it comes in pints?

Dhimmitude

This is making me look for a phrase:

A Muslim group in Britain wants a ban on unIslamic activities such as dance classes in public schools to make Muslim students feel included. But other Muslim groups disagree.

The Muslim Council of Britain wants special bans during Ramadan, including “science lessons dealing with sex, parents’ evenings, exams and immunisation programmes,” reports the Daily Express.

The holy month – when eating and drinking is not allowed in daylight hours – should also see a ban on swimming lessons in case pupils swallow water in the pool.

When swimming is allowed, boys should wear clothing covering their bodies “from the navel to the neck”, [But they can be nekkid from the navel down? - Ed.] even during single-sex pool sessions, while girls must be covered up completely at all times, apart from the face and hands.

The MCB wants single-gender groups for sports and school trips, Arabic language classes for Muslim pupils, recital of the Koran in music classes, prayer rooms in all schools and instruction in Islam for all students as part of religious education classes.

Oh yeah, I remember.

But it's not Friday yet.

Your homework assignment

[UPDATE: Hmm. It's tougher than I expected. Hints added.]

What is wrong with this passage?

A temporary fix to the AMT will cost some $45 billion to $50 billion. Repealing the AMT, according to the Congressional Budget Office, would cost more than $600 billion over 10 years.

Observation

Have you ever noticed that some objects just name themselves?

No, I had never hear of them. I've seen them and consider them fairly, er, uggly.

But even I figured they were made out of some kind of leather. I guess "boob" is another appropriate word.

My morning laugh

Via Bitter comes this gem from Scott Adams:

Have you noticed all the coincidences lately? For example, first we have Britney Spears, who has a baby, then shaves her bush, and acts like a chimp. Then we hear about actual chimps that use SPEARS to stab BUSH-BABIES. The news didn’t say whether any of those chimps are named Britney, but you’d be foolish to bet against it.

You have to plant a lot of trees...

[UPDATE: Man. Feckin' time zones. Everybody beat me to it.]

...to remain carbon neutral with power consumption like this:

Gore's mansion, located in the posh Belle Meade area of Nashville, consumes more electricity every month than the average American household uses in an entire year, according to the Nashville Electric Service (NES).

In his documentary, the former Vice President calls on Americans to conserve energy by reducing electricity consumption at home.

The average household in America consumes 10,656 kilowatt-hours (kWh) per year, according to the Department of Energy. In 2006, Gore devoured nearly 221,000 kWh — more than 20 times the national average.

Last August alone, Gore burned through 22,619 kWh — guzzling more than twice the electricity in one month than an average American family uses in an entire year. As a result of his energy consumption, Gore's average monthly electric bill topped $1,359.

Since the release of An Inconvenient Truth, Gore's energy consumption has increased from an average of 16,200 kWh per month in 2005, to 18,400 kWh per month in 2006.

Gore's extravagant energy use does not stop at his electric bill. Natural gas bills for Gore's mansion and guest house averaged $1,080 per month last year.

But of course, The Goracle is merely the target of a "right-wing smear":

This evening, Bloomberg Radio will fail even the most basic level of journalistic ethics when they take part in the right-wing smear of Al Gore.

The "Tennessee Center For Policy Research" is reporting they will be interviewed by Bloomberg Radio tonight.

Only one problem. The Tennesse Tax Department does not consider the Tennessee Center to be a 'legitimate' organization.

Martin Scorsese

OH. HELL. YES.

Especially for the only film and actors in history who could make me overcome my intense hatred of the Boston dialect and all of their "niggas" and "qweers" hang-ups.

The Departed.

The Da-pahded.

Winner.

I like it. I never thought I would.

Name That Movie

Because it's Oscar night and I'm barely hanging on to watch Martin Scorsese lose for the upteenth time....after the jump.

Oh, will this farce end already so I can turn it off and watch some REAL cinema before the days of "Our Oh-So-Important-Film-That-Is-Teaching-Audience-Valuable-Lessons-About-Humanity" era? At least from a time when they weren't bonking us over the head with a hammer so hard it left a crack in our skulls while also congratulating themselves for their subtlety?

Well, that sucks

I just realized, while I was scarfing down a burger for dinner because I'm still here and will be for a while yet, that the time between the first email I sent today and the latest (and probably not last) one I sent today was just about 12.5 hours. That just bloody well sucks.

So as a paean to Bitter's frustrated little adolescent terrorist wannabe, here is a tasteless joke I remembered while sucking down said burger:

Did you hear about the [insert your favorite ethnic group] coyote that was caught in a trap?

He had three legs chewed off and he was still caught.

[sigh]

Back to work.

WOO HOO!

The rumor is true!

I love the smell of smackdown in the morning

Bitter chews up and spits out her little ALF terrorist wannabe. Oh, and he's been reported to the authorities for the threats.

The Friday Fuck Off Thread

My bedroom window faces a pretty busy boulevard lined with a bunch of those No-Tell Motels that attract drug addicts, prostitutes and other wasteoids from various walks off life who tend to live after regular people hours. This means I will routinely be woken up at three o'clock in the morning to the shouts of a meth-raved lunatic on her third day without sleep screaming at the top of her lungs that Santa Clause has stolen her car keys. Or a cowboy crack head obsessed with some disgusting Tim McGraw "Mamma Didn't Love Me" shit song that he's got set on permanent repeat in his stereo that goes to 11. Or the drunk that spends twenty minutes beating on the door of an empty room screaming "let me the fuck in, bitch!" before he realizes he's on the wrong side of the motel.

On an ordinary day, I'd want to tell all of these people to fuck off. The thing is, some of them are either born stupid or are in such a perpetual state of drug-induced euphoria, that they do really dumb things, like reach for their keys to the entrance without realizing they've just flung everything out of their pockets with them. Including their money. This morning, I found seventy dollars lying on the ground outside of one of the worst motels on the street. I consider it penance from the ghosts of the building.

Take it away. Like I did.

They're trying to kill you

I never trusted those evil people.

Perspective

It's interesting to put things in perspective.

The Carter stat is especially interesting.

Breaking news

My God, I can't believe this. I just got a breaking news alert from the SacBee:

Subject: Breaking News Alert: Cyclists closing in on Davis

Cyclists in the Tour of California bike race have left Winters and are now closing in on Davis.

Seriously, that's what it said. I'm sure you all feel the same as I about this incredibly important breaking (Away?) news.

Quote of the week

In response to Tony Blair's new proposals for "getting tough" on gun criminals in magically gun-free Great Britain:

Jeff raises his hand and says, "Oh Tony? I have a suggestion. How about allowing the law abiding people to arm themselves so they can blow the fucking heads off these mutant punks when attacked by them? As soon as these thugs realize that their intended victims are no longer defenseless sheep, they might reconsider their life of crime. And if they don't, what's a few dead muggers and thieves in the overall scheme of things?"

There, glad I could help out.

Hilarious it is indeed

I'm laughing so hard my sides hurt.

How nice

Now Australians are taking their cues from retarded California legislators.

Australia to ban incandescent bulbs
Global warming plan would phase them out by 2009

CANBERRA, Australia - Australia will be the world’s first country to ban incandescent lightbulbs in a bid to curb greenhouse gas emissions, with the government saying on Tuesday they would be phased out within three years. Environment Minister Malcolm Turnbull said yellow incandescent bulbs, which have been in use virtually unchanged for 125 years, would be replaced by more efficient compact fluorescent bulbs by 2009.

Words to live by

"Sometimes a blowjob is just a blowjob"

Longtime readers know...

...that my particular beverage of choice is this one. But an occasional change is good, and so is this.

It won't get me off my standard brew but once in a while is cool.

Bridge to Terabithia

I loved this book as a kid. I probably read it ten times over the summer I first discovered it. I cannot wait to see the film this weekend. It's generally getting good reviews (not that I give a fuck-all rat's stinking bumwhopping plunker what most critics have to say about anything. Almost all of them are smug bastards completely full of shit) and I just love the fact that Katherine Paterson's son is the person adapting it. I especially love the part in this interview with David Paterson where he says "Disney doesn't want me to give away anything from the plot." Um...Disney? Yeah. We've known the plot for almost thirty years now. There's another great interview the Paterson here.

UPDATE: Wow. Just wow. That might have been one of the best movie adaptations of a book I've ever seen. Definitely one of the sweetest, most imaginative and ultimately, sad, films ever. I was tempted to turn around and buy another ticket to see it again, but I had too much to get done today. They changed very little from the book and most of it was to accomodate modern inventions, but of the things they did add, I have three words: Super Extreme Barbie. Ladies, trust me, if you see the film, you will know exactly what I am talking about.

The Friday Fuck Off Thread

For every asshole who lives in my apartment complex that decides the ninety second walk down to the trash dumpster will steal too much of their life and instead puts their steaming bag of rotting food and snot rags outside of their door so that everyone else who lives in the building has to look at it until they decide to get off of their asses and stop treating the courtyard like a fucking landfill...FUCK OFF. You know what? We don't live in a seven story walk up in New York City where taking out the trash means braving endless flights of stairs and miserable weather. We're not living in apartments the size of storage spaces so that just setting aside our garbage in OUR OWN FUCKING SPACE SO EVERYONE ELSE DOESN'T HAVE TO LOOK AT IT is going to take up half of our living room. This is Southern California. There's a 90% chance it's sunny outside. The dumpster is a short walk away. Take your fucking trash out. PIGS.

A pack, not a herd

To coin steal a phrase:

Plane hijacking ends in Canary Islands

By CIARAN GILES, Associated Press Writer
Fri Feb 16, 12:32 AM ET

MADRID, Spain - An armed man who hijacked a Mauritanian plane to Spain's Canary Islands Thursday was overpowered by passengers and crew before he was arrested by police who boarded the plane shortly after landing, government and airline officials said.

The man was overwhelmed by passengers and arrested when police stormed the Air Mauritania 737 shortly after the aircraft landed at Gando military base on Gran Canaria island, Spanish Interior Ministry official Carolina Darias said.

Spam, spam, etc.

Okay, can someone please explain to me why the fuck I keep getting spam in my inbox offering "Oprah diet tips" for sale? Not to pick on her personally, but Jeebus, isn't that a little like "Jack Kerouac's guide to sobriety" or "anger management pointers by Russell Crowe"?

Uh, okay

Al Franken Enters Minnesota Senate Race

Of course, this is the state of Walter Mondale and Jesse Venturea. This could be fun. (Via Julie)

And he wants us to follow his advice about Iraq?

Heard it on the radio, found it at BOTW. Sen. Chris Dodd, current war critic, on March 12, 1975:

The greatest gift our country can give the Cambodian people is not guns but peace. And the best way to accomplish that goal is by ending military aid now.

Headline of the day

It's always the JOOS. Talk about your International Zionist Cabals.

The Holiday Spirit

Submitted without comment.

Burnishing my geek cred

My daughter, Geek God and Grammar Nazi, sent this link along:

Finite Simple Group (of Order Two)

Name That Movie

I haven't made up my mind about this film yet; I've only seen it once in theaters and wasn't nearly as impressed as I'd anticipated. It's due out on DVD soon, so maybe I'll have a different perspective once I've been able to watch it more closely. It was definitely a very beautiful film visually, as you can see from the image below the jump.

It's a small thing

But it irritates me nonetheless and they just keep doing it. It's illustrative of the amazing ignorance of some of those who scream the loudest about global warming. Answer me this question:

If all of the ice in the arctic ocean melts, how many inches will sea levels rise?

And no, I don't remember specifically where I saw it but I was reminded of it in recent readings.

Going retro

Tim Blair has been channeling Imams again, so I thought I would link once more to these posts.

UPDATE: What the hell. Since it's Tim Blair, I'll link to this too.

The Decline and Fall of Western Civilization, Part MCMLVIII

Or, How P.T. Barnum was a Pollyanna:

Self-help gone nutty
A craze called 'The Secret' blends Tony Robbins with 'The Da Vinci Code,' telling people to have it all without trying.
By Karin Klein, KARIN KLEIN is a Times editorial writer.
February 13, 2007

WHEN MY SISTER arrived from New York over the holidays, she plopped a hand-tooled leather satchel on my piano bench and said, "See the beautiful bag I manifested for myself?" Gorgeous, indeed. But manifested?

Well, I suppose that's easier than dealing in cash.

"Manifesting," for those outside the self-help loop, is the big buzzword from "The Secret," a new DVD with a tie-in book featuring the ancient idea of having it all without trying very hard. If "The Secret" had a plot, it might go something like "Tony Robbins uncovers the Judas Gospel and learns to use the Force."

The DVD is screened regularly at gatherings of the energy-healer crowd. The video opens with a "Da Vinci Code"-style shot: A man in a ragged tunic makes off with a hot papyrus.

A voice-over assures us that an ancient secret, hidden from most of mankind, is about to be revealed. (Insert little conspiracy montage: A medieval priestly type privately unrolls the secret scroll; men in suits scheme in a smoke-filled boardroom.) Then motivational speakers take turns elaborating on this idea: If you want something, think of it with loving and positive feelings and it will "manifest." The concept apparently stems from the work of Esther Hicks, a famous channeler.

I never would have heard of "The Secret" if it weren't for my sister, the sort of person who has a spirit guide and professes to "massage energy." (Friends say the wrong sister moved to California.) But apparently it has found major cultural traction. It was featured on "Oprah" last week. The book is No. 4 on The Times' nonfiction bestseller list and No. 2 on Amazon (with the audio CD set No. 3). At my local Barnes & Noble, it was sold out.

[...]

Here was my favorite bit: "Food is not responsible for putting on weight. It is your thought that food is responsible for putting on weight that actually has food put on weight." It's a position that seems to have a lot in common with President Bush's ideas about global warming. Carbon emissions warm the Earth only if you worry that they will.

On the flip side, nothing — nothing — happens to people that isn't brought to them by their own persistent thoughts, and the book strongly implies that this includes those killed in the Holocaust and the World Trade Center. Under this philosophy, why bother contributing to Oxfam or worrying about Darfur? What a guilt-reliever.

Near as I can tell, the whole idea is just a new spin on the very old (and decidedly not secret) "The Power of Positive Thinking" wedded to "ask and you shall receive."

[...]

Strange to say, people are buying it. Not just the book and DVD. The message. Therapists tell me they're starting to see clients who are headed for real trouble, immersing themselves in a dream world in which good things just come.

The therapists obviously ought to visualize smarter clients.

My sister says I'm over-intellectualizing. She, after all, had manifested a fine leather satchel. And I have to admit, if there were designer leather goods to be had out of this, I was interested.

The reality was — drat it all — far more prosaic. Watching the DVD gave her the idea that she could afford this bag if she really wanted it, and so she went ahead and charged it.

I say, if you need an Amex card to make a handbag appear, you're an amateur.

[Wanders off shaking head]

Oh. My. Goodness.

I have found someone else capable of Val-caliber FOs.

Um, yeah

That pretty much says it all. Well, that and the Mark Knopfler lyric...

Only four more of them this week...

ConTRIVErsy

Sometimes, I swear shit like this is made up by the marketing departments of movie studios, even if the part that claims the "homosexual agenda" is about the "ultimate goal of worldwide sexual anarchy" was unintentionally hilarious. At any rate, this rubbish where films are touted as "controversial" months and months before they even hit post-production is getting more than a little bit tiring, if not wholly predictable.

Yipes

Believe it or not, I just saw the term "PDF" used as a verb and am currently stiffling the urge to do major damage to walls and fist.

An observation

Dear, sweet Ricki, who took the geek test also, has some observations about "geeks" vs. "populars" in her post, as well as observations about what is "geeky" vs. what is "educated". Read the whole thing, including the priceless line

And some of the questions, like the ones about "have you read history on your own" seem to suggest that "geek" is merely a synonym for "person who is NOT dumber than a sack of hammers."

Anyway, it reminded me of a phenomenon I noticed some years ago.

My high school also had the "geeks" and "populars" plus other cliques. There was a lot of overlap, though, between the various groups that tended to hang together. For example, many "jocks" were also involved in non-jock (and often geeky) activities. Some academic non-achievers on their way to low-wage careers were in the chess club.

Still, there were what one might term "permanent" cliques that tended to hang together socially. Some of these sorted by "popularity" or socioeconomic lines (we had a pretty wide selection of socioeconomic and ethnic identities represented). Unlike Ricki's experiences, these groups tended not to be exclusionary so much as self-selected and were really not "ratty" to those outside the group (by and large), which I attribute to the fact that an outsider of one of your groups would often be an insider of another. Don't get me wrong, it's not as if there was none of what she described but I think it was less than I usually hear about from others.

So anyway, finally meandering my way to the observation: At the five year reunion, people still tended to self-select into the same social groups for the most part. There was a lot of mingling and catching up between the different groups but people mostly spent time with their old group. Same at the ten year reunion, though perhaps a bit less so.

Come the twenty? Absolutely no self-selection. Completely random mix everywhere. Time has a way of killing that kind of silliness. Of course, having forgotten everybody's names after 20 years helps too.

Another quiz

This one on geekitude. I got tagged by Bitterroot of Friction and Harmony on this geek test. [Grr. Link fixed]

Surprisingly (but only marginally so, I'm really more in nerd territory), I scored only

24.45759% - Geek

The very fact that I reported it to seven significant figures should have pushed it over into the next category.

Now, the potential scorings demonstrate severe geekosity:

+ Geekish Tendencies................................≥09%
++ Geek.............................................≥15%
+++ Total Geek......................................≥25%
++++ Major Geek.....................................≥35%
+++++ Super Geek....................................≥45%
++++++ Extreme Geek.................................≥55%
+++++++ Geek God....................................≥65%
+++++++! Dysfunctional Geek.........................≥75%

Anyway, my score puts me in the second-from-bottom category, which suits me just fine. I revel in my nerditude but if the particular things that make one geekish are those here, I am happy to be so non-geeky. Some comments in the extended entry:

For example, I don’t do Star Trek. I have nothing in particular against those who like it (or even live it), but that ain't me and I wouldn't want my sister to marry on. A little less so for SCA, though I am just barely geeky enough to know what it is. Were I to get involved in historical reenactment it would be American History (say, Civil War or Revolution, or maybe WWII). Nothing against the Renaissance Fairies but it just isn't my bag.

Same for collecting. I collect guns. Well, actually, I would collect guns if I had the time and money. But I would not collect: comic books , superhero paraphernalia , spoons , calculators , vintage computers , bugs , trains , pins , snow globes , neat-looking rocks , stamps , coins , dirt. Actually, I do sort of collect coins but not in any systematic way.

More: I don't do sci-fi at all, even books, with very rare exceptions. Time travel is an exception, as are non-time-travel works by Robert Heinlein. I love time travel books and stories, especially those that bend the mind, but otherwise I am fairly indifferent to sci-fi. But I clicked the box for Isaac Asimov because I absolutely LOVE the essays he wrote for the "Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction".

On the other hand, I do math problems for fun when I have the time. I still work when I can with MathCounts when I get the chance. Yes, I do math. And I like it.

Hmm. In a bow to geekitude, I suppose I should actually tag people. Five, I guess, is the right number, but I have only three that come to mind at the moment. I'll add more later. Tagging:

Angie
Caltechgirl
Ricki

UPDATE: Two more tags because they strike me as being rather geeky in their own way:

The Bingster
The Banjophobe

What's for dinner tonight?

An old favorite.

Why tonight? Oh, just because.

Okay, this confuses me a little

I stole this quiz from the Banjophobe. The overall score I don't quibble with, though I really would have expected something closer to 50-50, seeing as how I tend to lean libertarian. But some of it surprises me.

Social issuse I would expect to break more 50-50. Personal responsibility? 100% conservative. I wonder which questions I got wrong. Ethics? There must have been some VERY badly worded questions (yeah, there were - I almost didn't answer the immigration question because it was so stupidly worded; I think the requirements for immigration should be looser in many ways, but illegals should be sent back to the end of the line, though I don't think that was the ethics question). But on "Defense and Crime" - DAMNED STRAIGHT!.

Of course, like all of these silly quizzes, it's pretty simplistic. One can be very solidly for defense but still oppose the Iraq campaign as ill-conceived (that's not my position but it's a plausible and valid position).

And speaking of fables...

Can anyone out there explain to me why Congresscreeps are allowed to change the Congressional Record after the fact?

I've know for years that they can do this, though I think it's usually done to cover up a potentially embarassing vote (that is, they vote one way and change the record to make it look like they did something else). As far as I'm concerned, the Congressional Record should be treated like a trial transcript.

A Modern Fable

Only it's real. Or at least as real as Rob's memory recalls it.

Yeah, I've met a lot of people like that.

Headline of the week

And more than a little frightening:

Versace: Hillary Clinton Should Drop Her Trousers

The Friday Fuck Off Thread

Do you guys remember that moment in Xanadu when the poor and under-appreciated Sonny Malone finally found the muse for his art? Of course you don't, because unless you're an idiot with stupid hobbies like me, you've never seen that dreadful movie. Anyway, that happened to me yesterday. I can't describe it other than to say a fire was lit. And I don't feel like telling anyone to fuck off today. Not anyone. It would just spoil the amazing feeling I'm having right now.

But y'all feel free to go right ahead.

And so it starts

Oh man, I just couldn't wait for the FO thread. All the news sites this morning look like the National Enquirer. It's all A*** N**** S**** all over EVERYTHING. Those words are hereby banned, at least until the bullshit dies out.

Quote of the day

Indeed.

This is why I don't do much gun blogging

Because there are others far more informed than I. [WARNING: Links not for GFWs or the faint of heart!] (Original link to the M16 post from Sebastian]

There is one thing I would like to add: A few days ago, the Instadude mentioned a post about a new "brain trust" in Iraq. Can't find the link right off but will look again tomorrow. Anyway, that term (or whatever term was used) reminded me of McNamara, and gave me the willies for many of the reasons in Chris's post, and more besides. [UPDATE: Here is the link. I saw the term "brain trust" and shuddered, remembering how McNamara's "Whiz Kids" fared in the 60s with their management skills]

Breaking news

Jeff Goldstein just lost his prime source of comedy material.

Anna Nicole Smith dies in Fla. at age 39

Faces I Love - Actors

Sheila does these great posts from time to time called "Faces I Love," which I really enjoy, even when I don't have a clue who some of the folks are. I've always wanted to do a few myself, so in honor of the inspirational source, I give you my own collection, dedicated to actors I never get tired of looking at.

Below the jump.

Lordy lordy lordy

Truly, We Are So Screwed.

MORE: Jee. Zuss. Kee. Riced.

Time again to resurrect this picture:

Banned

From this moment forward, the following words are permanently banned from use on this site:

Sienna Miller

Factory Girl

Edie Sedgwick

Subjects relating tangentically to all three will be judged on a case-by-case basis and deleted as deemed necessary. I'm sick of it. SICK. SICK. SICK. I'm sick of the very idea that a film would celebrate someone so vapid, self-destructive and useless. I'm sick of blatant publicity for the film being dressed up as "news" (ohmygawd, did they do it for real? Give me a break. Who gives a shit?). I'm sick of hearing every last crybaby that ever met or caught a disease from Sedgwick coming out of the wordwork to whinge or threaten to sue. Finally, I'm sick of bullhonkey like this:

"I'm most upset that people will see this movie and think Edie was like that. It's dishonest," says Wein, who now lives out of the public eye in California and hasn't given an interview in years. "It's really dismissive of who she was. It's more Paris Hilton than Edie Sedgwick."

Imagine a film about a empty-headed heiress who nobody would have heard of if she wasn't rich, attractive and fond of fucking famous people making the protaganist come off like Paris Hilton. The unlikely slanderous nerve.

Trump Candy

I don't have anything to say about the ridiculous Rosie O'Donnell/Donald Trump feud, in part because I can't decide which one of those two I like less, but mostly because it's stupid. But this is too funny.

Bottom Feeding

This pretty much illustrates why I think gossip columnists, as much as some of us might revel in guilt for occassionally enjoying the dirt that they dish, are the worst form of bottom-feeders ever produced by media.

Reporter Mark Leibovich commented that in Hollywood if you write something wrong about Brad Pitt it's a "so what," but if you are wrong about a politician, it could end his career. He quotes Hotline editor Chuck Todd, saying: "Look, Washington is Hollywood for ugly people for a reason, and this - a byproduct of the celebrification of politics - reflects it."

I'm seriously pressed to remember the last time I saw a sentence so intensely stupid in print, but that may be because I haven't read the comment pages of the Guardian in weeks.

That was, until, I read the paragraph that followed:

ACROSS THE Atlantic, Labor Prime Minister Tony Blair is ending his reign with a scandal every bit as good as any we have ever seen here in the United States. His "fixer" Lord Levy, has been arrested over selling peerages and knighthoods for money!

Never mind that Prime Ministers don't reign, but rather govern after an election, but maybe that's just pedantry, which certainly has no business rearing its head in regards to a gossip column. Selling peerages and knigthoods...is that so shocking it merits an exclamation! point!? Does Liz Smith think this is something new?

Stuff

In which our valiant hero (that's me; shut up) goes in search of amusing material with which to lift his flagging spirits.

And finds it (huzzah, huzzah!)

And finds more (hee hee, hee hee!)

Hey, whaddya expect on SecondMonday?

For Emily, wherever you may find her

Being one who runs screaming from the room at any mention of the name "Warhol", I had never heard of Edie Sedgwick before this post. At least I don't remember having done so, I may have and just shut it out.

Be that as it may, this particular item in the local fishwrap would not have registered had I not read that post, but this morning it popped right out at me:

NOW BACK TO OUR REGULARLY SCHEDULED SLEAZE: The New York Daily News says "Factory Girl" stars Sienna Miller and Hayden Christensen had real, actual sex on camera for a love scene, which, we dunno, would kind of mean that the film had crossed the line from "Steamy Moviemaking" -- which is all fine and good and perfectly acceptable among those who adhere to decent American values -- and "Full-Scale Pornography," which is gross and icky and should be dealt with by large menacing men with pointy-topped helmets and billy clubs.

What's unknown is whether this scene will make the film, which is about Andy Warhol and his muse, Edie Sedgwick, who's played by Miller.

According to the Daily News, young Darth Vader (Christensen) and Miller had a real-life, short-lived fling during filming of the movie, though Miller eventually dumped Vader for yet another failed attempt to work it out with Jude Law. Maybe it was his heavy breathing.

"Factory" director George Hickenlooper said "I can't comment" about the alleged genuineness of the sex scene.

FEDERLINE APOLOGIZES TO FAST-FOOD WORKERS, SAVES HIMSELF MANY FUTURE BEATINGS: Kevin Federline has something to say to any and all fast-food industry folks who are offended by his commercial, which airs Sunday during the Super Bowl: He's "really sorry."

"The commercial is completely intended for me, making fun of myself and my own situation," the future ex Mr. Britney Spears told the Associated Press. "It has nothing to do with anybody in the fast-food industry at all. So, you know, if we've offended anybody, I'm really sorry about that."

The apology-in-advance came after National Restaurant Association president and chief executive Steven Anderson ripped K-Fed's ad, saying it amounts to a "strong and direct insult to the 12.8 million Americans who work in the restaurant industry."

The Nationwide Mutual Insurance Co.'s 30-second spot shows Federline performing in a glitzy music video, until you realize he's daydreaming -- while cooking french fries at a fast-food joint.

It's a "'Saturday Night Live' skit on myself ... Maybe it'll land me some good roles in Hollywood," said Federline, who's apparently still dreaming.

Speaking of greasy, empty calories, anyone seen a copy of K-Fed's rap album "Playing with Fire" lately?

Since we here at the People Column are only too happy to slag on Jennifer Lopez for any number of reasons (bad movies, mediocre records, entourages so large they get their own ZIP code), we should be fair and give the woman props when she earns it. And she has.

Lopez will receive an award for her work as producer and star of a film examining the ongoing murders of hundreds of women in a Mexican border town, officials with Amnesty International said Friday. Lopez will receive the "Artists for Amnesty" award Feb. 14 at the Berlin Film Festival from Nobel Peace Prize winner Jose Ramos-Horta. The film "Bordertown" will make its debut Feb. 15 at the festival.

I also see, at the end of the column, that Joey Bishop turned 89 today and Shelley Berman turned 81. Live long(er) and prosper, Funny Jewish Guys!

Life is so much cooler than fiction

From Dustbury by way of McGehee:

Critics are concerned that [Hooters's] scantily clad servers don't fit the image the city seeks to project in its Big Beaver commercial district.

Doldrums

Our buddy Brian's got the "bloggin' muse done gone and I'm down in the doldrums" blues. Which means no Musical Geography Questions for the nonce. So, of course, being the meme thief I am, I will step in. Of course, since it's Friday (Yay! My Friday came on Friday this week!) and I'm already two beers in, I'm not up for a difficult one so here's a softball:

If it's a mighty rough road from Lynchburg to Danville, what are you driving?

Letters To Walken

This is one of the funniest websites I've ever seen. It's "letters" from children written to Christopher Walken.

Here's "Kolb from PA" writing to tell Walken he liked him in Deer Hunter, complete with a crayon-drawn illustration of a man blowing out his brains.

And "Noah from New York" writes to say "My daddy says I'm too old to believe in Santa. Please come to our house on Christmas Eve and put the fear of God into him."

A kid who wrote to Walken about her "African Aids pen pal," complete with a world map.

The Friday Fuck Off Thread

To the "gentleman" sitting at a neighboring table last night who ruined what would have been an otherwise perfectly enjoyable dinner by boasting about his vast and manly sexual exploits loud enough to entertain every brainless, chest-pounding jock as far east as Cleveland, I would tell you to fuck off, but you'd probably consider that some kind of invitation. You may think that announcing to everyone within and beyond earshot that you're a slut makes you a Big Man, but trust me, most of us recognize you for the selfish, rude, disloyal and likely dirty windbag carrier of nasty and possible incurable diseases that you really are.

I've taken two showers and slept for eight hours since encountering this person and I still feel dirty. What the fuck ever happened to restaurant owners that told guests like that to either pipe down or get out?

It's yours.

Cool

If there's no hope, there's no need to do anything but party.

U.N. says there's no stopping global warming
Report also says climate change is 'very likely' the result of human activities.
By Thomas H. Maugh II, Times Staff Writer
February 2, 2007

In the strongest language it has ever used, a United Nations panel says global warming is "very likely" caused by human activities and has become a runaway train that cannot be stopped.

A Place Where Somebody Dared To Go

I would not have thought it possible. Not in my brightest and most hopeful dreams.

Somebody is bringing Xanadu to Broadway.

That's right. Xanadu. The Olivia Newton-John roller disco movie sometimes known under the title Gene Kelly, What The Fuck Were You Thinking? I mean, just look at the cover.

The genius of this is inspiring. I may have to take another trip to New York City just to see it.

Attention!

This just in: Tom Cruise isn't Jesus. Pshaw. Everybody knew that. Xenu totally made Jesus up to confuse the thetans.

(Link stolen from Cult News)

Pardon me while I take a strange interlude

HAHAHAHA!