it comes in pints?

The Friday Fuck Off Thread

James Frey can fuck off. What a poseur tool.

That's it. I'm too tired to elaborate. It's yours for the fuck offing.

A Contest!

My ~~putative~~ crybaby son has a bumper sticker contest going. Have fun!

In the Navy

So we saw the young feller off today.

My office mate's kid has been working here too for a few years. Today was his last day of work, and he's off to join the Navy.

Godspeed, young swabbie!

Quote of the day

This a little bit different from my usual quotes of the day(s). Usually, I quote something deep, pithy, or at least witty. But this one gets the honor because it is simply unparseable:

�I hope that he will understand, if he is the nominee, the degree of disillusionment that will happen if he doesn't become a greater man than he will ever be.�

Wow.

Just ... wow.

I'm having a devil of a time trying to find a grammatical term for that.

UPDATE: I just realized that I hadn't put in a link. Sorry Dave!

Nice touch

Received a letter today from the judge on my recent trial, thanking me for my service and such. I'm happy and gratified to have the opportunity to participate in a civic duty, despite the inconvenience with work and all. But it's still nice to hear from the court that it's appreciated.

Yeah, I'm sure it's more or less a form letter, but it's still a nice touch and one I haven't seen before in two previous trials and several other times I had to take a day off and show up at the courthouse. Your Honor, very nicely done, sir.

And speaking of ignorant hillbillies...

How do these ignorant dolts keep getting elected?

I mean, I'm sure he's a lawyer, but stilll...

Ignorant hillbillies

Just now catching up on my reading, and realized I had forgotten to post about this on Sunday.

Now that the political contests have moved on to Kentucky and West Virginia, Instapundit notes that the media are filling up on stories about ignorant, disease-ridden hillbillies from inbred political backwaters.

]]> When the Sainted Bride mentioned this story on Sunday, without even hearing where I knew it was either a ghetto or an upscale, lefty, earth-mama school.

Help a Girl Out, Please

Okay, guys...I'm doing some research and I need your help. Girls are welcome, too, as always, though the character I'm writing about is a twelve-year-old boy. What I need are stories about stupid shit you did roughly between the ages of twelve to fourteen. Pre-pubescent misadventures and the like. If you don't want to share them in the comments, you can e-mail them to me (secondbreakfast3 - at - yahoo - dot - com). I'd appreciate it and who knows? It might be fun. Thanks.

"There was three pumas in the cravasse..."

Gawd these guys are funny. First saw them on their variety show back in the sixties. Saw them in person back in the early 80s. Saw their revival show back in the late 80s.

What a classic act. Here are a couple of their classic bits (revised) performed with the Boston Pops (and no, the line in the post title is from the original bit, not from this one):

]]>

And their lovely rendition of a Gilbert and Sullivan song, with some, er, unsettling Georgia overtones:

And for those nostalgic folks out there, their final performance on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson, with a tribute to Johnny:

"No wonder Mom always liked you best"

OHMIGODOHMIGODOHMIGOD

So I'm sitting at home doing my telecommuting thing. Overloading my brain with SOPs that need-A-Changin' and various spreadsheets. Even a [spit] Powerpoint [spit] presentation I'm supposed to give at the Operations Department meeting tomorrow (can't postpone it because I already swapped a slot once).

And so to lighten the mood while doing these things, I threw on the turntable a Smothers Brothers record. [Strange Interlude: The Sainted Bride and I saw the Smothers Brothers in Reno many years ago. Quel excellent. The SB even met Dick in person when she worked at a bank in Santa Cruz, many years ago, because he owned a vineyard up the coast a ways. But I digress...]

Then I got sidetracked and thought it would be kinda fun to find something on Youtube and embed it. I found some rather quickly, including this one. Screamingly funny, but far to un-PC to embed. So click on the link and go to about 3:45 minutes in. Then listen to the Brothers Smothers, through the "anthropologist" verse to the one after. Then you will understand why I didn't embed it. And you will laugh. And yes, I will post later some of the other things I found, including the song the Sainted Bride lovingly refer to as "Cabbageheads".

Happy Mother's Day

To all our Moms out there. I hope you're being spoiled today.

Rock 'n' Roll Trivia (The Incredible Motown Deity Smokey Robinson edition)

Ah, Smokey.

Damn Sir! If I had ovaries I'd melt in your presence, even in just the presence of one of your CDs. Heck, if I had a better stereo system I might grow ovaries and melt anyway.

Heh. Just kidding.

Shut up!

All kidding aside, Smokey is one of the all time greats. Joel knows what I'm talking about. And so without further babbling foolishness, a big ol' dollop, indeed, a veritable Baker's Dozen (UPDATE: Bah! Baker's Dozen my foot! This is Smokey! I added another to make it a Baker's Dozen Plus One) of Smokey's amazing goodness:

]]> 1) There are some sad things known to man, but there ain't too much sadder than what? [Laura and her daughter: The tears of a clown]

2) If you want it, you got it forever. This is not a one night stand. What do I love? [Laura and her daughter: I love it when we're cruisin' together]

3) Now, if there's a smile on my face, why is it there? [Laura and her daughter: It's only there trying to fool the public; when it comes to foolin' you, baby, that's quite a different subject]

4) You know my smile looks out of place. If you look closer, what can you see? [Laura and her daughter: The tracks of my tears]

5) Don't let my glad expression give you the wrong impression. Why not? [Rob: Because really I'm sad, sadder than sad]

6) My mama told me I'd better do what? [Laura and her daughter: Shop around]

7) If I appear to be carefree, it's only to camouflage what? [Rob: To camouflage my sadness]

8) If you feel like loving me (if you've got that notion), what do I do? [Laura and her daughter: I second that emotion]

9) What is it that I try to do, just like Pagliacci did? [Nightfly: I try to keep my sadness hid]

10) I don't like you, but I love you. What do you have? [Ricki: You've really got a hold on me]

11) I don't care what they think about me and I don't care what they say. I don't care about anything else but what? [Laura and her daughter: Being with you?]

12) I would do anything and I would go anywhere. Just do do what? [Kate: Just to see her]

13) Outside, I'm masquerading. What's happening inside? [Laura and her daughter: Inside my heart is breaking]

14) My smile is my makeup. How long have I worn it? [Laura and her daughter: Since my breakup with you]

99 balloons 56 Questions

Stolen from the Lovely Ricki.

UPDATE: Shit. Had to shut this down already because of the f*ckin' spammers.

]]> 1.ONE OF YOUR SCARS, HOW DID YOU GET IT?
I love this one. I have several minor scars from various mishaps over lo these many years, but the worst scar I have is one that didn't even bleed. When I was about ten, I hopped over the chain link fence we had and scratched my wrist. Didn't even bleed, the blood just kind of seeped to the surface. It's a question-mark (or fishhook, depending on your perspective)-shaped scar on the inside of my wrist.

2. WHAT IS ON THE WALLS IN YOUR ROOM?
Bedroom? Wallpaper. Many years before we put it up, the Sainted Bride and I heard that one sure route to divorce is to hang wallpaper together. So she made me put it up by myself.

3. DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME YOU WERE BORN?
Yes, 2:32 p.m. When I turned 30, I celebrated by bringing a Guinness to work, and at 2:32 p.m. I walked out the back door and drank it.

4. WHAT DO YOU WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING RIGHT NOW?
Free time

5. WHAT DO YOU MISS?
Certain relatives. My parents. My Auntie and Uncle. My grandparents. Ricki, dammit, you made me cry.

6. WHAT IS YOUR MOST PRIZED POSSESSION?
One that is not even "mine". It's "ours". All those pictures I'm still not finding time to scan and send to family.

7. HOW TALL ARE YOU?
Five foot, ten inches

8. DO YOU GET SCARED IN THE DAY?
Um, no.

9. WHAT�S YOUR WORST FEAR?
That Hillary, Obamalama, or McCain will be elected.

[sigh]

10. WHAT KIND OF HAIR COLOR DO YOU LIKE ON THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Any

11. WHAT ABOUT EYE COLOR?
Any

12. COFFEE OR ENERGY DRINK?
Coffee. To paraphrase Ricki, you wouldn't like me when I'm decaffeinated.

13. FAVORITE PIZZA TOPPING?
Sausage.

14. IF YOU COULD EAT ANYTHING RIGHT NOW, WHAT WOULD IT BE?
Pizza. You should have waited before asking

15. FAVORITE COLOR OF ALL TIME?.
Blue

16. HAVE YOU EVER EATEN A GOLDFISH?
No. I'm not THAT old.

17. WHAT WAS THE FIRST MEANINGFUL GIFT YOU EVER RECEIVED?
Well, I think it would probably have to be this one.

18. DO YOU HAVE A CRUSH?
On the Sainted Bride.

19. FAVORITE CLOTHING BRAND?
Three-way tie. Levi's, Lee, and Wrangler.

20. WHAT KIND OF CAR DO YOU WANT?
I want to retire so I don't have to commute. Then I want a full-size, 4WD pick-'em-up truck.

21. WOULD YOU FALL IN LOVE KNOWING THAT THE PERSON IS LEAVING
Not a clue. I don't know that we have control over that.

22. HAVE YOU BEEN OUT OF THE USA?
Yes.

23. YOUR WEAKNESSES?
I tend to take on too many things at one time.

24. MET ANYONE FAMOUS?
These guys.

25. FIRST JOB?
Pulling weeds for 50 cents an hour. I was about 10.

26. EVER DONE A PRANK CALL?
Yeah, many years ago.

27. DO YOU THINK EVERYONE OUT THERE HAS A SOUL MATE?
Probably not.

28. WHAT WERE YOU DOING BEFORE YOU FILLED THIS OUT?
Reading Ricki's blog.

29. HAVE YOU EVER HAD SURGERY?
Yes.

30. WHAT DO YOU GET COMPLIMENTED ABOUT MOST?
Good judgement.

31. WHAT DO YOU WANT FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Another birthday.

32. HOW MANY KIDS DO YOU WANT?
The ones I already have, thank you very much.

33. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE?
Yep, after my Dad's best buddy in the Navy.. Got some very nice comments about that, too.

34. WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST TURN OFF WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?
Those who are so damned full of themselves that they act like arrogant, prima donna snotburgers. I don't care what they look like, that is utterly unattractive.

35. WHAT IS ONE THING YOU MISS ABOUT GRADE SCHOOL?
Childlike innocence.

36. WHAT KIND OF SHAMPOO DO YOU USE?
Head and Shoulders. I know, boring.

37. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING?
No. Looks like the chicken had a seizure when it scratched.

38. ANY BAD HABITS?
Yelling at stupid drivers.

39. ARE YOU A JEALOUS PERSON?
No.

40. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON, WOULD YOU BE FRIENDS WITH YOU?
Yes.

41. DO YOU AGREE WITH FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS?
I have no idea what this means.

42. HOW DO YOU RELEASE ANGER?
Yell at stupid drivers.

43. WHAT�S YOUR MAIN GOAL IN LIFE?
To retire young enough to enjoy it. Ain't happened yet.

44. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE TOY AS A CHILD?
A rifle. Shot actual, factual plastic bullets (spring-loaded).

45. HOW MANY NUMBERS ARE IN YOUR CELL PHONE?
Couple dozen, I suppose. Not sure.

46. WERE YOU A FAN OF BARNEY AS A LITTLE KID?
I think my kids were too old for Barney.

47. MASHED POTATOES OR MACARONI AND CHEESE?.
Mashed potatoes, with gravy. Not that I don't likes me some mac 'n cheese.

48. DO YOU HAVE ALL YOUR FINGERS AND TOES?.
So far.

49. DO YOU HAVE A COMPUTER IN YOUR ROOM?
Not in the bedroom, if that's what you mean.

50. PLANS FOR TONIGHT?
Fill out silly internet memes.

51. WHAT�S THE FASTEST YOU�VE EVER GONE IN A CAR?
About 120 mph. Middlin' long story, but it was on the autobahn between Mannheim and Frankfurt.

52. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO?
The whine of the fan on the computer.

53. LAST THING YOU DRANK?
A Sierra Nevada.

54. REPUBLICAN OR DEMOCRAT?
Small-l libertarian. Registered Democrat (Truman Democrat) but leaning Republicans these days because the Dembulbs have largely drunk the Kool-Aid, and the capital-L Libertarians seem to be mostly frickin' nuts.

55. DO YOU HAVE A LOW SELF ESTEEM OR A HIGH SELF ESTEEM?
High.

56. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING?
On CD, just finished Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Just started "Mirth of a Nation" � not spectacular so far.

The Friday Fuck Off Thread

I'm sure you all will have stuff that's much worse, but for now, Guy Ritchie can fuck off. I finally watched that piece of shit movie of his last night and now I'm pissed off. It's not just that Revolver was bad. It's that asswad had the nerve to run around after it was panned saying that it was because we were all just too stupid to get it. That was the most retarded fucking movie I have ever seen in my life. That is not an exaggeration, folks. I mean it. Worst fucking movie ever made.

The fuck off floor is yours.

Having to close the FFOT before the weekend is up because of obsessive spammers linking to filthy p*rn sites can fuck off. Even if Ken wants to thank you for the links.

Coming up

UPDATE: It's Flemming Rose and it will be about 6:40PDT. ANOTHER UPDATE: Some technical issues, moved to (probably) 7:30.

I don't see it on their guest list on the website, but coming up this morning at a few minutes after six, I think, on KSFO will be the a representative of newspaper that published the Danish Muslim cartoons. I didn't catch the name, so I don't know yet if it's Flemming Rose or another. I'll update when I know more. If interested, you can listen here.