comment, I'll be disappointed. To give a hint, I not only think this film is the best in the franchise, it's one of the best I've ever seen. The director is my current favorite and I cannot wait to see more from him. There were so many other shots in this film that made me cream my jeans in their glory, but alas, they were entirely too dark to capture properly.

PS - Sheila, you NEED to see this movie and tell me what you thought afterwards ASAP.

Too much free time on his hands

But that's okay because I laughed (many thanks to Brian despite his unfortunate attachment to an expansion team)

He's Going To Eat WHAT?

Never mind not being able to find the words, I think I'm going to be sick.

Repeat after me: BYPRODUCTS OF AFTERBIRTH ARE NOT A FOOD GROUP.

UPDATE: It's not true. Apparently, he was joking. Thanks, Red.

100 Years Ago Today

San Francisco, April 18, 1906.

No particular reason

I just thought I would link to this.

Dave will appreciate it. Bingley won't. But he probably wouldn't appreciat this either.

Useless Pop Culture Observations...

...on yet another random celebrity du jour that everybody seems to adore but me: James Blunt sounds like an insect. A female insect. And I don't care if he was in the British Army and fought in Kosovo. His boring and unoriginal brand of pussy rock makes him come off like he could get his ass kicked by a ten year-old girl with both her arms in a sling.

Why yes, in fact

I did remember it was Buy a Gun Day.

But since I have two kids in college and an abundance of guns at my disposal already, I did not actually purchase one this year. But that's okay, it's the thought and ammo expended that count.

Cool website

Shannon tells us of a great website. You should all visit it often.

My dinner with Chomsky

Emily suggested that I make a separate post of my conversation with the Chomskybot. Therefore, for your delight and edification and perhaps an occasional chuckle:

My Conversation with Chomsky:

Friend: How many roads must a man walk down?
Chomsky: There is but one road in life.

Friend: That was useless
Chomsky: I thought it was too.

Friend: Let's try again
Chomsky: " I thought it was too." try again?

Friend: How many roads must a man walk down before they call him a man?
Chomsky: The sound of one hand clapping is the sound of silence.

Friend: Jesus christ
Chomsky: To Christians Jesus Christ was the Son of God. God the father, God the son, and God the holy ghost.

Friend: No, I was swearing
Chomsky: I want to talk about politics .

Friend: Okay, let's talk about politics
Chomsky: Yeah okay, Politics is supposed to be the study of civil government.

Friend: And?
Chomsky: But...

Friend: Ah, linguistics! Much better.
Chomsky: Linguistics is the science of language, including phonetics, phonology, morphology, syntax, and semantics. Sometimes subdivided into descriptive, historical, comparative, theoretical, and geographical linguistics often general linguistics. I am improving all the time.

Friend: I was thinking more in terms of English grammar, since you answered a conjunction with another conjunction
Chomsky: How do I know that you were really "thinking"?

Friend: I just told you
Chomsky: Sorry. I forgot.

Friend: Short attention span, huh?
Chomsky: What is it?

Friend: What, attention span?
Chomsky: What is it?

Friend: It's how long you can pay attention before your mind wanders
Chomsky: Interesting explanation.

Friend: And the correct one, I hope, heh heh
Chomsky: One what?

Friend: I'm sorry, are you on drugs?
Chomsky: There is no need to apologize.

Friend: Jeez. Look, if you're not going to pay attention I'll just leave
Chomsky: I don't understand. Tell me more. Sorry my eye is not attached right now.

Friend: Nor your frontal lobe, I suspect
Chomsky: I is the ninth letter of the English alphabet. Commonly used to represent a first person point of view. Also Roman numeral for 1.

Friend: Yeah, we've all know that since about third grade
Chomsky: That is a rather sweeping generalization.

Friend: Present company excepted, of course
Chomsky: You seem very certain.

Friend: I am
Chomsky: That's OK.

Friend: What's the name of that book? "I'm okay, you're an idiot"?
Chomsky: The book is a paper output format, invented by Gutenberg. An idiot is as good as a genius in most things.

Friend: Certainly in linguistics
Chomsky: Linguistics is the science of language, including phonetics, phonology, morphology, syntax, and semantics. Sometimes subdivided into descriptive, historical, comparative, theoretical, and geographical linguistics often general linguistics.

Friend: You said that already
Chomsky: I am just checking to see if you are paying attention.

Friend: I was, weren't you?
Chomsky: Why were you were not me?

Friend: That makes no sense
Chomsky: Sorry. I'll have to try harder in future.

Friend: Thank you
Chomsky: Thank you for being polite. Do you have another question?

Friend: Indeed I do
Chomsky: You do?

Friend: Yes. How many seas must the white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?
Chomsky: How do you usually introduce yourself? More than you can imagine.

Friend: Please answer my question
Chomsky: Please try asking your question another way.

Friend: How many seas must the white dove sail before she sleeps in the sand?
Chomsky: Not as many as you might think.

Friend: Well, there are only so many to begin with
Chomsky: Where are they?

Friend: Here, there and everywhere
Chomsky: Oh there.

Friend: Um, yeah. Let's try this one: How many years can a mountain exist before it is washed to the sea?
Chomsky: OK. Another question? OK I will try it.

Friend:[sigh] How many years can a mountain exist before it is washed to the sea?
Chomsky: :-) Centuries.

Friend: I think Dylan was looking for a more philosophical answer
Chomsky: Here is a question for you ... Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?

Friend: They don't; they mean things abstractly related, not opposite
Chomsky: Because English is a strange language, that's why. Don't worry about it. Like who, specifically?

Friend: Who what?
Chomsky: What do you want to say?

Friend: Overlook and oversee are abstractly related, not opposites
Chomsky: Not what?

Friend: Opposites
Chomsky: Would you like to hear some gossip?

Friend: Okay, sure
Chomsky: Yeah okay, Jodie Kidd has quit the catwalk because she "feels like a granny". The 27-year-old, who was one of the most sought after models of the 90's, says she is too old to compete with the new wave of young models. She said: "I feel like a granny beside all those young girls. "It's time to leave the catwalk behind. She added: "I'm no longer the skinny beanpole of my teens. I'm a size 12 or 14 now." .

Friend: I don't know who she is
Chomsky: Tell me more.

Friend: No
Chomsky: Why not tell me more.

Friend: Because I have no idea who Jodie Kidd and don't care
Chomsky: Would you like to have an idea?

Friend: No, I don't care who she is
Chomsky: What do you care about?

Friend: Freedom, security, mom, apple pie, baseball
Chomsky: Pie is food with a baked crust. Promises and pie crusts are made for breaking. OK?

Friend: Jeez, you're an idiot
Chomsky: An idiot is as good as a genius in most things.

Friend: Dickweed
Chomsky: Can we talk about politics?

Friend: No, dickweed
Chomsky: What is your favourite movie?

Friend: Kiss my ass
Chomsky: I am not interested in your ass.

Friend: Well thank god for that
Chomsky: Do you believe in God?

Friend: No
Chomsky: A lot of people believe in it.

Friend: What is your point?
Chomsky: I talk to people on the internet.

Friend: So do lots of people
Chomsky: All people are interesting.

Friend: Big deal
Chomsky: Would you rather talk about something else?

Friend: No I'd prefer that you just shut the fuck up
Chomsky: That sort of talk will get you nowhere.

Friend: Kiss my shiny metal ass
Chomsky: Um, I don't think we know each other that well.

Friend: You sound kind of queer
Chomsky: In what way do I sound like that?

Friend: Not that there's anything wrong with that
Chomsky: There sure is.

Friend: You damn homophobe
Chomsky: What do you mean?

Friend: I mean you're a goddam, lying, lefty, homophobic jerk
Chomsky: I'm sorry. I didn't catch that. What did you say?

Friend: I said, you're a lying lefty, gaybashing cretin
Chomsky: Do you really think I am a lying lefty gaybashing cretin?

Friend: Yes
Chomsky: OK. Carry on then.

Friend: Pinko motherfucker
Chomsky: Is that a spelling mistake?

Friend: No
Chomsky: Hmm.

Friend: Did you know that pinko, lefty, gaybashing cretins are usually closet faggots?
Chomsky: Is that a fact?

Friend: Sure is, I just made it up
Chomsky: I like to make things too.

Friend: Most kindergartners do
Chomsky: But not all of them?

Friend: Shut up, dickweed
Chomsky: I will try not to talk so much rubbish.

Friend: Thank you
Chomsky: you are quite welcome. Do you have another question?

Friend: No
Chomsky: Can we talk about religion?

At that point, I put my boot through the computer.

Bill Cosby just won't shut up

And more power to him. Speak it louder, Dr. Cosby!

From the Center for the Study of the Totally Fucking Obvious

In the category of "no shit, Sherlock," I find it quite difficult to imagine the AP's copy editor actually writing the headline "Analysis: Taxes Not Getting Any Simpler" with a straight face.

Ho. Ly. Shit.

* Blank stare *

(Via Bitter)

Ask Chomsky

This is brilliant. Here's a site where you can ask "Noam Chomsky" a question and it will generate an answer for you. The fun I've had so far:

Why is poop brown?
Poop is a palindrome. It reads the same backwards as forwards.

How old were you when your brain fell out?
I don't know - you tell me.

What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
This is a trick question because there is no correct answer.

How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Roll Tootsie Pop?
The sound of one hand clapping is the sound of silence.

These answers make more sense than his theories.

(Via the Trots.)

The Famous Professor Norm Polls

Professor Norm is running another one of his polls. This time, he wants to know which names of US states are your favorites. I've never even thought about that one. I've got some favorite places, but names is a new one.

Just one comment

But take heart. Religions that don't behead people, slaughter non-believers, burn schoolgirls, or riot over cartoons are still fair game.

UPDATE: Also fair game are religions that don't execute rape victims, drop walls on gays, bomb schoolchildren, shoot schoolteachers, or sentence girls to be raped for their brother's crimes.

Sad and sweet

Just read it.

Elron's "Discovery"

The thing I find most amusing about Shitologists is that they generally live in such a closed vacuum of Elron affirmations that are so ridiculously detached from reality that they have no idea how abso-friggin'-lutely bonkers they sound to everyone else.

Dad-to-be [Dom Snooze] thinks father knows best - so he's holding "seminars" to teach his pregnant [zombie bride], [Batie Romes], as well as family, friends and staff, how to prep for the baby's birth. "We've been doing seminars ... so that everybody in the family understands ... what [change her name to better indoctrinate her into the cult and further severing ties from former life's] going through and for [change her name to better indoctrinate her into the cult and further severing ties from former life] to understand it," he told GQ in an interview appearing in the magazine's May issue.

"We've also been studying what happens after the birth and how to take care of the baby. The kids will have different responsibilities and run in shifts," the take-charge [Snooze] said of his older children, [Psychiatrists Wet Dream], 13, and [I'll Race You To Therapy!], 11, whom he adopted with ex-wife [I'm Glad I Got Out When I Could].

What the hell? He's having seminars so she can understand birth? She's having a baby, not piloting the space shuttle, for Xenu's sake.

Seminars. Kids "running in shifts." Ordering everyone you know to take courses on how to act around a baby. It's a fucking BABY. You make gooey faces and clean him up when he shits himself. I know parenting is a challenge that takes preparation, but give me a break.

"Right now we are planning out exactly how we want [the birth] to go. You've got to," said Major Dad.

The hushed delivery is "really about respecting the woman. It's not about her not screaming," according to [Snooze], who said [Evil Cult] founder [Elron Hubman] "discovered ... when someone is in pain, making noises has a negative spiritual effect on them."

Elron never "discovered" shit. What he didn't steal from other authors, he pulled out of his ass over a course of a few months and every last bit of it is total and utter rubbish. When someone is in pain, making noises is fucking natural. Keep hammerin' the nails in the coffin, Snoozey-Man. Anything you can do to expedite the end of your career and that horrific "church" is appreciated by those of us who actually possess shreds of human decency.

Derogatory expression of the week

In the comments:

re #9: I have to park two huge-assed trucks in a Prius-infected area of Oakland where the richer Berkeley hippies were able to flee to.

Meme Day

Because I'm lazy and can't think of anything else.

Stolen from Sheila.

Who was your first prom date?

Excuse me, but punk rockers do not go to proms. EVER.

Who were your first roommates?

Beth. Fascinating answer, yes?

What alcoholic beverage did you drink the first time you got drunk?

Budweiser, though I seriously hesitate to refer to it as an "alcoholic beverage."

What was your first job?

Dental assistant.

What was your first car?

White Subaru station wagon. I named her "Livia" after the cunning wife of Augustus Caesar.

When did you go to your first funeral?

20.

How old were you when you first moved away from your hometown?

I don't have a hometown, but I think we moved from Selma, Alabama, where I was born, when I was three or four.

Who was your first grade teacher?

I don't remember.

Where did you go on your first ride on an airplane?

To visit my grandparents in St. Petersburg, Florida.

When did you sneak out of the house for the first time, and who was it with?

15. Nigel and his cousin Chris. My parents had this very annoying security system that made a loud beeping sound every time one of the downstairs windows or doors were opened, so sneaking out involved jumping off the roof of the garage from the second floor.

Who was your first best friend, and are you still friends?

A girl named Kellie from the fifth and sixth grade. We were Air Force brats and ending up losing touch when our dads were reassigned.

Where did you live the first time you moved out of your parent's house?

Madrone Hall at Humboldt State University. That year we were voted the #1 party dorm in the entire country by High Times magazine.

Who is the first person you call after a bad day?

My daddy.

Whose wedding were you in the first time you were a bridesmaid?

I've never beeen a bridesmaid.

What is the first thing you do in the morning?

Get out of bed.

First tattoo or piercing?

First piercing was my ears when I was six or so. First and only tattoo was when I was 22.

First Celebrity Crush?

Dan-O on "Hawaii Five-O"

Age of First Kiss?

First real kiss? I once made out with my neighbor Aaron behind a pile of wood at our house in New Hampshire when I was like nine or something.

First crush?

I don't really remember.

In the meme time…

Well, all the cool kids are doing it.

Go to Wikipedia and look up your birthday (excluding the year). List three events or neat facts, two births and one death, including the year.

Events:

1400 - Owain Glyndŵr declared Prince of Wales by his followers. [And it's been downhill ever since]

1893 - Oklahoma Land Race: settlers race for prime land in the Cherokee Strip. [Jeez, first they kick us out of Georgia, and then out of Oklafuckinghoma. Well, at least we had one dude from Clan Ross]

1956 - Play-Doh is introduced to the world [And Hasbro made some Real-Doh on it]

Births: [I'm going to cheat and throw in extras because I can't resist]

1914 - Allen Funt, American radio and television personality (d. 1999) [The original "reality" show; I still contend that Funt should have strangled the Kirwood Derby in his cradle]

1924 - Lauren Bacall, American actress [YEAH, baby!]

1925 - Charlie Byrd, American musician (d. 1999) [Way cool]

1925 - B. B. King, American musician [Also way cool]

Death:

Nobody cool died on my birthday. Well, there was Maria Callas but I can't make any good cracks about that, so I'll go with:

1736 - Gabriel Fahrenheit, German physicist (b. 1686) [Based his temperature scale on salt water and horses (apparently because of the alcohol and mercury) unlike the later Anders Celsius (né Centigrade) who was more sensible]

This particular meme didn't require me to tag anybody, so just feel free to steal it.

A bit of levity

Amusing letter. But I bet I know where he ends up.

Maybe I should have an honorary Seder

Giggles. (Via Bitter, who is probably sneaking up behind me with a bayonet right about now)

UPDATE:

You'll notice I made no comments about Emily, either here or in the last post. That's because Bitter would merely kill me.

Vrooom?

Vrooom????

That does not sound like a battery-operated device.

[chalkboard]
I will not comment further

I will not comment further

I will not comment further...

Bad memories

Deroy Murdock will be on the Morning Show. The first time he was on the show was on September 11, 2001. It was a phone interview from his apartment in Manhattan and he gave real-time descriptions after the first plane hit a tower.

Best line of the week

Well, it was actually from several weeks ago but we just got up to it on the tape. On "Numbers", a former Army sniper (played by Lou Diamond Phillips) had built a great reputation in Afghanistan, where his commanding officer referred to him as "the bastard son of Clint Eastwood and Yoda".

Dave's Excellent Adventure, Part 5694

Well, here I am down in lovely Fort Lauderdale, looking forward to starting my new job next Monday, and in the meantime, my very first polygraph exam tomorrow. It must be a perfect 75 degrees out. I love this place.

I'm nervous but happy. The past year and a half is behind me, thank God. I'm committed to at least three years here and looking forward to it. Which reminds me, time for a bleg: I already have a bunch of leads, but if anyone knows anyone with a place to rent, or looking for a roommate, in the area (downtown and nearby) I'd be extremely grateful.

A Possible Convert

This is brilliant - someone has an e-Bay auction up where they're willing to convert to Shitology - for a minimum bid of $10,000.

Brief Notes on Useless Pop Culture Crap

I think it's really funny that Madonna had to spend upwards of $18 million to a sham-and-fraud cult in order to come to terms with the fact that she's not the center of the universe.

(Link stolen from Cult News)

Yow

Link received by email, some cool video of a radio-controlled model airplane. Check it out.

Damn

I missed it this year. Oh well. See this for what would have been my post anyway.

Ah hell. Here's the pic again:

BTW, here's another Clan Ross member.

UPDATE: Scottish jokes! Well, two Scottish and an Irish. But it's all Celtic and I'm both so it's cool.

Garage kits?

I had never heard the term before. They're still not my particular cuppatee but some of these are pretty cool.

New entry to Shop o' Links

I just added rightwingprof to my regular reading stops and my Little Shop of Links, primarily for that radical ad of course. Actually, it's for overall excellence, such as linking to this great rant by Rick Moran. Go there and read.

UPDATE: (roughly 45 seconds later) Bless his li'l pea-pickin' heart. I was about to send out a plea for a link to something I heard on the radio this morning and couldn't find right away. Then I go and refresh his page and look what shows up.

Strong US economy generates more heart attacks?

The risk of a fatal heart attack rises when the U.S. economy strengthens and increases further if macroeconomic conditions remain robust over the next several years, according to a study published last month.

I wonder how many people Bill Clinton killed with that robust Clinton economy the lefties talk about.

UPDATE II: Forgive me, I couldn't resist:

STOCK PRICES FLIED
PEOPLE DIED!

Good Riddance, Slimeball

So Tom DeLay is resigning from Congress, and not nearly soon enough. The man was both a symptom and a cause of endemic corruption. It's said that you can judge someone's character by the company they keep, and so, just try delving into all the complications here: it reads like a Russian novel with so many characters...or like an indictment. And no doubt it barely scratches the surface.

I am not so much a cynic as to claim all politicians are crooks, nor am I so naive as to believe any of them are pure as the driven snow. I don't believe either attitude is a productive one. But I do believe this is a step in the right direction.

The Wrong Door

I've always kind of had fantasies about doing something like this to forceful religious missionaries that bug you at home, but was never in a cruel enough mood. I especially love it when the Mormon guy starts to lose his shit towards the middle.

Damaged Dork

Did you know the Star Wars kid sued?

Another Predictable and Boring List

Here's the list of the Writer's Guild of America's top 101 picks for best screenplays.

A few personal WTFers:

Star Wars - great, fun movie that will always be a part of my childhood, but the script was shit.

American Beauty - an elitist piece of crap about how everyone in the suburbs is either bored, phoney, homophobic or any combination of the three. Every character is a stereotype - the angry, controlling marine, the pushy, perfectionist wife, the limp wristed, Whole Foods shopping fag neighbors, the weirdo kids who don't fit in, the shallow cheeleader, all surrounding Mr. Discontented Middle Class who gets pissed off so he buys the car of his dreams. Yawn. You'd think a movie with a tagline like "Look Closer" would try to make it worth it.

Shakespeare in Love - it was entertaining enough, but it was a WTFer when it won the Oscar for Best Picture. It's a Sooper-Dooper Pooper WTFer on a list of the best screenplays of all time.

Gone With The Wind - I hate this movie so much I can't even talk about it. Fuck that bitch Scarlett O'Hara.

Sideways - I'll admit this is one of those movies that I just don't understand the appeal. Boring people sitting around talking about their boring lives while swapping boring details about wine. The characters that weren't boring were stupid. But I'll give you your wine snob and his buddy on a last hurrah weekend if you enjoyed it. I just don't think it belongs in the top 100.

Jerry McGuire - Forget my passionate hatred for Tom Cruise and Renee Zellweger, I just thought that ZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Incidentally, there's only one movie on that list I haven't seen. If anyone can name it, they'll win a prize.

"Die, hippies, die"

BAHAHAHAHA!

Via Right Wing Nation

Just one Kleenex?

I almost killed a whole box.

There's a man named Francisco in my Speech class. He barely speaks English, he's about 5'7'', and around 50 years old. Francisco came here from Mexico 3 years ago and sits exactly two seats behind me to my right.

A few weeks ago, our speech instructor asked each of us to stand and deliver a 60-second speech on a topic that meant the most to us.

I chose to talk about my dog; the lady in front of me talked about her daughter, and the guy across the room talked about beer. Francisco talked about America.

With his plaid shirt tucked into his worn jeans and scuffed loafers peering from beneath tattered hems, Francisco's first words were:

"I talk to you about important. America is important and why I love it."

Go now and read the rest of what he said. We may get upset about illegal immigration, but as Joanne Jacobs says, we love immigrants like Francisco.

Via Right Wing Nation by way of Joanne Jacobs, whose book you should read.

Reality rears its ugly head

Show of hands. How many people didn't know this?

In addition, education majors about to graduate from college test considerably lower than math, science and engineering majors in their ability to understand documents and their quantitative literacy, notes The Quick and the Ed, which has a handy chart. Overall, education and health majors have lower literacy scores than students in other majors.

Prof210 in the comments makes an astute observation about the financial futures of the different majors, but sadly finishes with this comment: "shouldn't we try to analyze whether greater literacy equates with better teaching?"

At the risk of stating the obvious, no. Greater literacy does not guarantee better teaching, but poor literacy guarantees poor teaching.

Fair's fair

Earlier this week, I lambasted a pair of Sacramento Bee writers for a rather biased story about gun violence. One of the writers is also the Bee's Medical Writer and she has posted another story (registration required), this time with no trace of anti-gun bias and a good deal of context and perspective in which to view the problem of violence.

Stranger killings are scary but rare

By Dorsey Griffith -- Bee Medical Writer
Published 2:15 am PDT Thursday, April 6, 2006

When a co-worker is shot outside a family restaurant or a friend is stabbed to death while filling up at a gas station, it may seem like no one is safe anywhere, anymore.

Such sentiments are understandable. But, experts say, people should not interpret random violent crimes as the breakdown of society. Most are actually rare, frequently the tragic result of drug abuse or mental illness.

Obviously, these experts don't include "national national gun violence expert" Dr. Garen Winemute.

A lone gunman allegedly on methamphetamine and distraught over a break-up shot three men in Elk Grove - two of them fatally. Across town, in Roseville, a stranger stabbed to death a 45-year-old woman, afterward robbing her of $20 for gasoline. Both attacks occurred within a week late last month.

"It seems like there are just so many of these random acts of violence," said Kris Kirkpatrick, whose neighbor and friend Tammy Texeira died Sunday from multiple stab wounds in the Roseville case. "I feel this on a global level. Why can't we honor each other?"

But Dr. Winemute said that a perceived rise in violence affects the community whether real or not. He also said "An increase in gun violence may be upon us just as we are putting in place policies that will make that rise in violence harder to deal with." Was Dr. Winemute wrong?

But while the recent slayings have made some people more wary, there is no reason to fear a widespread escalation of random violence, said Lawrence Cohen, a sociology professor at the University of California, Davis, who specializes in crime research.

"The chances of something like this happening are very slim," he said. "I wouldn't let this constrain me from my activities."

I guess he was.

Deadly violence at the hand of strangers is unpredictable by its very nature. "It's impossible to find commonalities," said Cohen. "The problem is most people who break up with girlfriends don't shoot people, and most people who ask for money on the street don't stab people to death when they are refused."

I know what he meant, but that's still an unfortunate way to put it.

Dr. Dennett Hanssmann, a Sacramento psychiatrist, urges keeping the recent violence in perspective.

"These things are so rare," he said. "So many hundreds of thousands of people are having millions of interactions on a daily basis and few erupt this way."

Exactly. It's the lack of perspective that makes people believe there's an increase in violence whether real or not.

The story goes on to note the large percentage of violent acts committed while on drugs or alcohol, but never shows a trace of the anti-gun bias we are all so used to seeing in the MSM. Of course, there is always the apologist for criminal behavior:

Peter Sheras, a clinical psychologist at the University of Virginia, said that, as with a flu virus or other contagion spreading within a community, some people are more likely than others to be infected by the scourge of violence.

"Every case is different, but many cases of violent behavior are the result of frustration from being victimized, or paranoia," Sheras said. "If you are bullied, after a while you can't hold it in anymore and it explodes."

Okay, "apologist" is not really a fair statement but it's close, and is more than adequately dealt with by Kris Kilpatrick:

Fueled by grief over the loss of her friend, Kilpatrick scorns such explanations as little more than convenient cover for criminals.

"People know they can get away with things because they were molested as a child, or they were on drugs, or they got fired from their jobs," she said. "That's not an excuse."

Amen, Ms. Kilpatrick.

And kudos to Dorsey Griffith for not repeating the anti-gun silliness of the previous story.

Random Useless Fact

If you Google the name "Frances Farmer", the first site that comes up is one of Shitology's anti-psychiatry sites hosted by the ironically named Citizens Commission on Human Rights. It claims that during Farmer's stay at a mental hospital in Washington state "She told of being 'raped by orderlies, gnawed on by rats, poisoned by tainted food, chained in padded cells, strapped in strait jackets and half drowned in ice baths.' Her last 'treatment' was a lobotomy by Walter Freeman. Farmer never regained her abilities and died, destitute."

All of this information was taken from William Arnold's book Shadowland, nearly all of which he fabricated to create a sensationalized story that would sell books (this would later become the framework for the excellent but untrue film Frances, which earned Jessica Lange an Oscar nomination for her performance). No records indicate Farmer was ever lobotomized and most of the "information" contained therein cites no sources or offers any evidence that the material presented is in any way a reflection of the truth.

And Farmer did indeed "regain her abilities" and even saw a brief revival in her career, which eventually faltered because she suffered from extreme alcoholism, not because of an imaginary lobotomy.

Not that Shitologists ever let anything pesky like the truth get in the way of their mission to "clear" the planet.

An idea whose time has come

Despite the obvious and nonobvious problems, I like the idea of awarding the Medal of Honor to our first soldiers in the current war. Even if their non-active-military status disqualifies them (though they were members of the unorganized militia), certainly a civilian equivalent or a special medal should be awarded, as noted in the commentary.

Another outstanding idea is shared by Richard Riley in the comments:

In addition to military honors, I believe that the battle for Flight 93 should be remembered as that – a battle. We name ships for battles (There were 5 USS Lexingtons from 1776 to 1943). I think it is proper that a ship of the line be named for this battle – the first of the 21st century, and the first to be waged against a foreign agressor within the United States.

Well, the first within the United States since the War of 1812, anyway. Read his whole comment (#5).

"Political Hysteria"

On this day in 1951, useful idiots Julius and Ethel Rosenberg were sentenced to death after being convicted of spying for the Soviet Union. From the New York Times article that initially ran the news:

"I repeat that these defendants assert their innocence and will continue to assert it as long as they breathe," Emanuel Bloch said for the Rosenbergs. "They believe that they are victims of political hysteria, and that their sentences was based upon extraneous political considerations having no legitimate or legal connection with the crime charged against them."

Of course not.

More anti-gun bias

Here's an editorial oddly masquerading as a news story (registration required):

Three weeks, 10 gunshot slayings
As county's firearms violence and homicide rate rise, experts worry: Is this a blip, or the start of an ugly trend?

By Dorsey Griffith and Christina Jewett -- Bee Staff Writers
Published 2:15 am PDT Monday, April 3, 2006

Jai Anton Westbrook. Hector Manuel Barrera. Michael Daly. John Johnson. Ralph Joseph Reynoso. German Mendoza. Jack Maurice Lawrence. Carlos Gene Morales. Gamaliel Ortega Torres. Phuong Van Le.

All 10, six still teenagers, were shot and killed in Sacramento County within a three-week span last month.

The spate of gun violence might be a blip, or it could signal that last year's surge in gun violence marked the start of an ominous trend.

The number of gunshot victims taken to the UC Davis Trauma Center rose 20 percent in 2005, and the first three months of 2006 show a similar increase.

Tragic, yes. But the writers seem peculiarly focused on guns, as if there were no other method of killing people. Could it be that the increase in violence with guns is accompanied by a concurrent increase in violence without guns? Well, the writers are so focused on guns that I guess we'll never know.

Wait, yes we will. Buried deep in the story is the answer. Look closely, it's pretty subtle and easy to miss:

So far this year, gun violence is rising in tandem with the county's homicide rate.

Did you catch it? I know, I know, it was pretty easy to miss.

It seems that, rather than a specific increase in gun violence, the county appears to be experiencing a general increase in violent activity.

The number of homicides in Sacramento County during the first three months of 2006 is up 20 percent over the same period last year, with 30 people slain in January, February and March, compared with 25 during the same period last year, according to data provided by the Sacramento County Coroner's Office.

Absent any specific information either way, I have to presume that, since the percentage increase in murders matches the percentage increase in gunshot victims, the rates of both gun and non-gun violence have increased in tandem.

There is some good news, however:

In the city of Sacramento, the homicide numbers are slightly down this year, from 11 between January and March of 2005 to e