it comes in pints?

With all due respect to Kris Kristofferson...

... "Freedom Domesticated's just another word for nothin' left to lose old.

Welcome to my world, kid.

More dumb reporters

The marginally literate teenagers at the Sackamenna Bee are at it again. Please read the following phrase, which opens this SacBee story, and tell me what exactly is wrong with it.

A year after huge national protests against a federal proposal to criminalize illegal immigrants, ...

I know, it's a toughie but I'm sure that this highly intelligent crew can make some educated guesses.

By the way, I don't think anyone has yet guessed the reference in the category. Any guesses?

Holy shit update

It's not just this crew that brought up Rosie O'Donnell. She was mentioned on the radio this morning, there's a reference by Instadude and Rand Simberg, and I saw a couple of others this morning, too. Even the SFChron mentioned it (not Rosie by name, see below).

SFGate has links to video of the blaze and the aftermath.

And I have a new hero named Anthony.

James Mosqueda, the driver in Sunday's fiery fuel-tanker crash, climbed out of the cab of his truck just moments before an explosion so powerful and hot that it melted steel and brought down a freeway, witnesses and law enforcement officials said.

Nah, no rimshot at Rosie.

Mosqueda, a 51-year-old father of three from Woodland (Yolo County), walked away from the wreck -- and kept on walking.

He walked for a mile and a half in all -- first along the overpass where he crashed and then for at least 13 blocks through the desolate streets of West Oakland -- to an Arco gas station, where he approached a cabdriver and asked for a ride to a hospital, police said.

The Friendly Cab driver, who identified himself to The Chronicle only as Anthony, 46, of San Jose, said he had just pulled into the gas station at West Grand Avenue and Market Street when he saw Mosqueda.

"He walked up to me. He was in pain. He was telling me he was dying. He had blisters, bubbles on his hands. Part of his hair was burnt," the cabbie said.

An hour had passed since the crash and, unbeknownst to the cabbie, authorities had been searching for the truck's driver.

During the 2-mile drive to Kaiser Oakland Medical Center, they talked about the crash. Mosqueda told the cabbie that he didn't remember the crash -- only the truck being on its side.

"He told me that as soon as he got out, it exploded," Anthony said.

When they pulled up to Kaiser at 4:51 a.m., Mosqueda got ready to pay the fare.

"He wanted to pay me, but I refused," the cabbie said.

Anthony, I owe you a beer.

Mosqueda was treated at Kaiser before being transferred later Sunday morning to the burn unit at St. Francis Memorial Hospital in San Francisco.

Mosqueda's father said his son was doing well despite second- degree burns to his face, neck and hands.

"He's OK now," he said in a brief telephone interview, adding that he expected his son to spend two or three days recovering at the hospital before coming home.

On radio, it was mentioned that he's still in critical condition so even three days sounds optimistic.

Holy shit

Luckily, it was about four of a Sunday morning and no one else was injured.

Roadway to Bay Bridge collapses after tanker explosion

A tanker carrying unleaded gasoline exploded early this morning, causing 250 yards of roadway to collapse near Emeryville. The driver walked away from the incident and took a taxi to a nearby hospital where he is being treated for second-degree burns, according to the California Highway Patrol.

California Highway Patrol officer Trenton Cross said he believed that speed was a factor in the tanker crash, which caused roadway on Interstate 580 at Interstate 80, located near Emeryville to be completely destroyed. The tanker explosion caused the upper deck of a connector ramp to collapse onto the lower deck, according to a California Highway Patrol dispatcher.

Interstate 580 is closed approaching the Bay Bridge, according to the dispatcher.

The dispatcher said eastbound Interstate 80 to eastbound Interstate Highway 580 collapsed after heat from the tanker explosion on the westbound Interstate 580 at Interstate 80 rose and melted the upper roadway.

Yeesh. Walked away from the explosion and grabbed a taxi to the hospital.

Forty miles of bad road (and a question)

That's my commute (the road, not the question, though one might reasonably ask why I put up with it).

Well, actually, my commute is more like forty-some miles of halfway decent (by CalTrans standards) road plugged up by stop-and-go traffic during the week. Not too bad today, though, so I stayed on the freeway instead of taking the backroad I usually take.

Anyway, after being so mean to my young friend Cullen in that last post, I thought I'd link to this. That happens to be the very last song on a CD collection I picked up a few weeks back, and it was the one playing when I pulled into the garage on my bike a little bit ago.

No, I didn't bike to work. I got home a couple of hours ago, sucked down a brewski and a late lunch, then went for a bike ride. This particular CD (one of four in the set) also has "Because They're Young" (no online video I can find, alas). Another CD in that set has "Rebel Rouser" which, as everyone who matters knows, is the greatest Rock 'n Roll instrumental of all time (BTW, look at that strange chick grabbing her head at the beginning of the clip - I suspect she went on to great drug problems in the 60s). This makes at least five copies of "Rebel Rouser" I have on various CDs. Oh yeah, before I forget, here's another Duane Eddy [genuFleck - sorry, that was my joke from the last post] video, with a song I had never heard before, and here's another (this song I've heard before, but not by Eddy). You can never go wrong with Duane Eddy.

And now a question for you audiophiles out there. In the last few years, I've picked up a few assorted collections of music, mostly collections of old R&R but a little bit of other stuff thrown in. Most have turned out to be collections not of the original release versions I remember, but alternate versions by the same artist (sometimes live, sometimes alternate studio takes or mixes). This particular set has mostly alternate studio versions, a couple or three live, and a very few (I think) original release versions. Another set I picked up a while back has newer versions (30-40 years later) by the same artists, except for the dead people.

So my question for you audiophiles: Is this a new fad of releasing different takes/renditions of the old songs, or is it just another weird-ass, funny coincidence that I happened on these? Could be coincidence, I suppose, I don't buy a lot of music, but still...

I love weird-ass, funny coincidences

So my lovely friend Julie sends me an email this morning, telling me that Steve Martin, Bela Fleck, and Tony Trischka were on Letterman last night. If I may quote this great, sagacious lady:

THREE banjos! It was awesome!

So I'm thinking to myself, "I gotta get me some of that." Because, you know, Cullen like, totally freaks out over two banjos. But THREE banjos? Man. Brain hemorrhage city, and I gots me a bitchin' post.

Well, anyway, it's not online as far as I can tell. But Julie directed me to the Tony Trischka [genuflect] website which has a link to Tony Trischka and Steve Martin. Yeah, only two banjos but whaddya gonna do?

Well, anyway, that's not what's so freakin' weird-ass funny. What's so freakin' weird-ass funny is that while searching for the clip of THREE, COUNT 'EM, THREE BANJOS, I came across this clip of Bela Fleck [genuFleck (heh, get it? "genuFLECK"? I crack me up)] playing with the Dave Matthews Band. Watch the clip. I mean it. Bela is incredible and so is that fiddler with the, um, not exactly sure what it is, kind of a Rasta topknot or something. Anyway, he's unbelievable.

Well, anyway, that's not what's so freakin' weird-ass funny. What's so freakin' weird-ass funny is that when I finally got home from work and cracked open a bottle of proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy, I checked email and had a notice from Ticketmaster:

"Don't miss Dave Matthews Band at the Shoreline Amphitheater".

Hey, it's late in the week and it amused me. And seeing as how tomorrow is my Friday, that makes today something like "Second Thursday" or "Fifth Monday", so I'm trying to drink heavily, and I'm raising a glass to the Banjophobe. May your potential prospect be what you hope for, and may I someday find that THREE, COUNT 'EM, THREE BANJOS clip online.

Anyway, I suspect I'll miss the concert since they didn't promise Bela Fleck would be there.

The Friday Fuck Off Thread

Life related: How many hours on these threads have we devoted to people who think they're the most important person in the universe with complete disregard or respect for the space, time, and needs of everyone else around them? Ugh. They're fucking everywhere. I don't even know where to start.

Work related: People who need to hear magic words like "the shit you lost that was supposed to be delivered here weeks ago cost four hundred thousand dollars" before they feel like doing their fucking job.

Health related: If hate smoking. The only thing I hate more than smoking is my inability to quit doing it. The cough is getting obnoxious. Any pointers or words of encouragement would be helpful.

News related: The American media and their 24/7 rush for ratings, cut-to-swoosh, bickering, moronic pundits at the expense of dignified reporting can fuck off. Again. When you start making things like the BBC look appealing by comparison, you know you've delved into an entirely new territory of exploitive suckitude that has no business being counted upon to properly inform the public.

I leave it to you.

It's the last friday of the month

So if you happen to find yourself in Saint Franky, slap a Critical Masshole.

Aw man

That sucks.

Now we'll never know what happened to that "Transylvania Twist".

BTW, you really should go here and click on the picture of him at Disneyland.

Long day

And I be tired.

Way tired. Like I've been moving furniture. Big furniture. Like a sofa.

And not just any sofa. A big sofa.

The king of sofas.

I am sofa king tired.

Yeah, I know I've used it before. So what?

Thank heaven for grandmas

Grandmas are wonderful people.

Leap for life from blaze
Woman jumps 15 feet to the ground, safely cradling grandson, 3.
By Bobby Caina Calvan - Bee Staff Writer

Jo Ann Conner stared out her upstairs window, her 3-year-old grandson cradled in her arms.

Life and death, she thought.

Smoke -- thick, gray "and stinking" -- gushed through the front door. Flames licked from behind. At her window, in the dark of night early Tuesday, she pleaded for help.

No time to wait. "It was just in a blink of an eye," she said.

Conner, 50, turned away from the window, leaned and fell backward over the edge, her grandchild, Lamareon McGee, cushioned by her bosom during the 15-foot fall.

Somehow, both survived.

"I just want to cry," Conner said Tuesday afternoon from her hospital bed at UC Davis Medical Center. "But I've got the most important thing. I've got my baby's life."

Conner prayed as she fell. "'Lord, whatever happens will happen.' " she said. "I didn't know what I was going to hit."

She landed on an air conditioning unit out back. She gashed her leg, but her grandchild was safe, Conner said.

"All I knew was that I wanted to protect him," she said. "I just wanted to protect him, my precious baby."

While she slept, at 2 a.m. Tuesday, smoke and fire began pouring out of the apartment directly below hers, at Oak Valley Apartments in North Highlands. Four units were destroyed, at least another four damaged, as residents bolted for safety.

I want to cry too.

Sucks to be so busy

So much fiskatorial goodness out there today and no time to deal with it properly. So I'll just note that the Morning Show mentioned a cartoon sent in by our friend and commenter Walter Wallis, who then graciously sent it on to me. It's by New Yorker cartoonist Alex Gregory. I can't seem to easily find an online version to link, so at the risk of possible copyright infringement, I uploaded it. Apologies to Mr. Gregory, and if anyone knows a site with the same cartoon please let me know so I can change the link.

Here it is.

Love in the time of cholera (updated)

I wonder if Gabriel Garcia Marquez ever visited Santa Monica Boulevard.

I probably shouldn't keep beating a dead horse but I got nothing else and it's fun. The first comment out of the chute on the morning show today, right after the news, was (quote as memory serves) "No matter how bad your day is going, just be glad you don't have to do Sheryl Crow's laundry."

I am indeed.

They also made reference to this.

When it comes to Sheryl Crow's touring requirements, if it's Tuesday, this must be Bombay. Gin that is. The rock star's performance contract includes specific day-to-day instructions on what kind of booze Sheryl needs in her dressing room (TSG has never seen such attention to detail in any other concert rider we've posted).

Yeah, pretty detailed right down to the brand names. I mean, I understand liking particular brands, I just don't think I've ever known anyone to tie them to particular days of the week.

And then there's her carbon footprint:

Additionally, when the global warming warrior hits the road, her touring entourage (and equipment) travels in three tractor trailers, four buses, and six cars. Now that's a carbon footprint!

Well, of course, it's not a mess o' jumbo jets or even just a simple Gulfstream, but it's a start.

UPDATE: HAHAHAHAHA!

Academic freedom

Jesus. H. Christ.

On a friggin' pogo stick.

Thanks Joel Dave (Updated with red face)

UPDATE: Arrgh! I'm too tired to do creative stuff with proper attribution! Dave, sorry for misattributing your line! Joel, sorry for confusing you terribly! Gaah! I need beer!

For giving me yet another opportunity to poke my finger in the eye of Gulfstream environmentalists.

When your sleeve becomes your napkin And the Crap Police only give you one square Then loons have conquered the planet And dopiness is in the air

We're living deep within the Age of Dumbassery The Age of Dumbassery Dumbassery, Dumbassery

Total lack of any thinking Common sense no longer common No more right to make decisions Hollywood is having visions Where plebes are always walking And the stars do all the talking Dumbassery, Dumbassery

"Let the plebes fry! Let their A/C die! So stars can fly!"

"Let the plebes stare At our jets in the air Because we care!"

Earth Day

So what did you do to celebrate Earth Day? I drove my SUV* to work.

*It's actually a fairly high mileage SUV, and not truly an SUV, only a borderline SUV, but that's my story and I'm sticking to it.

But of course, other less rational people are running around shooting their damn fool mouths off.

Crow calls for limit on loo paper

Singer Sheryl Crow has said a ban on using too much toilet paper should be introduced to help the environment.

Crow has suggested using "only one square per restroom visit, except, of course, on those pesky occasions where two to three could be required".

Gee I hate those "pesky occasions".

"I have spent the better part of this tour trying to come up with easy ways for us all to become a part of the solution to global warming," Crow wrote.

"Although my ideas are in the earliest stages of development, they are, in my mind, worth investigating.

"I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting."

"Here I sit, broken hearted..."

Crow has also commented on her website about how she thinks paper napkins "represent the height of wastefulness".

She has designed a clothing line with what she calls a "dining sleeve".

The sleeve is detachable and can be replaced with another "dining sleeve" after the diner has used it to wipe his or her mouth.

Yeah, why don't you and Laurie David use that for a while and let us know how it goes.

Random Observations

A few random, weird observations:

1) My commute route looks vastly different in the daytime. I went to work today to get some extra stuff done and hardly recognized it. A lot of stuff has grown up along one section of the freeway since the last time I saw it in daylight while travelling in that direction.

2) I tend to get a lot more work done when there's nobody around to bother me/interrupt me/drag me off to meetings. I know, not much of an observation but it's still true.

3) Rimsky-Korsikov's "Flight of the Bumblebee" has some interesting similarities to Rossini's "William Tell Overture".

Okay, I realize that last one requires some explanation:

Yesterday, I checked out of the library some tapes of the old "Green Hornet" radio show. These particular episodes are from 1945. The show used "Flight of the Bumblebee" as its theme (the TV show in the 60s used a jazzier version by Al Hirt). I was listening to it on the way to and from work today. Now, no doubt part of this is from just the feel and sound of the old time radio dramas, but during parts of "FotB" I kept expecting it to segue into "WTO". Those parts just seem to sound like they should do so.

Of course, there are more reasons why listening to "Green Hornet" should make me think of the "William Tell Overture". Britt Reid, the Green Hornet, was the grand nephew of the Lone Ranger. Both programs were created by George Trendle, LR in 1933 and GH in 1936. Both have a similar feel when you listen to them; I haven't heard radio shows of LR but the old TV show sounded very similar in its opening.

It's probable that it's only the connection between GH and LR that makes me think "William Tell Overture" when hearing "Flight of the Bumblebee" but I'd swear that parts of each sound like they go together.

Oh, and before the "geezer" remarks start, I did NOT ever hear either GH or LR on the radio. I didn't even see LR on TV during its first run, only in reruns. I wasn't born yet.

I could have seen the TV version of GH in real time but I only knew it existed from the time the GH character appeared on "Batman" and never actually found out when it was on, so I've never seen it. And it was years later that I learned that Bruce Lee played Kato.

Anyway, next time you hear "Flight of the Bumblebee" see if it makes you think "William Tell Overture" and let me know either way. I'd be interested.

Pictures

Sheila's doing a "Scanning Saturday" with lots of cool pictures. Go enjoy.

Some of you may have noticed...

...the absence of a dearly beloved commenter in the FFOT this week. Seems she found something better than just venting FOs at jerks, for this week at least.

Go read it. And I hope she has more of these stories to share in the future.

My morning chuckle

Here

The Friday Fuck Off Thread

Crap. What a fucking week. Do I ever need this. Virginia Tech, the anniversaries of Waco and Oklahoma City yesterday, Columbine today...where it's both Hitler's birthday AND Earth Day. So appropriate, considering how slavish and mindlessly devoted to dogma a good section of the environmental movement has become. Like a cult, but without matching jackets.

The media, for once again proving how completely lacking in class, good taste, and humanity in general you bottom feeders really are. There are too many examples to cite in the past week without exceeding my bandwidth tenfold.

I just want the fucking WORLD to fuck off right now.

And Fred Phelps and your little clan of inbred opportunists, you're so low, you skate beneath the Fuck Off. People like you are best ignored. I won't be a part of making your selfish, sinister intentions a reality any more. Just fade into obscurity, where you belong.

And, on a lighter note, whoever came up with the idea of the "insert" function on keyboards, or even better yet, whoever thought of putting it in a spot where it is readily hit by accident while reaching for something else so that you inadvertently turn your flashing cursor into a crocodile eating everything you just wrote three bloody times a day, can totally, completely, utterly, wholy fuck OFF AND DIE.

Take it away.

If a tree falls in the forest...

... and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?

A modern day version: If an anti-Semitic caricature is published and no one knows it's an anti-Semitic caricature, does it provoke traditional anti-Semitism?

Our tax system explained

By Denny, via CTG.

Ethnic Studies

Why it's not a valid academic discipline (registration possibly required).

Cross ethnic lines to stop violence A sense of responsibility follows news that a Korean American was the Virginia Tech gunman.

By Edward Taehan Chang, EDWARD TAEHAN CHANG, a professor of ethnic studies at UC Riverside, writes frequently about Los Angeles' Korean American community.

First problem: "Ethnic Studies". Second problem: WTF does the "Korean American" crap have to do with it? He was a nutjob. Nutjobs cross ethnic lines.

LIKE SO MANY Americans, I was glued to the television Monday, watching horrifying images of wounded students at Virginia Tech as the day unfolded. But I grew even more troubled when I heard the first reports that the shooter might be Asian.

Why?

Here we go again, I thought.

Yep, another Asian goes off and kills a bunch of people. Seems like just yesterday that... no, wait. When was the last time one of these mass murders in this country was Asian?

My wife and I watched nervously, desperately hoping that he would not turn out to be Korean or Korean American. When the media speculated that he was from China, I must admit to some relief. To my dismay, police on Tuesday confirmed that he was Korean American. His name was Seung-hui Cho.

Yes, it would have been so much better if he were Chinese. Or better still, not Asian! Even better, Caucasian! From some southern redneck backwater! That way we could still feel superior to them crackers!

My initial reaction to the shootings was, like anyone else, shock, disgust, sadness and disbelief. Then I began to worry about the possible backlash. Would the mainstream media portray this troubled man not as an individual on a rampage but as a racialized and stereotyped Asian?

You mean "inscrutable"?

Would they fall back on the usual characterizations: quiet, hardworking but seething under tremendous pressure to excel in school?

You mean like my non-Asian kids? Except they don't "seeth". So far as I know.

Cho's ethnic background will undoubtedly trigger questions about what set off this Asian American male. But how much, if anything, does his ethnicity really have to do with what happened?

Not a damned thing, but let's watch an "ethnic studies" professor do it anyway, because that's what "ethnic studies" professors are good at. Apparently the only thing they're good at.

Cho had a history of anger and emotional problems, according to media accounts. He reportedly was taking medication for depression. Many people, and certainly a lot of overworked, stressed young students, suffer from similar conditions.

And they don't go off.

Something snapped in this young man, and something went terribly wrong.

What's the word I'm looking for? Oh yeah. "Duh".

I'm sure that, in the weeks ahead, many Korean Americans will feel somehow responsible for this one Korean American student's action...

If this is true, then Korean-Americans must be one dense bunch.

... even though it appears that this was the action of one apparently disturbed young man.

Um, "duh"?

This could have been done by anybody who suffers from severe depression or a mental disorder and is not properly treated.

"Mental Illness", yes. "Depression", no. Depression is associated with excessive passivity and possible suicide, not murder.

And yet, I too somehow feel responsible. Why?

Because you're a dumbass and an "ethnic studies" professor.

But I repeat myself.

As someone of Korean ancestry, I feel a cultural connection and almost a moral responsibility for his actions.

So I assume that if some family members decide to sue somebody, you'll volunteer as a defendant?

As we approach the 15th anniversary of the civil unrest in Los Angeles, the Korean American community here still vividly remembers how the mainstream media portrayed Korean immigrant merchants as gun-toting vigilantes, defending their stores as Los Angeles burned in 1992 — and we are still trying to overcome that stereotype.

Now, that's one stereotype I can get behind. Gun-toting Koreans defending their property against criminals!

Seriously, anybody out there, is this true? I don't recall them being portrayed as "vigilantes", but I didn't see a whole lot of the coverage. Were they portrayed as "vigilantes", or as people just trying to protect themselves and their property?

There are more than 500,000 Koreans in Los Angeles, the largest enclave outside of Asia, and this is the image many Americans have of them.

Well, I'm sure a lot of those Americans would approve of that image.

The Asian American community has long complained about the absence of Asian American faces in popular media.

There's an old Asian proverb, "be careful what you wish for".

Even the initial media report of the shooter as Chinese reminds me of how Asian Americans all "look alike" to those outside the community. It would be grossly unfair to blame an entire community for the act of one member, but all Asian American communities — not just Korean ones — may be tainted by this tragedy.

Well, you're an "ethnic studies" professor, so we'll forgive you your stupidity. For now...

The reality, however, is that Cho came to the U.S. when he was 8 years old and, at the time of his death, was 23 and an English major at Virginia Tech. In other words, he probably spoke fluent English and was culturally Americanized. He probably didn't know much about Korea and Korean culture. And yet the headlines will read: "Seung-hui Cho from South Korea."

Funny, I don't recall any headlines dwelling on that fact.

I don't mean to suggest that there's no truth at all to some of the stereotypes about Asian Americans.

But ten to one you pick and choose which sterotypes you suggest that about.

It is often true that Asian Americans are hardworking or academically successful. Cho's parents probably did struggle to send him to college. Many Korean American students do grow up under heavy pressure to excel in school.

As do my kids. And the rewards of doing this are understood by them. At least, the ones who aren't psychotic, violent nutjobs.

Growing up as typical "model minority" students, many Asian American students find themselves having to cope with repressed anger, anxiety and rage.

"Model minority"? Jeez.

Maybe Cho was under tremendous pressure to succeed. Or maybe his rampage had nothing to do with academic pressure but was caused by a failed romance or a deep depression. We may never know what triggered these senseless shootings.

Uh, at the risk of pointing out the obvious, isn't that what "senseless" means?

I will not be able to completely shake my sense of responsibility as a Korean American for this tragedy.

Okay, I will give the eminent "ethnic studies" prof this much: At least he's turning the PC/PoMo silliness on himself rather than, say, blaming all the EVIL WHITE EUROCENTRIC RACIST PIGS™ for what happened.

But I'm going to try.

Please do. And also try not to tar other ethnic groups with the sins of their individual nutjobs.

And when young people are stressed or depressed, let us reach out across all ethnic and racial boundaries and try to help them see that, in every culture, violence is not the solution.

Well, not all cultures seem to feel that way.

But let's also remember that "violence" is neutral. A little well-placed violence (and absence of "gun-free zone" laws) might have helped neutralize this individual earlier on.

Oh good lord

Apparently, Global Warming™ = 42.

Global Warming™ = Jackie Robinson = The Answer to the Universe

I couldn't resist

See here for context.

Dear South Korean Foreign Ministry

Fuck you.

South Korea fears shooting may stir prejudice
Seoul official notes ‘shock beyond description’ over gunman’s heritage, acts

SEOUL, South Korea - South Korea’s Foreign Ministry said Tuesday the government hoped the Virginia Tech shootings, allegedly carried out by a 23-year-old South Korean native, would not “stir up racial prejudice or confrontation.”

Because everyone knows that the very first thing those redneck 'Murkins a-gonna do is kill 'em some gooks.

South Korean diplomats were traveling to the site of the shooting, said Cho Hee-yong, another ministry spokesman.

Save yourself the bus fare. Go home and protect your own country from your starving "brothers" across the 38th parallel, 'k? And remember the number 54,246.

Via Jim Treacher, who notes "If a white American guy shot a bunch of people in South Korea, would we tell the grieving families that we hoped it wouldn't stir up racial prejudice?".

UPDATE: Oh Christ, you stupid motherfucker, just die already.

The family that plays together

Stays together. At least until they get shipped off to different prisons.

Pipe-bomb outing, family style
Man, 29, charged after he allegedly leads mate, sons on dangerous joy ride
By David Richie - Bee Staff Writer

El Dorado County sheriff's investigators say they hope it wasn't a typical Saturday family outing -- making pipe bombs in front of the wood stove and then testing the explosives by throwing them out the car window during an afternoon jaunt through the American River Canyon.

The result was a series of explosions with no injuries, several frightened witnesses, Dad in jail and Mom under scrutiny for what one deputy described as "unimaginably stupid" conduct.

Justin Lee Brown, 29, was arrested on suspicion of several felonies after allegedly making and detonating the bombs with his girlfriend and their two sons, ages 6 and 8.

Pipe bombs: fun for the whole family.

Lt. Kevin House, a 24-year sheriff's department veteran, described the incident as "really bizarre and very out of the ordinary."

I would hope so.

The level of danger in the car and in the home where the bombs were made was mind-boggling, House said.

Fortunately, stupidity like this is usually somewhat self-limiting.

The witness told deputies that he thought the occupants of the car were trying to time it so the bombs would detonate as other cars drove over them. Deputies were provided with a license plate number and a description of the car and the male passenger, woman driver and at least one child, who was in a car seat.

Well, at least they were concerned about the child's safety.

I have nothing more to say about this except:

The family that bombs together, gloms together.

Hey, you think you can do better? Do it.

Chuck Norris bacteria

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Christ

The buzzards are circling already.

Of course, it bears pointing out that this tragedy occurred in a "gun-free zone".

Oh please (updated)

(UPDATE: This is starting to irritate me. Even Joe Morgan doesn't get it. Lots of people, not just in this game, have mentioned Pee Wee Reese putting his arm aroung Jackie Robinson's shoulder. Can anyone out there explain exactly WHY it was so significant?)

Spare us from retarded sports-oriented morons.

So I'm sitting here watching the pre-game show for the Dodger game. Being the 60th anniversary of the day that Jackie Robinson broke the color barrier in Major League Baseball, there's a lot about Jackie. His wife Rachel is there. Don Newcombe, Hank Aaron, Frank Robinson, and other greats are there. Spike Lee is there, though I'm not exactly sure why. The choir from a largely black Methodist church in Los Angeles is performing a lovely version of "Oh Happy Day". Vin Scully, who called 7 years of games with him, is talking about Jackie. Rachel Robinson is right now walking onto the field looking as radiant and stunning as ever.

But some idiot, a few minutes ago, called him "the most important American of the 20th century". Please. I bow to no one in reverence for Jackie and how he stood up against death threats and bigots, how he chose to play his least favorite game to accomplish something great and necessary.

But I'm sorry, he has to go in line behind a few other Americans. One rather obvious choice, of course, would be Martin Luther King, Jr. A few others are below the fold:

FDR
Eisenhower
Patton
Truman
Reagan
Pershing
Marshall

For chrissake, even if you feel the need to limit it to black Americans. Behind MLK is Charles Drew and others.

Jesus Christ, people, I love baseball but in the grand scheme of things it's just not that important. Jackie's accomplishments are great but some perspective please?

Woo hoo!

Look who stopped by the Critical Manners post. How neat, and more power to you, Ms. Dagasan!

Dear Critical Massholes

This is how you do it.

Cyclists who believe in stopping at red lights seek to reclaim the high road when they pedal off tonight for a Critical Manners bike ride through San Francisco.

The ride, created last year as a response to the controversial Critical Mass ride, features cyclists who ride single file, signal their turns and obey all traffic laws.

"I started the ride after seeing bad behavior at Critical Mass that I found unacceptable," ride organizer Reama Dagasan said Thursday. "Rather than let a few bad apples speak for me, I decided to start my own ride for cyclists who follow the law. As nerdy as our rides may sound, we've had great fun cycling around this city together."

And how did it go?

A bunch of bike riders pedaled through San Francisco on Friday night, and nobody got mad at anybody.

The cyclists were polite. The motorists were respectful. The pedestrians were happy. The cops were incredulous.

And it all comes, said ride organizer Reama Dagasan, from stopping at red lights, which is not at all a bad thing to do.

"We're making a statement tonight," she said. "We believe in sharing and being nice."

Thank you, Ms. Dagasan, from one who both drives and bikes.

Funny. You'd think more people in oh-so-liberal Saint Franky actually believed in "sharing and being nice", rather than just being Massholes.

Oh my goodness

I hadn't heard this. Vilma Ebsen died recently. I guess that explains the recent posts by Instapundit and Ann Althouse. I had kind of assumed she'd died years ago.

I haven't seen much of their dance work (like Glenn Reynolds, I know Buddy Ebsen mostly from "The Beverly Hillbillies", though I've seen a few clips of Buddy and Vilma as well as Buddy alone). But the videos that Althouse has in the post are amazing. And that first clip reminded me how talented Shirley Temple was as a small child (about 6 or 7 in that clip, I think).

Damn you, Bingley!

DAMN YOU DAMN YOU DAMN YOU!

Damn your eyes!

Damn your brain!

Damn your pancreas!

Damn every damned damnable part of your body and what passes for a soul in your sorry, pasty-white, honkey, totally-soulless-so-he-doesn't-appreciate-Aretha-for-the-goddess-she-is self!

And damn your partner in crime, the formerly sainted Nectar of the Gods, of which I've down several tonight!

How dare you sully the primo neologism of my dear friend Julie and coerce me into posting something like this:

"Fuckleberry Hound" indeed. Sis, kick his ass!

The Friday Fuck Off Thread (updated)

UPDATE: It's BUG WEEK at the FFOT! (Hey, we had a week devoted to fonts, why not bugs too?)

Emily is off enjoying a well-deserved break, probably involving lots of alcohol and potential jail time, so I am once again in charge of the weekly FFOT. I have a couple.

My first Fuck Off this week goes to myopic bean-counters. Yeah, jerks, it looks good to you to keep your inventory numbers down to teeny-weeny dollar levels. Looks a lot less good to me when my folks run out of raw materials because we weren't allowed to keep enough on hand to cover unplanned builds. This also applies when different departments butt heads trying to find time on the only instrument inhouse because bean-counters don't like a lot of "excess" capital assets. I don't appreciate getting snotty emails wondering why we can't make the commitments made on our behalf by other people who have absolutely no clue.

Which brings me to my second Fuck Off: Marketing pukes and Sales pukes (sorry, John).

Listen up, MPs and SPs: When asked

"Why did you promise that we would deliver a product that we can't deliver because

a) the proper systems, processes, and controls are not yet in place,

b) we don't yet have the necessary (and expensive) raw materials (see above),

c) we don't yet have the proper, validated equipment necessary,

d) we don't yet have supply agreements in place with our vendors,

e) we haven't yet validated the manufacturing process,

f) we haven't even completed all the required documentation because of late formulation changes and other delays,

in short, because it's not yet a product,

the correct answer is

Oh God, I'm so terribly sorry, we never should have made unrealistic commitments without checking with the people who have to do the work, it will never, ever happen again, please don't hit me."

The correct answer is NOT

Because we had to promise it to make the sale.

That way lies madness and possible bodily harm.

All right, kids, your turn. Let 'er rip.

Links, anybody?

So I'm swamped at work and didn't get any chance to try to track this down. Maybe some of you have seen something.

I heard on the radio this morning that some lefty blogs or news outlets are trying to claim that Don Imus as a "conservative". As I noted here, I listened a tiny bit to Imus some years back when the show was on a local station that I normally listened to anyway. Not overly offensive, nor overly entertaining, in the little bit I listened to, but absolutely NO WAY "conservative" in any way that I could hear. Total Clinton suckup.

And no, that's not why I stopped listening to that station in the morning. It's because he just wasn't very funny (with rare exceptions noted in the link).

A mixed bag

In the LA Times today, one reasonable oped and one reasonably stupid one (registration probably required).

"Before you get pissed at Imus, let's talk about rappers and black comedians"

"Syria just wants to be friends but stupid mean Bush and the stupid mean Joos are being stupid and mean"

By the way, I'm sure you're all anxiously waiting to hear my comments on the Imus flap:

I'm getting a new peep

I'm getting a new temp people-type-person tomorrow to help with the ridiculous workload. I am so jazzed. Meanwhile, some humor to cap off a long, ugly day:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

It's funny because it's so true. Who'da thunk these people wouldn't recognize the painfully, stiflingly, blindingly obvious?

Via Dear Sweet Wine-drinking neo-adolescent Andrea, who links through Free Republic, where we find these comments:

So I'm guessing 'abusessickleave@' & 'sleepswithboss@' is also out.

Well, "sleepswithboss" may not be out...

When I used the email BigHotRod_4U @ SexyStuds.com, I never got called to the interview. Well, except for that bartender position at "Hot Roosters" on Fire Island.

I bet that's right.

used “ilovebeingunderpaid@” and it worked just fine for me.

I bet that's right too.

So my email address, swinginglumber@hotmail.com, is not a good thing?

Well, it might get you a date with Fire Island guy.

Hmm, I’m puzzled by this article. I get lots of mail at my imaho@___ address

After that it goes down hill. Go enjoy.

Finally

The answer you've all been waiting so anxiously for. I'm sure you can all sleep more easily now.

[/sarcasm]

Oh.

Jee.

Zus.

Kee.

Rist.

If I were religious, and my coreligionists had murdered schoolchildren, I would be the one trying to throw the switch on their sorry asses.

Sigh

They're so cute when they're young [shut up, Dave]. Drop by and give your felicitations.

Remember, sweetie, you're only as old as those you feel.

I missed the whole thing

My office looks out on a freeway overpass. Just a little bit ago, I went to the lab. Came back a few minutes later only to hear a siren. I looked out the window and there were four firetrucks, two ambulances, at least one CHP cruiser (probably more, but there is some shrubbery along the freeway) already on scene, at least three vehicles over to the side, one van down the embankment, plus the emergency vehicle whose siren I had heard still moving toward the scene.

Damn. Looks really ugly.

Question

A question for all you über-geek math folks out there. It arises from a brief conversation this weekend with Daughter Number Two, and it's mercifully hidden below the fold in deference to those of you who are not math über-geeks:

Has anyone yet determined if

א₁ = c?

Just curious, I haven't heard anything new on the subject in years.

And no, I have no idea why the subscript is showing up to the left in א₁, it's not that way in the post's code.

Home again (updated)

UPDATE: Thanks to Ricki and Angie, this thread has officially become another math joke thread. Especially if you can come up with more Euler material I can forward to DNT.

Daughter Number Two is home again this weekend (as will be Daughter Number One, but I don't know when she will arrive). DNT was home for a short time last weekend and she sang a bit from a song that I meant to blog but forgot. But since she just sang it again while we were discussing her Euclidian* geometry classes, I thought I would share it.

*Pronounced "OY-clidian" in honor of Euler's 300th birthday party next weekend, for which DNT is soliciting ideas for a celebration. She is planning to make a model of the Koenigsburg Bridge Problem with Belly Flops**

**These are rejects obtainable at the Jelly Belly factory for something like a penny a bag. But you knew that, I'm sure***.

***If you didn't know that, I can't help you.

But first, to get off the subject even further, she also told this joke:

Q: What do you call a small Eigen sheep?

A: A lamb. Duh.

UPDATE: Almost forgot: she also pointed out that Gauss was the Gandhi of mathematics. Euler was the Chuck Norris of mathematics.

But to get back to the original subject. She sang what could possibly be the longest song ever:

Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall
Aleph-null bottles of beer
If one of those bottle should happen to fall
Aleph-null bottles of beer on the wall****

Yeah, I'm glad she's home.

****Email me if you need it explained.

The Friday Fuck Off Thread

I got nothing today, but I'm sensing from some of the comments here and the contents of other blogs, that the same isn't true for a lot of you guys, so I'll just zip it and cut to the chase.

Fire away, and may the weekend help cure it all.

It's Tartan Day!

Since I'm far too lazy to add to the blogroll, Ith has ths links for lots of Scottish goodness. And maybe haggis too.

Scots Wha Hae!

Or, as my non-Scottish ancestors were occasionally wont to say, Scots? Wha-Fu...?

Anyway, for my contribution to the gathering, here is my great great grandfather, John Ross, who brought his family to the U.S.:

Now, I don't actually have a kilt, which is just as well considering the pasty toothpicks I amble around on, nor any of the other accoutrements of traditional Scots attire. But I do have a tie in the Clan Ross tartan:

My Mom bought me that tie on a trip to Scotland about 10 years ago. Up closer, that tartan looks like this:

That's the standard tartan. I'm actually rather more partial to the Hunting Tartan:

If I ever get a chance to travel to Scotland, I may just get a tie in that one too, though I suppose I would have to buy a new suit.

And here is the clan's family crest. And please, let's not go where some went before.

Okay, kids, that's my contribution. I got work to do...

Legislators on crack

Ho. Ly. Shit.

JEFFERSON CITY — First, the state said you must make a special trip to the pharmacy counter to buy certain cold medicines. That was to curb production of methamphetamine.

Yeah. The dumb assemblycretins in California did it too (or maybe it's the feds, I can't remember).

Now, a St. Louis legislator wants you to do the same thing to buy an even more common household item —

Wait for it, be patient my children, because I gar-on-tee [/Justin Wilson] it will boggle your mind.

Baking soda.

Baking freakin' soda.

Baking freakin' goddam WTF-is-this-guy-smoking soda.

Some legislators really need a full-blown ass-whuppin' with a clue-by-four.

Via Bitter.

UPDATE: Time to resurrect this picture, maybe.

And now for something completly different

UPDATE: Hahahahaha! Life imitates Airplane!

Top ten movie one-liners according to a poll by Sky Movies (slightly more readable writeup here). Via KSFO.

I'd quibble a bit, perhaps, but Duck Soup and Strangelove absolutely should be there. I'd never heard it before, but their number one was pretty funny:

Infamy! Infamy! They've all got it in for me!

Some more good ones in the comments here, though it wasn't dedicated to comedy only.

But what the hell. What are YOUR nominees for funniest line of all time? I'll even start the ball rolling:

"And for God's sake, change your armor."

"Out of Control"

Yeah, no shit. Just one more reason why God invented nightsticks.

It was supposed to be a birthday night out for the kids in San Francisco, but instead turned into a Critical Mass horror show -- complete with a pummeled car, a smashed rear window and little children screaming in terror.

The spontaneous Critical Mass bike rides, in which thousands of free-spirited cyclists roam the city, have been a fixture on the last Friday night of the month since the early 1990s. But even bike-weary cops, who have seen their share of traffic disturbances and minor skirmishes, weren't prepared for what happened during the latest exercise of pedal power.

Fortunately, I rarely go to that cesspit voluntarily, but I've been watching this Critical Mass bullshit for some time, and I've been expecting a blowup.

Suddenly, Ferrando said, her car was surrounded by hundreds of cyclists.

Not being from San Francisco, Ferrando thought she might have inadvertently crossed paths with a bicycle race and couldn't figure out why the police, who she had just passed, hadn't warned her.

Confusion, however, quickly turned to terror, she said, when the swarming cyclists began wildly circling around and then running into the sides of her Toyota van.

Filled with panic, Ferrando said, she started inching forward until coming to a stop at Post and Gough streets, where she was surrounded by bikers on all sides.

A biker in front blocked her as another biker began pounding on the windshield. Another was pounding on her window. Another pounded the other side.

"It seemed like they were using their bikes as weapons,'' Ferrando said. One of the bikers then threw his bike -- shattering the rear window and terrifying the young girls inside.

Hey, I bicycle too. But unlike these turds in SF, I'm not an asshole about it. In fact, I can say with some confidence, after having both driven and walked in that pit, that one of the few groups more arrogant than SF bicyclists is SF pedestrians.

Unfortunately, SF cops (or rather, their management) is too goddam "tolerant" of uncivilized hooligans who make life miserable for regular people who actually have lives and just want to get home.

But I suspect that the regular people are not going to take it much longer. Check out some of the comments here.

Fortunately (yeah, right) Mayor Gavin "I got divorced from a frickin' SUPERMODEL" Newsom "plans to take 'a good look' at the city's response to Critical Mass". And if he has any balls at all left after being dumped by the supermodel, that "good look" will include creative use of nightsticks.

BTW, if any of you out there are bicyclists and take umbrage, tough shit. Thse assholes have been deliberately fucking up traffic for years for regular people who just want to get home after a hard day of honest work. If you want, take it up in the comments but don't expect me to be nice about it in response.

Jeez

What is it with these Joisey sissyboys? Nightfly is too ooh! scared! to click on the picture of Rosie O'Donnell making out with Michael Moore.

Pansy.

So just for him, here is a picture of a fluffy pink bunny:

(Click for larger)

Humor

This is a scream. Be sure to click through for more goodness. Via RightWingProf.

San Francisco feminist in action

Get in the kitchen and make me some pie, bitch. [UPDATE: Hahahahahaha!]

[Another update: Dave notes another angle - I always wondered who that woman was.]

The Empire Strikes Back

I thought this picture was appropriate, considering a recent anniversary. I found this pin in a local antique store a few years back for a buck.

Below the jump. I love this thing. I can't help but wonder the story behind how it made its way from the UK to a junk pin bin at a shop in Gardena, California.

An open letter

To the sneaky little shit in the beamer who decided that he was just too all-fired self-important to remain in traffic that was not even stopped, and therefore decided that he had the right to draft behind the ambulance for which all the rest of us had properly pulled over, so that he could pass a whole bunch of law-abiding citizens who, by the way, should be allowed to carry heavy armament in their cars for just such a situation:

Fuck off and die you chickenshit little prick. I hope you got totalled by a Mack truck. Seriously, die and get your pathetic little dick compensator off the highways that my taxes pay for.

No, I couldn't wait for Friday.

As my final parting shot...

...before getting out of here for the day, I will note the great reaction I got to my photoshop of Rosie jumping on Oprah's couch and strive to push the envelope (and my luck).

So here is a picture of Rosie making out with Michael Moore:

Oh please, even I wouldn't do something like that.

The Nanny State, part [I lost count now]

My first reaction was "damn I want to slap these parents then sterilize them".

Couple fights to name baby 'Metallica'

Then I just got angry at the government officials (government-frickin'-officials, of all the lowly life forms on the planet) who decide what people in parts of EUnuchistan may name their kids.

STOCKHOLM, Sweden - Metallica may be a cool name for a heavy metal band, but a Swedish couple is struggling to convince officials it is also suitable for a baby girl.

It's NOT. But it's not up to bureaucritters to determine that.

Michael and Karolina Tomaro are locked in a court battle with Swedish authorities, which rejected their application to name their six-month-old child after the legendary rock band.

Christ. They couldn't pick a better band name like Moby Grape.

Of course, considering potential band names like Barenaked Ladies and Butthole Surfers, it could have been worse.

"It suits her," Karolina Tomaro, 27, said Tuesday of the name. "She's decisive and she knows what she wants."

She's six months old; she has no idea at all what she wants. But this gives a glimpse into the brainpower of the parents (as if the name didn’t).

Although little Metallica has already been baptized, the Swedish National Tax Board refused to register the name, saying it was associated with both the rock group and the word "metal."

Tomaro said the official handling the case also called the name "ugly."

Well it is, but I've heard worse among traditional names. And far worse among granola-munching treehugger types (though these are mostly self-inflicted).

I say, if it's good enough for the church that baptized her, it damn sure should be good enough for the freakin' tax board.

The couple was backed by the County Administrative Court in Goteborg, which ruled on March 13 that there was no reason to block the name. It also noted that there already is a woman in Sweden with Metallica as a middle name.

The tax agency appealed to a higher court, frustrating the family's foreign travel plans.

They appealed? Talk about your bureaucratic arrogance.

"We've had to cancel trips and can't get anywhere because we can't get her a passport without an approved name," Tomaro said.

I'm sure there's a special place in Purgatory for parents who inflict completely inappropriate names on their offspring (morality tales aside) but if there is a decent and loving God, arrogant bureaucrats will occupy Dante's seventh circle.

Awwwwww!

Awwwwww!

Tartan Day

Is on the way. Anyone interested in participating, let Ith know. I'll have a short, meaningless post on the day (April 6) but no others in advance, except for the obligatory link to mine from a while back (yeah, I missed it last year).

Seeds of their demise

See, this is what happens when you practice appeasement.

First, the Brits demonstrate a limp-wristed response to Iranian aggression war crimes, then the gauchos get uppity.

Yes, I know the story was written because it's the 25th anniversary.

I'm sorry, child

Which part of "I don't care what that lying sack of pig dung in your local mosque told you, the Holocaust actually happened and you will learn about it" did you not understand?

Via Ith.

The year of living dangerously

Well, more like the 5 minutes of living foolishly, because that's about how long it took.

By now, you should all know how I respond to threats about getting my ass kicked. You should also know that I tend to give into my urges, no matter how base (or acid, for that matter). And so, despite being asked nicely to use my photoshopping skills, such as they are, for good, not evil, I have given in to my base urges. In deference, though, to the sensibilities of Ricki and Kate, and also Lisa Who Threatened to Cut Me, I have mercifully hidden it below the fold.

Ladies and Gentlemen and Bingley, here is Rosie jumping on Oprah's couch:

Fortunately for all concerned, Oprah's studio is on the ground floor.

Out of the mouths of dullards

By now you've all seen, I'm sure, the video of Rosie "Einstein" O'Donnell diving headlong into Tom Cruise territory. [Quick update: I'm fighting the urge to photoshop a pic of Rosie jumping on Oprah's couch] Perhaps you've also seen the political fallout therefrom.

What I haven't seen mentioned, though, is a really dumb throwaway line from one of the other people on the show. I don't know her name, it's the one that looks like Bette Midler. After Bright Red Rosie said they should get a physicist from Harvard or Yale, this one said

Wait a minute. Bush went to Yale. How good could they be?

Uh, John Kerry went to Yale also.

Then again, maybe she's on to something.

HAHAHAHAHAHA! (redux²)

Oh yes, most definitely NSFW.

HAHAHAHAHAHA! (redux)

You go, girl!